Baby Darlin': An Illustrated Memoir

by Alycia Vreeland

★★★★★ “Raw and emotionally fraught.” Leslie Zemeckis, bestselling author of Feuding Fan Dancers

Most of them are dead.

Silence is broken and the secret unearthed.

Surviving the Cajun Curse, her mentally ill momma calls her, Baby Darlin'. Pig calls her Brillo and takes away her innocence by using her to escape his own twisted mind. Her cousin Willy, calls her Snaggle but she doesn't care, she thinks they will marry someday. Her Papa, a recovered alcoholic, her hero. Her Grandma, the ever present Shamer, is a dark shadow to remind her of her worth. Her drug & love addiction takes her through a series of abusive love stories and finally she proudly escapes into the loving arms of a higher power.

This illustrated memoir brutally rips off the bandaid and exposes the stigma around child sexual abuse, with compassion and insight through the eyes of a brave little girl, Baby Darlin'.

188 pages, Paperback

Published September 15, 2024

Reviews

[Kelly · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received an advance review copy for free from BookSirens, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
The trauma, abuse, addiction, and dysfunction in her life is so heartbreaking.
I like how she wrote about her childhood from the perspective of a child. I think that really gets the reader to be in the moment with her. The ups and downs of addiction are told with such honesty and emotion.

[Elaina Battista-Parsons · Rating 5 out of 5]

Baby Darlin’
By Alycia Vreeland

I didn’t know what to expect, except that I cannot name a single Vine Leaves book I didn’t enjoy. I don’t read a ton about what a book is about before I read it—one or two sentences, not the entire synopsis. I’m not sure why I don’t, but I don’t.

Baby Darlin’ jammed me up emotionally, left me with a constant scrunched brow, quick breath, and made me want to slap the shit out of all men. If I am being honest. Some women too, but I became unreasonably angry and full of rage thinking about the childhood neighborhood boys from my experiences in the 1980s. You know the ones—leaning all messy on their trees with that look in their eyes that said, “You are a pretty girl. You are nothing because I have no idea who I am.” Only steel-strong books can induce this kind of clenched fist reading. Oof, I am sweating as I write this.

Baby Darlin’ will leave you speechless, chapter after chapter once you get to know the aptly named Pig and grow to care deeply about Lish’s well-being that never truly seems to find her—does it find any of us? Are any of us safe up in those noggins of ours? They hold memories for miles, whether we want them to or not. Baby Darlin’ like the most well written episodes of Sopranos, Breaking Bad, and Last of Us, forces us to look at humanity in pieces, our own humanity, and the lack of in others.

The POV of young Lish was a smart choice for the first fifty pages or so—it needs this voice for so many reasons, and though some readers may disagree, it makes it more emotionally charged. And you feel the shame of her harder in your heart and raw like the worst rotted onion in your face. The compassion and love you want to show Lish as a child is immense, but you cannot reach her from this side of the pages, and it’s not fiction. She’s real. She’s the writer.

If Baby Darlin’ doesn’t win awards for its flat-out honesty and ability to connect to thousands of women (and some men), then I don’t know what book reviewers are doing. Alycia Vreeland hands us a hefty tequila flight of pain, love, artful description and lists, but most of all—a taste of many people’s realities. So we can appreciate our own.

[Ann Epstein · Rating 5 out of 5]

Raw and Righteous – Baby Darlin’ (BD) grows up in a house full of shit. Literally and figuratively. BD wants to love, to be loved, but is betrayed time and again by those she trusts. Her mother is sick in the head. Papa is kind and funny, but he isn’t around. Grandpa is interesting. He is a painter and BD wants to be a painter too. But Grandpa is also crazy. Grandma is a devout Catholic who shames BD. Only BD’s older cousin, Willy, loves her. She will do whatever he tells her, especially drink. It tastes awful, so she washes it down with root beer. And alcohol makes BD feel great, even if it also makes her throw up. BD also has a secret friend, Ayne de Blu, who “disappears” BD’s body when Pig, who is even grosser than his name, assaults her. Ayne tells BD everything will be OK. But everything is not OK. BD’s drinking becomes uncontrollable. The worst: She loses her son. Things get better when BD meets Jon, the love of her life. He’s a drug addict trying to kick his habit; she’s an alcoholic trying to stay sober. BD suffers unbearable losses: her cousin, her son, her mother, and then Jon. How will she survive? Alone? But she is not alone. BD discovers a Higher Power. But, to this reviewer, the power also resides within BD herself, in the woman named Alycia Vreeland. Telling her saga, Vreeland outs the truth of an abused child in graphic language and painful pictures. As writer myself (see my Goodreads author page https://www.goodreads.com/author/show...), I admire Vreeland's courage writing this unrelentingly honest memoir. BD, her alter-ego, does not mince words. She makes readers cringe. We should. She makes us cry. We should. BD provokes outrage. Bravo for her. Listen to her voice; see her in these bold images. Read Baby Darlin’ with a strong stomach and a big heart. Surrender to the power of this amazing book.

[Gleah Powers · Rating 5 out of 5]

Who will save Baby Darlin’? Born into so much generational dysfunction, she has to save herself. How does a girl withstand, navigate and process the constant rollercoaster of emotional and physical trauma that never ends? But as she tells us “I can do hard things.”

Though most of her inborn creativity must be used initially in service of navigating how to survive, the thread of Vreeland’s artistic sensibility, at times so thin it’s barely there, is what guides her amazing, treacherous, circuitous journey from horrific abuse, and despair to artistic flourishing (some of which is depicted in this book), until finally after years of using substance and process addictions to numb the pain, she finds sobriety, recovery and figures out how to live.

This book is a testament to how a spark of creativity and determination, however faint, can ultimately win out, and grow big enough to swallow all the nightmares.

By the end of the book, Vreeland is living the promises of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous: “We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.”

“The creative adult is the child who survived.” Ursula Le Guin

[Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just received and then quickly finished reading Baby Darlin’. I couldn’t put it down! It was gripping and mind blowing with awe inspiring strength and resilience. The writing style draws you in and you are totally immersed in the story, rooting for Baby Darlin’ the whole time.
I highly recommend Baby Darlin’ and I looked forward to reading more by this author.

[Jen Lilienstein · Rating 5 out of 5]

Alycia Vreeland's book, Baby Darlin', is a captivating read that unfolds with her heartwrenching childhood in an affluent enclave. As the memoir progresses, we witness her metamorphosis into a fulfilled individual, creating a compelling narrative and accompanying artwork that inspires hope and paints a vivid picture of a future brimming with possibilities and rich friendships for Ms. Vreeland.

[Sandra Mistretta · Rating 5 out of 5]

Bold and vibrant with disturbing imagery, this detailed survivor's memoir is a tribute to the resilience of the human spirit. I wanted to swoop in and save BabyDarlin' from the atrocities of her childhood. The whimsical art and poignant words that are scattered throughout the pages kept me tethered to the hope of a happy outcome, pulling me forward to the last pages. As a wounded healer who works in recovery treatment, I have witnessed the challenges that occur when trying to heal from childhood abuse. It is difficult work and not linear. It is sometimes a messy road filled with potholes and U-turns. Alycia has somehow created a colorful highway swathed in color, with her art as signposts, leading us out of the wreckage she writes about. I had to read this book in small chunks as tidal waves...and sometime tsunami's... of horror, sadness, despair, anger, and disappointment threatened to engulf me. Readers, please know that there is a warm, wonderful artistic, creative, beautiful, sensitive, funny and compassionate human that has found peace and believes in healing sea magic at the end of this story.

[Michelle Tobin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Alycia Vreeland’s Baby Darlin'

Tragedy to Hope

Baby Darlin by Alycia Vreeland reads like a case study on the Adverse Childhood Events test or ACE’s score. The ten-question scale assessing childhood trauma predicts the mental health issues, physical issues and addiction issues of adults who experienced adversity in childhood. A score of four or more predicts an exponentially higher risk of experiencing all of the above. I bet that Alycia would score a 10/10. Yet here she is writing a memoir of hope and healing. If she were my client, I would be telling her how remarkable it is that she is alive let alone writing such a beautiful narrative of suffering, pain, loss, abuse, addiction, shame, codependence, and ultimately healing. Like many of my clients whose generational trauma compels them to repeat and repeat and repeat history, Baby Darlin was very painful to read at times, but Alycia’s inner voice of wisdom served for her and the reader as the guide through this crucible toward the light leading us all through it and out to the other side.

As a therapist, I am most saddened and bewildered by what humans do to each other. Vreeland is honest and her writing raw. You can’t close your eyes and pretend that what happened to her isn’t real. There is no denial here. What a curse or the Myer’s curse as Vreeland calls it, to be the one who is responsible for ruining another person’s life. From the first accompanying illustration of her grandmother who only seemed to know how to shame but not protect her grandchildren, Vreeland lays the scene. Generation upon generation visits the curse upon the next. Vreeland understands this when she writes, “I was a victim of my perpetrators’ wounds.” Throughout she listens to the wise inner voice. As she struggles and grows, she integrates her Ayne de Blu into one with Alycia. She realizes, “this is not my burden to carry.” Through lots of therapy and sobriety, Vreeland puts a stop to the generational trauma. I’ll leave it to you to see exactly how.

I received an ARC copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

[Billy Buttons · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was entered in The Wishing Shelf Book Awards. This is what our readers thought:
Title: Baby Darlin': An Illustrated Memoir
Author: Alycia Vreeland

Star Rating: 5 Stars
Number of Readers: 15
Stats
Editing: 10/10
Writing Style: 9/10
Content: 9/10
Cover: 5/5

Of the 15 readers:
14 would read another book by this author.
15 thought the cover was good or excellent.
15 felt it was easy to follow.
15 would recommend this book to another reader to try.
Of all the readers, 7 felt the author’s strongest skill was ‘subject knowledge’.
Of all the readers, 3 felt the author’s strongest skill was ‘writing style’.
Of all the readers, 5 felt the author’s strongest skill was ‘clarity of message’.
15 felt the pacing was good or excellent.
15 thought the author understood the readership and what they wanted.

Readers’ Comments
“Dark, honest, and highly addictive, this book had me up all night finishing it. It’s so sad in parts, with a raw, gritty feel to it. If you happen to be feeling depressed, probably not the best book to go for. But, in the right mood, it’s a gem!” Female reader, aged 66
“I think anybody who has had a ‘difficult’ childhood will relate to this author’s story. I was so impressed by how she recovered in later years. A story of healing.” Male reader, aged 67
“Accessibly written, compelling and – oh, so sad. Still, I was amazed by the author’s insights and her ability to put over such a difficult memory in such an honest, forthright way. With a number of triggers – alcoholism, child abuse, this book might not be for everybody. But I found it to be compelling and often thought-provoking.” Female reader, aged 59
“What a f****ed up family. I felt so sorry for her as a girl trying to cope with so much abuse and general selfishness from the adults in her life. I get so angry. Why have children if you can’t/won’t bring them up in a healthy/loving way? And possibly this is the message of this book. Be good to your kids. Congrats to the author (Alycia) for writing this, and I wish you well on your forever upward journey.” Female reader, aged 71

To Sum It Up:
‘Raw, gritty, and utterly compelling, this is a no-nonsense memoir that will keep you up late into the night. A FINALIST and highly recommended!’ The Wishing Shelf Book Awards

[Rutendo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Baby Darlin’ by Alycia Vreeland Review

Baby Darlin’ by Alycia Vreeland is a story about a lady with a troubled,traumatizing childhood.Based on a true story,with a few dialogues changed,Vreeland recounts her messed up child-hood,unveiling all her ‘dirty laundry’ to the world without leaving out any of the gory details.

Alycia Vreeland,born to Tammy Ellen and Rhodes,grew up around her mother who was not in any capacity to raise a child as she was lost in the dark and foggy world of her own traumas that stemmed from her childhood molestation by her maternal uncle.Tammy Ellen’s molestation was neither swept under the carpet or given the full attention of the law rather it was just left to hang.Tammy Ellen was left to her own devices to deal with the horrors of her molestation as no one gave a listening ear,or cared which kept the cycle going and her trauma was inevitably inherited by her daughter Alycia as if it were a baton stick in a relay race .Tammy Ellen’s trauma continued on into Alycia’s life,however Alycia was lucky enough to find what we can’t exactly call salvation,but could label it as.One would say her childhood was doomed from the start as her mother was an epileptic,bipolar,schizophrenic,drug and substance abuser who took her medication with alcohol or none at all.On the other hand,her father an ex-army man,with little or nothing to show for it as he is never there for half of her tender childhood years.

The author’s tone is quite raw and doesn’t sugar coat anything.This is a brilliant blend utilized by the author as it helped me to ‘sail’ through the ‘turbulent’ pages in hope that Alycia may somehow find peace some day.The raw tone adds flavour to the protagonist's traumatizing yet 'adventurous lifestyle' as it weirdly enough keeps me excited for whats to come as the pages unfold.

Alycia's father's character did disappoint me as he failed to save his daughter from abuse and molestation.I believe that this may have scarred Alycia more as he was the only one she actually felt more safe around and looked up to even in her older years.

Thank you BookSirens,Alycia Vreeland for the opportunity to read and learn from these pages to mold myself into a strong person against all odds.

[Book Reviewer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Baby Darlin’ is a deeply moving and haunting illustrated memoir that explores the life of Alycia Vreeland, shaped by addiction, abuse, and generational trauma. From an early age, Vreeland is immersed in a world of dysfunction, where her mother’s mental illness and her family’s abusive patterns weigh heavily on her developing identity. Known by various names—Baby Darlin’, Brillo, Snaggle—she endures a childhood steeped in pain, shame, and lost innocence. Though she finds some solace in her father, her lone hero, even he cannot shield her from the darkness that surrounds her.

The memoir chronicles Vreeland’s turbulent journey as she struggles with addiction and abusive relationships while constantly searching for love and stability. Despite the chaos, she clings to a thread of hope, ultimately finding peace and redemption through a higher power. The narrative is brought to life with striking, often unsettling illustrations, revealing the brutal realities of child abuse and the deep, enduring scars it leaves behind. Yet, the story also delivers a powerful message of survival and healing. Vreeland’s writing is unflinchingly honest, capturing the visceral intensity of childhood abuse and the way it shapes her life. She doesn’t portray herself as a victim seeking sympathy; instead, she uses her story to illustrate how, despite enduring unimaginable horrors, healing and redemption are still within reach. What makes Baby Darlin’ particularly compelling is its raw honesty paired with a sense of hope. The accompanying illustrations amplify the emotional depth of her words, creating a powerful, immersive experience for readers. It’s not an easy story to digest—there are moments of profound sorrow and discomfort—but this emotional weight is exactly what makes the memoir so captivating. Vreeland confronts her trauma head-on but refuses to let it define her.

By the book’s conclusion, readers experience a sense of release alongside Vreeland as she moves through her trauma and towards peace. Her resilience and ability to transcend such darkness make Baby Darlin’ an inspiring and unforgettable read.

[Michelle Warner · Rating 5 out of 5]

Baby Darlin’, an illustrated memoir from Alycia Vreeland, is a heart-wrenching, heart-opening must-read. Her haunting account of childhood sexual abuse, alcoholism, and her mother’s struggle with mental illness leaves us holding out for eventual redemption and healing.
Enduring the pain of her early years will be worth the read ahead, as she discovers a new freedom and happiness.

Vreeland shows us what Hell feels like with a bold retelling of her tumultuous childhood. Once we’ve gone there, she takes us on a journey home, where she’s finally safe. It takes an overwhelming dose of honesty and courage to share the darkest parts of our history, and she succeeds.

She manages to weave hope and faith from tragedy, bringing along a Higher Power and memories of her loving, supportive papa during her most difficult moments.

The best writing makes us feel things to our core. It takes us to places we fear, loathe, or desire. Words on a page can force us to confront deep truths about ourselves and others. She’s done that for me, and I’m grateful.

Baby Darlin’ is Vreeland’s raw and brutal truth, no holds barred. From page one, she transports us to her life as a 5-year-old facing trauma and abuse at every turn. I was crying by Chapter One when she had already been rushed to the hospital.

For those of you who have suffered any kind of trauma, please be advised that I had to read earlier in the evening to process my feelings. The earlier chapters describe violent sexual assault in graphic detail, and are the hardest to get through.

As a reader, I’m awestruck by Vreeland’s ability to transcend the most heinous of offenses with fortitude, forgiveness, and grace unknown to many. She was able to find relief through humor in the most sordid situations in which she found herself.

As a writer, I’m enthusiastically following her lead by sharing my raw, unadulterated truth with you. If she can do it, so can I. Where there is hope, there is healing. Where there are words, there is writing. And where there is writing, there is magic.

I highly recommend picking up a copy of Baby Darlin’ and Jon Vreeland’s poetry collection, Laughing In Her Sleep, illustrated by Alycia.

[Martha · Rating 5 out of 5]

Alycia Vreeland’s memoir, “Baby Darlin’,” is not only a testament to humans’ tenacity, will to survive and ability to recover from heinous circumstances, but also a call to action for society to provide more help for families plagued by mental illness and substance abuse.

The memoir is written from the point of view of 5-year-old Alycia, who’s born to a mother diagnosed with schizophrenia. Though Alycia — who’s called Baby Darlin’ by her Momma — has grandparents nearby, they’re equally warped by genetics and life experiences, including the combat PTSD believed to have been the cause of her grandfather’s suicide.

Besieged by the chaos and negativity around her, Alycia is exposed to psychological, emotional and sexual abuse that pushes her, as a girl under 10 years old, toward early substance abuse to cope with the horror around her. She has no one to protect her except her strong inner ego she names Ayne de Blu.

Most miraculously, the author grows up, overcomes hundreds of obstacles created by those early days, to become a talented artist who embraces sobriety. That she does so after so much angst feels beyond incredible.

The book is for so many people who overcome a youth spent influenced by parents battling untreated problems. And it’s an eyeopener for those who might not understand what others go through or why they deserve to receive extra help.

[Ian Rogers · Rating 4 out of 5]

Baby Darlin' delivers a hard-hitting, no-stone unturned memoir about incest, rape, addiction, and trauma, through imaginative prose that captures the young narrator's perspective and horrifying details that don't pull away. Vreeland's distinct illustrations and dialogue balloons ("Use the toilet for God sakes, you rotten children are ruining the patio!") particularly in Part 1, only emphasize the narrator's abusive world, providing an added layer for readers. The early pages are related in an almost dreamlike manner, jumping between chapters with rapid-fire ferocity that will keep readers breathless as they move from one incident to the next.

Part 2 also shows us an adult version of the narrator, struggling to move on from her past as she deals with alchoholism and love addiction. These scenes, including her relapses and relationship struggles, also make for gripping reading, though in a different way, as readers gain more firsthand insight into a different kind of adult horrors. Thankfully, Vreeland's story is also an inspiring one, as she relates her journey out of addiction and toward a brighter, more hopeful future in a way that feels as genuine as her past.

I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

[Andrea Moore McCormick · Rating 5 out of 5]

Alycia’s writing is brutally intimate from the beginning – Baby Darlin’ and I, together, in the cool confined cabinet-space; the angles of the room rising in dizzy perspective around us, as tiny flecks of stray pigment bloom on our skin. I too, taste the blue of the powder – slightly bitter and chemical as it dissolves deeply into our tongues. In this moment, there is a metaphorical locking of eyes, and I know there’s no getting off, now - Point of departure, is, point of no return.

Alycia’s story spirals outward with an elliptical trajectory through un-namable pain and horror– At times threatening to annihilate – only to then soften into the gentle reprieve of the grace that only survivors know...

In another way too, I am gifted to know Alycia personally – not so much in the “inner circle” sort of way, but rather as a long-standing “felt sense” of shared recognition. I have incredible respect, for her decision to write this, and for the hard-fought commitment to healing, and integrity, from which it was germinated and born.

[John McCaffrey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Before I picked up Baby Darlin' by Alycia Vreeland, I'd just finished Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingsolver. It was almost as if the two books were connected, a series, each uniquely original, but sharing connection in a fearlessness to convey the inner emotion of a child thrown into the tumult of familial abuse. In Vreeland's case, she balances her story-telling with illustrations that are as colorful as they are raw. The drawings are like a melding of Munch's Scream and Degas' Ballerinas, capturing suffering and sweetness in one stroke. You care so much for Vreeland's Baby Darlin' in the reading. You want to take her home and keep her safe. It empowers you to look at the world with wide open eyes and see what you can do to help. It's that powerful. Highly recommend.

[Kira K · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thoughts:
I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily. This book isn’t always the easiest read but I’m glad I read it nonetheless. Alycia doesn’t have the easiest of upringings and doesn’t shy away from sharing them. Baby Darlin’ is a strong individual despite everything life throws at her, even in her adult years. It was sad but from a professional standpoint good to see how the toxic cycles can be continued despite the best efforts of an individual to break it and just how easy it is to fall for a toxic person and lose yourself.

Favourite Quote:
"This is not my bundle to carry. I refuse to hold on to this any longer. Telling my story over and over dissolves the power bit by bit. I heal the shame that binds me to my false self."

[Melinda Carey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Baby Darlin’s story is a Sheroes Journey. At a young age, Baby Darlin is set upon a dangerous path where early on she meets King Alcohol and his sorcerer, Jose Cuervo. Her travels continue to bring her face to face with scary snakes and many illusions and obstacles. Of course a Frog Prince makes an appearance but as with all shero journeys, Baby Darlin’ finds freedom and her path home through surrendering and new life. Alycia’s courageous memoir and her artwork is a gift. It is an honor to travel alongside as a fellow pilgrim.

Melinda Carey, Everyday Mystic pal

[Michelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Baby Darlin' is haunting and beautiful at the same time. Alycia takes us with her through memories of her childhood with a vulnerability that made me want to scoop up Baby Darlin' and hold her and through her journey as a woman who continues to face challenges. What could be a story of victimization and woe is me, it is the story of a survivor that has so much to share with readers and becomes one of hope. Well written and the illustrations bring the book to life!

[Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I first started this book, I realized I would need to set aside time to start it again and take it all in. I read it in two evenings after the house was quiet. I would have read it one night but needed to get some sleep. This is a powerful memoir, and not for the faint of heart. Alycia keeps it real and tells a good portion of her story from a child’s eye. I wanted scoop up Baby Darlin, hold her close and keep her safe. This story will remain in my head and heart for a long time. XO

[Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

Baby Darlin is a powerful read about survival. From 5 years to adulthood Alysha’s struggled with sexual, emotional and physical abuse. Finding her coping mechanisms in alcohol and then in later years drugs. Her inner strength always prevailing to see another day. This book touches on all emotions. A definite Good Read.

[Maria Rocha · Rating 5 out of 5]

Baby Darlin’ had me shedding tears, feeling angry (at specific characters), and then proud of Alycia. Her writing of the abuse she endured, the broken family she grew up in, and her fight to survive was raw and real.

[Sarah Slikker · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an epic journey through the often unspoken trauma and experiences that few have shared and many have lived through. Alycia speaks from the depths of her soul, where she reached while still digging to find the bottom. It may never be found, but whether it is the beginning or the middle of her journey she speaks to the soul connections that keep us digging, sharing, and finding the thread of who think we may be and who we know we are. Her vulnerability and innocence is palpable. She expresses the yearn to know we are loved in a modest and forgiving journey of our own faults and that for which we strive to be.

[STACEY CAMERON · Rating 5 out of 5]

Alycia's soul rupture and innocence are shattered so clearly in her haunting retelling of her traumatic childhood. Sometimes it is difficult to bear, but that is not the message here. This is a story of victory and recovery from her fragmented pieces into the authentic and whole person that she is today. The greater message; Alycia has shown us the path to wholeness and recovery.  I love you Alycia, thank you for sharing your soul with me. ~Stacey Cameron, fellow traveler

[ashley knowlson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Devastatingly yet beautifully poignant.