Stay or Leave?: Six Steps to Resolving Your Relationship Indecision

by Beverley Stone

This is a book for people who are tearing themselves apart, unable to decide whether to leave their partner or stay. This dilemma feels terrible, dominates their life and is constantly in their thoughts. Because they can see both sides of the argument, this constant swinging from go to stay leaves them mentally exhausted, emotionally drained and physically ill.
They may have been on this dreadful seesaw for weeks, months or even years. Finding the courage to change their life and cross their ‘Rubicon’ can be very hard. The potential repercussions seem overwhelming. Whichever choice they make surfaces fear and apprehension.
So why should they even think about exposing themselves to such pain? Because the alternative is that, by remaining the same, their life will always be as unsatisfying as it is now. So, the book shows that the reward of finally becoming the person they want to be, of living the life they want to live, is surely worth the struggle.
It shows what will happen if they remain indecisive. It confronts them with the deepest fear in the human psyche ­ the terror of living a wasted life. They are wasting their life by constantly vacillating. And they know it. By keeping this thought in the front of their mind at all times, the reader will finally find the courage to get off their seesaw once and for all.
The 64 Million Dollar Questions posed in the book will encourage the reader to hold a mirror up to themselves, challenge their current beliefs and assumptions and help them develop a new perspective. This perspective is encompassed in the 6 Life Changing Hurdles that readers must overcome if they are to have a fulfilled, rather than a wasted life:
1. Be Authentic – take the risk of being yourself (not what everyone else wants you to be)
2. Accept anxiety as a positive, fundamental human experience (stop giving in to it)
3. Make your one and only life a meaningful one (not one that you’ll end up regretting)
4. Take responsibility for your situation (no blaming others)
5. Be aware that you always have a choice (you’re not as trapped as you think you are)
6. Live by your own values and standards (not everyone else’s)
Armed with this newfound philosophy along with practical tools and techniques on how to change attitudes, thoughts and behaviours, the book will make it clear which decision they should now take ­ to either stay, but in a radically improved relationship or to leave and make a new beginning. Either way, their dilemma will have been resolved.

from http://www.beverleystone.co.uk/books

140 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2012

About the author

Librarian Note: There is more than one author in the Goodreads database with this name.

Beverley is a chartered psychologist, with a degree in Applied Psychology and Masters in Human Relations. She is an Associate Fellow of the British Psychological Society, a registered psychologist with the Health Professions Council, a Senior Associate of the Royal Society of Medicine and is a founder member of the Association of Business Psychologists.
Beverley is an accredited Harley Street Relationship Counsellor, a humanistic-existential psychotherapist, has a diploma in Rational Emotive Therapy and holds Level A and Level B British Psychological Society certificates in Psychometric Testing. She has a Post Graduate Certificate in Spiritual Development & Facilitation and is an accredited healer with the College of Psychic Studies, South Kensington.
As a media spokesperson for the British Psychological Society, she is a frequent contributor to the national press, journals, magazines and radio. Beverley is a popular international keynote speaker for academic, professional and organizational conferences.

from http://www.beverleystone.co.uk/about

Reviews

[°•.Melina°•. · Rating 4 out of 5]

«ریسک کردن همچون پرداخت عوارضی است که باید برای ترک سرزمین بدبختی‌های قابل پیشبینی بپردازید.»

تو هر تصمیم و بلاتکلیفی‌ای که تو زندگیتون موندید این کتاب میتونه یه سری نکته‌های معمولی اما مهم رو پررنگ و درخشان کنه و ذهنتون رو نجات بده.

🔖خرداد ۱۴۰۴

[radioparesh · Rating 4 out of 5]

این کتاب رویکرد خیلی منطقی نسبت به تردید و شک برای تغییر تو زندگی و گرفتن تصمیم داره که فکر میکنم از بین اینهمه کتابهایی که با راهکارهای غیرعملی و مثبت اندیشی غیر واقعی آدم رو گمراه میکنن، این کتاب میتونه مفید باشه
.
ترجمه کتاب بسیار عالی و روان بود
.
تمرکز اصلی کتاب درمورد موندن توی یک رابطه یا رفتنه اما منطق پیشنهادیش رو میشه برای بقیه تصمیم های زندگی (شغلی،مهاجرت…) تعمیم داد

[امیرمحمد حیدری · Rating 1 out of 5]

به‌درد همان انگیزه‌دهنده‌های معنوی می‌خورد که کتاب را پیشنهاد می‌دهند‌. خزعبل.

[Lina Gholami · Rating 4 out of 5]

«بعضی از آدم ها در دوراهی ای ایستاده اند و هیچ کدام را انتخاب نمی کنند چون نمی توانند هر دو مسیر را با هم انتخاب کنند و به این تصور دل خوش کرده اند که اگر به اندازه کافی منتظر بمانند هر دو مسیر سرانجام یکی می شوند و بنابراین هر دوی آن ها در دسترس شان قرار می گیرد.

اگر مدام امروز و فردا کنید و منتظرید که هر دو مسیر کاملا متفاوت، یکی شوند تا بتوانید هر دو انتخاب را همزمان داشته باشید در زندگی چه چیزی را به دست خواهید آورد؟ هرچند ممکن است روزی از تصمیمات خود پشیمان شویم اما باید به خاطر بیاوریم که در نهایت از تصمیماتی که نمی گیریم هم پشیمان خواهیم شد.»

[Jana · Rating 5 out of 5]

It is a very deep and interesting analysis of relationships, how we perceive them and how our partners do. But in general, it is a book on decision making, in any area of life, showing us that we can always decide to do something, and if we decide that we don't want to, that is also a decision. It shows us that there is nothing we can't do, we simply don't want to do it. I also love the additional contracts for partners at the end of the book.

[Ivan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Slojevita analiza situacija s mnogo primjera iz prakse u kojima se vjerojatno svatko može prepoznati. Uključuje niz kvizova za preispitivanje vlastitog odnosa prema partneru/-ici i samome sebi. Autorica ne 'navija' niti za odlazak, niti ostanak, već nudi pomoć čitatelju da sam procijeni što je za njega i okolinu najbolje. Knjiga pomaže pronalasku autentičnosti čitatelja, prevladavanju stresa i tjeskobe, a istovremeno može pomoći i u razvoju veze. Na kraju nudi prijedlog vrlo kvalitetnih ugovora za ostanak ili odlazak. Poučno i zanimljivo.

[Arezoo Banooei · Rating 3 out of 5]

اگر بودا را در راه دیدی، او را بکش. این اندرزی است که به ما می‌گوید هیچ معنایی خارج از وجود خودمان، واقعی و معتبر نیست. و این خود ما هستیم که به زندگی‌مان معنا و مفهوم می‌دهیم. در واقع کشتن بودا، تمثیلی است از کشتن هر امیدی، برای اینکه کسی از بیرون می‌آید و مثل استادی ما را هدایت می‌کند. هیچ کس از دیگری بزرگ‌تر و برتر نیست. برای افراد بالغ و رشدکرده هیچ پدر و مادر معنوی‌ای وجود ندارد.

[Craig Lewis · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read for lost women

This book says it like it is. more effective than an expensive therapy session or sessions.
read it and learn self-help.

[Shima Mahmoudi · Rating 5 out of 5]

کتاب روان و کاربردی بود. برای دوراهیهای تصمیم گیری بسیار عالی مخصوصا برای افرادی که هزینه دادن براشون سخت و سنگینه و اضطراب در تصمیم گیری دارن.

[Danielle Dolby · Rating 2 out of 5]

Average

Felt slightly opinionated, there is nothing here that will help you understand the situation you are in or understand yourself or your partner better, or even much compassion, it is literally the author trying to galvanise you into action. It is a ‘kick up the backside’ kind of book. Like some other reviewers I feel the advice comes across as weighted more in favour of leaving.

[Shayan Parsaei · Rating 3 out of 5]

بخشی از متن کتاب:
«هرچند ممکن است روزی از تصمیمات خود پشیمان شویم؛ اما باید به خاطر بیاوریم که در نهایت از تصمیماتی که نمی‌گیریم هم پشیمان خواهیم شد.»

[Andrew Slominski · Rating 4 out of 5]

perhaps meant more for people...

...already feeling like they should leave. The book shows more examples of people who left and their lives improved than stayed, but maybe this mirrors real life. Very useful overall.

[Ally · Rating 4 out of 5]

Felt this was very pragmatic and practical. Exactly the questions you ask yourself. Useful.