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Putting God on the Guest List: How to Reclaim the Spiritual Meaning of Your Child's Bar or Bat Mitzvah
PMA Best Religion Book of the Year!
The inspiring guide to spiritual celebration used in hundreds of congregations―Reform, Conservative, Reconstructionist―revised and expanded! "Parents and their children acutely feel the social pressures that surround bar and bat mitzvah. But they want to feel the spiritual promise of the event, the pull of the divine, and the knowledge that they are participating in an event that has meaning both in the ancient past and in the very immediate present. They want to know that the steep incline before them is their family's own version of Sinai, the summit where, in every generation, Jews meet God, individually and as a people. They want to know that bar and bat mitzvah can be a path to that summit. And they want to know how to get there. . . . This book can be their guide."
―from "Why This Book Was Born" Helps people find core spiritual values in American Jewry's most misunderstood ceremony―bar and bat mitzvah. In a joining of explanation, instruction and inspiration, Rabbi Salkin helps both parent and child truly be there when the moment of Sinai is recreated in their lives. Rabbi Salkin asks and answers questions that make parents and children more comfortable with the event and able to experience it more joyfully. How did bar and bat mitzvah originate? What is the lasting significance of the event? What are the ethics of celebration? What specific things can you do to reclaim the spiritual meaning of the event? How to further develop spirituality? What spiritual values can parents and young people build together? To help guide friends and family who are not Jewish through this important Jewish life cycle event, Rabbi Salkin provides a brief, welcoming "What Non-Jews Should Know About the Bar and Bat Mitzvah Service."
The inspiring guide to spiritual celebration used in hundreds of congregations―Reform, Conservative, Reconstructionist―revised and expanded! "Parents and their children acutely feel the social pressures that surround bar and bat mitzvah. But they want to feel the spiritual promise of the event, the pull of the divine, and the knowledge that they are participating in an event that has meaning both in the ancient past and in the very immediate present. They want to know that the steep incline before them is their family's own version of Sinai, the summit where, in every generation, Jews meet God, individually and as a people. They want to know that bar and bat mitzvah can be a path to that summit. And they want to know how to get there. . . . This book can be their guide."
―from "Why This Book Was Born" Helps people find core spiritual values in American Jewry's most misunderstood ceremony―bar and bat mitzvah. In a joining of explanation, instruction and inspiration, Rabbi Salkin helps both parent and child truly be there when the moment of Sinai is recreated in their lives. Rabbi Salkin asks and answers questions that make parents and children more comfortable with the event and able to experience it more joyfully. How did bar and bat mitzvah originate? What is the lasting significance of the event? What are the ethics of celebration? What specific things can you do to reclaim the spiritual meaning of the event? How to further develop spirituality? What spiritual values can parents and young people build together? To help guide friends and family who are not Jewish through this important Jewish life cycle event, Rabbi Salkin provides a brief, welcoming "What Non-Jews Should Know About the Bar and Bat Mitzvah Service."
224 pages, Paperback
First published June 1, 1992
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Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews
February 19, 2013
In this accessible and thorough book, Rabbi Jeffrey K. Salkin prompts his readers to consider the spiritual meaning behind their child's Bar/Bat Mitzvah celebration, and to focus on the religious significance of the event and the learning process leading up to it, rather than on the splendor of the party at the end. Salkin provides historical and spiritual context for the ceremony itself, as well as for different components of the child's spiritual journey. The book does not express a preference for any one form of religious observance over another, but presents a rather open and flexible model for Jewish learning and discovery.
While the narrative and content of the book are themselves valuable and thought-provoking, more valuable still are the questions directed to parents at the end of each chapter to help them consider their own roles in guiding their children through the process of spiritual (and, to some extent, cultural) discovery. Salkin focuses not on the Bar/Bat Mitzvah event itself, but on the questions and considerations that go into establishing one's Jewish identity. This is not a book to be read passively; it demands active engagement and inquiry. The reader who responds to Salkin's questions with honesty and intention will not be disappointed in what is gained by the end.
My copy of this book is a hand-me-down from my aunt, who read it when she was preparing for my youngest cousin's Bat Mitzvah nearly ten years ago. Seeing her notes in the book made the experience of reading and learning even more personal for me, and really helped to emphasize the feeling of Jewish family and community that Salkin promotes.
My only complaint about the book is that there seems to be a faint bias against non-traditional Jewish families -- it seemed almost like the varying needs presented by interfaith families, blended families, single parents or other "different" sorts of families were somewhat of a frustration to the author. But perhaps I am overly sensitive to such matters, so I will leave the reader to judge for him/herself on such matters. I would have liked to have seen a section dedicated to helping accommodate children with special needs to construct their own ceremonies, but perhaps the author chose for one reason or another not to address such matters.
Overall, this book magnificently draws the reader to many thought-provoking inquiries into personal spirituality and the passage of Jewish heritage on to the next generation.
While the narrative and content of the book are themselves valuable and thought-provoking, more valuable still are the questions directed to parents at the end of each chapter to help them consider their own roles in guiding their children through the process of spiritual (and, to some extent, cultural) discovery. Salkin focuses not on the Bar/Bat Mitzvah event itself, but on the questions and considerations that go into establishing one's Jewish identity. This is not a book to be read passively; it demands active engagement and inquiry. The reader who responds to Salkin's questions with honesty and intention will not be disappointed in what is gained by the end.
My copy of this book is a hand-me-down from my aunt, who read it when she was preparing for my youngest cousin's Bat Mitzvah nearly ten years ago. Seeing her notes in the book made the experience of reading and learning even more personal for me, and really helped to emphasize the feeling of Jewish family and community that Salkin promotes.
My only complaint about the book is that there seems to be a faint bias against non-traditional Jewish families -- it seemed almost like the varying needs presented by interfaith families, blended families, single parents or other "different" sorts of families were somewhat of a frustration to the author. But perhaps I am overly sensitive to such matters, so I will leave the reader to judge for him/herself on such matters. I would have liked to have seen a section dedicated to helping accommodate children with special needs to construct their own ceremonies, but perhaps the author chose for one reason or another not to address such matters.
Overall, this book magnificently draws the reader to many thought-provoking inquiries into personal spirituality and the passage of Jewish heritage on to the next generation.
December 23, 2021
Meh. Elements of this book were good, but the author spent a lot of time talking about ancient traditions and stories, rather than more modern tips for concretely refocusing attention on the spirituality of a bar or bat mitzvah. I found myself skipping a lot of the storytelling.
That said, I appreciated his clear perspective and his encouragements for parents to explore their own spirituality, rather than just serving as party planners for children.
That said, I appreciated his clear perspective and his encouragements for parents to explore their own spirituality, rather than just serving as party planners for children.
August 27, 2023
The book contains a few worthy passages, but he didacticism is a bit too much so I cannot recommend it
May 23, 2016
Thought provoking and valuable book that addresses an important Jewish life cycle event - a Bar or Bat Mitzvah. Whether you are Jewish or not, religious or secular, this book lends valuable insight into the Bar or Bat Mitzvah ritual. The author illuminates this rite of passage, delving into the history, while placing its significance in a modern context for all flavors of families. The book addresses what's most important about a Bar or Bat Mitzvah, and provokes questions to help families stay focused on that.
And never fear, if you felt you were too busy actually planning a Bar or Bat Mitzvah to read, I can testify to the fact that reading this book after the fact was just as valuable. Given that a Bar or Bat Mitzvah is a beginning, when a Jewish child becomes a Jewish adult, this book addresses the most important questions about what their role as an adult could be. In fact, I recommend reading it both before and/or after the Bar or Bat Mitzvah: it will help families focus on what's important leading up to the ceremony as well as help frame how to move forward after the ceremony.
And never fear, if you felt you were too busy actually planning a Bar or Bat Mitzvah to read, I can testify to the fact that reading this book after the fact was just as valuable. Given that a Bar or Bat Mitzvah is a beginning, when a Jewish child becomes a Jewish adult, this book addresses the most important questions about what their role as an adult could be. In fact, I recommend reading it both before and/or after the Bar or Bat Mitzvah: it will help families focus on what's important leading up to the ceremony as well as help frame how to move forward after the ceremony.
June 2, 2012
Coming at this book from a Messianic perspective, I gained much more from it than I thought it would. I love how at the end of each chapter, there is a question or three to help you delve deeper into why you are having a ceremony and what you want your child to get out of it.
January 10, 2011
Read this around bar mitzva time. I was interested in everything I could get on this topic.
June 16, 2016
A nice reminder of where one's focus should be.
April 24, 2017
A great primer for any bat/bat mitzvah family.
Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews