Can Men and Women Be Just Friends

by Andy Bustanoby

Everyone knows that relationships are changing between men and women. With more women in the workforce, and with the breakdown in barriers between men and women, the two sexes have unprecedented freedom to form friendships. The author helps readers distinguish between friendship and intimacy, and tells how to determine when a "friendship" becomes dangerous.

144 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1993

Reviews

[T. Ryan Rogers · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the most potent and influential books I have read. This book is out of print (even at the time that I bought it), though I can't understand why. Almost short enough to be considered a "pamphlet," even a slow reader could digest this book in a single weekend. I found every page to be dripping with concise and straight-forward wisdom. Bustanoby's wisdom in this book is useful for friendships both platonic and intimate, as well as private, public, family, and business/workplace relationships. If you can find this book, buy it. This book would be beneficial required reading for any co-ed work environment.

One of the most valuable aspects of this book to me was how Bustanoby distinguishes between different types of relationships which are often colloquially conflated with "friendship." In this book, he defines "friends," "companions," and "intimates," and describes how each of these arise, relate to each other, and morph into/between each other. "Companionship is found among people who do things together for enjoyment or survival. Friendship involves admiration over the way they do things together."

Though I had not read C.S. Lewis' The Four Loves (reviewed above) at the time I read this book, the two pair nicely. I might recommend reading Lewis first, then reading this book as a deeper/further resource. (However, if you must only choose one, read Bustanoby. Sorry, Lewis.)

Andre ("Andy") Bustanoby is a very impressive author. At the time of writing this, I have read 3 of his books; each of them has been profoundly potent while unexpectedly concise.