What do you think?
Rate this book
Letting Go: How a Family Crisis Brought Clarity and Authenticity
That's the dilemma Lisa Hoelzer faced after raising her four children within the confines of a strict, high-demand religion that dictated almost every aspect of their lives, from how they dressed to what they ate to how they used their time. Her vision of their ideal future started to change, however, when one child announced they were bisexual. Then another made a similar declaration. Additionally, her children struggled with anxiety and depression--conditions the church didn't prepare Hoelzer to deal with.
If she followed the church's restrictive teachings, Hoelzer would have to turn her back on her beloved offspring. For this and other reasons, Hoelzer's small misgivings about the church grew into large objections. Letting Go recounts the story of how, when faced with a transformational crisis that could have destroyed her family, Hoelzer chose a difficult and forbidden path that would change her world and theirs for the better.
This is a book for anyone struggling to push ahead when there doesn't seem to be an easy or obvious path. Whether you're deconstructing religion or parenting a teen suffering from mental health issues, this insightful book will engage you with its thought-provoking ideas. With warmth, vulnerability, and a fresh perspective, Hoelzer empowers readers to accept their children as they are and step into their more authentic selves.
If she followed the church's restrictive teachings, Hoelzer would have to turn her back on her beloved offspring. For this and other reasons, Hoelzer's small misgivings about the church grew into large objections. Letting Go recounts the story of how, when faced with a transformational crisis that could have destroyed her family, Hoelzer chose a difficult and forbidden path that would change her world and theirs for the better.
This is a book for anyone struggling to push ahead when there doesn't seem to be an easy or obvious path. Whether you're deconstructing religion or parenting a teen suffering from mental health issues, this insightful book will engage you with its thought-provoking ideas. With warmth, vulnerability, and a fresh perspective, Hoelzer empowers readers to accept their children as they are and step into their more authentic selves.
290 pages, Paperback
Published October 14, 2023
2 people are currently reading
29 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews
October 25, 2023
There is a crisis unfolding in the LDS religion, and within non-affirming Christianity on a broader scale. Many families are being forced to choose between their lifelong faith and their queer children. Like the author, Lisa Hoelzer, I find myself on the front lines of this struggle. My experience has been very similar to hers in terms of having a queer child raised in a religious home. When my daughter became suicidal as a result of our church's teachings, life as I knew it was completely upended. Two years in, I've had to completely alter my world view to save my child's life and to safeguard my own mental health.
What impressed me about Lisa's chronicling of her story is the clarity of the writing. If I attempted to put down what the last couple of years looked like for me, it would resemble a jagged scrawl across the page. Lisa, however, masterfully conveys the highly charged emotion of leaving her religion, juxtaposed with a well-reasoned untangling of her biases. The result is a work of moral clarity and familial triumph. Ironically, Lisa ultimately does what her high-demand religion actually teaches: she puts her family first.
In short, Lisa has created a unique resource for Christian families that find themselves faced with impossible choices. Bonus: the book also grapples with racism and patriarchy, centering other marginalized groups along with our LGBTQ+ loved ones. Highly recommended!
What impressed me about Lisa's chronicling of her story is the clarity of the writing. If I attempted to put down what the last couple of years looked like for me, it would resemble a jagged scrawl across the page. Lisa, however, masterfully conveys the highly charged emotion of leaving her religion, juxtaposed with a well-reasoned untangling of her biases. The result is a work of moral clarity and familial triumph. Ironically, Lisa ultimately does what her high-demand religion actually teaches: she puts her family first.
In short, Lisa has created a unique resource for Christian families that find themselves faced with impossible choices. Bonus: the book also grapples with racism and patriarchy, centering other marginalized groups along with our LGBTQ+ loved ones. Highly recommended!
October 25, 2023
I saw myself in so much of Lisa's story. She was able to say things that I had felt, but not been able to put into words! As a Mom of LGBTQ+ kids, this book is a balm to my soul!!
A few of my favorite quotes -
"I wanted to feel unqualified love for them however they chose to live their lives..."
"...we would show them that they were more important to us than the doctrines of the church."
I'm a firm believer of people over process, politics, policies, everything!
Life is all about people - but especially our own children! Lisa is gut-wrenchingly honest about the conflict when motherhood and religion are at odds. She has lived her life authentically and with all the love for her family, her people! This is a must-read for, well, EVERYONE!
A few of my favorite quotes -
"I wanted to feel unqualified love for them however they chose to live their lives..."
"...we would show them that they were more important to us than the doctrines of the church."
I'm a firm believer of people over process, politics, policies, everything!
Life is all about people - but especially our own children! Lisa is gut-wrenchingly honest about the conflict when motherhood and religion are at odds. She has lived her life authentically and with all the love for her family, her people! This is a must-read for, well, EVERYONE!
October 16, 2023
Such an important perspective and story. Well written and engaging read.
December 29, 2023
Very relatable & well written. Lisa is vulnerable in sharing her experience of raising her family in a high demand religion & having lgbtqia children.
March 24, 2024
A very well written memoir of a family finding their way out of religion. The author has done a lot of research and is current on social and political issues.
When one of her children began to display mental health struggles, and ultimately came out as LGBTQ, the family was faced with the conflict of their religious belief paradigm and their own values.
Living in an affluent, primarily white and conservative area, they are outliers in their feelings and faced losing their community.
The author never specifies what church she is part of, but if you know, you know (wink). I believe that if that had been more prevalent to her story, those that could benefit from the experiences may not pick it up and could miss out on some fabulous content and wisdom.
I highly recommend this book for those who find themselves in any situation where their beliefs are being challenged by their circumstances or values, and for anyone supporting an LGBTQ child.
When one of her children began to display mental health struggles, and ultimately came out as LGBTQ, the family was faced with the conflict of their religious belief paradigm and their own values.
Living in an affluent, primarily white and conservative area, they are outliers in their feelings and faced losing their community.
The author never specifies what church she is part of, but if you know, you know (wink). I believe that if that had been more prevalent to her story, those that could benefit from the experiences may not pick it up and could miss out on some fabulous content and wisdom.
I highly recommend this book for those who find themselves in any situation where their beliefs are being challenged by their circumstances or values, and for anyone supporting an LGBTQ child.
Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews