Giving Up God: Resurrecting a Spirituality of Love and Wonder

by Sarah Henn Hayward

"What stands out the most . . . is [Sarah's] courage to put everything at risk and ask the hard questions." -David Hayward, NakedPastor Many of us are taught to believe that our only hope is in a supernatural, all-powerful, Christian God. Yet we wonder, is God really real? If we pursue our questions, what might we find? While the American church seems to be shutting out those who have questions, Sarah Henn Hayward shows us how to discover who we are beyond religion and find a new path forward. After three decades of embarking on mission trips, leading Bible studies, and participating in church leadership teams, Hayward's spiritual identity was overturned when lived experience conflicted directly with her handed-down religion. From traveling the world and meeting people of different faiths and backgrounds, making friends with amazing people who happened to be queer, to reading widely from books about science, psychology, and social justice, the veil created by concepts like hell, evolution, and Christian exclusivity was lifted in favor of an exploration of a stronger sense of self and a more expansive worldview. The journey of faith deconstruction is not without grief, but with profound wisdom, Hayward holds fast to a forthright, inspirational honesty that shines on every page. Giving Up God offers a narrative that gives us permission to let go of the past and our fear about the future, and instead train our attention on love and wonder in our present life and resurrect a peace deeper than we ever thought possible.

Genres: Christianity

244 pages, Paperback

Published November 14, 2023

Reviews

[Julia Soplop · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was drawn to Giving Up God because my partner is still recovering from his evangelical upbringing—something I have a hard time relating to as someone who was not raised in a religious culture. Hayward’s brave exploration of life and spirituality outside the confines of a prescribed religion, and the grief that comes along with such a journey, helped me to empathize more meaningfully with my partner’s experience. By weaving in references to the scientific and philosophical literature that, piece by piece, helped her to form a more nuanced understanding of the world around her, Hayward brings the reader right along on this genuine, and often uncomfortable, process of discovery. Giving Up God is a bold and worthwhile read.

[Julie · Rating 5 out of 5]

In a similar tone that the writings of C.S. Lewis and Donald Miller once made Christianity just “make sense,” Sarah’s writing make the idea of a world without God make sense, with the same feelings of peace and rationale. Sarah puts words to the gradual and gentle journey of finding peace without religion by leaning into her own inner voice and following her truth. This book is for those struggling to listen to their inner voice when that voice is not content with what they’ve always been told is true.

[Leslie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Giving up God takes you on an honest, relatable journey of religious examination and self-rediscovery. Among other things, Sarah beautifully illustrates a loving and thoughtful blueprint to approaching marriage and parenting wherein there are differing theological views; something I have struggled with and now feel more hopeful about.

[Becky · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a beautiful, thought-provoking read. Sarah’s honest approach to spirituality, and her relentless thirst for knowledge, made every minute reading this book worthwhile. As someone who grew up in a similar faith setting (just add praying in tongues to it, lol), I found so much of her story relatable. And although I am still drawn to the Christian faith, I understand why she doesn’t believe in God. Her focus on living in the moment is something we would all benefit from.

[Amy Harrison · Rating 5 out of 5]

The road of deconstructing and entangling a lifestyle that has been wound so tightly for so many years can be a treacherous and long path. From the very introduction, Sarah Hayward invites others to sit at her table and listen to her story. She isn’t asking you to join her, to understand her, or to judge her. She simply asks you to lend an ear. And in doing so, I have found comfort in numbers. Giving Up God evokes a magical experience of swapping war stories around a campfire while knowing you are in good and safe company. For those who grew up in evangelical or evangelical adjacent circles, the language is familiar, the pain is near, but the hope is palpable. And, if you’re not familiar with these concepts, Hayward’s explanations along the way are without judgment.

Sarah Hayward details her journey into the folds of evangelicalism. She guides the reader throughout her personal journey of growing up Christian, questioning, examining, and concluding what her faith story is. Giving Up God is the charted territory I wish I could have had at the start of my own deconstruction process.

Whether you have deconstructed your faith, are currently in the process, or know someone who is closely examining their faith, this book is for you - and Sarah is your guide. Life is challenging. And yet, as Sarah puts it (and we should all agree): Life is worth living. Moments in our life can be made easier when we have a knowledgeable guide who has already scoped out the road. Read this book. It will make things make so much more sense - no matter where you are on your journey!

[Tim Mathis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Full disclosure: I read an advance copy of this because the author asked me to provide feedback as she was working through the writing process. (I wrote a book on a similar topic, she found me online and reached out, it was great.)

Having said that, it really is a lovely book on a difficult topic. A lot of books in the deconstructing Christianity space are essentially complex trauma narratives (including my own). This one is a rare story that comes off as consistently respectful and appreciative. She's written from a mature place, and you get the sense that she's Marie Kondo-ing religion more than throwing it away. She's embracing it, expressing her gratitude for what it's brought to her life, and gently letting it go. That's quite a difficult thing to accomplish. I liked reading about her process, and could relate to a lot of it, but to me the real value is that she provides a positive path to follow for people who find themselves drifting out of the faith that they were raised with. The message is that leaving religion isn't so much about losing faith - it's about growing beyond it.

[Frank Lerant · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sarah Henn Hayward brings us along on her spiritual journey away from her evangelical Christian upbringing in a very engaging manner. This self-proclaimed "nerd" peppers her memoir with interesting information she's gleaned along the way. Ms. Hayward is clearly very well-read and makes extremely logical arguments against the existence of God as she illustrates her path toward this stance. She manages to do so without a sense of preaching or trying to change anyone's views. The author has an uncanny memory for detail, which makes for a delightful read, as she unpacks her life and how she came to be the person she is. This is an enjoyable book for anyone who is looking for a fresh perspective about Christianity, God, and living one's best life.

[Liz Mall · Rating 5 out of 5]

In this book, Sarah shares her journey of asking the hard questions of her Christian faith and ending up landing outside of Christianity, while giving a beautifully hopeful look at what deconstruction--a journey that can often be despairing--can look like. I found myself having a myriad of emotions while reading, especially since being in the middle of faith deconstruction myself. By the end of her book, I was grateful for such a raw and honest look at somebody else's deconstruction roadmap and I felt a renewed sense of hope concerning the process of deconstruction. I also felt much less fear at the thought of ever leaving the Christian faith, if my journey ever leads me there.

[Samantha Lorraine · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is unlike any other. The way Sarah articulates the intersection of spirituality, intellect, empathy and personality is special.

She walks a delicate balance sharing her experience of loving and leaving God. It is not a mockery of God or religion, quite the opposite - it is honest, respectful and emotional.

You will feel all the spectrum of emotions, sometimes within the same chapter. If you sit anywhere in the space of deconstruction, spiritual/religious trauma - you will get so much gold out of this book.

[Lauren Alexander · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent read for anyone who's been told that they doubt too much or have too many questions about god. Sarah's journey follows the path that many of us face when the world does not align with what we were told in Sunday school, and her conclusions are well researched, compassionate, and open to being wrong, which we all should embrace a little more of.

[Sierra Nicole Cox · Rating 3 out of 5]

Wanted ti like it so bad, but it felt like the author couldn’t step outside her perspective to make a larger point. Not the best writing which kept me setting it down and not coming back for a long time.

[Mae Wagner · Rating 5 out of 5]

Powerful and relatable memoir! I can see so much of myself and my own story in the author’s words showing how similar and connected these deconstruction experiences are.

[Lindsey · Rating 5 out of 5]

refreshing and honest