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Enduring Friendship: Sticking Together in an Age of Unfriending
Friendships are difficult. Sometimes it can seem as if friends are more work and pain than they're worth, with friendship challenges that we have to endure and struggle through. Life gets in the way of our well-intentioned efforts to connect. Conflicts and differences over serious issues divide us and make us think that we could never be close to a person ever again. In today's cancel culture, it's easy to give up on people and just walk away, leaving us all more isolated than before. How can we build real relationships that are life giving and pass the test of time? Bryan Loritts mines one of the Bible's least-known books for insights into how friendships can flourish even in the midst of sin and brokenness. With careful exposition and insight, he unpacks how the apostle Paul helped Philemon and Onesimus reconcile a most unlikely relationship with truth, repentance, and grace. With God’s work and steadfast love, even the most painful relationships that have ruptured are not beyond the reach of forgiveness and reconciliation. Discover how friendships that are hard can be transformed into friendships that endure.
- GenresChristian
160 pages, Hardcover
Published March 12, 2024
14 people are currently reading
187 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews
March 10, 2024
I appreciated the humility and life examples that Bryan used to breakdown the story of Philemon and Onesimus. I’ve never thought of that book of the Bible as a foundation for friendship but took away a great deal of reminders of the grace that empowers and restores friendships. I felt very convicted as a friend to others and extremely grateful for those friends in my life that have endured and done life with me. Eager to take these reminders forward as I think toward the benefits of a lifetime of “enduring friendships”.
June 25, 2025
This book was on my list that I definitely wanna read and it is really good.
I love that Bryan use the Bible story of Philemon and Onesimus. You understand there ‘ending’ of their friendship.
Friendships are hard in a time like this with being constantly online and talk through social media instead of real life.
He gives examples of his own life and some friendships that he describes, I could relate with and helps me - how to deal with it.
Besides this all I’ve realized the more in friendships we need: Grace & Truth! Receive and giving!
Definitely recommend!
‘Friends tell the truth because they are more committed to your well-being and purpose in life than they are to being liked.’
I love that Bryan use the Bible story of Philemon and Onesimus. You understand there ‘ending’ of their friendship.
Friendships are hard in a time like this with being constantly online and talk through social media instead of real life.
He gives examples of his own life and some friendships that he describes, I could relate with and helps me - how to deal with it.
Besides this all I’ve realized the more in friendships we need: Grace & Truth! Receive and giving!
Definitely recommend!
‘Friends tell the truth because they are more committed to your well-being and purpose in life than they are to being liked.’
March 14, 2024
Bryan’s vulnerability and willingness to talk about friendship is refreshing because it echos the truth of what many of us have experienced.
January 15, 2024
Good friendships are hard to find. They’re even harder to keep. In this short volume, using the book of Philemon, Bryan Loritts walks readers through the value of Enduring Friendship. Loritts begins with his own story of lost friendships. I was struck by how much it mirrored my own, perhaps indicative of the way a lot of friendships in your early 20s go—you just simply grow up and grow apart.
It’s interesting that Loritts uses the example of Philemon and Onesimus to make his point. Because, if you know the story, theirs was not exactly a friendship. Onesimus was Philemon’s slave, one who had run away and now was returning at the apostle Paul’s behest. However, here’s the important part, Paul was having Onesimus return not as a slave but as a friend. The old way of relationship was gone; a new way of relationship was here. Loritts does a good job of interweaving his own experience with biblical exposition, creating a biblically-rich and personal narrative that gives both biblical teaching and how that teaching can be brought into practice—or what can happen when it is not.
The two biggest takeaways from Enduring Friendship is that friendship requires grace and friendship requires equality. First, enduring friendships assume that, at some point, there will be the need to ask for and give out forgiveness. This is one of the most important points that Loritts makes. Friendships only endure if you’re willing to forgive and repent. The closeness of friendship causes friction. Think about a car engine and all its gears and moving parts. The closeness of the parts is necessary for the engine to function. But that creates friction. And friction creates heat. And heat can cause it all to blow. Unless you have oil. The oil of forgiveness and repentance (through the Holy Spirit) keeps the whole thing running. In this story of Philemon and Onesimus, there is a need for both parties to offer forgiveness and repentance.
Second, enduring friendships require equality. This has been the primary problem between Philemon and Onesimus. They have not been equal. Onesimus has been a slave. Philemon has held improper authority over him. While Loritts doesn’t really draw much on this, I think it’s worth continuing that analogy to point out that the problem isn’t that one person has authority over another—it’s that the authority is improper and absolute. Friendship can exist among imbalances. I have a friend who is a medical doctor. I trust his medical authority over my own. But that trust is voluntary and contextual, not demanded and absolute.
If I had to offer a criticism of Enduring Friendship, it’s that, while a unique take on friendship, the relationship between Onesimus and Philemon is not always the best analogue for modern friendships outside of the rather basic concepts that relationships require mutuality, grace, repentance, and a commitment to the relationship. This works well when both people commit to it, but what if one person refuses? How do we maintain relationships when, due to past relational trauma, one or both individuals are prone to running away? How do we navigate major life changes in friendships such as new jobs, spouses, kids, or moving away? Is there ever a time we should end a friendship? Enduring Friendship doesn’t necessarily address these topics, meaning that while what Loritts writes is good, it is incomplete. Overall, though, it is a solid exhortation toward the hard work of friendship. When it is so easy to cut ties or never develop them, Lorrits reminds us of how important these tethers are to our humanity.
It’s interesting that Loritts uses the example of Philemon and Onesimus to make his point. Because, if you know the story, theirs was not exactly a friendship. Onesimus was Philemon’s slave, one who had run away and now was returning at the apostle Paul’s behest. However, here’s the important part, Paul was having Onesimus return not as a slave but as a friend. The old way of relationship was gone; a new way of relationship was here. Loritts does a good job of interweaving his own experience with biblical exposition, creating a biblically-rich and personal narrative that gives both biblical teaching and how that teaching can be brought into practice—or what can happen when it is not.
The two biggest takeaways from Enduring Friendship is that friendship requires grace and friendship requires equality. First, enduring friendships assume that, at some point, there will be the need to ask for and give out forgiveness. This is one of the most important points that Loritts makes. Friendships only endure if you’re willing to forgive and repent. The closeness of friendship causes friction. Think about a car engine and all its gears and moving parts. The closeness of the parts is necessary for the engine to function. But that creates friction. And friction creates heat. And heat can cause it all to blow. Unless you have oil. The oil of forgiveness and repentance (through the Holy Spirit) keeps the whole thing running. In this story of Philemon and Onesimus, there is a need for both parties to offer forgiveness and repentance.
Second, enduring friendships require equality. This has been the primary problem between Philemon and Onesimus. They have not been equal. Onesimus has been a slave. Philemon has held improper authority over him. While Loritts doesn’t really draw much on this, I think it’s worth continuing that analogy to point out that the problem isn’t that one person has authority over another—it’s that the authority is improper and absolute. Friendship can exist among imbalances. I have a friend who is a medical doctor. I trust his medical authority over my own. But that trust is voluntary and contextual, not demanded and absolute.
If I had to offer a criticism of Enduring Friendship, it’s that, while a unique take on friendship, the relationship between Onesimus and Philemon is not always the best analogue for modern friendships outside of the rather basic concepts that relationships require mutuality, grace, repentance, and a commitment to the relationship. This works well when both people commit to it, but what if one person refuses? How do we maintain relationships when, due to past relational trauma, one or both individuals are prone to running away? How do we navigate major life changes in friendships such as new jobs, spouses, kids, or moving away? Is there ever a time we should end a friendship? Enduring Friendship doesn’t necessarily address these topics, meaning that while what Loritts writes is good, it is incomplete. Overall, though, it is a solid exhortation toward the hard work of friendship. When it is so easy to cut ties or never develop them, Lorrits reminds us of how important these tethers are to our humanity.
May 11, 2024
Where to begin.
My biggest gripe with this book is that it is to short, but that is a personal opinion. The fact that it is a quicker read actually strengthens the message that Bryan is trying to get across. There is an urgency in this issue that is facing our culture, but not just ours others across the world. While this book speaks particularly to Americans, the message is still clear: Friendships are Hard, but they don't have to be.
By diving deeper into the story of Philemon and Onesimus (Book of Philemon) through the letter that Paul wrote we begin to understand what true friendship is, without the surface viewing of just a deep relationship. Understanding how to handle the hurts, the joys, the excitement, and the pain all wrapped up in a short book that Bryan affectionately calls "...a blog post". Which is what helps the length of this book really shine, it's no longer then your average devotional read and thus breaking it down into three parts to understand that friendship is more about the dirt, then the shine of the diamonds.
In order to understand you need to pick this up and read it. Whether you are a believer, skeptic, or struggling in life with relationships, not just friendships, then this book is worth the study. I know through prayer and petition this book came into my life just as I myself have begun to struggle with the friendships and relationships in my own life. It led to tears at the end, not because it struck me to my very core, but because of the beauty of how this could effect the world we live in if this is how we all approached our relationships.
My biggest gripe with this book is that it is to short, but that is a personal opinion. The fact that it is a quicker read actually strengthens the message that Bryan is trying to get across. There is an urgency in this issue that is facing our culture, but not just ours others across the world. While this book speaks particularly to Americans, the message is still clear: Friendships are Hard, but they don't have to be.
By diving deeper into the story of Philemon and Onesimus (Book of Philemon) through the letter that Paul wrote we begin to understand what true friendship is, without the surface viewing of just a deep relationship. Understanding how to handle the hurts, the joys, the excitement, and the pain all wrapped up in a short book that Bryan affectionately calls "...a blog post". Which is what helps the length of this book really shine, it's no longer then your average devotional read and thus breaking it down into three parts to understand that friendship is more about the dirt, then the shine of the diamonds.
In order to understand you need to pick this up and read it. Whether you are a believer, skeptic, or struggling in life with relationships, not just friendships, then this book is worth the study. I know through prayer and petition this book came into my life just as I myself have begun to struggle with the friendships and relationships in my own life. It led to tears at the end, not because it struck me to my very core, but because of the beauty of how this could effect the world we live in if this is how we all approached our relationships.
December 18, 2025
Quick notes:
“To exchange grace is to suffer.”
What to do with the friend who won’t volley back? The husband who retires and then blows his entire package in one week?
The story of “The Stones” and their fight for each other.
“The landlord and the world saw her a useless woman who just couldn’t get it together, my father saw her as family, which only punctuated her value.”
Meritocracy vs Grace
Be intentional about reaching out - however, there’s only a handful of people I’ll get on an airplane for to celebrate or confront difficult actions. Others get honest prayers.
Sometimes you just have to say “It’s okay” - example, a friend who just backs out and drifts out. He’s a grown man, and if he wants it, he will.
Friendships require investment, often times monetarily. People come with a cost. Things like: retreats, birthday celebrations, financial relief.
“Not on our watch! You will make it!”
“To exchange grace is to suffer.”
What to do with the friend who won’t volley back? The husband who retires and then blows his entire package in one week?
The story of “The Stones” and their fight for each other.
“The landlord and the world saw her a useless woman who just couldn’t get it together, my father saw her as family, which only punctuated her value.”
Meritocracy vs Grace
Be intentional about reaching out - however, there’s only a handful of people I’ll get on an airplane for to celebrate or confront difficult actions. Others get honest prayers.
Sometimes you just have to say “It’s okay” - example, a friend who just backs out and drifts out. He’s a grown man, and if he wants it, he will.
Friendships require investment, often times monetarily. People come with a cost. Things like: retreats, birthday celebrations, financial relief.
“Not on our watch! You will make it!”
June 17, 2024
Excellent execution. Dr Bryan C Loritts has done it again. The only way he draws out the tension within the tiny book of Philemon was superb. Dr Loritts is able to present this letter that Paul wrote Philemon about “their” new brother in Christ, Onesimus. This will appear to be a dichotomy for Philemon initially, but how will he react and/or respond to this possible dilemma, his friend Paul is asking of him. Will it be all about the “law” or about grace? There lies the tension.
This book, Which Enduring Friendship, is timely especially in our current culture. Dr Loritts subtitle, Sticking Together in an Age of Unfriendly, is befitting. How would respond to a brother’s or sister’s request for you to do what Paul’s asking Philemon? To get a fresh perspective on the idea, check out this book. Highly recommended.
This book, Which Enduring Friendship, is timely especially in our current culture. Dr Loritts subtitle, Sticking Together in an Age of Unfriendly, is befitting. How would respond to a brother’s or sister’s request for you to do what Paul’s asking Philemon? To get a fresh perspective on the idea, check out this book. Highly recommended.
November 5, 2024
I’ve not read a book about friendship before. I picked this book because I will be seeing the author speak at an upcoming Mens summit in South Dakota this winter - and I was interested in what he may talk about. Suffice to say, I really liked this book. It will help me in my own friendship circles. And, it really helped think more deeply about my need for friendships - of all kinds.
One memorable phrase: “If we want to discern what Philemon believes about the gospel, we have to look at how he deals with someone who has stolen from and wronged him.”
The answers to how he does this make up the core of the book and I am refreshed for reading it.
One memorable phrase: “If we want to discern what Philemon believes about the gospel, we have to look at how he deals with someone who has stolen from and wronged him.”
The answers to how he does this make up the core of the book and I am refreshed for reading it.
June 26, 2024
Beautiful and Practical
I’ve never read Paul’s letter to Philemon in quite this way before, but Pastor Loritts, with equal parts piercing insight and gentle honesty, helps us see how this book paints a picture of what it takes to have lasting friendships with others. It all comes down to three interwoven things: truth, repentance, and grace. If you are looking for an insightful guide to strengthening your own friendships, as well as an introduction to the beating heart of the friendship with have with God, this book is a beautiful place to begin.
I’ve never read Paul’s letter to Philemon in quite this way before, but Pastor Loritts, with equal parts piercing insight and gentle honesty, helps us see how this book paints a picture of what it takes to have lasting friendships with others. It all comes down to three interwoven things: truth, repentance, and grace. If you are looking for an insightful guide to strengthening your own friendships, as well as an introduction to the beating heart of the friendship with have with God, this book is a beautiful place to begin.
April 9, 2024
He’s not going to say what you want him to say. Bryan’s gonna challenge you.
We need to hear it. We won’t want to.
Quick book to read. I enjoyed it.
We need to hear it. We won’t want to.
Quick book to read. I enjoyed it.
October 30, 2025
Absolutely worth the read! Friendships are important to us and not something we should take for granted.
December 4, 2025
Gostei bastante de alguns insights! Muito bom também pensar no livro de filemom!
June 9, 2024
You all know that I love books on friendship and community. As I learned in the acknowledgments, and makes sense in hindsight, this book is based on a sermon series from the book of Philemon. Essentially, the author argues that Paul is calling for something radically countercultural, especially in the Roman world; he is calling for the elevation of a slave to brotherhood, grace and forgiveness extended from both parties, and long-haul commitment.
This is a very quick read, but I enjoyed this book a great deal. Admittedly, a lot of what he said seems like common sense, and it is, but it is also obvious that people have forgotten many of these simple details about loving the people around you.
This is a very quick read, but I enjoyed this book a great deal. Admittedly, a lot of what he said seems like common sense, and it is, but it is also obvious that people have forgotten many of these simple details about loving the people around you.
Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews