I can so strongly relate
Having now read three or four of Sarah's books, this one is near my heart. My heart hurts for all the abuse Sarah endured, and the Anorexia, I for one can arrest that Anorexia is indeed pure and utter Hades. It's a vicious nightmare and has cost many a person their life. I know, because it almost cost m me MY life. I relate to Sarah because I too, use/d it as a control mechanism. I felt and still feel that since I can't control external forces that I will just control the one thing I can - what enters my body, when, how often, how much, etc. However, this is when it gets destructive... You lose a few pounds, you feel proud , maybe someone compliments you and /or you feel proud of that accomplishment and choose to lose five or six more pounds. Soon five more turns to five more and five more and so on. Again, I know because hist is exactly as I felt and behaved. I thrived on the skinny comments, the low numbers and the scales and body proportions. I don't care how others loo; I just want to control my body. It doesn't take long for this illness to completely consume you... and what you thought you had control of now has control over you.
Like Sarah, I have struggled with this since a very young age and like Sarah, I used it to as a coping and defense mechanism. I thought if I could control that I would be happy... or at least some form of it. I couldn't have been more wrong; on top of the Anorexia, I was deeply depressed and felt death would be a welcomed reprieve. I did self harm, exercise for hours and other behaviours. I also sought in patient care (of my own accord and free will), but I didn't want to. I also knew if I didn't accept help from somewhere, I would most certainty die and I came close to it. After having all my vitals taken during check -in, my family was told that all my vital organs were in distress and showing signs of shutdown. The medical staff actually predicted that I may "make it 72hrs."
Here I am seven years later alive and healthier, but not not 100% or even 90%, my body that has internally aged past my 45 years. My brain function and thought processes are slower. I can't stay focused or think as well as I once did, my reflexes are delayed. I've had to take osteoporosis shots, my weight is still low and I like Sarah and any other person with an addiction or eating disorder, I still struggle. Everyday is a battle. I will continue to combat this demon because I don't ever want it's cold, icy, hellish grip on me again and if I can help one person by sharing my story, I've done what I set out to do, what I spent my life wanting to do - help people. I could go on and on, but I think this will reach many. I want to thank Sarah for sharing her story, l relate so very well... Dear viewers and readers, if you are struggling with addiction or some other destructive behaviour, please know that you are not alone. There are people who care, people who can help. There is hope. Please don't let it consume you as it isn't worth it. I learned that myself all too well. Signed, Christy, also a recovering Anorexic.