Wives, Husbands, and Lovers: Marriage and Sexuality in Hong Kong, Taiwan, and Urban China

by Deborah S. Davis (Editor), Sara L. Friedman (Editor)

What is the state of intimate romantic relationships and marriage in urban China, Hong Kong, and Taiwan? Since the 1980's, the character of intimate life in these urban settings has changed dramatically. While many speculate about the 21st century as Asia's century, this book turns to the more intimate territory of sexuality and marriage―and observes the unprecedented changes in the law and popular expectations for romantic bonds and the creation of new families. Wives, Husbands, and Lovers examines how sexual relationships and marriage are perceived and practiced under new developments within each urban location, including the establishment of no fault divorce laws, lower rates of childbearing within marriage, and the increased tolerance for non-marital and non-heterosexual intimate relationships. The authors also chronicle what happens when states remove themselves from direct involvement in some features of marriage but not others. Tracing how the marital "rules of the game" have changed substantially across the region, this book challenges long-standing assumptions that marriage is the universally preferred status for all men and women, that extramarital sexuality is incompatible with marriage, or that marriage necessarily unites a man and a woman. This book illustrates the wide range of potential futures for marriage, sexuality, and family across these societies.

Genres: China

340 pages, Paperback

First published July 1, 2014

Reviews

[Susan · Rating 4 out of 5]

This academic study of marriage in China, Hong Kong and Taiwan was an eye-opener, even for someone who has first-hand experience. Much of the book is quite academic, although the Hong Kong chapters read like a novel. The premise behind all the chapters is that as China has developed, so have attitudes about dating and marriage there. But Hong Kong and Taiwan have also changed from the opening of China.

In Hong Kong, middle class men have more opportunities to work and live across the border in China than ever before. The authors suggest that while Hong Kong men still hope to marry Hong Kong women, they feel they can do their own thing in China--with mainland women--as long as they are good husbands and fathers back home. It's called a 20 percent discount.

Likewise, Taiwanese men have been flocking to the mainland over the last twenty years for new business opportunities there. Some live in China for a decade or two, leaving their wives and children back home in Taiwan. The wives know the husbands will probably fool around in China, but they feel they can't do much about it, especially when their husbands provide financial support. Some Taiwanese women felt that they actually liked their independence and could do their own thing without answering to demanding husbands. So it was a win-win for some.

And finally in China, dating customs have changed since the late 1990s. Whereas in the past, couples dated with the intention to marry (hand raised high here), couples now date to date and are used to breakups. The authors discuss leftover women, or women who don't marry by their thirties and are seen as too old to find a husband. As women become more successful in places like Shanghai, they often have fewer opportunities to marry. The authors explain how Chinese men expect to marry a woman who has a lower level of education and/or earns less money (I experienced that, too).

This book is a must-read for anyone who studies or is interested in dating and marriage culture in China, Hong Kong and Taiwan, even though parts of it read like a dissertation. An eye-opener for sure.