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The Relationship Code
The Relationship Code is the first marriage handbook written for both single people and married couples. This book offers fresh new revelations for people considering marriage and those already in marriage. For the single person, it is a goal to obtain, a guide to personal growth, and a road map to godly character. For married couples, it is the spark of life that will set their relationship on fire. This is a mature and thought provoking book that challanges a contemporary generation to unlearn 20th Century concepts on relationships. Each chapter marks a series of revelations that are unique and refreshing. This book is truly the first of it's kind. A must for the library of every believer. From his own experience, and years of counseling and ministry, Darin Hufford brushes away the worldly residue and uncovers the fingerprint of God found in human relationships. This book is a treasure chest of jewels that is sure to bring a relationship revival to adults of all ages.
208 pages, Paperback
First published July 26, 1999
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Displaying 1 of 1 review
May 29, 2019
Rating: 3.5
I picked this book up at a church function because I enjoy reading anything that might help strengthen my marriage. I finally sat down to read it a few weeks ago, and it was an interesting experience to say the least!
This is definitely not your typical book about marriage and relationships. As opposed to books like "The Five Love Languages" and "His Needs, Her Needs" there is less of a focus on THINGS TO DO. The focus is entirely on the spiritual realm and the heart/attitude that people have when in relationships. I really appreciate this unique aspect about the book.
The author had some very strong things to say, and I agreed with about 95% of them.
I really appreciated that there were chapters on flirtatiousness and pornography and how damaging both of those can be. And it was a little eye-opening to hear that just as men "lust" for sex, women "lust" for being taken care of emotionally. This certainly seems scriptural to me, as I have been pondering Genesis 3:16 (...Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you) for some time. The author then points out that both men and women should be careful to be respectful of the unique roles of men and women. For example, instead of expecting her husband to fulfil every emotional need, she should look to God first. Love that.
There were a lot of other things I agreed strongly with, including the ultimate, bottom-line message: the root of all sin and all problems is SELFISHNESS. This is something that is rarely addressed. We can point fingers and make excuses, but this truth, the "relationship code" is profoundly true, and I almost cheered when I read it in the last chapter!
There were a few places where I feel like the author might have missed the mark slightly (and by that I mean what he has to say about some issues isn't entirely backed up by scripture.) He at one point compared women to the holy spirit and men to God the son, which seemed very farfetched to me. There are certain things that I am still pondering (I don't necessarily disagree, I'm just thinking about them still), such as his idea that you actually become spiritually connected to people you have sex with -- meaning that you are affected by their sins and their demons. Another thing I disagreed with was his assertion that women shouldn't be blamed for dressing promiscuously because they are only doing it due to what worldly men expect and therefore women are blameless in this aspect of flirtation.
I also was a little disappointed as a female reader because the book in general seemed geared toward young unmarried men. There were a few chapters that were for women specifically, but most were not. (That's not to say I didn't learn anything from them.)
The author also at one point says that divorce is "forbidden," which I certainly feel is too strong of a statement to be totally biblical. Obviously, divorce grieves the heart of God greatly, but in some cases, it is the best thing, and I do not believe that God wants people trapped in toxic, abusive relationships.
One major drawback to this book is the editing/formatting. The misspellings/incorrect word usage was distracting to the point that I almost put it down and didn't pick it back up. I hope this book has since gone through another few rounds of editing, because as I said, the majority of the content is wonderful.
Overall, I would recommend this book to people who consider themselves very conservative. I didn't realize the book was written in 1999 until I was almost all the way finished, so I think one thing the author failed to address well was the toxic role of radical feminism on marriages/relationships. It would be nice to read an updated version with the author's thoughts on that!
"Progressives" will likely find most of the concepts of this book offensive (which doesn't mean they shouldn't read it! That discomfort/conviction is coming straight from God himself!)
I enjoyed the majority of the book and did glean some very unique insight!
I picked this book up at a church function because I enjoy reading anything that might help strengthen my marriage. I finally sat down to read it a few weeks ago, and it was an interesting experience to say the least!
This is definitely not your typical book about marriage and relationships. As opposed to books like "The Five Love Languages" and "His Needs, Her Needs" there is less of a focus on THINGS TO DO. The focus is entirely on the spiritual realm and the heart/attitude that people have when in relationships. I really appreciate this unique aspect about the book.
The author had some very strong things to say, and I agreed with about 95% of them.
I really appreciated that there were chapters on flirtatiousness and pornography and how damaging both of those can be. And it was a little eye-opening to hear that just as men "lust" for sex, women "lust" for being taken care of emotionally. This certainly seems scriptural to me, as I have been pondering Genesis 3:16 (...Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you) for some time. The author then points out that both men and women should be careful to be respectful of the unique roles of men and women. For example, instead of expecting her husband to fulfil every emotional need, she should look to God first. Love that.
There were a lot of other things I agreed strongly with, including the ultimate, bottom-line message: the root of all sin and all problems is SELFISHNESS. This is something that is rarely addressed. We can point fingers and make excuses, but this truth, the "relationship code" is profoundly true, and I almost cheered when I read it in the last chapter!
There were a few places where I feel like the author might have missed the mark slightly (and by that I mean what he has to say about some issues isn't entirely backed up by scripture.) He at one point compared women to the holy spirit and men to God the son, which seemed very farfetched to me. There are certain things that I am still pondering (I don't necessarily disagree, I'm just thinking about them still), such as his idea that you actually become spiritually connected to people you have sex with -- meaning that you are affected by their sins and their demons. Another thing I disagreed with was his assertion that women shouldn't be blamed for dressing promiscuously because they are only doing it due to what worldly men expect and therefore women are blameless in this aspect of flirtation.
I also was a little disappointed as a female reader because the book in general seemed geared toward young unmarried men. There were a few chapters that were for women specifically, but most were not. (That's not to say I didn't learn anything from them.)
The author also at one point says that divorce is "forbidden," which I certainly feel is too strong of a statement to be totally biblical. Obviously, divorce grieves the heart of God greatly, but in some cases, it is the best thing, and I do not believe that God wants people trapped in toxic, abusive relationships.
One major drawback to this book is the editing/formatting. The misspellings/incorrect word usage was distracting to the point that I almost put it down and didn't pick it back up. I hope this book has since gone through another few rounds of editing, because as I said, the majority of the content is wonderful.
Overall, I would recommend this book to people who consider themselves very conservative. I didn't realize the book was written in 1999 until I was almost all the way finished, so I think one thing the author failed to address well was the toxic role of radical feminism on marriages/relationships. It would be nice to read an updated version with the author's thoughts on that!
"Progressives" will likely find most of the concepts of this book offensive (which doesn't mean they shouldn't read it! That discomfort/conviction is coming straight from God himself!)
I enjoyed the majority of the book and did glean some very unique insight!
Displaying 1 of 1 review