Feature Development for Social Networking

by Benjamin Rosenbaum

Free online fiction from tor.com.

Critically acclaimed and Hugo, Nebula, and World Fantasy Award nominated author Benjamin Rosenbaum makes his first appearance on Tor.com with an epistolary story—of a sort. Rosenbaum is a software developer by trade, which gives him precisely the right background to think through the implications of how fantastical tropes might alter a familiar technology that many of us use every day. Not to mention the fact that he and his family play a ton of Pandemic, and that all of his friends had already written zombie stories, and he was feeling a bit left out. Whatever the genesis, the result is a delightful and cheeky look into an all-too-plausible future.

This short story was acquired and edited for Tor.com by editor Liz Gorinsky.

Genres: Short Stories, Horror, Zombies, Science Fiction, Fantasy, Contemporary

32 pages, ebook

First published November 13, 2013

About the author

Benjamin Rosenbaum has been nominated for the Hugo, Nebula, BSFA, Sturgeon, and World Fantasy Awards. He is the author of _The Unraveling_, a queer far-future coming-of-age novel, the short story collection _The Ant King and Other Stories_, and the Ennie-nominated Jewish historical fantasy tabletop roleplaying game _Dream Apart_. His stories have been translated into 25 languages.

He is the co-host of the podcast _Mohanraj and Rosenbaum Are Humans_.


Originally from Arlington, VA, he lives near Basel, Switzerland with his wife and children.

Author photo (c) 2017 Portrait Playtime.

Reviews

[karen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Marsha Shirksy Got bitten . . .

Roland Wu wtf? Are you kidding?

Buster Day that is so not funny

Emily Carter omg Marsha are you serious?

Marsha Shirksy I’m not kidding, you guys! There was a rager at the supermarket. I could tell he was acting weird & I know I was totally stupid not to just drop my stuff and run! I’d just been in line forever & they had this terrific local asparagus on sale. Yes, I may have just sacrificed myself for asparagus.

this is a zombie story in a modern-day epistolary format, composed of both emails and chat room posts chronicling the onset and spread of the zombie apocalypse.

the emails are interoffice communications from the facebook staff capitalizing on the situation and turning it into social media gold.

the chat room participants are just regular kids like you and me (well, not me - i'm not on the facebook), trying to look out for each other with internet-buddy support posts but ultimately helpless as their friends and loved ones fall victim to the pandemic.

rarrrrr

the story emphasizes the emotional flattening our social media-based relationships have conferred upon us, as the severity of the situation is glossed over by humor

Marsha Shirksy I am fine & now I have at least a week’s worth of microwave popcorn and burritos. Hopefully that will substitute for braaaaains! Emily you are such a sweetheart, I cannot believe you came all this way. I feel kind of stupid now. I totally could have gone to the store.

and the misplaced priorities and concerns of corporate ghouls.

To: “Emergent UI Features Team”

From: Tracy MacGier

Subject: Re: “Became a zombie” Life Event

Come on guys, this is a joke. You’re waiting for people to tag THEMSELVES as zombies? Seriously?
We already solved the griefer problem by limiting tagging to Close Friends, remember? I think if some dude I hardly know can photo tag me flashing my tits at Mardi Gras, I ought to be able to tag a CLOSE FRIEND as a zombie, am I right?

People, we are all about visibility in the social cloud! Who’s single, who’s in town, who likes what, who hooked up with whom! And what is the most important thing you want to know about your social circle right now? THREE GUESSES!

Come on, Suresh, grow some balls, and let’s do this right!

Tracy


To: “Emergent UI Features Team”

From: Josh Rubenstein

Subject: Wording of new feature

Can we use a different word? I’m not really all that comfortable with “zombie” from a disability rights perspective. It has really negative cultural connotations. It’s one thing if people with AER/CI want to reclaim that word, but I don’t think we should be doing it for them. How about “rager” or just “contracted AER/CI”?

JRube

i really appreciate the workable links - they're a nice touch, and had i not seen mira grant employ this structure and this conceit in every newsflesh novel and story ever and be both funnier and scarier every single time, i probably would have appreciated this story more.

this is mira grant's paddle pool and there's only room for one!



read it for yourself here:

http://www.tor.com/2013/11/13/feature...

come to my blog!

[Blair · Rating 4 out of 5]

Internet reads, 2 of 2: a very fun online story in which a zombie epidemic is charted through two internet-based mediums: the Facebook posts of a woman who may be infected, and the emails of a group of Facebook executives debating the introduction of a feature allowing users to tag their friends as zombies. As soon as I read the beginning, I had to read all of it immediately. I loved it and I wish it'd been longer. Found via Karen's review.

[Bec · Rating 4 out of 5]

Feature Development for Social Networking by Benjamin Rosenbaum is a short on Tor.com. I saw Badseedgirl read it and I had to check it out, so thx! I happen to be married to a software developer and I use Facebook so everything in this story was humorous to me. As someone from the Pacific NW I loved this quote at the beginning:

“I’d just been in line forever & they had this terrific local asparagus on sale. Yes, I may have just sacrificed myself for asparagus.”

When it comes to the Zombie Apocalypse many people in my part of the world would risk it for local asparagus or a sale at Whole Foods!

I think this story is probably going to resonate more with people that are connected to the software dev world. If you know what everything in this quote means “I actually coded it up already yesterday and QA did some testing in the sandbox env, so when we get sign-off, I can merge it into the trunk and go live in about an hour.” Then this story was written with you in mind.

[Badseedgirl · Rating 2 out of 5]

Apparently one has to have at least a passing familiarity with Facebook to be able to fully appreciate the humor of the short story "Feature Development for Social Networking" by Benjamin Rosenbuam. I unfortunately do not. Now don't get all judgey on me. I have a Facebook account but have not updated (or even been on the page) in over 2 months. It is not my thing. Although I enjoyed this story enough and was able to appreciate the obvious juxtaposition of the developers and the real world posts, I'm sure the subtle humor was completely lost on me. Man it is a bitch when I realize I'm getting old!

[Netanella · Rating 3 out of 5]

An unlikely piece that didn't quite tickle my fancy, but still enjoyable from a 400 foot view. It's definitely not your typical zombie story, and I didn't quite get as sucked in to it as I wanted. The story is told from two frames - a group of friends posting on Facebook during the outbreak of a zombie apocalypse, and the email exchanges of Facebook developers debating the features of a new application - can we tag our friends as "zombie", and if so, is this an update or a life event? The author does a great job making fun of social media, office culture, and Pacific Northwest regional culture in general.

[Joe · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hahaha! Genius!

Joe McClure marked himself safe during the Zombie apocalypse.

[Lau · Rating 4 out of 5]

¡Mierd...coles que esto es actual! Salvo por la parte de los zombies. Breve y efectivo, más ahora.

Está escrito en 2013 y es sobre una pandemia que te vuelve zombie, pero si le cambiamos la enfermedad es oscuramente actual. Hasta hay un comentario sobre mantenerse a distancia uno del otro, gente encerrada en la casa esperando una cura... Me fui derechito a mirar el año de publicación porque creí que era un chiste de humor negro, pero no. Aunque humor negro hay de sobra.

Pero lo más interesante acá son los mails entre personas que trabajan programando una Red Social (creada por un "Suck"), usando la pandemia para su beneficio.
Me suena tanto, de dónde será................................
Algoritmo de Instagram, te estoy mirando.

Historia gratuita en Tor.com

[Brian Enigma · Rating 4 out of 5]

A fun short story looking at a 24-hour-incubation zombie outbreak from two different perspectives: First, Facebook savvy 20-somethings that contracted it and are discussing it on their "wall" with friends. Second, the software developers and managers at Facebook trying to work adding "tag as a zombie" through legal and debating whether the term "zombie" is insensitive from a disability-rights perspective (and is it a tag or a life-event?).

[Thom · Rating 3 out of 5]

A humorous story, juxtaposing social networking posts or messages with internal memos from the company developing features for said social network. Set in the context of a (controllable?) zombie infection.

Read online at http://www.tor.com/2013/11/13/feature... and the artwork leading off the page does nothing for the story.

My review - I liked the background and characters, but the only real resolution is "development complete", which leaves me flat.

[Catherine · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read it for yourself:
http://www.tor.com/2013/11/13/feature...

[Nadine in NY Jones · Rating 5 out of 5]

NAILED IT

http://www.tor.com/2013/11/13/feature...

[Maggie Gordon · Rating 3 out of 5]

I laughed and maybe cried at a bit at this both hilarious, but not particularly hyperbolic description of how the social media generation would act during a zombie apocalypse. The short is told through email and status conversations, one between feature developers at Facebook trying to decide how to implement a zombie tagging feature, and the other between a group of individuals trying to prepare for the coming quarantines, but making dozens of poor choices along the way. My one critique is that the narrative ends rather suddenly without much feeling of a denouement, but otherwise it's a short, hilarious commentary on zombies and technology.

[Brandon · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read this off the tor.com website. It was interesting and probably far too true to what would be real life for its own good, haha. I was just a bit thrown off by the format, and while it worked without backstory, it took me a bit to get in. While I didn't really relate to the characters, I don't think I was supposed to--it was more a commentary on office culture and social networking than anything else. 2.5 stars because I wasn't riveted or invested, but it was still great writing and social commentary.

[M Sabet · Rating 5 out of 5]

عالی، عالی. به خصوص به جامعه‌ی فیسبوک‌‌نشین ما که بدجور می‌چسبه. بعد از مدتی ییهو یه‌چی میخونی تو رسته‌ی ادبیات ژانر که خوبه و سرش به تنش می‌ارزه، خعلی حس خوبی داره.
داستان در مورد برخورد شبکه‌های مجازی و اعضاش با یه اتفاق فراگیر و البته خطرناک مثل شیوع بیماری زامبی‌هاست. حدود ۲۴ ساعت رو شامل میشه و از دو مسیر هم روایت میشه:
۱- ایمیل‌های رد و بدل شده بین یه تیم توسعه‌دهنده‌ی قابلیتی برای فیس‌بوک
۲- پست‌های یک گروه از دوستان در همون شبکه‌ی اجتماعی

[Nofuture · Rating 3 out of 5]

Raz nás tí zombíci fakt dostanú a potom ... začnú vypisovať na tie fejsbúky, instagramy a podobne. Nuž a poskytovatelia týchto služieb sa s tým budú musieť nejako vyrovnať a prispôsobiť sa. Toto je jeden z príkladov, ako by to mohlo fungovať. Zaujímavé čítanie, miestami aj celkom zábavné, ale kto očakáva nejaký zombie survival, nech hľadá inde.

[Zuky the BookBum · Rating 3 out of 5]

Clever and interesting short story but not exactly what I'd call a horror. More of a comedy in my opinion.

Embarrassingly close to what would probably happen if a zombie apocalypse broke out...

Artwork is damn creepy though!

[Grzegorz · Rating 4 out of 5]

Enjoyed it a lot.
Really nice capture of software development culture with a lovely twist.
If CDC could do deal with zombies, why not Facebook? :)
A big stamp of approval, from this software developer.

[Erin (PT) · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is one of those short stories that just has to be read; anything I say about it would either be inadequate or give away that which should be read. Excellent combination of the horrible and the humorous.

[Amy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Funny story on social networking during the zombie apocalypse. Seriously, though, this would never happen...at least not for very long. The power grid will be the first thing to go...

[Derek]

A funny but believable story about just how the "zombie apocalypse" might start.

[Alex Sarll]

Answering a question I had never thought to ask - how would Facebook respond to a zombie outbreak (assuming the power stayed on because otherwise the joke crumbles)?

[Ярослава · Rating 5 out of 5]

Zombies and social media are two great tastes that taste great together, as Mira Grant's Feed trilogy amply demonstrated. Epistolary FB zombies FTW!

[Heidi Olivia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Awesome!!!!
I would tag everyone - for this story, not for the other thing.

[Jay · Rating 4 out of 5]

32 pages.

32 awesome pages.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars.

Review to come!

[Carola · Rating 3 out of 5]

Was going to give it three stars. Then imagined names of friends and colleagues in place of Rosenbaum's names. Then realised Rosenbaum is spot on. Shrugged, gave it four stars.

[Oryx · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.70.5