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Alias: Mitzi & Mack
A Laugh Out Loud Drama of a Modern Screwball Comedy—like an It Happened One Night with a racier plot line and a razor sharp assessment of love, lust, and marriage, plus funny money making in the iPhone era.The crazy world that is South Florida provides the setting for one of the best bookclub books, with characters you’ll love and despise, bringing to life a story for grownups that will raise the question—could this happen? (Hint—yup.)Shirley and Stanley Nowack retired to West Sago Beach, Florida, expecting to live out their lives playing mah-jongg and golf in the warm sunshine.Cue the worst recession since the 1930s. Their already meager investments haven’t rebounded. Determined not to spend their remaining years dumpster diving and sleeping in parks, they find jobs. Menial ones. They’re over 70 and fortunate to get those.But bad luck and trouble soon pummel them into desperation. Add in their control-freak daughter’s and Don Juan son’s problems, and they’re on a hilarious collision course with disaster.This rule-following, white bread, and average couple hatch a scheme to save their home and return them to days of leisure. There’s just one eensy problem. If they’re caught, they’ll go to jail.What could possibly go wrong?
444 pages, Paperback
First published October 14, 2013
7 people are currently reading
9 people want to read
About the author
Victoria Landis
7 books10 followersVictoria Landis is an author, editor, and artist. A 16-year member, and former board member, of Mystery Writers of America, she Co-Chaired the SleuthFest Writers' Conference from 2015-2018.
She's taught writing craft and cover design at the Alvin Sherman Library at Nova Southeastern University, the Authors' Academy at Murder on the Beach in Delray Beach, FL, and at SleuthFest.
Her newest novel, JORDAN, is the story of a modern-day miracle and how it's received in the current era of viral social media, as well as a cautionary tale of human nature and how it hasn't changed in thousands of years.
She's taught writing craft and cover design at the Alvin Sherman Library at Nova Southeastern University, the Authors' Academy at Murder on the Beach in Delray Beach, FL, and at SleuthFest.
Her newest novel, JORDAN, is the story of a modern-day miracle and how it's received in the current era of viral social media, as well as a cautionary tale of human nature and how it hasn't changed in thousands of years.
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Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews
October 18, 2016
SPOILER ALERT!
I loved this story and got real passionate in my review, so....if you love a caper that will make you laugh out loud, pick this up. It's kinda Jennifer Cruisie meets geriatrics. And if spoilers ain't your thang, STOP READING THIS REVIEW RIGHT NOW till you're finished the novel - then come back and chat :)
Now:
Is it okay for me to want people to read this book not because it’s a cool story (because it is) but more because I want them to share in a bitch-fest with me about The Character Who I Hate? Or, better yet, because I want them to actually *like* The Character Who I Hate just so I can then argue with them, present 65,000 reasons why this bitch belongs in a body bag?
So…here we have Shirley and Stanley, a retired couple in their 70’s. Their investments are rapidly tanking then disappear altogether with the help of a shyster. They are penniless but Stanley, who still has a little pride, picks up a couple menial jobs (although they rapidly go nowhere). Shirley, meantime, staunchly refuses to even consider giving up their Condo Among The Cotton Tops yet resents the hell out of looking for a job too (“You mean I have to *work*? ::pouts:: I haven’t done that in *years*!)
Oh, Shirley. How I loathe every molecule of your Spartan, sensible, skinny existence. You, my dear, suck (actually, no you *don’t* suck. And that, toots, is a part of the problem). Why does ultra-cool Dora even hang out with you?!
But I digress….
Shirley lucks out when a gay couple who operate a high-end lingerie shop hire her and, overhearing the clientele, she rapidly learns that there are some extremely wealthy—and extremely lonely—women in her age bracket, women who are willing to pay for a little lovin’. With dollar signs in her eyes, Shirley hatches a scheme to pimp out her handsome husband.
Oo-kay….props for self-sufficiency. Props too for being inventive. Except there has never been a pimp in the history of pimpdom who is more uptight than Shirley (pimp alias Mitzi). And there has never been a more reluctant whore than Stanley (aka: Mack).
Let the games begin.
Poor Stanley. And no, I am not being sarcastic. I felt for Mack. I was squeamish when he was squeamish, having to get naked with all these, fat, needy, vulgarly rich women. But, as the story progressed, I was also sensitive when Mack was sensitive, when he began (and it did not take him long) to see these women as human beings, people who just wanted to feel loved and wanted and worthy. Women who were so sad and lonely that they’d do things like steal his keys just to extend their appointment—and not because they wanted more sex, but because they just wanted someone to…”Have dinner with me.”
That’s sweet. That’s sad.
Shirley’s take on this, however….Not so sweet. Not so sad. When this stiff-necked, we-do-it-in-the-dark-I’ve-never-been-on-top-in-my-life, skinny little prig (Oh! I see you found that stick! Isn’t it hard to sit?) isn’t scheming ways to get Mack to take on even more appointments, she’s shrieking at him like a shrew because he ‘took too long with this appointment’ or ‘what were you *doing* during *that* appointment?’
Shirley, are you on glue?
Exactly what in the hell did you *think* would happen? Did you think that having sex with someone was like taking your car to the mechanic to have your oil changed? Is that what sex has always been like for *you*?
That’s cold, baby.
In fact, by the time Catherine Von Cletan becomes Mack’s client I wanted to bitch-slap Shirley much like Cher did to Nicolas Cage in Moonstruck: “Get over it!” ’Cause WTF, lady? YOU nagged him until he peddled his penis. YOU dragged him to the Doc for the humiliation of boner pills and a penis pump. YOU book him so many clients that even a 20 year old stud would have a hard time getting it up.
And now you’re mad?!
Jesus wept. It was enough to make me want to take to my bed—and not because I had the vapors and required repose. More because my bed is where I do the best plotting of murders and I seriously wanted Shirley to die. And not painlessly. I wanted her to be diagnosed with one of those horrible diseases old people get. I wanted her lit on fire while she is dying. I wanted her eaten by cannibals as her flesh cooked.
Die, Shirley. Die.
’Cause HOW DARE YOU feel jealous? And how dare you feel ONLY jealousy? Shirley accuses Catherine Von Cletan of being shallow and yet it is *she* who has compromised not just Stanley’s integrity, pride, and self-worth—she’s done the same to their marriage. And not only that, but throughout this whole escapade, the only smidgeon of empathy she feels for her husband is that he has to get naked with fat women.
Baby, that’s not just cold. That’s cold *and* shallow. Think mud puddle. With frogs.
Shirley wonders why her grown children are such neurotic, insufferable douche-bags. Because of YOU, Shirley. Because of YOU.
Shirley also fancies herself morally superior to rich-bitch Catherine.
She truly is on glue.
Catherine, who Shirley calls a ‘lard-ass bitch’ ROCKS. This woman, over-fed, overweight, over-indulged, maintains her pride by being up front that she *has no pride*—none at all. She knows she can only satiate her need for sex by paying for it. She is aware that no one has ever been in love with her—and so she pays Mack to generate this illusion, all while knowing full well that it *is* an illusion. Is she shallow? Oh, hell no. She is strong yet utterly fragile. Vulnerable yet deeply flawed. That she gives Mack extra money just to buy her flowers before each tryst is so sweetly pathetic that it breaks your heart. Catherine’s character arc is fabulous; as she falls for her gigolo she rediscovers herself and, in going from fat to fabulous, she emerges as a voluptuous femme fatale. My favorite scene is when she struts into the baby-cum-sex-store wearing her cinch-waisted dress, sunglasses, and sexy sunhat. She is beautiful. And when she falls to her knees, gives Mack what she has been paying him to give her? That’s HOT. Then she clicks out on expensive heels, dismissing ‘Mitzi’ with nary a glance—but wearing a smug smile.
EPIC.
Screw you, Mitzi. Die, Shirley.
Okay….I can’t go any further without spoilers, but here’s the thing: This novel made me laugh, made me think, and royally pissed me off. I LOVED it and it is an easy 4 ½ Stars. Why knock off a half-star? Because this sat on my to-be-read shelf way too long due to me being lazy and not reading the back-jacket, looking only at the front cover and being misguided, by the image there, into thinking it was a middle-school novel (I thought the item in the jeans pocket was a ball cap, not a bra).
Read this! Then come at me with all the ways you think Shirley is sympathetic.
I dare you.
I loved this story and got real passionate in my review, so....if you love a caper that will make you laugh out loud, pick this up. It's kinda Jennifer Cruisie meets geriatrics. And if spoilers ain't your thang, STOP READING THIS REVIEW RIGHT NOW till you're finished the novel - then come back and chat :)
Now:
Is it okay for me to want people to read this book not because it’s a cool story (because it is) but more because I want them to share in a bitch-fest with me about The Character Who I Hate? Or, better yet, because I want them to actually *like* The Character Who I Hate just so I can then argue with them, present 65,000 reasons why this bitch belongs in a body bag?
So…here we have Shirley and Stanley, a retired couple in their 70’s. Their investments are rapidly tanking then disappear altogether with the help of a shyster. They are penniless but Stanley, who still has a little pride, picks up a couple menial jobs (although they rapidly go nowhere). Shirley, meantime, staunchly refuses to even consider giving up their Condo Among The Cotton Tops yet resents the hell out of looking for a job too (“You mean I have to *work*? ::pouts:: I haven’t done that in *years*!)
Oh, Shirley. How I loathe every molecule of your Spartan, sensible, skinny existence. You, my dear, suck (actually, no you *don’t* suck. And that, toots, is a part of the problem). Why does ultra-cool Dora even hang out with you?!
But I digress….
Shirley lucks out when a gay couple who operate a high-end lingerie shop hire her and, overhearing the clientele, she rapidly learns that there are some extremely wealthy—and extremely lonely—women in her age bracket, women who are willing to pay for a little lovin’. With dollar signs in her eyes, Shirley hatches a scheme to pimp out her handsome husband.
Oo-kay….props for self-sufficiency. Props too for being inventive. Except there has never been a pimp in the history of pimpdom who is more uptight than Shirley (pimp alias Mitzi). And there has never been a more reluctant whore than Stanley (aka: Mack).
Let the games begin.
Poor Stanley. And no, I am not being sarcastic. I felt for Mack. I was squeamish when he was squeamish, having to get naked with all these, fat, needy, vulgarly rich women. But, as the story progressed, I was also sensitive when Mack was sensitive, when he began (and it did not take him long) to see these women as human beings, people who just wanted to feel loved and wanted and worthy. Women who were so sad and lonely that they’d do things like steal his keys just to extend their appointment—and not because they wanted more sex, but because they just wanted someone to…”Have dinner with me.”
That’s sweet. That’s sad.
Shirley’s take on this, however….Not so sweet. Not so sad. When this stiff-necked, we-do-it-in-the-dark-I’ve-never-been-on-top-in-my-life, skinny little prig (Oh! I see you found that stick! Isn’t it hard to sit?) isn’t scheming ways to get Mack to take on even more appointments, she’s shrieking at him like a shrew because he ‘took too long with this appointment’ or ‘what were you *doing* during *that* appointment?’
Shirley, are you on glue?
Exactly what in the hell did you *think* would happen? Did you think that having sex with someone was like taking your car to the mechanic to have your oil changed? Is that what sex has always been like for *you*?
That’s cold, baby.
In fact, by the time Catherine Von Cletan becomes Mack’s client I wanted to bitch-slap Shirley much like Cher did to Nicolas Cage in Moonstruck: “Get over it!” ’Cause WTF, lady? YOU nagged him until he peddled his penis. YOU dragged him to the Doc for the humiliation of boner pills and a penis pump. YOU book him so many clients that even a 20 year old stud would have a hard time getting it up.
And now you’re mad?!
Jesus wept. It was enough to make me want to take to my bed—and not because I had the vapors and required repose. More because my bed is where I do the best plotting of murders and I seriously wanted Shirley to die. And not painlessly. I wanted her to be diagnosed with one of those horrible diseases old people get. I wanted her lit on fire while she is dying. I wanted her eaten by cannibals as her flesh cooked.
Die, Shirley. Die.
’Cause HOW DARE YOU feel jealous? And how dare you feel ONLY jealousy? Shirley accuses Catherine Von Cletan of being shallow and yet it is *she* who has compromised not just Stanley’s integrity, pride, and self-worth—she’s done the same to their marriage. And not only that, but throughout this whole escapade, the only smidgeon of empathy she feels for her husband is that he has to get naked with fat women.
Baby, that’s not just cold. That’s cold *and* shallow. Think mud puddle. With frogs.
Shirley wonders why her grown children are such neurotic, insufferable douche-bags. Because of YOU, Shirley. Because of YOU.
Shirley also fancies herself morally superior to rich-bitch Catherine.
She truly is on glue.
Catherine, who Shirley calls a ‘lard-ass bitch’ ROCKS. This woman, over-fed, overweight, over-indulged, maintains her pride by being up front that she *has no pride*—none at all. She knows she can only satiate her need for sex by paying for it. She is aware that no one has ever been in love with her—and so she pays Mack to generate this illusion, all while knowing full well that it *is* an illusion. Is she shallow? Oh, hell no. She is strong yet utterly fragile. Vulnerable yet deeply flawed. That she gives Mack extra money just to buy her flowers before each tryst is so sweetly pathetic that it breaks your heart. Catherine’s character arc is fabulous; as she falls for her gigolo she rediscovers herself and, in going from fat to fabulous, she emerges as a voluptuous femme fatale. My favorite scene is when she struts into the baby-cum-sex-store wearing her cinch-waisted dress, sunglasses, and sexy sunhat. She is beautiful. And when she falls to her knees, gives Mack what she has been paying him to give her? That’s HOT. Then she clicks out on expensive heels, dismissing ‘Mitzi’ with nary a glance—but wearing a smug smile.
EPIC.
Screw you, Mitzi. Die, Shirley.
Okay….I can’t go any further without spoilers, but here’s the thing: This novel made me laugh, made me think, and royally pissed me off. I LOVED it and it is an easy 4 ½ Stars. Why knock off a half-star? Because this sat on my to-be-read shelf way too long due to me being lazy and not reading the back-jacket, looking only at the front cover and being misguided, by the image there, into thinking it was a middle-school novel (I thought the item in the jeans pocket was a ball cap, not a bra).
Read this! Then come at me with all the ways you think Shirley is sympathetic.
I dare you.
September 22, 2015
Alias: Mitzi & Mack is a wonderfully entertaining story, a well constructed, fast paced screwball comedy that is reminiscent of such classics as "It Happened One Night", "Some Like It Hot" and "The Philadelphia Story" but with a racier plot line and a razor sharp assessment of love, lust, marriage and money in the iPhone era.
Ms. Landis is in control of the story from beginning to end, weaving characters and story lines effectively and effortlessly, creating a wonderful tension that had me totally invested and more than a bit concerned about the fate of Stanley and Shirley Nowack, a happily married retired couple living comfortably in Florida until their finances take a terrible turn for the worse and they are forced to veer off the straight and narrow road in a desperate attempt to hold on to all they've worked, scrimped and sacrificed for.
Alias: Mitzi & Mack is often laugh out loud funny with a menagerie of well drawn characters and supporting players and dialog that crackles. Once the wheels are set in motion, this book becomes a true page turner. It would make a terrific film. For me, there is nothing more fun and exciting than discovering a new artist, musician or in this case, author and believe me, Victoria Landis is a gifted, funny, immensely talented writer who deserves a wider audience and recognition.
So here's my recommendation. Give Victoria Landis and "Alias: Mitzi & Mack" a shot. You'll be glad you did.
Ms. Landis is in control of the story from beginning to end, weaving characters and story lines effectively and effortlessly, creating a wonderful tension that had me totally invested and more than a bit concerned about the fate of Stanley and Shirley Nowack, a happily married retired couple living comfortably in Florida until their finances take a terrible turn for the worse and they are forced to veer off the straight and narrow road in a desperate attempt to hold on to all they've worked, scrimped and sacrificed for.
Alias: Mitzi & Mack is often laugh out loud funny with a menagerie of well drawn characters and supporting players and dialog that crackles. Once the wheels are set in motion, this book becomes a true page turner. It would make a terrific film. For me, there is nothing more fun and exciting than discovering a new artist, musician or in this case, author and believe me, Victoria Landis is a gifted, funny, immensely talented writer who deserves a wider audience and recognition.
So here's my recommendation. Give Victoria Landis and "Alias: Mitzi & Mack" a shot. You'll be glad you did.
June 12, 2015
This book a treasure. The cover promises a caper, and I imagined something along the line of the movie "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels." What I got was infinitely better. Landis has an ability to observe human beings and her observations have paid off with some startling characters. Yes, there is a Don Juan with a mid-life crisis, but Landis takes us inside his head in such a way that we will never look at Don Juan's the same way again. One of my favorite characters is Agnes, the septuagenerian artist with an international reputation. (Can I be her when I grow up, please?)
And let's not forget "Mitzi" and "Mack" the aliases of the main characters. Other reviewers have given complete plot spoilers, but I don't want to do that. These two characters have the greatest story arc ever, from ho-hum boring retired people to grifters of a certain kind to.... well, you have to find out. But most of all this story is a love story. All about every kind of love, including love as a commodity. A story with characters you will want to revisit more than once, so don't give your copy away when you're done!
And let's not forget "Mitzi" and "Mack" the aliases of the main characters. Other reviewers have given complete plot spoilers, but I don't want to do that. These two characters have the greatest story arc ever, from ho-hum boring retired people to grifters of a certain kind to.... well, you have to find out. But most of all this story is a love story. All about every kind of love, including love as a commodity. A story with characters you will want to revisit more than once, so don't give your copy away when you're done!
March 20, 2014
A great humorous story of two senior citizens, Shirley and Stanley, using sex to earn extra money for retirement in the wacky world of south Florida.
I loved it.
I loved it.
April 13, 2020
Solid storytelling and a fun concept: Imagine a financial advisor steals your retirement nest egg and leaves for parts unknown. It happens to an older couple living on the poorer side of a Florida beach town, and now they can't afford to stay put. Luckily though "Mac" looks like Harrison Ford and his equipment is still functional as "Mitzi" will attest. With so many rich older women in town, surely there is a solution to their financial problem. Nothing can go wrong, right?
I enjoyed the story and its setting (I live in Florida). Secondary characters were hard for me to remember, and indeed interchangeable in some respects, but the primary ones are more than sufficient to carry the story. The plot is a bit far-fetched, but what caricature isn't? We've all met Florida people very much like the ones featured.
I rate this book a 4.0, based on the FCP book review standard. Priced at $3.99 on Amazon Kindle, it's a good entertainment value.
(Disclosure: I bought a signed copy at Murder on the Beach Mystery Bookstore - Delray Beach)
I enjoyed the story and its setting (I live in Florida). Secondary characters were hard for me to remember, and indeed interchangeable in some respects, but the primary ones are more than sufficient to carry the story. The plot is a bit far-fetched, but what caricature isn't? We've all met Florida people very much like the ones featured.
I rate this book a 4.0, based on the FCP book review standard. Priced at $3.99 on Amazon Kindle, it's a good entertainment value.
(Disclosure: I bought a signed copy at Murder on the Beach Mystery Bookstore - Delray Beach)
Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews