It took me a long time to read this, through no fault of the author. I just...sort of let real life get in the way and at the same time had a love/hate relationship with this story. I'm giving it four stars, because in general it was a great dramatic tale, full of raw pain and anguish, exactly what would come from losing a boyfriend to suicide. I empathized with Sarah because the girl could not catch a break. Here's what I loved about this book: Sarah perseveres in spite of everything. She does not understand why her boyfriend chose to leave her the way he did, and the fact that she hangs on as long as she does is impressive. There were times when the prose was quite poetic; and every word dripped with raw, unflinching agony. Sarah really goes through some shit in this story and you have to give her credit for putting up with it for such a lengthy amount of time.
And then there's the hate: I really, really, despised most of the people in Sarah's life. Her mother is a bipolar, unsympathetic bitch, her father is a flake, her best friend (oh, don't even get me started on her) and then there's all the other uncaring, dehumanizing jerks who threaten to beat Sarah's spirit into submission as she already struggles to get over the death of the person she loved most in her life. She has no sense of self-esteem except for what Ryan gave her, and she gets absolutely no leeway from anyone for feeling confused, ostracized, and completely awful after Ryan commits suicide. The only character who is even a remotely good, caring person is Bobby, Sarah's bratty little brother, who manages to get her in trouble but redeems himself repeatedly with genuine concern. I won't post any spoilers, but it isn't hard to guess why Sarah goes down a road to ruin with these kinds of people surrounding her, and I found myself hoping the story would take a dark turn and she would murder her mother in her sleep or something. Alas, it was truly a tale that reminded me of how shitty it can be to be a teenager. Thank God we have the ability, after a certain age, to choose our family and say Fuck You to the rest who don't measure up.