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Dating While Feminist
Victoria Young is dating in her thirties and increasingly uncomfortable with the experiences available to her despite what the movies of her youth had promised. This is the life of a fat woman navigating the world of sex and dating as a feminist inescapably living in a patriarchy. If her debut collection Love Poems For Butchers was about the struggle to get men to view her as a person, Dating While Feminist is a meditation on the struggle to get men to be interesting and fun (and failing that, at least sexually satisfying). From bad first dates to taking charge of her own sexual liberation, Young’s stories track one feminist’s journey from intellectually knowing the truth about what she deserves to unabashedly practicing it in real life. She goes on dates with three different men named Andy, has period sex with an Olympic champion, finds sexual liberation with an old fling she hasn’t seen in nearly a decade, is betrayed by a new lover, finds out that just because you believe something doesn’t make it true, and much more. Humorous and raw, Dating While Feministexposes both the joys and the brutality of living in a man’s world as a (fat) woman.
The uproarious and poignant essays in this collection draw on the scathing, wildly candid, and hilarious particulars of Young’s life as she navigates sexual liberation in a fatphobic, sexist world. Dating While Feminist is Young at her most honest, relatable, and unflinching.
The uproarious and poignant essays in this collection draw on the scathing, wildly candid, and hilarious particulars of Young’s life as she navigates sexual liberation in a fatphobic, sexist world. Dating While Feminist is Young at her most honest, relatable, and unflinching.
252 pages, Paperback
Published January 1, 2023
25 people want to read
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February 4, 2025
I don't know how I found out about this book but I'm glad I bought it. It's raw and needs some editing, but give it a read if you like a ranty sex memoir. A good read if you're in need of something funny to comisserate with in regards to the modern dating landscape. She's also good at talking about how desire waxes and wanes within the same enounter, the ways we (women?) often try to trick ourselves into having a good time:
"There was another layer to it as well. I didn’t want a man to lick my pussy, to make me cum, because I’d asked him to, and he’d acquiesced. If he wasn’t drooling for it, if he wasn’t absolutely falling all over himself just to get his mouth on my pussy as fast as possible, then I didn’t really want him to. Then, of course, I didn’t really want him, but if I never asked, I’d never have to know."
She has standards but doesn't always stick to them, so sometimes it's a frustrating read. I found myself thinking: "Why are you doing this to yourself!!!" on occasion. It has a happy ending though so it's all well in the end. Would recommend.
"There was another layer to it as well. I didn’t want a man to lick my pussy, to make me cum, because I’d asked him to, and he’d acquiesced. If he wasn’t drooling for it, if he wasn’t absolutely falling all over himself just to get his mouth on my pussy as fast as possible, then I didn’t really want him to. Then, of course, I didn’t really want him, but if I never asked, I’d never have to know."
She has standards but doesn't always stick to them, so sometimes it's a frustrating read. I found myself thinking: "Why are you doing this to yourself!!!" on occasion. It has a happy ending though so it's all well in the end. Would recommend.
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