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The Book That THEY Do Not Want You To Read Part 1

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Jethro Postlethwaite had never kept a diary before.
Then again, he’d never been kidnapped, locked in a dark cell and tortured before.
And he’d never experienced someone else’s memories…
…or had nanites injected into his eyes…
…and then there was the fact that he’d uncovered the truth about the lives of every man, woman and child on the planet…
…oh, of course, there was the little matter of being on the run from THEM…
…in a camper van.
And he’d never been to Peterhead.
So keeping a diary seemed like a pretty good idea…just like giving a lift to an alien did…

206 pages, Kindle Edition

First published February 20, 2013

13 people want to read

About the author

Andy Ritchie

5 books13 followers
Andy Ritchie (who writes under his Sunday name of Andrew) lives a relatively unremarkable life with his long-suffering wife, Wendy, his two inordinately expensive-to-keep daughters, Kayleigh and Emily, and the ghost of their recently deceased three-legged cat, Burt.
They live in a well-appointed detached house on the outskirts of the occasionally exciting former cotton-mill town of Darwen in Lancashire, which remarkably was never actually mentioned in the Domesday Book.

Andy is fifty years old but remains (in his own eyes at least) fairly ‘hip’ and ‘cool’ on the basis that he owns an iPod, can use Facebook, has completed Halo, and knows who George Ezra is.
In addition to becoming a published author, published poet and published photographer, he also has an ambition to experience a mid-life crisis before he is fifty-two, if only because most of his friends appear to have had one and he feels a little left out when they are being discussed at parties.

Andy's first books, The Book That THEY Do Not Want You To Read, Parts 1-3), were published as e-books in 2013 and were positively received, with many reviewers likening his work to that of the late, great Douglas Adams. A subsequent book of short stories, entitled God, Aliens, Death & Teapots, was also published as an e-book and was spectacularly unsuccessful. Unperturbed, Andy has recently published his latest work, Red Plus Zone, both as an e-book and, excitingly, in paperback. It's a long way from his first foray into print, a very small article published in Trail Magazine about how he once climbed to the top of a mountain called Merrick.

As well as writing, Andy enjoys photography, films, hill-walking and reading. When he's not writing or climbing hills, Andy can be found leafing through the novels by some of his favourite authors, including Terry Pratchett and Ben Elton. He is currently working through the Gollancz SF Masterworks series.

Andy has never been accused of taking himself too seriously.

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Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews
Author 7 books47 followers
July 10, 2013
What has author Andy Ritchie done here, and who are THEY?

This question may not be entirely answered in Part 1, but I guarantee that you will want to purchase Part 2 as soon as you put down your electronic device! Granted, I haven't read Part 2 yet, but the same author writes it, so I expect the same fast-paced style, which includes English, (as in England) words, spellings, and occasional phrases. That didn't trip me up a bit, nor did it slow down the story.

Jethro Postlethwaite, yes his parents did name him after Jethro Tull, finds himself drinking tea, and eating biscuits at his kitchen table with an alien named Tukaal (pronounced 2-call). Seems quaint and cozy, but that soon ends when Jethro finds himself kidnapped by THEM. And we find ourselves asking who THEY are, and who the bad guys are, and no definitive answers are forthcoming. So we keep reading - quickly!

It seems that Tukaal's alien Confederation would like to bring planet earth under their wing, but the plan has been postponed, and the reasons for that postponement are not entirely clear. It is clear that THEY want to thwart the plans, but THEY need information, and THEY are not against torturing Tukaal or Jethro to get it.

However you read it, you're in for a ride, which doesn't slow till you tap on the last page only to find that -OMG! - I have to purchase Part 2 to find out what happens next. I am pretty much against the idea of sequels, prequels, part deux, or any other form thereof, but I'll make an exception in this case. If you like, Science Fiction, and enjoy a good thriller, I highly recommend this book.

Thank you Andy Ritchie, for the great 48-hour entertainment! Now back to Amazon for Part 2!

J.E. Rogers, Author, The Sword of Demelza
Profile Image for John Needham.
Author 8 books17 followers
July 26, 2014
Yes, I agree with the first reviewer on Amazon UK of (concise version) THEY: it does remind you somewhat of the anarchic, wry wit of Douglas Adams. And that’s quite a recommendation. Although the author certainly doesn’t lazily ape another hugely successful writer’s style. This is Andy Richie writing and no one else. He has a highly individual voice that’s entirely his own.

I also agree that his characterisation is excellent – even Tukaal (is that a slightly rude play on words, like Dylan Thomas’s Llareggub, one wonders?) the alien. That’s because, rather than rush breathlessly along in frenetic mile-a-minute plot (it’s actually fairly sedate), the author allows plenty of dialogue, not to mention philosophical musings from protagonist Jethro, for the characters to develop.

And this certainly isn’t your average sci-fi fare, wherein you’re asked to totally suspend disbelief; it’s much smarter than that. In fact, it’s grounded very much on Planet Earth, in prosaic locations in the north of England, a little after the style of Wallace and Gromit, with many insights into the shortcomings of Homo Sapiens.

Introducing himself, named as Andy Richie, into the proceedings as a sort of ‘editor,’ was clever too, I thought, giving two layers of first-person narration.

But most importantly, the author met the first requirement of any storytelling; he piqued my interest. I always craved to know what happened next. So yes; I too will just have to read parts 2 and 3 now.

Congratulations Mr Richie; you done exceedingly good. And I’ll forgive you the typos, intentional or otherwise!
Author 11 books4 followers
December 18, 2013
I picked this book up from an author interview with Andy Ritchie on Indie Author Land. The reason it caught my attention was his description of the kind of readers it would appeal to: "Well, the first two people to review my book both drew parallels with Douglas Adams which, from my perspective, is fantastic, not only because I am a HUGE fan, but also because that style of humour is something I really like and something which (I hope) has made its way into what I have written."

Written in a diary-style with extra annotation from the collator, Andy most certainly delivers. With a few typos (that leave you wondering if they are there deliberately to lend more credence to this being collated from a hastily written account of the action), newspaper cuttings and even some post-it notes, you're in for a fun read.

Andy leads you into a necessarily dark section when the hapless JP is kidnapped by THEM, and then out the other side, leaving you wanting more. YOU will need to buy the second book to see what happens later to THEM, so be prepared.
Profile Image for Matthew Perryman.
3 reviews1 follower
April 11, 2014
I came across Andy through Linkedin actually, he was conducting some research and we got talking and he introduced me to this small series.
I have been reading it during my lunch breaks at work and my word.

I love a decent Sci-Fi, however they always tend to be extremely serious and gritty or extremely over the top, this beautiful book however seems to lie in that perfect blace between the too, there are moments where you feel the pain of Jethro Postlewhaite (one of the protagonists) and there will be points where you will be smiling to yourself as you understand everything he is going through, his thoughts his feelisng,s you will identify with him

Now the first book will only answer some of the question so when you have finished, get the rest of the series as soon as possible!
Profile Image for Chantelle Atkins.
Author 44 books78 followers
September 9, 2014
Not my usual kind of thing, but I really enjoyed this book. It's witty, fast-paced and full of action. I like the way the author presents the story; it is the author himself who has been handed the diary, the book THEY do not want anyone to read. Once I started reading I was quickly drawn into the unassuming world of the protagonist Jethro, who unexpectedly meets an alien one evening, finds himself drawn into a dangerous and mysterious situation and ends up running for his life. By the end of the book I was keen for more, and will certainly be downloading Part Two. Different, and i enjoyed it from start to finish.
Profile Image for Gee Liz Reads.
149 reviews5 followers
July 29, 2021
I received a free copy of TBTTDNWYTR Part 1 for an honest review. I also want to give you a heads up that Andrew Ritchie is actually my Uncle. My real uncle that is, not one of my parents friends who are not related AT ALL yet they, and your parents for that matter, insist that you call them Aunty or Uncle. I’ve told said Uncle that I’m going to be brutally honest when it comes to reading his books (which I always am whether anybody likes it or not) and, if I do insult him then future family gatherings may certainly be awkward for him but not at all for me.

The good news is… THIS BOOK IS ACTUALLY AMAZING, so family gatherings will continue to be free of any awkwardness (between myself and my Uncle at the very least anyway). Now, this isn’t the genre of book I would usually read but that’s why I do what I do, so then I can read and fall in love with new genre’s of books. First of all, it’s written in sort of a diary style format (you’ll understand ‘sort of’ when you read the book). It’s difficult to describe the genre of this book though. It is Sci-fi because, helloooo Aliens! but that’s really where the sci-fi stops as it is very much set on Planet Earth and is actually a really believable story; unlike most Sci-fi novels. Then I would say it’s got a bit of a kick to it like a thriller because helloooo adrenaline rush, holding my breath, anxiety butterflies, getaways, guns and torture AND, I would also categorise TBTTDNWYTR under classic British Comedy because boy oh boy, this book did have me in stitches at times.

I love that this book is set in England too as I read so many books that are set in America. Nothing wrong with America of course but seeing as I’m English and I live in England I relate a lot. For example, the book is set in my home town and parts are set in Manchester too so I know exactly where the characters are and can see it playing like a movie in front of my eyes. I also love how typically British the main character, Jethro Postlethwaite is – tea, biscuits, saying he’s fine when he really isn’t.

The clever thing is, Jethro is technically the author of this diary, it is just his friend Andy Ritchie who collates his work into something that makes sense. Jethro is a very real, very mundane character who a lot of people can probably relate to (no offence) but his mundane life changes dramatically when he decides to temporarily house the alien that just landed from outer space. Tukaal is the Alien in the story and I’m glad that his description resembles more of a The Rock / Vin Diesel kind of look compared to that of E.T or the extremely scary Aliens from the film Signs. He is such a likable character from the get go and I really enjoyed learning about is alien abilities as well as enjoying his character development as well as Jethro’s.

The story is realistic, funny, exciting and interesting but most importantly, it isn’t over. The abrupt ending of part one means I just HAVE to read part two and find out what happens to JP and Tukaal. The only worry I have is that Uncle Andy has acquired a 5 star review from part one and I just don’t know how it is possible for part two to be better. I mean is the sequel ever better? I can’t wait to find out!

Merged review:

I received a free copy of TBTTDNWYTR Part 1 for an honest review. I also want to give you a heads up that Andrew Ritchie is actually my Uncle. My real uncle that is, not one of my parents friends who are not related AT ALL yet they, and your parents for that matter, insist that you call them Aunty or Uncle. I’ve told said Uncle that I’m going to be brutally honest when it comes to reading his books (which I always am whether anybody likes it or not) and, if I do insult him then future family gatherings may certainly be awkward for him but not at all for me.

The good news is… THIS BOOK IS ACTUALLY AMAZING, so family gatherings will continue to be free of any awkwardness (between myself and my Uncle at the very least anyway). Now, this isn’t the genre of book I would usually read but that’s why I do what I do, so then I can read and fall in love with new genre’s of books. First of all, it’s written in sort of a diary style format (you’ll understand ‘sort of’ when you read the book). It’s difficult to describe the genre of this book though. It is Sci-fi because, helloooo Aliens! but that’s really where the sci-fi stops as it is very much set on Planet Earth and is actually a really believable story; unlike most Sci-fi novels. Then I would say it’s got a bit of a kick to it like a thriller because helloooo adrenaline rush, holding my breath, anxiety butterflies, getaways, guns and torture AND, I would also categorise TBTTDNWYTR under classic British Comedy because boy oh boy, this book did have me in stitches at times.

I love that this book is set in England too as I read so many books that are set in America. Nothing wrong with America of course but seeing as I’m English and I live in England I relate a lot. For example, the book is set in my home town and parts are set in Manchester too so I know exactly where the characters are and can see it playing like a movie in front of my eyes. I also love how typically British the main character, Jethro Postlethwaite is – tea, biscuits, saying he’s fine when he really isn’t.

The clever thing is, Jethro is technically the author of this diary, it is just his friend Andy Ritchie who collates his work into something that makes sense. Jethro is a very real, very mundane character who a lot of people can probably relate to (no offence) but his mundane life changes dramatically when he decides to temporarily house the alien that just landed from outer space. Tukaal is the Alien in the story and I’m glad that his description resembles more of a The Rock / Vin Diesel kind of look compared to that of E.T or the extremely scary Aliens from the film Signs. He is such a likable character from the get go and I really enjoyed learning about is alien abilities as well as enjoying his character development as well as Jethro’s.

The story is realistic, funny, exciting and interesting but most importantly, it isn’t over. The abrupt ending of part one means I just HAVE to read part two and find out what happens to JP and Tukaal. The only worry I have is that Uncle Andy has acquired a 5 star review from part one and I just don’t know how it is possible for part two to be better. I mean is the sequel ever better? I can’t wait to find out!
Profile Image for April Ames.
Author 5 books28 followers
September 29, 2014
***EDITED after speaking with the author who was kind enough to address my critiques and explain them. I have never edited a review before and the author DID NOT request/suggest that I do. I felt that in light of his explanations I should so I did.**

I give it 5 stars.

Jethro Postlethwaite finds himself face to face with an alien while taking photos in the countryside. What should have been a simple ride across town with said alien turns out to be much more, ruining Jethro's cozy existence and plunging him into a life on the run. It's a series so there is no tidy ending but it does leave you wanting more. I've already purchased Part 2.

The reason for the lower rating is the amount of typos in the book. One good re-read by the author or a beta reader would clear that up, and I expect a clean book when I purchase from an indie author. **EDIT: The typos were added to lend credibility to the fact that it is a diary and would likely have typos. That makes sense.**

The story is super original. The diary format is imaginative and fresh, though I felt that the collator's notes were jarring and pulled me out of the story at times. That may have been intentional, not sure. Sometimes it drifted into reading like a technical book instead of a story or an account. The book is still very good in spite of that. If you like stories about aliens that aren't too cliche, then this book is for you!

What I really liked and was surprised by was the occasional internal struggle that JP experiences at different points along his journey. We get a glimpse of his backstory, fed a little at a time so as to not overwhelm the reader. I liked those moments the most.

I would have read the books simply because I'm a hard-core anglophile, but I'm happy I did for more than just that it's set in England. Run to the store and buy some McVities HobNobs, some good tea, and curl up with this book. If you're an American you'll notice many words are spelled differently. I liked that.

An issue I noticed is that several times the reader is told to reference Appendix A, but my ebook didn't have an Appendix A. I looked twice. I would have liked to see that.**EDIT: Appendix A was only included in Part 3, but the author will now include it in Part 1. Excellent!**

Ok, now I have to read part 2 to see what is in Jethro's neck!
Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews

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