The Prison Planet

by Craig Swartz

An ancient book is lost and then found, and its discovery sets in motion a family's quest that will last centuries, resulting in death, destruction and downright depression for everyone else. This family becomes the Guardians of the Earth and are the only ones who know of the truth of the Universe and Earth's destiny. Fate, however, plays its hand and disrupts the grand plan and now the true owners of the Book have decided to reclaim their property which may leave Earth's future hanging in the balance. Others, innocent of this whole plan become involved. Marlo and Vince Teller have just moved to Oregon from Ohio in a desperate search for some new meaning of their lives. Even after losing everything when their business failed, they persevered and retained some small hope that something good would eventually happen in their lives, that they still had time to help their autistic son Kyle cope with his own uncertain future. David Weatheridge, a down-and-out British journalist presently going through the motions of trying to keep his career afloat, would appear to be an unlikely candidate to do anything remotely connected with world salvation. But that is exactly where he finds himself when he encounters a trio of overly friendly auditors who coax him on a train bound for Oregon. Craig Swartz weaves an engaging and humorous tale that explores our origins and searches for an elusive answer to that one endlessly nagging question; why are we here? His otherworldly story involves all the aforementioned people and a cast of others who end up discussing and learning about aliens, autism, conspiracy, fear, greed, love, peace, philosophy, racism, reincarnation, spiritualism and war. It's been said that the journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step. This is the story of their first step.

509 pages, Paperback

First published January 15, 2013

About the author

Graduated from The Ohio State University in 1980 with a degree in Political Science. Traveled to Europe right after graduation and ended working in a factory in Munich for a year, then studied International Relations in Paris at an American school.

Married in 1985 to Camille Singerman and worked in Washington, D.C. for an international law firm setting up offshore corporations for wealthy clients. Transferred to London for two years doing the same kind of work; returned to Washington and then went to work for a client in the Arabian Gulf for the next seven years.

Returned to the U.S. and eventually bought a restaurant. Went broke. Started driving semis across the U.S., then a forklift at a factory. Now I substitute teach at a local trade school, sell life insurance and write in my spare time.

We have one son who is autistic and who has blessed our lives.

Reviews

[Alytha · Rating 1 out of 5]

Warning. This is going to be snarky. I don't want to write negative reviews. I don't read bad books on purpose just to do that. I have respect for everybody who dares to give their literary baby wings and set it loose upon the world. But there's really bad stuff out there, and unfortunately, this is one of them, and I do write honest reviews.

I thought the last book I got through the giveaways was pretty bad...I was wrong. This is far far worse. The fact that the author fired his editor should be a warning.

This book is like a high-speed collision of three different books: one is the story of a journalist, who meets three aliens who are supposed to audit the running of Earth as a Prison planet for unripe souls or something, and who want a journalist to publish their stuff to the world afterwards. This is the better part of the book. David behaves more or less like a normal human being, and he has a sense of humour. The aliens are a bit like those in Galaxy Quest, but well, they're aliens, so that's OK.

Then there's Marlo and Vincent and Kyle, and I still haven't got the slightest idea what they're doing in this story. Marlo is probably the most gullible person in the history of Earth, she will literally believe everything you tell her (example: your kid is autistic. You are given three possibilities: genetic fuck-up, dodgy vaccines, or your son's soul wanted to come back to Earth but something went wrong. Which one do you believe?). And then proceed to tell you her entire life's story, in every single detail. Even if you're a gigantic black hitchhiker she just picked up in a disreputable corner of town...Marlo and Vincent talk mostly in endless exposition, and sound like they should be running an esoteric call-in show on daytime TV. At some point I started skipping their chapters because they're really really terrible an pointless.

Third, there's a huge branching family of guys (no women involved, apparently), who were supposed to guard the evolution of the Earth but kinda slipped a bit and caused both world wars, accidentally. Oops. They mostly talk in gloating exposition like classic Bond-villains, but unfortunately not over the top enough to be funny.

The main problem here really is the writing style. In and of itself, the story could have been fun. I actually like these giant conspiracy theories (doesn't mean I believe in them, but they're fun). If the whole book had been in David's POV, this could have been much better. Unfortunately, the other characters just talk too much, in a very unnatural way, a bit like home shopping TV hosts crossed with fortune cookies and about ten years' worth of the Fortean Times ad section and Wikipedia.

So...sorry but that's my honest opinion. I'm sorry it wasn't better.

[Shadoshard · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wanted to like this book - I really did. The subject has a lot of potential but for the most part, it fell flat. It was extremely shallow. I knew what was coming from the very beginning and it lacked any sort of engaging complexity. There wasn't enough personality in the characters to like them very much and little in the way of growth for any of them. There's no tension or really decent pacing here. A journalist learns there's life on other planets and he treats it just like a job. The aliens tell him that ignoring the female aspect got the planet in trouble but the only ones capable of doing anything in the book are - that's right, male. And the one female in the story is not actually a good example. I have an autistic son - air head was not the direction I took in life in managing him. That part alone was frustrating. I think a good editor could have provided the necessary guidance to make this a good read.