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Broken Dreams: Journal of a Life Shattered by AIDS
Book by Wall, Keith A., Linamen, Karen Scalf
247 pages, Paperback
First published September 1, 1995
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May 16, 2024
THE JOURNAL OF A GAY MALE CHRISTIAN WHO ULTIMATELY DIED OF AIDS
Karen Scalf Linamen and Keith A. Wall wrote in the Preface to this 1995 book, “This is a true story based on the journals of one young man who lived a harrowing journey from darkness to light, from loneliness to love, from secrecy to sharing. Scott Cameron left a legacy of more than a dozen journals, spanning nearly fifteen years… From these detailed accounts, events and entire conversations have been reconstructed. Interviews with family and friends have filled in the gaps every further… Scott’s exact words reflect his struggles and his triumphs, his darkest secrets and his search for wholeness. The result? A portrayal that is as accurate as it is fast-moving and dramatic… It is our hope … that his story might encourage Christians everywhere regardless of the name of the dark secret with which they struggle: adultery, substance abuse, homosexuality, abortion, or a festering wound from an event of the past---rape, molestation, bereavement, betrayal. In the final analysis, we all hurt, don’t we? We all have sins, we all have wounds. Yet perhaps that’s the very thing that draws us closer to each other as well as to God, as we reach out from hearts that know firsthand what it’s like to hurt and lift one another in prayer to our Lord Jesus Christ, who bears scars of His own.”
They recount that while Scott was back in college, “at Joel’s house… five young Christian men---including Tony Lozano, Scott’s friend with UPS---had been meeting weekly to read the Bible, pray, and encourage one another.” (Pg. 76) “Scott couldn’t have been happier. The Christian fellowship he shared with Joel fed a longtime void in Scott’s soul… Sometimes they just sat and talked… That night began no differently… until something happened that cast a pall over the evening and threatened the entire relationship… ‘I had a good friend one,’ Joel shared. ‘He’s a Christian, but he’s an ex-gay… So one day he told me all about his past life and the desires he’d had. He told me everything… The friendship was never the same after that… I found myself always wondering if he was having those… kinds of feelings about me. It was a really scary thought. And I guess I just couldn’t deal with that.’ … And a little part of Scott died inside.” (Pg. 88-89)
Scott told Tony, “You know, I hate it when people say you can’t be a Christian and gay---because I’m convinced you can be. At the same time, I know I won’t be entirely happy until I’ve totally renounced the gay life and turned to God. But… I CAN’T. I have to examine and pursue this side of my life, or I’ll never really know who I am.” (Pg. 127)
Gary and Scott went to see a doctor: “Scott emerged, his face ashen… Gary nodded, wordless, but the message came through loud and clear. Yes, he’d been told. Gary knew that Scott had Karposi’s sarcoma, a rare form of cancer. And both men knew what that meant… AIDS… Scott looked up at Gary and said simply, ‘What are we going to do??’ Gary never answered. There simply weren’t any words that made sense at thot moment.” (Pg. 167)
Lauren told Scott, “It sounds to me like you’re lumping Christians all together in the same boat---just like some people lump gays all together. But I don’t think it’s that cut-and-dried… Look at your parents---they couldn’t be more supportive… We can’t accept your lifestyle… it’s destroying you, Scott. It’s wrong, and it’s destroying you. But we still love YOU. I know I still love you…” (Pg. 175)
At Scott’s Thursday night AIDS support group, “Scott … wondered what lay ahead in his own near future… ‘The worst part is the people who treat you like a leper,’ Jeff was saying. ‘They act like if I look at them, they’ll get it and die. If only they realized they were more dangerous to me than I am to them… I could die from a cold I get from them.’ ... Scott… just stared, the thoughts screaming inside his skull like a drill bit against metal: I feel like I’m finally learning to live. I don’t know how to die.” (Pg. 190-192)
Scott told Lauren, “I’ve got to say this, Lauren. I know I’ve always loved you… my feelings were all twisted up inside. But I never realizes how much I loved you until now, when you’ve given up everything for me… And I want you to know, Lauren. I’ve made a decision… If God heals me… we’re getting married. I want to marry you.” (Pg. 211-212)
Scott wrote in his journal, “For the first time, I’m finding myself almost glad that this has happened---isn’t that strange? Because of all of this, I’ve developed a close relationship with my family and learned to love them all the more. I’ve learned that I have Christian friends who really do love me, in good or bad times. And most importantly, I’m learning that, with God’s help, I can do so much more than I ever thought I could. These are hard times; it takes a lot of courage and determination to get through it all---and I still don’t have all the answers about my homosexuality and my future. But I really like the person that I’m becoming through all this.” (Pg. 216)
One of his final journal entries: “I realize now that it really isn’t that important to live 60 or 70 years… how we live is more important than how long we live. When it’s my time to go, I’ll be ready---God will see to that. And oh, with what joy will I embrace my advancement into Eternal Life and a home with One who, though I’ve never seen, has always loved me best.” (Pg. 229)
This book will be of great interest to Christians dealing with HIV/AIDS issues.
Karen Scalf Linamen and Keith A. Wall wrote in the Preface to this 1995 book, “This is a true story based on the journals of one young man who lived a harrowing journey from darkness to light, from loneliness to love, from secrecy to sharing. Scott Cameron left a legacy of more than a dozen journals, spanning nearly fifteen years… From these detailed accounts, events and entire conversations have been reconstructed. Interviews with family and friends have filled in the gaps every further… Scott’s exact words reflect his struggles and his triumphs, his darkest secrets and his search for wholeness. The result? A portrayal that is as accurate as it is fast-moving and dramatic… It is our hope … that his story might encourage Christians everywhere regardless of the name of the dark secret with which they struggle: adultery, substance abuse, homosexuality, abortion, or a festering wound from an event of the past---rape, molestation, bereavement, betrayal. In the final analysis, we all hurt, don’t we? We all have sins, we all have wounds. Yet perhaps that’s the very thing that draws us closer to each other as well as to God, as we reach out from hearts that know firsthand what it’s like to hurt and lift one another in prayer to our Lord Jesus Christ, who bears scars of His own.”
They recount that while Scott was back in college, “at Joel’s house… five young Christian men---including Tony Lozano, Scott’s friend with UPS---had been meeting weekly to read the Bible, pray, and encourage one another.” (Pg. 76) “Scott couldn’t have been happier. The Christian fellowship he shared with Joel fed a longtime void in Scott’s soul… Sometimes they just sat and talked… That night began no differently… until something happened that cast a pall over the evening and threatened the entire relationship… ‘I had a good friend one,’ Joel shared. ‘He’s a Christian, but he’s an ex-gay… So one day he told me all about his past life and the desires he’d had. He told me everything… The friendship was never the same after that… I found myself always wondering if he was having those… kinds of feelings about me. It was a really scary thought. And I guess I just couldn’t deal with that.’ … And a little part of Scott died inside.” (Pg. 88-89)
Scott told Tony, “You know, I hate it when people say you can’t be a Christian and gay---because I’m convinced you can be. At the same time, I know I won’t be entirely happy until I’ve totally renounced the gay life and turned to God. But… I CAN’T. I have to examine and pursue this side of my life, or I’ll never really know who I am.” (Pg. 127)
Gary and Scott went to see a doctor: “Scott emerged, his face ashen… Gary nodded, wordless, but the message came through loud and clear. Yes, he’d been told. Gary knew that Scott had Karposi’s sarcoma, a rare form of cancer. And both men knew what that meant… AIDS… Scott looked up at Gary and said simply, ‘What are we going to do??’ Gary never answered. There simply weren’t any words that made sense at thot moment.” (Pg. 167)
Lauren told Scott, “It sounds to me like you’re lumping Christians all together in the same boat---just like some people lump gays all together. But I don’t think it’s that cut-and-dried… Look at your parents---they couldn’t be more supportive… We can’t accept your lifestyle… it’s destroying you, Scott. It’s wrong, and it’s destroying you. But we still love YOU. I know I still love you…” (Pg. 175)
At Scott’s Thursday night AIDS support group, “Scott … wondered what lay ahead in his own near future… ‘The worst part is the people who treat you like a leper,’ Jeff was saying. ‘They act like if I look at them, they’ll get it and die. If only they realized they were more dangerous to me than I am to them… I could die from a cold I get from them.’ ... Scott… just stared, the thoughts screaming inside his skull like a drill bit against metal: I feel like I’m finally learning to live. I don’t know how to die.” (Pg. 190-192)
Scott told Lauren, “I’ve got to say this, Lauren. I know I’ve always loved you… my feelings were all twisted up inside. But I never realizes how much I loved you until now, when you’ve given up everything for me… And I want you to know, Lauren. I’ve made a decision… If God heals me… we’re getting married. I want to marry you.” (Pg. 211-212)
Scott wrote in his journal, “For the first time, I’m finding myself almost glad that this has happened---isn’t that strange? Because of all of this, I’ve developed a close relationship with my family and learned to love them all the more. I’ve learned that I have Christian friends who really do love me, in good or bad times. And most importantly, I’m learning that, with God’s help, I can do so much more than I ever thought I could. These are hard times; it takes a lot of courage and determination to get through it all---and I still don’t have all the answers about my homosexuality and my future. But I really like the person that I’m becoming through all this.” (Pg. 216)
One of his final journal entries: “I realize now that it really isn’t that important to live 60 or 70 years… how we live is more important than how long we live. When it’s my time to go, I’ll be ready---God will see to that. And oh, with what joy will I embrace my advancement into Eternal Life and a home with One who, though I’ve never seen, has always loved me best.” (Pg. 229)
This book will be of great interest to Christians dealing with HIV/AIDS issues.
Displaying 1 of 1 review