Before We Say Goodbye

by Sean Davison

Eighty-four years old and terminally ill with cancer, psychiatrist Pat Ferguson wants nothing more than for her life, which no longer brings her joy, to be over. But when her ailing body refuses to let go, she asks her son Sean to do the unthinkable: to help her to die.

Kindle Edition

First published September 28, 2012

About the author

Sean Davison first came to South Africa from New Zealand in 1991 to carry out scientific research at UCT. In 1994 he took up an academic post at UWC, where he is currently Professor in the Department of Biotechnology. In 2010 Sean published a book Before We Say Goodbye which described the three months he spent with his mother before she died. As a consequence of this he was arrested and went on trial for the attempted murder of his mother. During his high court trial in November 2011 he was offered a lesser charge of assisted suicide which he pleaded guilty to and was ordered to serve a five-month house arrest sentence in Dunedin, New Zealand.
Sean Davison’s trial ignited debate on voluntary euthanasia in both South Africa and New Zealand. In 2011, while awaiting his trial, he founded the organisation DignitySA which seeks to change the law in South Africa to allow for the option of assisted dying for those suffering unbearably with no hope of recovering. In 2018 he was arrested and charged with the murder of Dr Anrich Burger, two additional murder charges followed. Following a plea bargain he was convicted of murder and received a three-year house arrest sentence which began on 19th June 2019.

Reviews

[Hjwoodward · Rating 4 out of 5]

I can't tell you how angry some of the passages in this book make me! What a manipulative bitch his mother is, and of course he can't see it. How could she possibly have done this! Taken her son's time, months and months of it, because she didn't take her own life in time. Look at this for example:
"This is ghastly. ...
"To send her to hospital now, against her final wishes, would sentence me to a lifetime's damnation. I would be consumed by my own guilt." Poor, poor son. She put him through hell because of her vacillating.
"I made a promise to Mum to honour her Living Will. When I agreed to this, it seemed such a reasonable thing. No one questioned her decision for a second. But no one could have foreseen the sight that is before me now. No one could have imagined her skin bruising and sticking to my fingers, the smell of her rotting flesh, a tongue that is completely decayed and bed sores that make you wince at their sight." FILL IN AN ADVANCED DIRECTIVE, PEOPLE, and keep ON at parliament to allow assisted suicide!

[Rachelle Seymore · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed reading this very tragic book.

I believe Sean was honest in his writing. He loved his mom and he honored her wishes. I agree with the reader who accused his mom of being manipulative. Not only in so far as her expecting him to to do that which she herself (a doctor) could not do, but also that he had to stay with her 24/7. She declined any hospice assistance. It had to come from her favorite son. She was in an authoritarian, brutal marriage, in which her son found that she could not enjoy her freedom after her husband died. It is interesting, as his perspective is that such people often can't enjoy their independence when they should feel free.

Nevertheless, I learned a lot. I enjoyed many of the facts that he let slip about genes and DNA (which, was his field of study).

All in all a good read, albeit a tragic one. I have not read the follow up but will do so if I come across it.

[Yvonne · Rating 3 out of 5]

One has to read this book with the follow up "After we said goodbye". Both are very personal accounts and one has to admire Sean's decision to help his mother end her suffering as she wanted; also the honesty with which he dealt with it afterwards. His trial helped to advance the cause of euthanasia and he is to be lauded for that. I found the books rather tedious in their daily detail, particularly the first one, but the detail does allow one to appreciate the dilemma in his situation. It is filled with love and the desire to help. The second book, dealing with the court case, is far more brutal and disturbing, showing the newshounds after a sensational story, family disloyalty, and the intransigence of New Zealand's justice system. Thank goodness for a humane judge!

[Shirley · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very depressing. Will need to have a breather before I read the next book, "After we said goodbye".