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Dan's Lame Novel
Authors typically don't set out to write a bad novel. It may turn out that way, but that was probably not their intent. I, also, did not intend to write a bad novel. I did, however, fully intend to write a completely lame novel.
If I may say so myself, I believe I have succeeded.
Writing a lame novel means casting aside the typical rules of fiction. For example, a good novel should probably have a consistent plot. We'll just throw that concept out the window because, if I'm getting bored with a plotline, you probably are too, so how about we just drop it and move on?
Rewriting? Forget that. That's too much like work. We'll just retcon things as we go along.
How about we break the fourth wall while we're at it? Maybe even the fifth. Is there a fifth wall? I think I'll plead the fifth on that.
This novel is also shorter than a typical novel. More like novella length. But, since it's lame, well, why would a lame novel be novel length? So, it's shorter. Deal with it; you'll get through it that much faster.
Also, tacos. Yes, tacos. Because tacos are awesome. But what about bacon, you ask? You'll just have to wait and see.
Please note that I am fully disclosing here that this novel is entirely lame, so if you buy it expecting it to not be lame, well, that's your own fault. I am telling you right here and right now that this novel is very, very lame. I'll repeat that in the foreword of the book too. Go ahead and check.
But, you should buy it anyway. Why? Because I'm pretty sure you don't want to miss out on reading what is quite possibly the lamest novel ever. Or novella, if you want to be nitpicky, but I'm calling it a novel, so there.
If I may say so myself, I believe I have succeeded.
Writing a lame novel means casting aside the typical rules of fiction. For example, a good novel should probably have a consistent plot. We'll just throw that concept out the window because, if I'm getting bored with a plotline, you probably are too, so how about we just drop it and move on?
Rewriting? Forget that. That's too much like work. We'll just retcon things as we go along.
How about we break the fourth wall while we're at it? Maybe even the fifth. Is there a fifth wall? I think I'll plead the fifth on that.
This novel is also shorter than a typical novel. More like novella length. But, since it's lame, well, why would a lame novel be novel length? So, it's shorter. Deal with it; you'll get through it that much faster.
Also, tacos. Yes, tacos. Because tacos are awesome. But what about bacon, you ask? You'll just have to wait and see.
Please note that I am fully disclosing here that this novel is entirely lame, so if you buy it expecting it to not be lame, well, that's your own fault. I am telling you right here and right now that this novel is very, very lame. I'll repeat that in the foreword of the book too. Go ahead and check.
But, you should buy it anyway. Why? Because I'm pretty sure you don't want to miss out on reading what is quite possibly the lamest novel ever. Or novella, if you want to be nitpicky, but I'm calling it a novel, so there.
156 pages, Kindle Edition
First published December 1, 2012
1 person is currently reading
9 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews
March 17, 2014
Lamest book ever -- and completely awesome :) Laughed out loud a bunch of times. It's a short read, around 100 pages, but I was fine with that. Imagine keeping up such lameness for 600 pages!
October 30, 2014
Every author should read this novel, especially every writer's work-shopper-- been there, burned the T-shirt, barely escaped with my manuscript.
LOL is a "word" I over-use even though I don't really laugh out loud at whatever I'm #LOL-ing, but this time, reading Dan's Lame Novel, I really did Laugh Out Loud. A lot. Like, almost every single page. This surprises me. Not many authors have the talent to make me LOL for real.
"Put your protagonist up a tree and shoot at him" and "Torture your protagonist" are among the first Rules of Fiction. Dan mocks this trope as only an author can. He accidentally interacts with his protagonist, which cracked me up every time. I kept waiting for Dryer (the unfortunately named protag) to do what fictional characters do, protest and refuse to do what the author has plotted, but that didn't happen. I also kept hoping for an ending that wasn't so lame, but then, that would defeat the title of the novel. {sad face}
Dan knows authors, and it's scary. I saw myself so many places I wanted to run away from home and find a new ambition in life.
Dan's Lame Novel is hilarious, diabolical, accurate and so clever I'm jealous I didn't write it myself. It's also very short and certain gags are repeated a few times too many for me, so I'll be a wretched churl and go with 4 stars instead of 5. Unless he delivers a sequel in which Dryer Vent does something really cool. I think poor Dryer has earned that.
DISCLAIMER: I'm happy to report that this author has no idea who I am; i.e., he did not ask me to review this book, and I bought the book with real money instead of getting it on a Kindle Free day. How did I hear about Dan's Lame Novel? It was on John L Monk's Awesome Indie Authors List.
LOL is a "word" I over-use even though I don't really laugh out loud at whatever I'm #LOL-ing, but this time, reading Dan's Lame Novel, I really did Laugh Out Loud. A lot. Like, almost every single page. This surprises me. Not many authors have the talent to make me LOL for real.
"Put your protagonist up a tree and shoot at him" and "Torture your protagonist" are among the first Rules of Fiction. Dan mocks this trope as only an author can. He accidentally interacts with his protagonist, which cracked me up every time. I kept waiting for Dryer (the unfortunately named protag) to do what fictional characters do, protest and refuse to do what the author has plotted, but that didn't happen. I also kept hoping for an ending that wasn't so lame, but then, that would defeat the title of the novel. {sad face}
Dan knows authors, and it's scary. I saw myself so many places I wanted to run away from home and find a new ambition in life.
Dan's Lame Novel is hilarious, diabolical, accurate and so clever I'm jealous I didn't write it myself. It's also very short and certain gags are repeated a few times too many for me, so I'll be a wretched churl and go with 4 stars instead of 5. Unless he delivers a sequel in which Dryer Vent does something really cool. I think poor Dryer has earned that.
DISCLAIMER: I'm happy to report that this author has no idea who I am; i.e., he did not ask me to review this book, and I bought the book with real money instead of getting it on a Kindle Free day. How did I hear about Dan's Lame Novel? It was on John L Monk's Awesome Indie Authors List.
November 1, 2017
Despite the self-deprecating title, this is the third edition, published in 2015, of Dan’s Lame Novel by Dan C. Rinnert. The first edition was published in 2012, the second in 2013, then there was a stumble with no edition published in 2014, a further support to the claim of being lame.
There can be little critical comment about any breaking of rules of good writing because Rinnert preemptively criticizes himself. In a foreword, wisely written after completion of most of the novel, Rinnert identified most writing canon that he had blown up (pun intended) and proudly proclaimed that he had the right to do so. The warning for the reader is “You have been warned that this is a lame novel, read it at your own risk.”
Just as the novel is lame, so is the protagonist. Through every misadventure Dryer Vent ( the protagonist) seems to be limping, sometimes on one leg although to offer the novel more balance, sometimes limping on both legs. Dryer has no adventures other than misadventures. His goal from birth up to the time of his unfortunate capture by author Rinnert was to avoid having progeny named Lint Trap. Rinnert spends little time in deep thought trying to invent names for his characters preferring instead to take the names of nearby appliances or billboard ads. Dryer’s mother’s name, Honey Bea is one example. And for a real stretch, try to figure out who Thad Olsen is. By the time you do that, other identities will have come and gone.
This book is great fun to read. As the author states, he could have written something shorter but then it would have been a novella. He wanted to try a novel knowing that in some parts it would be a slow read and even boring. When the action got boring, Rinnert warns the reader. When the action slows down it may be due to the author going to sleep or taking a snack break. Rinnert insists that when he takes a break, so does Dryer Vent. Unfortunately, other characters in the novel continue their “lives” at normal speed, resulting in multiple time warp events happening to Dryer.
Rinnert talks directly to the reader with thoughts such as “see, I told you this part was going to be boring.” The author also talks directly to his characters in a type of “Voice of God” experience for the characters. This is a handy device until Rinnert finds out that some of his characters can overhear elements of his plot development, such as it is, that he did not mean the character to know.
And then there is the Taco chapter, especially valuable for students of all ages when confronting an assignment that requires a minimum page count. What does that have to do with Tacos? Read the book.
This is great fun. I recommend it for readers who like absurdity carried to extremes. I want to read another of his story collections which he describes as the darker side of romance. It will be interesting for me to see if he continues the humor that is present in the style of writing this novel presents.
There can be little critical comment about any breaking of rules of good writing because Rinnert preemptively criticizes himself. In a foreword, wisely written after completion of most of the novel, Rinnert identified most writing canon that he had blown up (pun intended) and proudly proclaimed that he had the right to do so. The warning for the reader is “You have been warned that this is a lame novel, read it at your own risk.”
Just as the novel is lame, so is the protagonist. Through every misadventure Dryer Vent ( the protagonist) seems to be limping, sometimes on one leg although to offer the novel more balance, sometimes limping on both legs. Dryer has no adventures other than misadventures. His goal from birth up to the time of his unfortunate capture by author Rinnert was to avoid having progeny named Lint Trap. Rinnert spends little time in deep thought trying to invent names for his characters preferring instead to take the names of nearby appliances or billboard ads. Dryer’s mother’s name, Honey Bea is one example. And for a real stretch, try to figure out who Thad Olsen is. By the time you do that, other identities will have come and gone.
This book is great fun to read. As the author states, he could have written something shorter but then it would have been a novella. He wanted to try a novel knowing that in some parts it would be a slow read and even boring. When the action got boring, Rinnert warns the reader. When the action slows down it may be due to the author going to sleep or taking a snack break. Rinnert insists that when he takes a break, so does Dryer Vent. Unfortunately, other characters in the novel continue their “lives” at normal speed, resulting in multiple time warp events happening to Dryer.
Rinnert talks directly to the reader with thoughts such as “see, I told you this part was going to be boring.” The author also talks directly to his characters in a type of “Voice of God” experience for the characters. This is a handy device until Rinnert finds out that some of his characters can overhear elements of his plot development, such as it is, that he did not mean the character to know.
And then there is the Taco chapter, especially valuable for students of all ages when confronting an assignment that requires a minimum page count. What does that have to do with Tacos? Read the book.
This is great fun. I recommend it for readers who like absurdity carried to extremes. I want to read another of his story collections which he describes as the darker side of romance. It will be interesting for me to see if he continues the humor that is present in the style of writing this novel presents.
April 24, 2013
Well, I'm too lame to have actually finished this novel, but the first few pages make it look like it succeeds pretty well at being lame. In other words, it appears to be a competently written lame novel, or rather a lame novel by a competent writer who seems to have a grasp of the language and can edit pretty well. I suspect it will probably make the author a fair chunk of change, so that's good. For him. And especially for a self-proclaimed e-sheaf of pure lameness.
I'm proud to confess that I obtained this book for free on Amazon, so I didn't waste $2.99 on such a lame novel. I've wasted more money on novels that provided fewer laughs, so now I fee like I'm money ahead -- ready to hit Starbuck's and buy my caffeinated reward with the money I saved by getting this thing for free.
Oh, and I really seriously ding the author one orange star for not posting his lame cover here when he (obviously) added his own lame novel to GR. (My apologies in advance, Dan, if you are *not* the one who posted it!) You, the reader of this review, really must see the cover of this lame-ific book. It made the Lousy Book Covers blog today, which is how I heard about it. Full disclosure is my name.
I may pick it up again, but for now, yeah, I'll admit it: DNF.
I'm proud to confess that I obtained this book for free on Amazon, so I didn't waste $2.99 on such a lame novel. I've wasted more money on novels that provided fewer laughs, so now I fee like I'm money ahead -- ready to hit Starbuck's and buy my caffeinated reward with the money I saved by getting this thing for free.
Oh, and I really seriously ding the author one orange star for not posting his lame cover here when he (obviously) added his own lame novel to GR. (My apologies in advance, Dan, if you are *not* the one who posted it!) You, the reader of this review, really must see the cover of this lame-ific book. It made the Lousy Book Covers blog today, which is how I heard about it. Full disclosure is my name.
I may pick it up again, but for now, yeah, I'll admit it: DNF.
February 4, 2016
Heh, that was pretty silly. If you've ever wondered what goes through a writer's head while they're working on a book, this is it. A lot of them might not admit it, but probably most writers (me included) deal with at least some of this stuff with each book - trying to come up with names, characters who won't do anything, trying to keep track of time in the story and how long it's been since we let our character eat or sleep, weird subplots that try to insert themselves (though I've never had anything quite as weird as carniverous alien fairies), how to end the darned thing. A short read, well-written, good for a couple of hours of funny entertainment.
August 24, 2014
Does what it says on the tin... It's amusing in places if you like absurdist or stream-of-consciousness humour, but is let down by over-reliance on repeated jokes about how long it's been since the author last wrote any of the book, and how fictional characters lack initiative and have to be told to do everything.
February 6, 2015
An interesting experiment. It might be a modern retelling of the history of lamé (fabric with interwoven gold or silver threads). Or maybe it isn't. This my lame review. The book delivers on its promise.
Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews