What do you think?
Rate this book
Doing the Best I Can: Fatherhood in the Inner City
Across the political spectrum, unwed fatherhood is denounced as one of the leading social problems of today. Doing the Best I Can is a strikingly rich, paradigm-shifting look at fatherhood among inner-city men often dismissed as "deadbeat dads." Kathryn Edin and Timothy J. Nelson examine how couples in challenging straits come together and get pregnant so quickly--without planning. The authors chronicle the high hopes for forging lasting family bonds that pregnancy inspires, and pinpoint the fatal flaws that often lead to the relationship's demise. They offer keen insight into a radical redefinition of family life where the father-child bond is central and parental ties are peripheral.
Drawing on years of fieldwork, Doing the Best I Can shows how mammoth economic and cultural changes have transformed the meaning of fatherhood among the urban poor. Intimate interviews with more than 100 fathers make real the significant obstacles faced by low-income men at every step in the familial process: from the difficulties of romantic relationships, to decision-making dilemmas at conception, to the often celebratory moment of birth, and finally to the hardships that accompany the early years of the child's life, and beyond.
Read an excerpt here:
Drawing on years of fieldwork, Doing the Best I Can shows how mammoth economic and cultural changes have transformed the meaning of fatherhood among the urban poor. Intimate interviews with more than 100 fathers make real the significant obstacles faced by low-income men at every step in the familial process: from the difficulties of romantic relationships, to decision-making dilemmas at conception, to the often celebratory moment of birth, and finally to the hardships that accompany the early years of the child's life, and beyond.
Read an excerpt here:
Doing the Best I Can: Fatherhood in the Inner Cityby Kathryn Edin and Timothy J. Nelson by University of California Press
296 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2013
25 people are currently reading
805 people want to read
About the author
Kathryn J. Edin
19 books107 followersKathryn J. Edin is Bloomberg Distinguished Professor of Sociology and Public Health at Johns Hopkins University.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 32 reviews
July 17, 2015
Did I like this book? It's hard for me to say. This star rating honors the hard work of the authors, but it doesn't reflect the notion that this book includes scintillating writing or agreement with the subjects.
The authors spent years embedding themselves in poor communities in the Philadelphia and New Jersey area, talking to unmarried fathers to find out what made them tick. They wanted to do away with the idea that poor unmarried fathers are careless, oversexed villains.
What they found were men who more or less fell into fatherhood, just by being careless in these short-term relationships. Once a baby is on the way, the men generally are happy about it, even to the point of trying to persuade their partners to keep the child rather than have an abortion. A child represents a new beginning for these men. And, instead of considering themselves the primary breadwinners and caretakers of these children, they reject that notion for this new idea of "doing the best they can" - which means money sometimes, emotional support sometimes…just whatever they can spare.
The authors found father after father to make this point; so many that it was hard to keep track of them at times. This was not a deep dive into one extended family, such as Adrian Nicole LeBlanc's brilliant "Random Family." But what it lacks in narrative cohesion it makes up in careful detail, including the important role that economics play in the decision-making of these fathers.
I want to be kinder in my heart to these men. If all that you have to offer your child is a buddy-buddy relationship, then you want that relationship to be seen as something valuable. And I do believe these men genuinely love their children. But I can't ignore how this leaves EVERYTHING on the mother -- providing the money, the discipline, all the hard work that comes with raising a child from birth to adulthood. The father in these relationships has a much easier role. And he gets to move on to another woman and try again. I still just don't fully understand why these men and women do not choose to put off child-rearing, just for a little while. But maybe economics plays a role. People who have future prospects -- men and women -- don't want to give those prospects up. But with no hint of a better future, why wait to have children? Why care at all? And then you have generations of children growing up with fathers who are "doing the best they can." And that's sad.
The authors spent years embedding themselves in poor communities in the Philadelphia and New Jersey area, talking to unmarried fathers to find out what made them tick. They wanted to do away with the idea that poor unmarried fathers are careless, oversexed villains.
What they found were men who more or less fell into fatherhood, just by being careless in these short-term relationships. Once a baby is on the way, the men generally are happy about it, even to the point of trying to persuade their partners to keep the child rather than have an abortion. A child represents a new beginning for these men. And, instead of considering themselves the primary breadwinners and caretakers of these children, they reject that notion for this new idea of "doing the best they can" - which means money sometimes, emotional support sometimes…just whatever they can spare.
The authors found father after father to make this point; so many that it was hard to keep track of them at times. This was not a deep dive into one extended family, such as Adrian Nicole LeBlanc's brilliant "Random Family." But what it lacks in narrative cohesion it makes up in careful detail, including the important role that economics play in the decision-making of these fathers.
I want to be kinder in my heart to these men. If all that you have to offer your child is a buddy-buddy relationship, then you want that relationship to be seen as something valuable. And I do believe these men genuinely love their children. But I can't ignore how this leaves EVERYTHING on the mother -- providing the money, the discipline, all the hard work that comes with raising a child from birth to adulthood. The father in these relationships has a much easier role. And he gets to move on to another woman and try again. I still just don't fully understand why these men and women do not choose to put off child-rearing, just for a little while. But maybe economics plays a role. People who have future prospects -- men and women -- don't want to give those prospects up. But with no hint of a better future, why wait to have children? Why care at all? And then you have generations of children growing up with fathers who are "doing the best they can." And that's sad.
August 24, 2015
An insightful highly important book: "Doing The Best I Can: Fatherhood in the Inner City" examines poor urban fatherhood in the areas of low income and impoverished neighborhoods of the Philadelphia, PA, and Camden, NJ areas. The book is expertly researched and written by sociologist Kathryn Edin and author Timothy J. Nelson, who lived in the neighborhoods studied. Edin is known for her expertise in poverty studies and the co-author of "Promises I Can Keep" (2005) which examines the plight of poor single motherhood in the neighborhoods mentioned above.
The one thing that particularly stands out is the high value and importance poor families place on their children and family life. Many of these out-of-wedlock births were unintended, unplanned and the use of contraception was questionable at best. Moving up the economic ladder and attending college and earning a higher standard of living wasn't always an option or consideration of these young impoverished parents. These father's were usually very happy when they found out their girlfriends were pregnant, and attempted to establish a stable relationship, caring for the mother and their child, at least while the child was smaller, the parents may or may not had planned to marry.
Edin pointed out that often fathers didn't have a father themselves, had limited resources, job and income prospects, and may have had problems with alcohol and substance, and/or lack the maturity to remain faithful. Sometimes there was the possibility of incarceration due to illegal and criminal activity. Other complex problems of these fathers may included multiple fertility- fathering children by different women. Many of these fathers had a tendency to support and parent children of the women they were with, even if they weren't the biological father.
The studies revealed that as the children grew, the realistic challenges of poor urban parenting put a tremendous strain on these fragile parenting relationships that may not have been that stable in the first place. By the time their children reached age 5, these parents were typically no longer together, and had moved on to other relationships. The reasons for unplanned fatherhood were many, but the one thing that stood out: fatherhood offered these men a new hope and possibility for them to prove themselves both on a social and cultural level, further defining their masculinity, and to do the right thing for their children, even if it was on a limited means or basis. There are pages of statistics and excellent references for further study.
Kathryn Edin is a distinguished professor of sociology and Timothy J. Nelson is an lecturer in social policy and author. Both teach at the Kennedy School of Government at Harvard University.
The one thing that particularly stands out is the high value and importance poor families place on their children and family life. Many of these out-of-wedlock births were unintended, unplanned and the use of contraception was questionable at best. Moving up the economic ladder and attending college and earning a higher standard of living wasn't always an option or consideration of these young impoverished parents. These father's were usually very happy when they found out their girlfriends were pregnant, and attempted to establish a stable relationship, caring for the mother and their child, at least while the child was smaller, the parents may or may not had planned to marry.
Edin pointed out that often fathers didn't have a father themselves, had limited resources, job and income prospects, and may have had problems with alcohol and substance, and/or lack the maturity to remain faithful. Sometimes there was the possibility of incarceration due to illegal and criminal activity. Other complex problems of these fathers may included multiple fertility- fathering children by different women. Many of these fathers had a tendency to support and parent children of the women they were with, even if they weren't the biological father.
The studies revealed that as the children grew, the realistic challenges of poor urban parenting put a tremendous strain on these fragile parenting relationships that may not have been that stable in the first place. By the time their children reached age 5, these parents were typically no longer together, and had moved on to other relationships. The reasons for unplanned fatherhood were many, but the one thing that stood out: fatherhood offered these men a new hope and possibility for them to prove themselves both on a social and cultural level, further defining their masculinity, and to do the right thing for their children, even if it was on a limited means or basis. There are pages of statistics and excellent references for further study.
Kathryn Edin is a distinguished professor of sociology and Timothy J. Nelson is an lecturer in social policy and author. Both teach at the Kennedy School of Government at Harvard University.
February 19, 2024
A bit repetitive and drawn out but super illuminating and learned a lot
December 28, 2024
Such an interesting book. I really opens your eyes to a whole different world. It is sad but also makes you feel a lot of respect for fathers. As someone who’s lived in inner city Philadelphia, I think this book did a good job at capturing a lot of what life is like for a lot of fathers and children there.
June 26, 2018
This companion volume to Promises I Can Keep, which focused on inner-city single mothers, tells the story of inner-city Philadelphia fathers, black and white, and their relationships to their children. These men are unable, due to economic and cultural restrictions and their own poor choices, to fulfill the traditional role of breadwinner for their children, and so they "do the best they can" on the providing front while concentrating instead on having quality time and being a real father (as opposed to "just a paycheck") for their children. That they sometimes aren't good at this role does not mean that their attempts do not have value for the children and especially for the men--many of them feel strongly the absence of their own fathers and are trying to make up for that with their children. Tragically, there is a tendency in some of these men, when the fathering role does not work out with one child, to turn their attention to another child with a different mother. They also expect their children's mothers to be able to provide financially even if they, the fathers, cannot help, while still achieving all that is expected of mothers in terms of nurturing and emotional support--a very tough gig for mothers that does not result in financial or family security for children. Like the companion study, this book answers the question, "Why don't they just get married?" These impoverished (in almost every sense) adults have not given up on marriage, but instead have such high expectations of marriage that they cannot meet them. And yet, the rewards of having children are so great that they do not see any reason to go without them, and they do not consider that they are doing the children any disservice by bringing them into this less-than-perfect situation. Thus the father-child relationship becomes paramount, while the children's mothers become almost irrelevant and sometimes adversary to these fathers who are trying to do their best. These two books explain a lot about circumstances that have been the subject of inaccurate assumptions by more fortunate people. Perhaps Edin and colleagues could consider a study of the children of these parents, looking back on their childhoods and the assumptions that their parents and society make about them.
September 19, 2020
110 low-income unwed fathers from a particular neighborhood in Philadelphia (black + white)
bunch of observations / summary / etc:
fathers build relational capital of 'quality' time, which helps sustain the parent child relationship during times of uncertainty. It acts as insurance against difficult times, or if the parent might end up not able to see them for a while, then the relationship will be able to continue across the gap. Note quality when they can't have quantity.
**just in general, I'm surprised at how much sociology books have made me way better at thinking about human relationships in economic terms, by naming various types of capital (relational capital, bodily capital, emotional capital, emotional labor...). Then giving a whole bunch of anecdotes that reinforce the economic term and show how it affects people.
I found very interesting the triplet of:
"Showing love is about making children stronger" (through increasing their resiliency, self-esteem)
"Communication is about keeping children safe"
"Quality time builds a store of relational capital...an insurance policy for an uncertain future"
Black fathers in poverty have a higher level of involvement (number of visits) at all ages than white fathers.
Fatherhood outside of marriage is gradually becoming more institutionalized among men in terms of informal norms. The informal norms and culture are stronger among black fathers "whose desriptions of the ideal father were more richly articulated and uniform than those of their white counterparts....Black men seem to have a language whites lack for the not-quite-real relationships that end up making them a dad."
The views of marriage and traditional values have not necessarily changed, (more so among whites) as Charles Murray, has claimed it's more that they are kept the same values as higher income whites (or clinged to them even more strongly, not realizing they have changed slightly among the wealthy) but fail to live up to their values.
fathers have high hopes when the children are born, but most relationships with the mother break up rather quickly and they have difficulty staying involved.
it's not that men who have drug addictions or go to prison don't care about their children or want to be around them, more that they are so ashamed and humiliated of their situation and inability to overcome their own flaws that they don't want their children to seem in their state, and deliberately distance themselves.
No data on this, but it seemed from some of the anecdotes that the men who were able to get their lives together were those who continued to see their children when in their worst, most humiliating situations (homelessness, in jail, etc), and that in this case, the fact that their children were still happy to see them even then, gave them hope, and thus their children did end up fulfilling the 'savior' role that many men hoped them to be.
"accidents" aren't really accidents ---the men in this book really want to be fathers, and want to have the 'fatherhood experience' and ideally be someone like Ward Cleaverfrom leave it to beaver (cited most frequently). There is some kind of psychological voodoo going on here, which might be like "very aware of the sometimes dangerous or precarious nature of life in their neighborhood, and of the difficulty with jobs and money and risky behavior, but not willing to acknowledge this, and wanting to try anyways". Also seeing their children as a savior figure and to give them a reason to stop partying, drugs, "doing stupid shit", etc. This + a similar thing with the mothers, leads to both sort of silently deciding to stop using birth control. I have less of an understanding of the dynamics between not using birth control during one night stands.
"the reader might be asking whether one, two, or even four failures [at attaining "the fatherhood experience"] aren't enough; why are men willing to risk failure again and again, especially since unqualified success is so unlikely? But men at the bottom believe they have little to lose by playing the Russian roulette of unprotected sex once again, because even for those who will ultimately fail utterly at fatherhood and end up having no enduring connection to any biological child, the mere act of procreation ensures they will come out ahead. Trevor, the son of a convicted bank robber and heroin addict, is a seemingly hopeless addict himself by the age of twenty-four. This white cab driver hasn't seen his one-year-old daughter in three months. Yet he tells us that by fathering a child, "I have done something good for the first time ever." ... At minimum, then, fathering a child is still proof that one can accomplish something of value; it still offers the opportunity to see one's potential expressed in another, less damaged individual... it is vital to note that most fathers who have grown disconnected from their children are seldom satisfied with the scrap ends of fatherhood. ..the desire to father actively --- and claim the "whole father experience"---is strong."
Trying again with a new mom and new relationship is easier than persevering against difficult odds to maintain relationships with the mother and older child. The book talked a bunch about the psychological resources necessary to stay involved, but I didn't get a good picture of where these were coming from. (Though it was often obvious why the men were lacking them)
the phrase "Doing the best I can" relieves fathers of the moral stress they feel from not being able to live up their ideal of fatherhood, due to their difficulties in finding work, their own failings of "doing stupid shit" [something like getting drunk and stealing a car like they used to do when they were a teen]
There's a huge amount of distrust between men and women in low income relationships. Nearly all the men in the sample expressed suspicion that the woman would trade up for a more secure relationship immediately, if she could. The authors noted that there was an incentive for them to have children because then there was slightly more hope of having any relationship at all, since there could be something of one for the child's sake for a time, however this doesn't last.Women are eternally frustrated with men's inability to consistently help with money, as they are often working full time and doing all of the child support. They gatekeep the fatherhood experience based on this, and the dad's don't like that.
Both the poor women and men hold very mainstream views about when marriage is appropriate, and so it becomes a very rare thing.
The commonly used phrase was 'association' rather than relationship, hookup, etc. The book (or the men in the interviews) didn't go into much detail about what was actually going on inside the relationships or brief periods of time that they were together.
bunch of observations / summary / etc:
fathers build relational capital of 'quality' time, which helps sustain the parent child relationship during times of uncertainty. It acts as insurance against difficult times, or if the parent might end up not able to see them for a while, then the relationship will be able to continue across the gap. Note quality when they can't have quantity.
**just in general, I'm surprised at how much sociology books have made me way better at thinking about human relationships in economic terms, by naming various types of capital (relational capital, bodily capital, emotional capital, emotional labor...). Then giving a whole bunch of anecdotes that reinforce the economic term and show how it affects people.
I found very interesting the triplet of:
"Showing love is about making children stronger" (through increasing their resiliency, self-esteem)
"Communication is about keeping children safe"
"Quality time builds a store of relational capital...an insurance policy for an uncertain future"
Black fathers in poverty have a higher level of involvement (number of visits) at all ages than white fathers.
Fatherhood outside of marriage is gradually becoming more institutionalized among men in terms of informal norms. The informal norms and culture are stronger among black fathers "whose desriptions of the ideal father were more richly articulated and uniform than those of their white counterparts....Black men seem to have a language whites lack for the not-quite-real relationships that end up making them a dad."
The views of marriage and traditional values have not necessarily changed, (more so among whites) as Charles Murray, has claimed it's more that they are kept the same values as higher income whites (or clinged to them even more strongly, not realizing they have changed slightly among the wealthy) but fail to live up to their values.
fathers have high hopes when the children are born, but most relationships with the mother break up rather quickly and they have difficulty staying involved.
it's not that men who have drug addictions or go to prison don't care about their children or want to be around them, more that they are so ashamed and humiliated of their situation and inability to overcome their own flaws that they don't want their children to seem in their state, and deliberately distance themselves.
No data on this, but it seemed from some of the anecdotes that the men who were able to get their lives together were those who continued to see their children when in their worst, most humiliating situations (homelessness, in jail, etc), and that in this case, the fact that their children were still happy to see them even then, gave them hope, and thus their children did end up fulfilling the 'savior' role that many men hoped them to be.
"accidents" aren't really accidents ---the men in this book really want to be fathers, and want to have the 'fatherhood experience' and ideally be someone like Ward Cleaverfrom leave it to beaver (cited most frequently). There is some kind of psychological voodoo going on here, which might be like "very aware of the sometimes dangerous or precarious nature of life in their neighborhood, and of the difficulty with jobs and money and risky behavior, but not willing to acknowledge this, and wanting to try anyways". Also seeing their children as a savior figure and to give them a reason to stop partying, drugs, "doing stupid shit", etc. This + a similar thing with the mothers, leads to both sort of silently deciding to stop using birth control. I have less of an understanding of the dynamics between not using birth control during one night stands.
"the reader might be asking whether one, two, or even four failures [at attaining "the fatherhood experience"] aren't enough; why are men willing to risk failure again and again, especially since unqualified success is so unlikely? But men at the bottom believe they have little to lose by playing the Russian roulette of unprotected sex once again, because even for those who will ultimately fail utterly at fatherhood and end up having no enduring connection to any biological child, the mere act of procreation ensures they will come out ahead. Trevor, the son of a convicted bank robber and heroin addict, is a seemingly hopeless addict himself by the age of twenty-four. This white cab driver hasn't seen his one-year-old daughter in three months. Yet he tells us that by fathering a child, "I have done something good for the first time ever." ... At minimum, then, fathering a child is still proof that one can accomplish something of value; it still offers the opportunity to see one's potential expressed in another, less damaged individual... it is vital to note that most fathers who have grown disconnected from their children are seldom satisfied with the scrap ends of fatherhood. ..the desire to father actively --- and claim the "whole father experience"---is strong."
Trying again with a new mom and new relationship is easier than persevering against difficult odds to maintain relationships with the mother and older child. The book talked a bunch about the psychological resources necessary to stay involved, but I didn't get a good picture of where these were coming from. (Though it was often obvious why the men were lacking them)
the phrase "Doing the best I can" relieves fathers of the moral stress they feel from not being able to live up their ideal of fatherhood, due to their difficulties in finding work, their own failings of "doing stupid shit" [something like getting drunk and stealing a car like they used to do when they were a teen]
There's a huge amount of distrust between men and women in low income relationships. Nearly all the men in the sample expressed suspicion that the woman would trade up for a more secure relationship immediately, if she could. The authors noted that there was an incentive for them to have children because then there was slightly more hope of having any relationship at all, since there could be something of one for the child's sake for a time, however this doesn't last.Women are eternally frustrated with men's inability to consistently help with money, as they are often working full time and doing all of the child support. They gatekeep the fatherhood experience based on this, and the dad's don't like that.
Both the poor women and men hold very mainstream views about when marriage is appropriate, and so it becomes a very rare thing.
The commonly used phrase was 'association' rather than relationship, hookup, etc. The book (or the men in the interviews) didn't go into much detail about what was actually going on inside the relationships or brief periods of time that they were together.
May 5, 2014
This is an ethnography about unmarried fathers in inner city areas. It uses a large pool of unmarried black and white fathers from Camden or Philadelphia, and deals primarily with the hardships and blessings that come from situational fatherhood, as well as a thorough examination of what it means to be a father (and as extension, a man) in the twenty first century. The book is objective, reports facts and uses data to back it up. In spite of that (or because of that? The lines are blurred) the stories of these fathers are alternately moving, infuriating, funny and terribly sad. It is, in a sense, about male privilege - about the burden of parenting falling on the mother, while a father can simply "do the best he can," - but it is also more sympathetic than that. There is a recognition here of the how class intersects with gender and gender expectations/performativity. It's informative, if a bit dry at times. Through necessity it's repetitive, and the writing is mostly styleless.
March 24, 2018
My expectations were pretty high after reading Edin & Kefalas "Promises I Can Keep." The study this book was based on is not reported in nearly as much detail regarding the methodology and the chapters repeatedly describe stories about the same cases, which gives a much less rigorous, more anecdotal feeling to the data.
However, I am glad to have read some of the fathers' sides of the story of unwed parents in urban Philadelphia and Camden, NJ. The authors have definitely captured some interesting transitions in our contemporary concepts of marriage, family, and family life.
However, I am glad to have read some of the fathers' sides of the story of unwed parents in urban Philadelphia and Camden, NJ. The authors have definitely captured some interesting transitions in our contemporary concepts of marriage, family, and family life.
March 15, 2014
While I appreciated this book greatly, the stories really read like a primer on male privilege. Especially when taken in conjunction with Promises I Can Keep, it's obvious that women bear the overwhelming burden of raising children, while men both in practice and in theory have to do very little in order to consider themselves or be considered "good" fathers.
June 7, 2020
This book is an extended case study on "110 low-income unwed fathers" in the Philadelphia metropolitan area (Camden, NJ, is included in this). Black and white, young and old, mature and immature.
A few takeaways from this:
In most families, the relationship of the parents come first, followed by the birth of the child. For a large majority of the fathers surveyed, the child came first, followed by the relationship. How? Lack of care about contraceptives is the main cause. Men often don't wear condoms and women are sometimes off of birth control. Some also just don't care or have enough foresight to consider the consequences.
Fathers are largely excited and accepting towards becoming a father. In contrast to society's stereotypical view of low-income fathers who impregnate a woman and then leave, most of the men view their being a father as the best thing to ever happen to them, for a few reasons. For one, it is a goal they've always had: raising a little them and watching their growth and development in the world. It's also a catalyst for change, especially when the fathers' paths are not on an optimal path: the child gives them meaning and purpose in their lives.
Ideal characteristics of a father are common among inner-city fathers, but the ability to provide reigns supreme above all. This can be especially problematic for those with low paychecks, as their take-home pay after the essentials (rent, groceries, etc) can be quite small, minimizing the amount they can provide for their children.
"Quality time" is one of the most important parts of the father-child relationship. Fathers cherish the regular activities they get to do with their children, be it watching television or going to the park.
Mothers are discussed briefly, but their views are similar across the board: fathers need to contribute both financially and morally, be accountable (no more going to the bars after work when the baby's at home), and so on. Some men oppose this and view it as constricting on their lifestyle, causing them to not pursue a relationship with the mother.
An appendix details the statistics of the fathers, including their income, reactions to pregnancy, level of pregnancy intentionality, relationship strains preceding breakup, etc.
A few takeaways from this:
In most families, the relationship of the parents come first, followed by the birth of the child. For a large majority of the fathers surveyed, the child came first, followed by the relationship. How? Lack of care about contraceptives is the main cause. Men often don't wear condoms and women are sometimes off of birth control. Some also just don't care or have enough foresight to consider the consequences.
Fathers are largely excited and accepting towards becoming a father. In contrast to society's stereotypical view of low-income fathers who impregnate a woman and then leave, most of the men view their being a father as the best thing to ever happen to them, for a few reasons. For one, it is a goal they've always had: raising a little them and watching their growth and development in the world. It's also a catalyst for change, especially when the fathers' paths are not on an optimal path: the child gives them meaning and purpose in their lives.
Ideal characteristics of a father are common among inner-city fathers, but the ability to provide reigns supreme above all. This can be especially problematic for those with low paychecks, as their take-home pay after the essentials (rent, groceries, etc) can be quite small, minimizing the amount they can provide for their children.
"Quality time" is one of the most important parts of the father-child relationship. Fathers cherish the regular activities they get to do with their children, be it watching television or going to the park.
Mothers are discussed briefly, but their views are similar across the board: fathers need to contribute both financially and morally, be accountable (no more going to the bars after work when the baby's at home), and so on. Some men oppose this and view it as constricting on their lifestyle, causing them to not pursue a relationship with the mother.
An appendix details the statistics of the fathers, including their income, reactions to pregnancy, level of pregnancy intentionality, relationship strains preceding breakup, etc.
April 14, 2023
This was definitely fascinating. I really liked hearing each father's story, but I wish they were organized a bit better. Certain chapters seemed more focused than others and by the end, a lot of the stories felt repetitive when they maybe could have been grouped together. Still an interesting read.
July 5, 2022
The work of the authors is good, but the idea expressed by the fathers makes me angry, especially when you think how much work is left for the mothers when these fathers can choose to selectively become some children's father at a given time and feel good about their contribution
June 27, 2025
Honestly, this is a terribly frustrating read. For one, due to the content. And two, I didn’t love the presentation/writing. I found it bland.
All I have to say is that patriarchy and capitalism ruins families. I’m over it.
Physically read
All I have to say is that patriarchy and capitalism ruins families. I’m over it.
Physically read
July 25, 2020
An impressive and compassionate look at new ideas of fatherhood. It can be dry, but finishes really well with a great synthesis of its main points in the last chapter.
June 28, 2023
Read in urban sociology class freshman year and presented about it
November 4, 2023
heartbreaking
January 5, 2026
Absolutely loved this book. Moral of the story is don't have a kid with someone you just met.
November 25, 2024
I admire the ethnology here, daring to probe a topic that is repugnant in many ways and, by humanizing it, makes it possible to at least understand it.
As they say “explaining it doesn’t condone it” and the suffering unleashed by these men, on the kids, their kids’ mothers, and themselves, is incalculable.
But with the help of this book I can at least get my head around why these men do what they do, and how their environment plays such a powerful role in shaping their actions.
“Doing the best I can” may sound like a terribly lame excuse given the consequences of their actions, but it’s a phrase I’ve used myself. And this book shows me that, if I were in these men’s circumstances, I very likely would not make any better choices.
As they say “explaining it doesn’t condone it” and the suffering unleashed by these men, on the kids, their kids’ mothers, and themselves, is incalculable.
But with the help of this book I can at least get my head around why these men do what they do, and how their environment plays such a powerful role in shaping their actions.
“Doing the best I can” may sound like a terribly lame excuse given the consequences of their actions, but it’s a phrase I’ve used myself. And this book shows me that, if I were in these men’s circumstances, I very likely would not make any better choices.
August 18, 2016
Really interesting ethnography of poor unmarried fathers living in inner city Philadelphia. Edin notes that unlike traditional models of family building, the fathers' primary devotion and loyalty is to his children, and he often has very little attachment to the mother. These men mostly had very positive reactions to the news that the mother of their child was pregnant, even as unemployed teenage fathers, incarcerated fathers or drug addicted fathers. The men also overwhelming reported that having children has greatly improved, if not saved, their lives. She also confronts the daunting statistics of poor children with unmarried parents growing up without a father at all--citing incarceration, maternal gatekeeping, drug use, and unemployment as contributing factors. However, she points out that when studying poor urban unmarried fatherhood, what many statistician fail to grasp is that most of these men, around three quarters interact with one of their children almost daily. However, it is also true that a third of the same men surveyed have no contact at all with at least one children. This points to complications in the myth that unmarried poor urban fathers don't want to father their children but points to larger complications in being part of several blended families--a phenomena Edin refers to as obligation overload.
August 9, 2016
In fairness I didn't finish the book. I was hoping for something along the lines of Random Family: Love, Drugs, Trouble, and Coming of Age in the Bronx or There Are No Children Here: The Story of Two Boys Growing Up in The Other America. The book is very well researched and offers insight into the lives of a population that tends to get blamed for a lot of problems regardless of what the truth is. That said instead of focusing on say a small handful of men and really offering a full picture of each of them which might have offered a greater opportunity for compelling story telling, this is made up of details about dozens of men whose stories have so much in common that it comes off as redundant and it's difficult to keep track of who's who.
June 19, 2014
Having read Kathryn Edin's study on inner-city mothers, I had high expectations for this book. Her analysis of mothers was a compassionate and nuanced portrait of young mothers that made the reader reconsider previous assumptions about why and how poor, young girls become mothers. Most of the mothers portrayed in that book are changed by the birth of their children and become competent caretakers. The fathers never quite become so understandable to me. They see themselves as without agency almost through the whole process of conceiving and raising a child and congratulate themselves for being a passing presence in their children's lives. Though many of them have had hard lives and face many difficulties that a reader can sympathize with, it's hard to keep that sympathy when they pass along suffering to their children. Not a very hopeful picture.
October 10, 2014
An excellent piece of fieldwork. Stereotypes and received wisdom play a deceptively strong and nearly always harmful role in shaping public opinion and public policy. Doing the Best I can is an admirable work that brings a nuanced and thoughtful explanation to unmarried fatherhood and how it affects families and children. Edin is kind to her subjects though she remains clear eyed as she notes the limits of their financial contributions and the role their own choices play in estranging themselves from their children. This is a book I want to tell lots of people about. And you should too.
September 10, 2013
Now that I am traveling into Camden more frequently for my job as a photojournalist, I was very interested in reading this book. I found the intensive research the authors did very interesting, and while the spectrum for how actively engaged these fathers that were followed varies greatly (from nonexistent in their children's lives to the sole reason they have become productive members of society), that is exactly what makes this study intriguing.
August 19, 2013
A very personal insight into how others view relationships/parenthood. It was a little difficult to read a book that's based on the complete opposite of my personal beliefs. I read the first few chapters, then skimmed the rest. A very detailed and impressive amount of research went into this book. Gotta give the authors props for that.
September 29, 2013
Well researched and written. Insightful things to say about a population most don't pay any attention to. Sometimes the language is a little dry, and there are so many fathers that are used as examples that sometimes it's a little confusing.
Read
July 29, 2015It was very sobering. I think of the children born in unstable relationships. I think of the casual sex that produces children. There weren't enough success stories to overcome the pain of children who live in unstable situations.
July 18, 2013
Excellent.
January 29, 2016
Along with its earlier companion about unmarried, inner-city mothers, this book is required reading for anybody living in or near an inner-city, low-income area.
August 3, 2015
Carefully researched and well written. This book gave me a new perspective on fatherhood for those who are down on luck but still trying to be good dads.
January 3, 2016
Really interesting angle, dispelling the easy narrative of absentee fatherhood . Well researched.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 32 reviews