Except for One Little Problem: Memoir of a Life in Hiding

by Joan Denson

Joan Denson was the American Dream except for one little she was a lesbian. This is a memoir of the girl-next-door who faces her homosexuality and finds herself unwelcome in her surroundings. A child during WWII, the author came of age reading The Diary of Anne Frank. The memories of oppression and suffering of the innocent so captured her imagination that she struck up a friendship with Anne Frank's father and visited Anne's annex, where she found in her desire for Anne a hidden piece of herself. By early adulthood Denson absorbed the culture of the fifties, an era famous for its "loud events and quiet discontents." With a husband and children, she coveted suburban bliss as much as the next girl. But something was amiss. That something came in the form of a lesbian experience that led her to realize what had been missing all along. A precursor to the "lipstick lesbian" the author, now a prominent Beverly Hills psychotherapist, recounts the struggles, joys, and humor of growing up homosexual in an era of repression. Her memoir provides a first-person account of the evolution of sexual mores over the last thirty years.

Paperback

First published January 1, 2001

Reviews

[T Priest · Rating 1 out of 5]

Being a misogynistic, lesbophobic lesbian has got to be nearly impossible, but somehow Dr. Joan Denson has found a way to do all three. This edition was also riddled with typos, not sure where the fault lies with that, but it interfered with my understanding of certain portions of the book.

[Kim Miller-Davis · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read the original version of this book, which was subtitled "Memoir of a Life in Hiding" rather than "Acceptance of Myself as a Lesbian." I like the original title better for multiple reasons, most significantly because the psychological devastation that results from the concealment of one's identity is at the crux of this excellent memoir.

Denson starts her story by describing her trip as a 19-year-old ingenue to Amsterdam to meet Otto Frank the father of her kindred spirit, Anne Frank. Although so many young girls then (and now) felt a special kinship when they read Anne's diary, it turns out that Denson is more like Anne than she knows for she, too, spends the majority of her life in hiding--secreting the truth about her sexuality from everyone: her parents, her friends, her coworkers, her husband, and her son. For over 40 years, Denson lives outwardly as a heterosexual, with only her life partner and a few select friends in the know.

Although this is a "coming-out" memoir, it is so much more than just a book about being a closeted lesbian (as the subtitle suggests). It is a story about identity and acceptance--the ways in which human beings often allow our fears about what others might think scare us from revealing our inner selves. It is about the ways in which our secrets can destroy our ability for connection with those we most care about. And it is a book about the ways in which the unveiling of our authentic selves enables the types of connectedness, with others and within ourselves, that enables self-acceptance, personal fulfillment, and peace.

I recommend it for everyone--both gay and straight.

[Emily Buxengaard · Rating 4 out of 5]

While the clarity of the writing could certainly be better (say it with me, friends. "Smile" and "leer" are not acceptable synonyms for "said"), the story is engaging and at times moved me to tears. I can't fault the writing too much when I was still able to connect with the book on such a deep level.

[Sue Perkinson Hawkins · Rating 1 out of 5]

Never finished. For sure not my kind of reading. Threw it in the trash.

[Sadiek · Rating 4 out of 5]

The book “Except For One Little Problem” by, Joan Denson was a great book, if I had to give it a rating it would probably be 4 out of 5 stars, because, it talks about how lesbians, bi’s and gays didn’t have a right to be shown out in public back then.

Joan realized when she was in college that she liked girls, she didn’t like the fact at first but then she got used to it, after marrying a boy she got divorced and married a girl. She is in love with the girl and some crazy things happen along the way.

Most of this book is strong points, like one of my favorite strong points in this book is how Vicky isn’t afraid of being out in the open with her relationship with women, she doesn’t care what others think. I think this is a strong point because people shouldn’t be afraid of who they are, sure some people will judge but that is life. They have to get used to it and if your bi, or lesbian, or gay then who cares. I think that everyone shouldn’t hide who they are because in the end that could become a really horrible thing, because if you never tell the truth then no one will know who you really are.

I don’t think there are any weak points in the book except that when Joan’s son is mentioned he grows up to fast, all the characters do. In the end we don’t really know what age Joan’s son is but we have to guess in his 20’s but we are not for sure.

For this book I recommend not to read it if you don’t approve of lesbians, gays, or bi people. Also I don’t recommend you read this book if you don’t want to read some bad parts in the book. This book only has a couple bad words in it, it’s not that bad, and there are some bad parts in the book.

In my opinion I think females would enjoy this book the most because it is mostly about girls and their rights, and what they do. I recommend this book to the age of 14+, because there are some intense parts in the book.