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Going Inside: A Couple's Journey of Renewal into the North
Tired of the frantic activity of society, and, more troubling, growing tired of each other (and their inability to have a child), Alan Kesselheim and Marypat Zitzer decide to take unusual steps to avert a crisis in their marriage. They escape on a year-long canoeing expedition.
They begin paddling at Grand Cache, Alberta, on the Smoky River. Following old fur-trade routes, they travel northeast, to the far end of Lake Athabaska. Their first summer’s paddling done, they dig in for a long, lonely winter in a tiny cabin in a deserted fishing camp. It is here that Marypat discovers, against all expectations, that she is pregnant.
When the thaw comes, they resolve to press on into the Northwest Territories, north of the tree line and beyond the reach of medical help, to try to reach Baker Lake – although, assuming all goes well, Marypat will be heavily pregnant by the time they reach their destination…
The heart of Going Inside is not the adventure of white-water rapids or the ferocious storms and numbing cold, but rather Alan Kesselheim’s deep joy at the beauty and healing power of the natural world – discovering fresh wolf tracks, looking an otter in the face, observing the ever-changing character of a river each day, seeing the slow stirring of the natural world as the hard grip of a northern winter begins to ease.
In this environment, what seemed important back in civilization becomes trivial, and the natural cycle, so easily ignored when insulated by modern living, becomes profound.
With rare grace Kesselheim enfolds his reader in this world and portrays the universal drama of two people learning how to get along.
They begin paddling at Grand Cache, Alberta, on the Smoky River. Following old fur-trade routes, they travel northeast, to the far end of Lake Athabaska. Their first summer’s paddling done, they dig in for a long, lonely winter in a tiny cabin in a deserted fishing camp. It is here that Marypat discovers, against all expectations, that she is pregnant.
When the thaw comes, they resolve to press on into the Northwest Territories, north of the tree line and beyond the reach of medical help, to try to reach Baker Lake – although, assuming all goes well, Marypat will be heavily pregnant by the time they reach their destination…
The heart of Going Inside is not the adventure of white-water rapids or the ferocious storms and numbing cold, but rather Alan Kesselheim’s deep joy at the beauty and healing power of the natural world – discovering fresh wolf tracks, looking an otter in the face, observing the ever-changing character of a river each day, seeing the slow stirring of the natural world as the hard grip of a northern winter begins to ease.
In this environment, what seemed important back in civilization becomes trivial, and the natural cycle, so easily ignored when insulated by modern living, becomes profound.
With rare grace Kesselheim enfolds his reader in this world and portrays the universal drama of two people learning how to get along.
282 pages, Hardcover
First published May 13, 1995
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Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews
January 10, 2026
White water rapids, ferocious storms, numbing cold and daily encounters with bears, wolves, otter and caribou … all in a day’s work!
A year long canoe expedition, traveling and wintering over in the unforgiving terrain of the western Canadian sub-arctic at the limit of the treeline to escape the demands of a hectic modern society and to strengthen the flagging bonds of their marriage that had been tested by their inability to have a child isn’t the solution that would come to mind for every couple, to be sure. But Alan Kesselheim and Marypat Zitzer are clearly not your run-of-the-mill couple.
The sub-title tells the story. GOING INSIDE is the story of “a couple’s journey of renewal into the north” and what a tale it is. The back cover blurb summarizes the account well – “part love story, part adventure, part hymn to the great beauty of the North” – but it takes the extraordinary craftsmanship of Kesselheim’s narrative skill and glorious writing to really put it over the top.
Some descriptions to give a potential reader an idea of the depth of what is in store:
“ … indefinable riverine qualities communicate through the shaft of my paddle, through my already callused hands, and translate in my muscles and nerves into impressions as clear as those when I meet a person for the first time. I sense immediately that the Peace [River] is easy to underestimate.”
“It takes a strong wind to ruffle its surface, and the weight of water, the volume and breadth and scale of the river, is so immense that it takes on a quality of some heavier medium, like pewter. Only when we turn against the flow and paddle upstream is the true velocity and strength of the river brought home. Then, the water leans into us, a power unimaginable, a patience and insistence almost geologic.”
And even as you sit in awe of Kesselheim’s writing skill, you’ll have the opportunity to learn a few things about the Canada’s almost boundless out of doors as well:
“Trees that live in this frigid land – jack pine, black spruce, tamarack, poplar, birch – have adapted accordingly. During winter the sap is ejected from cells, into the spaces between them. When the sap freezes, at -40⁰C and colder, it does no harm. More southerly trees don’t have this capability and temperatures beyond minus forty will kill them.”
If outdoor writing is your cup of tea, then you won’t want to miss GOING INSIDE. Highly recommended.
Paul Weiss
A year long canoe expedition, traveling and wintering over in the unforgiving terrain of the western Canadian sub-arctic at the limit of the treeline to escape the demands of a hectic modern society and to strengthen the flagging bonds of their marriage that had been tested by their inability to have a child isn’t the solution that would come to mind for every couple, to be sure. But Alan Kesselheim and Marypat Zitzer are clearly not your run-of-the-mill couple.
The sub-title tells the story. GOING INSIDE is the story of “a couple’s journey of renewal into the north” and what a tale it is. The back cover blurb summarizes the account well – “part love story, part adventure, part hymn to the great beauty of the North” – but it takes the extraordinary craftsmanship of Kesselheim’s narrative skill and glorious writing to really put it over the top.
Some descriptions to give a potential reader an idea of the depth of what is in store:
“ … indefinable riverine qualities communicate through the shaft of my paddle, through my already callused hands, and translate in my muscles and nerves into impressions as clear as those when I meet a person for the first time. I sense immediately that the Peace [River] is easy to underestimate.”
“It takes a strong wind to ruffle its surface, and the weight of water, the volume and breadth and scale of the river, is so immense that it takes on a quality of some heavier medium, like pewter. Only when we turn against the flow and paddle upstream is the true velocity and strength of the river brought home. Then, the water leans into us, a power unimaginable, a patience and insistence almost geologic.”
And even as you sit in awe of Kesselheim’s writing skill, you’ll have the opportunity to learn a few things about the Canada’s almost boundless out of doors as well:
“Trees that live in this frigid land – jack pine, black spruce, tamarack, poplar, birch – have adapted accordingly. During winter the sap is ejected from cells, into the spaces between them. When the sap freezes, at -40⁰C and colder, it does no harm. More southerly trees don’t have this capability and temperatures beyond minus forty will kill them.”
If outdoor writing is your cup of tea, then you won’t want to miss GOING INSIDE. Highly recommended.
Paul Weiss
May 12, 2025
I really enjoyed this book. Boy does it make me yearn for a canoe trip. There is truly nothing like spending a good amount of time on a river exploring the north. And what a beautiful couple. The year long canoe trip signified a giant next step in Alan and Mary Pats relationship. They closed a very difficult chapter and began a beautiful new journey. This book makes me want to experience the wilderness with a partner like they did.
February 8, 2020
My favorite line from the book is "Why does it seem anything but sloth to notice the small, miraculous events around me, and to allow the currents of thought to flow unrestricted?". Kesselheim masterfully describes the "miraculous events", gifting the reader with the fullness of nature, which few of us have the opportunity to experience in the way that he and his wife Marypat did. I am very thankful that my good friend, Jeanie, shared her cousin's book with me.
April 23, 2019
what a great book.
November 30, 2023
Absolutely loved this book, so much, that I read it twice and may read it again.
July 27, 2008
The author and his wife Marypat Zitzer took a yearlong canoe trip in northern Canada while in the midst of personal issues. I really enjoyed their story -- how being in the wilderness for so long brought them closer together -- and Kesselheim's descriptions of the rivers they traveled, the friends they made, and the animals they saw along the way. The couple became pregnant during their year "Inside" and reading about their canoe travels during pregnancy was fascinating.
I took a canoe trip on the Yellowstone River with Kesselheim and Zitzer in 2003. They worked very well as a team, and I suppose taking such long, bonding trips together helped.
I took a canoe trip on the Yellowstone River with Kesselheim and Zitzer in 2003. They worked very well as a team, and I suppose taking such long, bonding trips together helped.
March 9, 2013
Despite providing too many personally intimate details for my taste, something common to Kesselheim's writing, this is an excellent narrative of a 2,000 mile canoe journey by the author and his wife through northern Canada. Marypat becomes pregnant while they winter over in a semi-wilderness cabin, fulfilling a lifelong dream, and the tension in their marriage dissipates. Oh, and they travel through true wilderness, battling black flies, whitewater, storms, and sundry other challenges including while Marypat is pregnant and increasingly uncomfortable. Well worth reading if you're a fan of canoeing, wilderness journeys, or couples working through their issues. :0)
July 22, 2018
A second time reading this - an amazing journey to the Canadian North over winter and as remote as remote can be.
Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews