How To Talk: Siblings Without Rivalry

by Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish

Paperback

About the author

Adele Faber graduated from Queens College with a B.A. in theater and drama, earned her master's degree in education from New York University, and taught in the New York City high schools for eight years before joining the faculty of the New School for Social Research in New York and Family Life Institute of C.W. Post College of Long Island University. She is the mother of three children.

Reviews

[Gerdien · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dit is een vervolg op How2Talk2Kids. Ook goed los te lezen. Geen ander boek raad ik zo vaak aan in mijn werk als deze boeken. Makkelijk leesbaar, concrete voorbeelden.

[Aimee · Rating 4 out of 5]

- Acknowledge feelings. Negative feelings need to be allowed and accepted to be processed, negative behaviours need to be limited
- Avoid comparisons, leaves everyone feeling bad or pigeonholed
- Equal is less – children don’t want to be loved ‘equally’ without differentiation. They want to be loved for their individual self. They don’t need to be given things equally (time, clothes, food) but as needed, where everyone has their needs met
- Avoid pigeonholing into roles. Difficult for both the ‘good’ and the ‘bad’ child in any domain. Eg. “You’re smart but you’re good with people”. Children need to be free to change and be who they are, regardless of who their sibling is
- Helpful interventions when kids fight:
o 1. Acknowledge anger toward each other. 2. Listen to each child’s side of the problem with respect. 3. Show appreciation for the difficulty of the problem. 4. Express faith in their ability to sort out a mutually agreeable solution. 5. Leave the room.
o When fighting heads toward hurting: 1. Describe what you see (two angry children about to hurt each other), 2. Establish limits (this is a dangerous situation, we need to cool off), 3. Separate.
o “Is this a play fight or a real fight?” Play fights are fine while all involved are having fun, must respect a request to stop
o Facilitate a problem solving session. Write down each child’s feelings and concerns. Brainstorm solutions. Decide on an acceptable solution to trial
o Supporting a request for help without taking sides: state the value or rule eg. Homework gets top priority for using the computer

[Minnie . · Rating 5 out of 5]

I listened to the first book, How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen, and it truly worked wonders for me. It helped me understand my children so much better.

Naturally, I was drawn to this book as well, hoping to support my kids in building a beautiful and healthy relationship. This book goes in depth into how children feel, think, and perceive the world around their siblings and the illustrations make everything easy to visualise and remember.

I’m genuinely grateful that I bought this book. I often carry it with me just to flip through, and I’ve already seen a noticeable positive change in my kids’ behaviour after implementing its teachings.

If I could give it 10 stars instead of 5, I absolutely would. It has done wonders to my little chipmunks.

[Vinny · Rating 2 out of 5]

I’m sure the key takeaways are meaningful but it’s hard for to get through the book when it’s full of personal anecdotes and “workshop” dialogues that can feel overly drawn out. I’d prefer core insights and practical takeaways — without the fluff. That’s just my personal take.