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Wounded Minister, The
Every church deals with personality conflicts and intermittent discord. But in some churches, what should be normal clashes has become a devastating form of abuse-pastoral abuse. A growing phenomenon that cuts across denominational lines and impacts every level of ministry, pastoral abuse leaves in its wake thousands of wounded clergymen with ruined ministries, broken relationships, damaged health, even shattered faith.
The Wounded Minister: Healing for Abused Clergy, written by a clinically trained pastoral counselor, examines the reality of evil in churches and the ways in which "pathological antagonists" emotionally and spiritually batter pastors. A deft mix of personal experience and in-depth research, this resource will help wounded men and women of all ministerial positions learn how to recover their broken hearts while rebuilding their lives. And as preventative medicine, it also provides guidelines on how spiritually sensitive Christians can develop a church structure that protects their pastors from this tragedy.
Both compassionate and proactive, this book is an excellent resource for hurting pastors as well as lay leadership pursuing healthy church life.
The Wounded Minister: Healing for Abused Clergy, written by a clinically trained pastoral counselor, examines the reality of evil in churches and the ways in which "pathological antagonists" emotionally and spiritually batter pastors. A deft mix of personal experience and in-depth research, this resource will help wounded men and women of all ministerial positions learn how to recover their broken hearts while rebuilding their lives. And as preventative medicine, it also provides guidelines on how spiritually sensitive Christians can develop a church structure that protects their pastors from this tragedy.
Both compassionate and proactive, this book is an excellent resource for hurting pastors as well as lay leadership pursuing healthy church life.
238 pages, Paperback
First published July 1, 2001
15 people are currently reading
18 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews
March 24, 2022
A must for any clergy person who’s been wounded or abused by the church
I was attracted to this book after being wounded by a baptist church. This book was spot on regarding my experience. I recommended this book to the deacon leadership still serving at my previous church in hopes that they will learn how not to wound the next minister.
If you’re a wounded clergy, you’ll find affirmation and Gospel-centered hope in this book.
I was attracted to this book after being wounded by a baptist church. This book was spot on regarding my experience. I recommended this book to the deacon leadership still serving at my previous church in hopes that they will learn how not to wound the next minister.
If you’re a wounded clergy, you’ll find affirmation and Gospel-centered hope in this book.
March 29, 2020
Good book with great material that synthesizes other good works on antagonists within the church. Some of the anonymized stories within are mind boggling. Written from a Baptist perspective, so the part on church polity and suggested administrative council are already within the Episcopal polity of the United Methodist Church of which I am a part (e.g. Pastor Parish Relations Committee, and Administrative Council). Highlights and notes below:
Pathological antagonists have little or terribly misrepresented evidence. Logical fallacies of pettifogging (quibbling over petty details, offering strong proof of irrelevant points), extension (exaggerating opponent’s position), lying/falsification, argumentum ad ignoratium;
PA’s have a God problem, deep seated anger for some reason out of past experiences, and thus directs it towards the minister (representative of God).
PA’s attack behavior is selfish in nature. They will seize on a spiritual goal such as good of church, and pretend that’s what they’re fighting for, but what they really want is power, control, status, authority.
Evil persons attack others rather than face their own faults. They refuse to grow spiritually because that would require them to admit they need to grow.
Passive lay leaders are the pastor’s greatest enemy because they refuse to protect the minister from abuse by mustering the courage.
Tree story: Three men said to antagonist, We want you to remember this special tree. We all know that our beloved pastor resigned in tears over the way you treated him and we have decided that we shouldn’t have allowed that to happen. We are here to repent of our silence over what you did. We have covenanted under this tree that we will not allow you to antagonize the new pastor, so don’t think about causing any trouble. This is why this tree is a special place for all of us.”
God expects a church’s lay leadership to respect and follow the leadership of their pastor; other how can he be considered a leader? Why have a pastor if you are not going to follow him as the shepherd of the congregation? Why not just hire a Sunday preacher?
Calling people to the carpet: “Not one of these troublemakers in our church has ever won a single person to Christ.” (Boom!)
Antagonists are always right. Loss of members, finances, spiritual fervor, whatever it is, these self-appointed judges of ministry always blame others, particularly the minister.
How to respond: Use “I messages” addressing the problem/behavior rather than person involved. e.g. “It makes me very angry when I am criticized behind my back with accusations that are unfair or untrue.” “It angers me when anonymous letters are written containing lies or half-truths by sources that do not have all the necessary facts.”
In forgiving, forgive the person, not the church or institution. Forgive for what people do, not who they are.
Pathological antagonists in destroying trust between a minister and people are destroying the fellowship of the Spirit and that is nothing short of moral evil.
Reminder to pastors: Listen again to your call to ministry.
Revise basic beliefs! e.g. Although I’m not a failure, there may be times when I fail, and I will try to learn from them. I trust God to be in control ultimately. I do not need everyone’s approval only God’s and my own. Others are responsible for their own feelings as I am for mine. I am a victor in Christ. Love is a gift, not conditional or based on accomplishments. If anything goes wrong, I will seek counsel, learn from experience, but not beat myself up or take all the blame. Others have a right to question my opinions, plans, beliefs, maybe I can learn from them. If others hurt me deeply, I will try to understand why and ask God’s help to forgive them.
The Wounded Healer by Henri Nouwen: Rabbi Yoshua ben Levi came upon Elijah the prophet and asked, When will the Messiah come? Elijah replies, Go and ask him yourself. Where is he? Sitting at the gates of the city. How shall I know him? He is sitting among the poor covered with wounds. The others unbind all their wounds at the same time and then bind them up again. But he unbinds one at a time and binds it up again, saying to himself, Perhaps I shall be needed: if so I must always be ready so as not to delay for a moment.
Pathological antagonists have little or terribly misrepresented evidence. Logical fallacies of pettifogging (quibbling over petty details, offering strong proof of irrelevant points), extension (exaggerating opponent’s position), lying/falsification, argumentum ad ignoratium;
PA’s have a God problem, deep seated anger for some reason out of past experiences, and thus directs it towards the minister (representative of God).
PA’s attack behavior is selfish in nature. They will seize on a spiritual goal such as good of church, and pretend that’s what they’re fighting for, but what they really want is power, control, status, authority.
Evil persons attack others rather than face their own faults. They refuse to grow spiritually because that would require them to admit they need to grow.
Passive lay leaders are the pastor’s greatest enemy because they refuse to protect the minister from abuse by mustering the courage.
Tree story: Three men said to antagonist, We want you to remember this special tree. We all know that our beloved pastor resigned in tears over the way you treated him and we have decided that we shouldn’t have allowed that to happen. We are here to repent of our silence over what you did. We have covenanted under this tree that we will not allow you to antagonize the new pastor, so don’t think about causing any trouble. This is why this tree is a special place for all of us.”
God expects a church’s lay leadership to respect and follow the leadership of their pastor; other how can he be considered a leader? Why have a pastor if you are not going to follow him as the shepherd of the congregation? Why not just hire a Sunday preacher?
Calling people to the carpet: “Not one of these troublemakers in our church has ever won a single person to Christ.” (Boom!)
Antagonists are always right. Loss of members, finances, spiritual fervor, whatever it is, these self-appointed judges of ministry always blame others, particularly the minister.
How to respond: Use “I messages” addressing the problem/behavior rather than person involved. e.g. “It makes me very angry when I am criticized behind my back with accusations that are unfair or untrue.” “It angers me when anonymous letters are written containing lies or half-truths by sources that do not have all the necessary facts.”
In forgiving, forgive the person, not the church or institution. Forgive for what people do, not who they are.
Pathological antagonists in destroying trust between a minister and people are destroying the fellowship of the Spirit and that is nothing short of moral evil.
Reminder to pastors: Listen again to your call to ministry.
Revise basic beliefs! e.g. Although I’m not a failure, there may be times when I fail, and I will try to learn from them. I trust God to be in control ultimately. I do not need everyone’s approval only God’s and my own. Others are responsible for their own feelings as I am for mine. I am a victor in Christ. Love is a gift, not conditional or based on accomplishments. If anything goes wrong, I will seek counsel, learn from experience, but not beat myself up or take all the blame. Others have a right to question my opinions, plans, beliefs, maybe I can learn from them. If others hurt me deeply, I will try to understand why and ask God’s help to forgive them.
The Wounded Healer by Henri Nouwen: Rabbi Yoshua ben Levi came upon Elijah the prophet and asked, When will the Messiah come? Elijah replies, Go and ask him yourself. Where is he? Sitting at the gates of the city. How shall I know him? He is sitting among the poor covered with wounds. The others unbind all their wounds at the same time and then bind them up again. But he unbinds one at a time and binds it up again, saying to himself, Perhaps I shall be needed: if so I must always be ready so as not to delay for a moment.
June 6, 2008
If you a part of that very large club of pastors who have experiences forced termination, you should read this book!
July 23, 2022
Once Wounded
Not sure where to begin, I am just getting over it myself. I had a family of 19 with a lay leader who hurt me in a mighty way. It was my first pastorate at the age of 57 where my predecessor left under bad circumstances. This book cleared up everything, including how these people get to be in charge. The chapter on forgiveness is very important, also finding a good support system. This book should be taught in Seminary. Thank you, I will recommend this book to others who have been wounded. Sincerely, Once wounded, now healed.
Not sure where to begin, I am just getting over it myself. I had a family of 19 with a lay leader who hurt me in a mighty way. It was my first pastorate at the age of 57 where my predecessor left under bad circumstances. This book cleared up everything, including how these people get to be in charge. The chapter on forgiveness is very important, also finding a good support system. This book should be taught in Seminary. Thank you, I will recommend this book to others who have been wounded. Sincerely, Once wounded, now healed.
January 16, 2025
Excellent book for ministers who’ve been hurt in the church. I’ve been carrying church hurt since I was a teenager and up until our previous church where my husband was on staff. Finally walking through therapy and healing to be a wound healer for others in ministry. Lots of tears shed as I relived a lot from being triggered however, the steps to walk towards healing are great
March 20, 2022
Includes helpful suggestions
Appreciate ch 13 tips for dealing with dysfunctional thinking. There were several practical tips for ministers and their families that can be implemented even before or without the personal attacks or dysfunctional dynamics.
Appreciate ch 13 tips for dealing with dysfunctional thinking. There were several practical tips for ministers and their families that can be implemented even before or without the personal attacks or dysfunctional dynamics.
January 23, 2025
Wounded Ministers
A lot of good information, especially a lot of anecdotal, giving assurance that no it's not just about you many other good men have been unfairly treated and abused.
A lot of good information, especially a lot of anecdotal, giving assurance that no it's not just about you many other good men have been unfairly treated and abused.
January 22, 2011
This book covers a lot regarding what happens when one or more members of a congregation turn on the leadership in a church in a real ugly way. It's got some good info in it, but it's really only about very traditional, hierarchical churches that follow the Constantinian model -- otherwise there wouldn't be this "big buy" at the top to bully, etc. The true solution is to stop running or participating in "churches" that are so lacking in the (real) Holy Spirit that this kind of "Christian" behavior becomes "normal".
Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews