The Goal of Marriage

by Dan B. Allender, Tremper Longman III

What is marriage for? How does God answer that question? Dan B. Allender and Tremper Longman III have together written this inductive Bible study guide to help couples build healthy and happy marriages. Through six study sessions for individuals, couples or groups, they lead you through an overview of their model for marriage, following the "leave, weave, cleave" imagery of the leave your parents, weave a life together and cleave to each other. Intimate Marriage Bible studies bring spouses into deeper communion with God and with each other. In marriage a man and a woman are called to leave their families of origin, to weave their individual lives into a unity and to cleave to each other. How can fallen human beings even begin to contemplate this ideal--God's ideal? These studies will help you take small but real steps toward honoring the image of God in each other and living out God's goal for marriage. As you explore and respond to Scripture together, you will discover strength and beauty in your marriage and become even more intimate companions.

Genres: Marriage

61 pages, Paperback

First published July 1, 2005

About the author

Dan B. Allender, Ph.D, is a fly fisherman who also serves as president and professor of counseling at Mars Hill Graduate School near Seattle, Washington. He is a therapist in private practice, and a frequent speaker and seminar leader. Dan received his M.Div. from Westminster Theological Seminary and his Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from Michigan State University. He is the author of To Be Told: Know Your Story / Shape Your Future, How Children Raise Parents, and The Healing Path, as well as The Wounded Heart, Bold Love, and Intimate Allies. He and his wife, Rebecca, are the parents of three children.

Reviews

[Christopher Goins · Rating 5 out of 5]

If Catholic philosopher Peter Kreeft's "Philosophy 101" was about doing philosophy and not just reading it, then "The Goal of Marriage" by New Testament scholars Dan Allender and Tremper Longman III is about "doing marriage" and not just reading about it. This book is meant for married couples. Yet a single or unmarried couple can benefit from this book too (shouldn't we all know what marriage is before diving into it?)

While some people believe that the purpose of marriage is to produce off-spring, the authors strongly reject that idea and reminds us that when marriage is instituted in Genesis 2:18-25 that children are not mentioned. This should be all that needs to be said about the issue. I take it that the "be fruitful and multiply commandment" is a part of the overall mission of man to have dominion over the Earth and rule as God's representatives, men as Kings, and women as Queens, created in God's image -- but that is not the goal of marriage. The book explains that the Bible defines marriage in terms of "leaving" (parents), "weaving" (together) and "cleaving" (in sexual intimacy). Marriage also establishes a new loyalty (God is still first, but now the spouse becomes second). It also focuses on origins and humanity's place in creation, sprinkles some Semitic and Ancient Near Eastern background throughout the text, and seemingly takes the book of Genesis as indispensable history.

God is being polemical even with marriage. As the author writes, "Genesis 1 was not written to counter modern scientific approaches to the question of human origins, but rather to rival other ancient Near Eastern accounts." Yahweh, the God of Jesus, Moses, Isaac and Jacob, is taking to task "Mesopotamian myths" such as the "Enuma Elish" and "Atrahasis" by offering "different perspectives on human beings and their relationship to the divine realm." For example, the implications of man's relationship to God are vastly different in each account. In the Mesopotamian myths, man is made from the gods, in one tradition, which on the face of it would eliminate the "creator-creature" distinction. In another tradition man is made from the spit of the gods, while another "refers to the blood of an executed demon god." They are, in short, "created to serve the gods in menial tasks and to provide them with food through their sacrifices."

Not so in the Biblical account. "In the biblical account humans are the apex of creation and in intimate relationship with their creator."

I was surprised to see some quotes in a Christian book.

"I don't have words to express the intense, deep pleasure of making love with my husband," an unnamed woman is quoted as saying. I found that to be really raw and adds to theme of marriage involving "cleaving together in sexual bliss." Another person is quoted as saying that marital sex gets better each year (Do they teach that in adult Sunday school?)

I was also pleased to read about how married people enjoy "relational richness." It just sounds -- rich.

Many people talk about how their ideal partner should "bring out the best in them," or "make them a better person," or "add to them." But this book adds something that was a complete surprise to me, something that I thought was only done individually: "This divinely instituted type of marriage is one that will…Have a part in transforming us from sinners to saints."

In terms of structure, it's a study guide meant to be used with a DVD in group setting or in group with the book only. But I didn't use the DVD or study with a group, and yet I learned a lot about marriage. This book does not address politics, although the implications of the book would inform one's politics (such as the above-mentioned fact that Genesis does not mention producing off-spring as the purpose of marriage; an idea that would shut down Christians who believe so and advocate based on that line of reasoning in the public policy arena; but would also shut down gay marriage proponents in the sense that it takes away that straw-man.)