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You Don't Have to Be Gay: Hope and Freedom for Males Struggling with Homosexuality, or for Those Who Know of Someone Who Is
A non-technical, true-to-life book that shatters the myths about homosexuality, its causes and cures. Not based on simple pat answers, you Don't Have To Be Gay gives clear instruction, well-documented argumentation, heartening encouragement, honest self-analysis and practical suggestions. Perfect for all who desire to understand homosexuality and its root causes.
304 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1987
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69 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews
July 29, 2025
When I first saw the title, I assumed it was satire. A joke book. Maybe an Onion parody that somehow slipped past Amazon’s algorithm. I clicked “Order” mostly out of morbid curiosity, convinced the package would never arrive. But arrive it did — in its modest Amazon-branded cardboard, as if it were any other book and not a flaming piece of paper doused in holy water.
The book, for context, was published in 1987, though its moral compass seems to have taken a wrong turn around 1963. It draws heavily — and I mean heavily — on studies from an era when homosexuality was considered a diagnosable condition, the kind that warranted padded rooms and electroshock therapy. And yet, somehow, parents are still handing this book to their gay, lesbian, or questioning children like it’s a spiritual Band-Aid. Like salvation has a mailing address.
The plot, if you can call it that, unfolds as a series of letters between one man who’s been "cured" and another still stuck in the supposed muck of same-sex attraction. Together, they form a spiritual relay race, handing off Scripture and pseudo-science like a baton. According to Jeff Konrad, homosexuality is the result of “broken” gender identity — a spiritual fracture that can be healed with enough prayer, elbow grease, and denial.
The fourth edition, printed in 2001, softens the language slightly — a PR update, if you will. Now, it insists that change is only possible for men who truly want it. You know, the ones already uncomfortable with themselves. A minor mercy.
Naturally, this led me to a Google spiral, where I found that Exodus International — the now-defunct poster child of gay-to-straight conversion therapy — once touted this book like it was gospel. They pushed it on parents, on pastors, on vulnerable young men desperate to be “normal.” And that’s the tragedy. The studies cited throughout are fifty years old and sound like they were transcribed from Freud’s worst fever dream. Yet they’ve been propped up as scientific gospel by organizations with a vested interest in shame.
Reading this didn’t just make me angry — it made me profoundly sad. Sad for the kids who believed they were broken. Sad for the ones who tried to pray themselves straight. Sad for the ones who didn’t survive that attempt. Because we know, we know, that conversion efforts lead to depression, anxiety, and a terrifyingly high risk of suicide.
So yes, I read the book. And no, I don’t think anyone else should have to.
The book, for context, was published in 1987, though its moral compass seems to have taken a wrong turn around 1963. It draws heavily — and I mean heavily — on studies from an era when homosexuality was considered a diagnosable condition, the kind that warranted padded rooms and electroshock therapy. And yet, somehow, parents are still handing this book to their gay, lesbian, or questioning children like it’s a spiritual Band-Aid. Like salvation has a mailing address.
The plot, if you can call it that, unfolds as a series of letters between one man who’s been "cured" and another still stuck in the supposed muck of same-sex attraction. Together, they form a spiritual relay race, handing off Scripture and pseudo-science like a baton. According to Jeff Konrad, homosexuality is the result of “broken” gender identity — a spiritual fracture that can be healed with enough prayer, elbow grease, and denial.
The fourth edition, printed in 2001, softens the language slightly — a PR update, if you will. Now, it insists that change is only possible for men who truly want it. You know, the ones already uncomfortable with themselves. A minor mercy.
Naturally, this led me to a Google spiral, where I found that Exodus International — the now-defunct poster child of gay-to-straight conversion therapy — once touted this book like it was gospel. They pushed it on parents, on pastors, on vulnerable young men desperate to be “normal.” And that’s the tragedy. The studies cited throughout are fifty years old and sound like they were transcribed from Freud’s worst fever dream. Yet they’ve been propped up as scientific gospel by organizations with a vested interest in shame.
Reading this didn’t just make me angry — it made me profoundly sad. Sad for the kids who believed they were broken. Sad for the ones who tried to pray themselves straight. Sad for the ones who didn’t survive that attempt. Because we know, we know, that conversion efforts lead to depression, anxiety, and a terrifyingly high risk of suicide.
So yes, I read the book. And no, I don’t think anyone else should have to.
March 27, 2017
This book created even more confusion in my young mind when I read it and made me hate myself even more. Not only is it simply one man's opinion and entirely lacking in scientific fact, it's blatant true purpose of pushing the fundamental Christian agenda is overwhelming and blinding.
February 20, 2020
Very good book. I’ve met Jeff Konrad, he’s telling an authentic story. He came out of that lifestyle and was happily married to a former lesbian. You don’t have to agree with the premise, but, if you refuse to allow someone their own truth, that they were and are not now, you are the hater.
June 6, 2024
Author Jeff Konrad wrote in the ‘For the Record’ section of this 1987 book (revised in 1992), “This book is not an attack against those who have embraced homosexuality. If you are happy with your homosexual activity, [this book] is not for you. The sole purpose of this book is to educate people about the root causes of homosexuality, to offer sound counsel on how a person struggling with homosexual feelings and desires can overcome them, and to help those who are not happy as homosexual to change their identity… the title for this book… is not meant to be accusatory in any way… It isn’t, ‘You SHOULDN’T BE gay,’ but rather, if you really don’t want to, ‘You DON’T HAVE TO BE gay.’”
He wrote in the Author’s Preface, “[This book] comes out of my own prior struggles with homosexuality. It is my desire to help you understand the root causes of homosexuality and how to overcome a homosexual orientation. Despite what we hear from the media and the world at large, your homosexual orientation can be changed. I want you to know there is hope!” (Pg. 9)
He continues, “In the pages to follow you will not only discover that homosexuals are not burn gay, but you will also begin to experience the tremendous freedom in knowing you have a choice. I realize the word ‘choice’ upsets a lot of individuals, so let me explain… I’m not saying you woke up one day and chose to be sexually attracted to other men… What I am saying is that being gay is an acquired identity, an identity brought about through the misinterpretation of events and its subsequent responses… An inappropriate response to a situation here, another one there---eventually they all added up to a distorted image of myself… and, for me, a homosexual identity. Since homosexuality is an acquired identity, it makes sense that you can choose to change your identity… Finding the true causes of my homosexual orientation gave me the spark, the hope I needed to find the real me and relieve my inner turmoil.” (Pg. 11)
He asserts, “homosexuality isn’t an innate sexual problem, but one of gender identity… your sexual orientation isn’t caused by hormonal imbalances, or genetic … abnormalities. Homsexuality is but a symptom… of a confused, distorted, unaffirmed gender identity, of a disturbed personality which hasn’t yet reached its maturity due to unresolved emotional turmoil and needs left unmet in the course of growing up.” (Pg. 34) He contends, “there’s no such thing as a homosexual, only homosexual behavior. When you label yourself a homosexual, you’re accepting an identity which is not only invalid and unnecessary, but unfulfilling and ultimately very damaging.” (Pg. 65)
He recounts, “Part of my attraction … toward guys was … [an] all-consuming envy of a lifestyle I desired… I was attracted to guy who looked the way I wished I looked! Envy was the root of all homosexual relationships I aspired to.” (Pg. 79)
He states, “the cause of homosexuality is weak gender identity based on feelings of inadequacy as a male, lack of gender affirmation, and an absence of love and acceptance from the same sex---whether truly absent or simply unreceived.” (Pg. 197)
He recalls, “In the moment before I turned to God… I experienced the coldest, most shattering loneliness imaginable… In the moment after asking God into my life… I experienced a peace that surpassed all understanding and spoken language. The road to recovery … was a major struggle---I won’t deny that. But it was a struggle I no longer had to accomplish on my own. I had strength from above.” (Pg. 279)
He summarizes, “my problem wasn’t with women. My problem was with men… sex with women … did not satisfy my deepest longing. Something was still missing… I now realize my problem was not a sexual problem. My problem was a relational one… It wasn’t until I fulfilled my same-sex needs in appropriate ways that I found the satisfaction and healing I was looking for… When I see an attractive man… I now recognize a man for his attractiveness without sexual implications… for those who remain suspended in homosexuality’s limbo, just knowing that I existed should be convincing testimony that this is the road home. The door stands open---I hope you’ll join us. You don’t have to be gay!” (Pg. 281)
Obviously a controversial book, whose conclusions will be rejected out of hand by most of the LGBT community. But for men who are ‘struggling’ with a gay identity, and who are open to religious conversion, it may appeal. (It’s emphasis on religion is much less STRONG than similar books of testimony.)
He wrote in the Author’s Preface, “[This book] comes out of my own prior struggles with homosexuality. It is my desire to help you understand the root causes of homosexuality and how to overcome a homosexual orientation. Despite what we hear from the media and the world at large, your homosexual orientation can be changed. I want you to know there is hope!” (Pg. 9)
He continues, “In the pages to follow you will not only discover that homosexuals are not burn gay, but you will also begin to experience the tremendous freedom in knowing you have a choice. I realize the word ‘choice’ upsets a lot of individuals, so let me explain… I’m not saying you woke up one day and chose to be sexually attracted to other men… What I am saying is that being gay is an acquired identity, an identity brought about through the misinterpretation of events and its subsequent responses… An inappropriate response to a situation here, another one there---eventually they all added up to a distorted image of myself… and, for me, a homosexual identity. Since homosexuality is an acquired identity, it makes sense that you can choose to change your identity… Finding the true causes of my homosexual orientation gave me the spark, the hope I needed to find the real me and relieve my inner turmoil.” (Pg. 11)
He asserts, “homosexuality isn’t an innate sexual problem, but one of gender identity… your sexual orientation isn’t caused by hormonal imbalances, or genetic … abnormalities. Homsexuality is but a symptom… of a confused, distorted, unaffirmed gender identity, of a disturbed personality which hasn’t yet reached its maturity due to unresolved emotional turmoil and needs left unmet in the course of growing up.” (Pg. 34) He contends, “there’s no such thing as a homosexual, only homosexual behavior. When you label yourself a homosexual, you’re accepting an identity which is not only invalid and unnecessary, but unfulfilling and ultimately very damaging.” (Pg. 65)
He recounts, “Part of my attraction … toward guys was … [an] all-consuming envy of a lifestyle I desired… I was attracted to guy who looked the way I wished I looked! Envy was the root of all homosexual relationships I aspired to.” (Pg. 79)
He states, “the cause of homosexuality is weak gender identity based on feelings of inadequacy as a male, lack of gender affirmation, and an absence of love and acceptance from the same sex---whether truly absent or simply unreceived.” (Pg. 197)
He recalls, “In the moment before I turned to God… I experienced the coldest, most shattering loneliness imaginable… In the moment after asking God into my life… I experienced a peace that surpassed all understanding and spoken language. The road to recovery … was a major struggle---I won’t deny that. But it was a struggle I no longer had to accomplish on my own. I had strength from above.” (Pg. 279)
He summarizes, “my problem wasn’t with women. My problem was with men… sex with women … did not satisfy my deepest longing. Something was still missing… I now realize my problem was not a sexual problem. My problem was a relational one… It wasn’t until I fulfilled my same-sex needs in appropriate ways that I found the satisfaction and healing I was looking for… When I see an attractive man… I now recognize a man for his attractiveness without sexual implications… for those who remain suspended in homosexuality’s limbo, just knowing that I existed should be convincing testimony that this is the road home. The door stands open---I hope you’ll join us. You don’t have to be gay!” (Pg. 281)
Obviously a controversial book, whose conclusions will be rejected out of hand by most of the LGBT community. But for men who are ‘struggling’ with a gay identity, and who are open to religious conversion, it may appeal. (It’s emphasis on religion is much less STRONG than similar books of testimony.)
November 1, 2021
The title is correct. The content is subpar. I believe that often times in life there is a better way to convey a point, or a message, and I apply that here. I also understand that this was coming out of a completely different time and place, so maybe I should give the guy a break?
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August 22, 2013when i first realised i was a butt boy i read this book while furiously masterbating
Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews