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256 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1968
BÉRENGER (gaily, jumping up and down): I feel miserable when I think of the years going by like a lot of sacks we send back empty. I feel miserable when I think we're all going to leave one another and even take leave of ourselves. But hollow hours are made for sorrow. And today I'm filled with joy, overflowing with happiness. (BÉRENGER goes on jumping up and down while he says this and makes sweeping gestures with his arms, like wings.)
SECOND WOMAN: Destructive of what?
SECOND MAN: Destructive of everything.
JOHN BULL: It's an admirable piece of English construction.
JOURNALIST: It dates from the time of Mary Stuart.
JOSÉPHINE (using her lorgnette to cover her embarrassment): Mind what you're doing! They're looking at you.
The Enlgish characters have indeed turned around to face the public and they gaze at BÉRENGER, vaguely disapproving.
Don't get so excited! You get too carried away. Your excitability's much too Latin for their latitude. It's not nice. It's ridiculous.
JOURNALIST: But it had to be restored.
FIRST LADY: They don't make any like it nowadays.
BÉRENGER (hopping and jumping up and down): Forgive me, Josephine. I can't help it. Forgive me, ladies and gentlemen, I feel so gay I can't control it. I'm overflowing.
JOHN BULL: He feels so gay he can't control it.
FIRST MAN: He's overflowing.
BÉRENGER: I'm transported, carried away.
THE ENGLISHMEN: Transported!
THE ENGLISHWOMEN: Carried away!
FIRST WOMAN (to the LITTLE BOY): This gentleman's French, you see.
LITTLE GIRL: Why is that gentleman hopping up and down?
BÉRENGER: I'm overflowing, transported, carried away, lifted right off the ground. (Berenger's feet have indeed lifted a few inches from the ground.)
JOSÉPHINE: Don't talk so loud, Berenger.
BÉRENGER: The soles of my shoes are just brushing the top of the grass!
JOSÉPHINE: But what no earth do you think you're doing? Stop it!
BÉRENGER (to the English characters): Have you noticed anything?
FIRST MAN: He looks happy enough.
FIRST WOMAN: What's he doing?
JOURNALIST: He's walking very fast.
SECOND WOMAN: It looks as if he's gliding. Yes, he is gliding.
SECOND MAN: I think he's pretending to ski or to skate.
FIRST LADY: He's enjoying himself because it's Sunday.
SECOND LADY: We ought to enjoy ourselves on Sundays. But there's no need to caper about like a mad thing.
JOSÉPHINE: They say you must be mad.
LITTLE BOY: You'd almost think he'd grown. Grownups can grow too. (To his mother:) Do you still go on growing when you're grown up?
JOHN BULL: Perhaps. Perhaps he has grown an inch or two at the mot. In England, there's nothing very strange about that. (To JOSÉPHINE:) Don't let it worry you, Madame.
JOSÉPHINE: It's impossible. It's crazy.
JOURNALIST: It's hardly noticeable to us. We're usually very tall. Much taller than that.
SECOND MAN: He'll never be as tall as us.
FIRST MAN: Or, at any rate, not for long.
BÉRENGER has his feet on the ground again.
You see, he' just an average height again now.
BÉRENGER is again lifted from the ground.
MARTHE: Isn't it funny! Papa's walking above the grass. He's really walking over the top of the grass.
JOSÉPHINE: Oh, be quiet! You're mad. They'll start making fun of us.
The two children start hopping about.
FIRST WOMAN (to her son): Now, be a good boy! What do you think you're doing?
SECOND MAN (to his daughter): You mustn't hop about like this, that's no way to behave.
FIRST MAN: It's the terrible education they get at school. It's not like it used to be.
JOSÉPHINE: Now look here, Berenger, you're setting a very bad example.
MARTHE: But he is, yes he is, he's walking over the top of the grass.
JOSÉPHINE gazes at Berenger's feet with her lorgnette.
Look at the grass, and look at his feet!
JOSÉPHINE: But you're quite right. It's perfectly true. (To BÉRENGER:) It's not respectable, do you hear? What on earth do you think you're doing? Herbert, have you finished?
FIRST LADY: It's his way of showing he's happy. (To JOSÉPHINE:) Leave him alone, Madame, and let him enjoy himself.
JOHN BULL: There are a thousand ways of showing you're happy. But there's no need to show it at all.
SECNOD MAN: We'd rather be reserved.
JOURNALIST: It's one aspect of his personality. I'll make a note of that.
FIRST WOMAN: He's an artist.
FIRST LADY: I find it rather charming and original.
JOHN BULL: That is not my opinion.
FIRST MAN: After all, he is a guest.
JOSÉPHINE: Herbert! Herbert!
FIRST MAN: As he's a guest, let's say no more about it.
JOSÉPHINE: He's almost a foot about the ground! We'll be a laughing stock! You'll make us all look ridiculous.
JOHN BULL: I can't help thinking he's rather ill-bred.
The two OLD ENGLISH LADIES start hopping around like our feathered friends.
FIRST MAN: It's odd for someone from the Continent. He ought to have his feet on the ground.
SECOND MAN: Perhaps it's that disease they call St. Vitus's dance.
FIRST MAN (to the JOURNALIST): What do you make of it?
JOURNALIST: Modern man is quite unbalanced. As you can see in behaviour like this.
JOHN BULL (looking at the OLD LADIES): And as for them, they look like a lot of old hens. You see, it's infectious too.
FIRST WOMAN: I can't think how people can let themselves go like that and make an exhibition of themselves. (She starts hopping about like a bird too, and says to the LITTLE BOY who is not quite still:) That's enough! I tell you that's enough!
SECOND WOMAN: Neither can I. (She also begins to hope about.)
FIRST MAN: Our wives are light in the head.
SECOND MAN: They're unforgivably light on their feet.
The two Englishmen also start hopping about.
SECOND WOMAN (hopping about, to the LITTLE GIRL, who is now quite still): That's enough now! That's enough!
JOURNALIST: We ought to put these foreigners from the Continent in quarantine or at least vaccinate them before we let them in. (He too begins to hope about.)
JOHN BULL: That's what happens when you let your body get out of hand. It's very infectious. (He lumbers about with the others.)
BÉRENGER and his family are not the only ones who are not hopping about; the children and the others still go on with it for a few moments.
JOSÉPHINE (to BÉRENGER): Everyone says the same thing. They'll all think you've been badly brought up. (To MARTHE:) Whatever you do, don't you start.
MARTHE: Everyone's trying to do the same. But they can't. Papa's the most graceful.
JOSÉPHINE: They're only doing it out of politeness. (To BÉRENGER:) You look so badly brought up.
JOHN BULL (with a thick, rather singsong voice): No, no, you look so badly brought up.
BÉRENGER: I'll bring myself up a bit higher in a minute.
JOSÉPHINE: They'll attack you in the newspapers. You'll never get another English visa.
The other English character sing in chorus: "No, no, you've been so badly brought up." All movement ceases.
BÉRENGER: I feel uplifted and submerged by joy.
JOSÉPHINE (to MARTHE): What did he say?
MARTHE: Didn't you hear? He's been flooded. Uplifted and submerged by joy.
All the following passage is sung.
JOHN BULL: What did he say?
TWO LADIES: What did he say?
THE TWO ENGLISHMEN AND THE JOURNALIST: What did he say?
LITTLE GIRL (solo): He's been uplifted and submerged by joy. There's nothing wrong with that.
BÉRENGER leaps about, looking as though he was gliding through the water. End of the sung section.
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