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Collection: A Continuation of Intimacy
Book by Luthman, Shirley G.
Paperback
Published January 1, 1980
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January 11, 2014
Lots of good insights here, wish I had marked them while I was reading.
--
Reading again Dec. 2013.
Notes:
p. 8 "If you have energy invested in this person, this process; and, you do not like the words, stay with the energy flow unless the words or behavior are assaultive to you. If the words or behavior are assaultive or depreciating to you, then move away physically in the moment. Now, again, that does not mean that you have to leave this person permanently... Live in the moment. If in this moment you feel depreciated or assaulted--you are responsible for you--get out of the arena. When your insides say return, then come back. You are responsible for being depreciated and attacked--no one else is. Only you can depreciate you or attack you, and that is accomplished by not acting on your feelings. In any interaction, when you begin to feel depreciated or attacked, you can rely on the fact that that impression will not change in the moment. It is not going to get any better, so cut your losses and run."
p. 9 "If you honor your perceptions, you will not build up the kind of rage that results in severe or irreparable trauma in an interaction. That kind of rage is the result of the depreciation and helplessness experienced by the intuitive side of you when the active side does not support, trust, and protect it. It is literally as though you stood by and watched someone who you knew loved you more than anyone in the world be cut to pieces, and did nothing. Your intuitive self, your life force is livid with righteous indignation."
p. 18 "No one committed to self will necessarily see himself in any profession for a lifetime. He will be aware that the form may evolve into another form and be willing to allow that to happen."
p. 18 "The clients who come to you, or do not come to you, if you are losing clients, are giving you a statement about your internal structure. As your structure gets clearer, you do not have the sense of "losing" anybody. It is evident why anyone comes into your circle and why they are leaving, and there is no sense of loss or uncertainty about what happened. This is true in any relationship, therapy or otherwise. If you lose clients or other relationships and you do not think you know what is going on, that is a statement about your structure. It does not mean that something is wrong, but your insides are trying to assist you in understanding what you are not owning. How else are you going to teach yourself? ... Look for the learning--how are you not trusting yourself, how are you holding yourself back--rather than using your experience as a judgment or a bludgeon."
p. 29 "Assertion means letting your words, behavior, and expression follow the flow of feeling, back up your feelings, respect your feelings. It means, every moment in time, doing what you want to do and not doing what you do not want to do. It means recognizing that every moment in time when you do go against your feelings, you are experiencing a little death."
p. 30 "If you think you are manifesting your feeling, and the energy circulating becomes deader, you are coming from a fear place. Stop what you are doing, get out of your head, and allow your internal teacher space to give you clues about what is really going on. As long as you feel that flow moving and expanding, you are truly manifesting your insides."
p. 31 "The assertion of feelings with other people generates aliveness. The assertion of trust in yourself releases and empowers your internal teacher. The combination produces a creative expression in every area of your life that is totally unique to you. This is the connection with the cosmos--universal consciousness. Without that connection, life is a struggle; creation is a struggle. With it, life is experienced as a sensual flow in harmony with the flow of the universe around you."
"The basic reality is that we already have within us the power to create everything we want; but that power is limited by layers of belief systems which support fear, limitation, scarcity, pain and struggle. As you trust totally in yourself as creator and see all of your manifest experience as your own creation, you can utilize that data to peel away the layers of distortion that limit your creative abilities.
"Each person has a unique rhythm for peeling away those layers. So it is very important, when you recognize your distortions, that you do not depreciate yourself for having them or try to force change." Trust your intuitive self to make it work out just right.
p. 33 "That is the powerful message in the Frankenstein legend--we create our own monsters by our belief in and support of the things that make us afraid. Our worst fears, given enough consciously directed thought and energy, always manifest themselves in one form or another. We are constantly in the process of creating. Evolution and growth involve taking conscious charge of that creative force so that we manifest our deepest desires rather than the monsters who feed our fears and are fed by our fears."
p. 35 When not sure what to do about something, take the data to your intuitive self and let it process and make the decision. If it fits for you to act, you won't have to force yourself--it will become painful not to do it.
"If your head and your feelings are not congruent, assert the discrepancy. Stay with the data and your feelings until your intuitive self resolves the issues and an internal release of energy gives direction for action. Assertion is ownership of what is, not a struggle to compromise or resolve. The sense of struggle is always a statement that you are going against your natural flow. Drop your rules about what you should and should not do."
p. 36 "It is the ownership of the intuitive (feminine-yin energy) and the support of the intuitive in words, behavior, and intellect (masculine-yang energy) that provides a base for creating and sustaining the passionate flow of life without being drained or overwhelmed."
"The concept of struggle as inherent to life is a monster we have created. Everyone automatically buys the assumption that growth is only possible with pain... Very often, the real purpose of struggle is to prevent us from feeling all the fears we have accumulated. As long as we are focused on a problem, an issue or a goal, we keep our monsters at bay." It's not necessary, just a messed-up coping mechanism. We set up these miserable situations for ourselves to try to force ourselves to wake up or grow.
p. 39 "The assertion base that generates creativity involves a commitment to assertion--not an experimental, hesitant foray from time to time... Assertion does not work on a trial and error basis--it only works with total commitment to the process. The continuing payoff is not always understanding or resolution, but an expanding sense of aliveness and creativity is guaranteed. Such a commitment is based on faith that your intuitive self will get you what you want and is not hurtful. When you trust that your intuitive self always evolves in the direction of expansion, and that everything occurring in the moment is for the purpose of expanding your awareness of the life force, then your internal teacher will take charge and steadily enlighten you as fast as you can incorporate the knowledge... With each positive interpretation, each new risk, fear diminishes and aliveness expands, so enormous trust is established... In this process, your feelings get increasingly reliable until you know instantly when to let go and move on--whether it is a relationship, job, activity or any creation. The energy dissipates in what you are doing until you can let go without a struggle, and follow the next impulse or wait for one to emerge."
p. 42 "In the process of assertion, your intuitive will reveal all the distortions in your psyche as fast as you can allow that data to come through. The speed with which you can grow is determined by your ability to take ownership and stay open without judgments. Your journey becomes much more rapid and less of a struggle... Until you are ready to assume charge of your process in this way, you will do all your denying, mobilization, "filling up space" numbers until they become ludicrous, or you are exhausted or totally bored."
p. 43 "Your intuitive teacher does not need to set up learning situations to see if you "measure up." It does not need to test you. That assumption is a carry-over from the teachings in some of our church structures. Your intuitive teacher is not out to get you, to prove you wrong and a failure. It is only interested in teaching you what you need to know to create your own paradise. It is a totally benevolent, non-intrustive, loving and respectful teacher--at times ruthless, but only in order to give you what you want."
p. 44 "Another process that will assist you in turning on your internal teacher is to make the assumption that each moment is perfect in its completeness. Whatever you are experiencing that puzzles or upsets you, ask yourself what the perfection of this experience is, then drop it. Your intuitive may not answer that minute, but it will answer."
p. 46 "When the intuitive is not given full rein, the individual is always looking outside himself or herself for nurturance because he feels unsatisfied. Instead he finds his reflection in people who are withholding, wanting to be taken care of by him, begrudging in what they give, or always wanting more from him. when the male or aggressive energy is used to force action rather than support the intuitive director, the individual is constantly struggling to make things happen, taking on responsibility for everyone else and getting little or no appreciation for it."
p. 53 "I think all of us have... maintained some distance internally until we developed enough awareness and knowledge about ourselves and enough trust that we were willing to commit totally to our feelings and put our intuitive selves in charge. When the distance closes, the speed of growth increases enormously, and you have to trust yourself to go at that pace... Many of us do not feel in balance unless our heads know what is happening and why. As you trust yourself, that base changes so that balance is based on a sense of ourselves as flowing, rather than understanding."
p. 58 "If there is a difference in the degree of commitment to assertion between two individuals, the interaction will be a vampire operation. The person who is controlling by withholding, pushing, manipulating, or just simply cautiously soft-pedaling his feelings without going all out, will subtly drain energy from the other person who keeps consistently laying out his insides. Now, the message in the process for the latter person is that while he is good at mobilizing, following through and confronting, he does not know how to let go in the moment in the face of unequal energy. When you are getting energy back equal to your own, the interaction feels effortless and flowing. When it begins to feel like an effort, when you have to work to make the other person understand, when you are explaining the same thin g six different ways, you are draining yourself even though the other person is externally receptive, appreciative, and responsive. They are doing and saying all the right things while they are picking your psychic pockets. You are not only cooperating, you are practically begging them to suck you dry." Re-center on yourself, don't push, be willing to let go.
p. 60 "As long as I see assertion as a vehicle to maintain a connection rather than an expression of me, I will be putting out more energy than I am receiving in every relationship I have. You cannot create a relationship in which there is equal flow of energy as long as you believe you have to mobilize to develop and maintain connections."
p. 63 "The people she attracts have to mirror the fears she is using to hold herself back." When you see this kind of pattern, don't beat yourself up--see it as your intuitive teacher's gift to you and use it to learn.
--
Reading again Dec. 2013.
Notes:
p. 8 "If you have energy invested in this person, this process; and, you do not like the words, stay with the energy flow unless the words or behavior are assaultive to you. If the words or behavior are assaultive or depreciating to you, then move away physically in the moment. Now, again, that does not mean that you have to leave this person permanently... Live in the moment. If in this moment you feel depreciated or assaulted--you are responsible for you--get out of the arena. When your insides say return, then come back. You are responsible for being depreciated and attacked--no one else is. Only you can depreciate you or attack you, and that is accomplished by not acting on your feelings. In any interaction, when you begin to feel depreciated or attacked, you can rely on the fact that that impression will not change in the moment. It is not going to get any better, so cut your losses and run."
p. 9 "If you honor your perceptions, you will not build up the kind of rage that results in severe or irreparable trauma in an interaction. That kind of rage is the result of the depreciation and helplessness experienced by the intuitive side of you when the active side does not support, trust, and protect it. It is literally as though you stood by and watched someone who you knew loved you more than anyone in the world be cut to pieces, and did nothing. Your intuitive self, your life force is livid with righteous indignation."
p. 18 "No one committed to self will necessarily see himself in any profession for a lifetime. He will be aware that the form may evolve into another form and be willing to allow that to happen."
p. 18 "The clients who come to you, or do not come to you, if you are losing clients, are giving you a statement about your internal structure. As your structure gets clearer, you do not have the sense of "losing" anybody. It is evident why anyone comes into your circle and why they are leaving, and there is no sense of loss or uncertainty about what happened. This is true in any relationship, therapy or otherwise. If you lose clients or other relationships and you do not think you know what is going on, that is a statement about your structure. It does not mean that something is wrong, but your insides are trying to assist you in understanding what you are not owning. How else are you going to teach yourself? ... Look for the learning--how are you not trusting yourself, how are you holding yourself back--rather than using your experience as a judgment or a bludgeon."
p. 29 "Assertion means letting your words, behavior, and expression follow the flow of feeling, back up your feelings, respect your feelings. It means, every moment in time, doing what you want to do and not doing what you do not want to do. It means recognizing that every moment in time when you do go against your feelings, you are experiencing a little death."
p. 30 "If you think you are manifesting your feeling, and the energy circulating becomes deader, you are coming from a fear place. Stop what you are doing, get out of your head, and allow your internal teacher space to give you clues about what is really going on. As long as you feel that flow moving and expanding, you are truly manifesting your insides."
p. 31 "The assertion of feelings with other people generates aliveness. The assertion of trust in yourself releases and empowers your internal teacher. The combination produces a creative expression in every area of your life that is totally unique to you. This is the connection with the cosmos--universal consciousness. Without that connection, life is a struggle; creation is a struggle. With it, life is experienced as a sensual flow in harmony with the flow of the universe around you."
"The basic reality is that we already have within us the power to create everything we want; but that power is limited by layers of belief systems which support fear, limitation, scarcity, pain and struggle. As you trust totally in yourself as creator and see all of your manifest experience as your own creation, you can utilize that data to peel away the layers of distortion that limit your creative abilities.
"Each person has a unique rhythm for peeling away those layers. So it is very important, when you recognize your distortions, that you do not depreciate yourself for having them or try to force change." Trust your intuitive self to make it work out just right.
p. 33 "That is the powerful message in the Frankenstein legend--we create our own monsters by our belief in and support of the things that make us afraid. Our worst fears, given enough consciously directed thought and energy, always manifest themselves in one form or another. We are constantly in the process of creating. Evolution and growth involve taking conscious charge of that creative force so that we manifest our deepest desires rather than the monsters who feed our fears and are fed by our fears."
p. 35 When not sure what to do about something, take the data to your intuitive self and let it process and make the decision. If it fits for you to act, you won't have to force yourself--it will become painful not to do it.
"If your head and your feelings are not congruent, assert the discrepancy. Stay with the data and your feelings until your intuitive self resolves the issues and an internal release of energy gives direction for action. Assertion is ownership of what is, not a struggle to compromise or resolve. The sense of struggle is always a statement that you are going against your natural flow. Drop your rules about what you should and should not do."
p. 36 "It is the ownership of the intuitive (feminine-yin energy) and the support of the intuitive in words, behavior, and intellect (masculine-yang energy) that provides a base for creating and sustaining the passionate flow of life without being drained or overwhelmed."
"The concept of struggle as inherent to life is a monster we have created. Everyone automatically buys the assumption that growth is only possible with pain... Very often, the real purpose of struggle is to prevent us from feeling all the fears we have accumulated. As long as we are focused on a problem, an issue or a goal, we keep our monsters at bay." It's not necessary, just a messed-up coping mechanism. We set up these miserable situations for ourselves to try to force ourselves to wake up or grow.
p. 39 "The assertion base that generates creativity involves a commitment to assertion--not an experimental, hesitant foray from time to time... Assertion does not work on a trial and error basis--it only works with total commitment to the process. The continuing payoff is not always understanding or resolution, but an expanding sense of aliveness and creativity is guaranteed. Such a commitment is based on faith that your intuitive self will get you what you want and is not hurtful. When you trust that your intuitive self always evolves in the direction of expansion, and that everything occurring in the moment is for the purpose of expanding your awareness of the life force, then your internal teacher will take charge and steadily enlighten you as fast as you can incorporate the knowledge... With each positive interpretation, each new risk, fear diminishes and aliveness expands, so enormous trust is established... In this process, your feelings get increasingly reliable until you know instantly when to let go and move on--whether it is a relationship, job, activity or any creation. The energy dissipates in what you are doing until you can let go without a struggle, and follow the next impulse or wait for one to emerge."
p. 42 "In the process of assertion, your intuitive will reveal all the distortions in your psyche as fast as you can allow that data to come through. The speed with which you can grow is determined by your ability to take ownership and stay open without judgments. Your journey becomes much more rapid and less of a struggle... Until you are ready to assume charge of your process in this way, you will do all your denying, mobilization, "filling up space" numbers until they become ludicrous, or you are exhausted or totally bored."
p. 43 "Your intuitive teacher does not need to set up learning situations to see if you "measure up." It does not need to test you. That assumption is a carry-over from the teachings in some of our church structures. Your intuitive teacher is not out to get you, to prove you wrong and a failure. It is only interested in teaching you what you need to know to create your own paradise. It is a totally benevolent, non-intrustive, loving and respectful teacher--at times ruthless, but only in order to give you what you want."
p. 44 "Another process that will assist you in turning on your internal teacher is to make the assumption that each moment is perfect in its completeness. Whatever you are experiencing that puzzles or upsets you, ask yourself what the perfection of this experience is, then drop it. Your intuitive may not answer that minute, but it will answer."
p. 46 "When the intuitive is not given full rein, the individual is always looking outside himself or herself for nurturance because he feels unsatisfied. Instead he finds his reflection in people who are withholding, wanting to be taken care of by him, begrudging in what they give, or always wanting more from him. when the male or aggressive energy is used to force action rather than support the intuitive director, the individual is constantly struggling to make things happen, taking on responsibility for everyone else and getting little or no appreciation for it."
p. 53 "I think all of us have... maintained some distance internally until we developed enough awareness and knowledge about ourselves and enough trust that we were willing to commit totally to our feelings and put our intuitive selves in charge. When the distance closes, the speed of growth increases enormously, and you have to trust yourself to go at that pace... Many of us do not feel in balance unless our heads know what is happening and why. As you trust yourself, that base changes so that balance is based on a sense of ourselves as flowing, rather than understanding."
p. 58 "If there is a difference in the degree of commitment to assertion between two individuals, the interaction will be a vampire operation. The person who is controlling by withholding, pushing, manipulating, or just simply cautiously soft-pedaling his feelings without going all out, will subtly drain energy from the other person who keeps consistently laying out his insides. Now, the message in the process for the latter person is that while he is good at mobilizing, following through and confronting, he does not know how to let go in the moment in the face of unequal energy. When you are getting energy back equal to your own, the interaction feels effortless and flowing. When it begins to feel like an effort, when you have to work to make the other person understand, when you are explaining the same thin g six different ways, you are draining yourself even though the other person is externally receptive, appreciative, and responsive. They are doing and saying all the right things while they are picking your psychic pockets. You are not only cooperating, you are practically begging them to suck you dry." Re-center on yourself, don't push, be willing to let go.
p. 60 "As long as I see assertion as a vehicle to maintain a connection rather than an expression of me, I will be putting out more energy than I am receiving in every relationship I have. You cannot create a relationship in which there is equal flow of energy as long as you believe you have to mobilize to develop and maintain connections."
p. 63 "The people she attracts have to mirror the fears she is using to hold herself back." When you see this kind of pattern, don't beat yourself up--see it as your intuitive teacher's gift to you and use it to learn.
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