Dying and Living on the Kansas Prairie: A Diary

by Carol Brunner Rutledge

This is Carol Brunner Rutledge's diary of the three months preceding the death of her mother, Alice. With quiet eloquence she celebrates her mother's life and guides us on a journey from anguish and doubt through self-discovery and healing. In the tradition of earlier plainswomen, she fuses deeply personal emotions with universal themes tied to family, community, religion, and work - amidst the stark beauty of the Flint Hills.
Rutledge vividly describes the people and the seasons of the prairie, providing insight into how generations of tall-grass people have related to the land. She offers nostalgic memories of her childhood and family history, as well as reflections on the Kansas pioneer spirit and its special brand of humor.
Rutledge also records with excruciating honesty her frustration at the insensitivity of high-tech medical professionals who ignore her mother's strong spirit while continuing to labor over a body that no longer works. Rising above these false hopes, mother and daughter forge an even stronger bond as they come to understand that dying is a natural part of living.
Throughout, the silent, powerful prairie provides solace and strength.

224 pages, Hardcover

First published October 1, 1994

Reviews

[Zoann · Rating 4 out of 5]

A product of its time...I hope. This was published in 1994 and is a diary of the death of the author's mother. It portrays some what almost seem to be barbaric practices that, I hope, are now addressed by hospice and palliative care.

Worth reading.

Some passages I liked:

"This use of humor as a defense against stark truth is a mark of a true Kansan....The first few generations of Kansans, descendants of the plains settlers, were good at enduring trouble with laughter. ...Kansans employ humor as a defense against misfortune....A Kansan doesn't endure with a martyr's air,...but rather, transforms a disaster into a minor annoyance by making a joke of it."

"...change comes out of chaos and healing will come from accepting change."

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

You know when a book comes to you at the absolute perfect time in your life? That was this book for me. After living in Alaska and California, I accepted a position in the midwest, returning to Kansas after years of avoiding the prairie at all costs. “Dying and Living on the Kansas Prairie” had been recommended to me by a friend - a lifelong Kansan - and I started looking for a copy. Out of print and with limited distribution and no ebook option, it was hard to come by. However, ironically, a copy appeared 10 minutes away from me in a Northern California bookshop soon after the passing of my grandfather and just weeks before I followed a job out to Kansas.

I was hesitant to end my seasonal lifestyle and settle in the midwest; I’m a westerner at heart, despite having Kansas roots. I love high elevation, dry climates, and mountain hiking. But, alas, I left California redwoods and Colorado peaks in my rearview mirror and (reluctantly) made small-town Kansas my new home.

I kept telling myself to lean into it - “I want to learn to love the prairies again,” I repeated over and over to myself and to others. Rutledge helped me do that in only a few pages. The mountains don’t belong here. I was ready to experience the prairie.

Rutledge writes so beautifully and honestly about the prairie. It’s not an easy place to be, but, goodness is it wonderful. The landscape is harsh and unforgiving, but the sunsets and thunderstorms cannot be beat. The charm and community and grit of a rural prairie town cannot be found anywhere else.

Rutledge simultaneously tell the story of her mother’s death and the story of the land. She brings in incredibly nature themes, discussing the harsh reality (and beauty) of life and death. Her writing is poetic, historic, emotional, and thought-provoking, reminiscent of Willa Cather, Richard Powers, and Mary Oliver.

[Ren · Rating 5 out of 5]

Picked this book up in the local interest section at The Dusty Bookshelf in Manhattan, Kansas. I knew this book would touch me because I am in love with the Flint hills and I lost two grandparents last year and my other grandmother is getting older. This book is very touching and intimate. The way the another captures the way the prarie is and the way she loves her mother is so intimate and really eye opening. She captures and beautifully writes emotions and scenes. I loved this book. It was very close to home and beautiful. Thank you for writing it.

[Christy Schultze · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved her thoughts on death and glad that hospice is now a thing. I feel for the author as I had to watch my mother die as well.

[Jill · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jill 5-star cocktail:
- prairie
- stoic old people
- questioning younger women
- reflections on religion, esp after leaving
- stillness & meditation in nature

This book is very very very close to home. Love.

[Jan Brooks · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wanted it to be my story--but it isn't. Because every person's life and death are unique and precious. I found it compelling and sad.