The Dr. James Dobson Parenting Collection

by James C. Dobson

It can be tough to be a mom or dad. Aren’t there days when you wish you could sit down with an expert on parenting—somebody who really understands what you’re going through and knows just what advice and counsel to give you? Good news: The parenting wisdom you need is here—in one complete volume! In The Dr. James Dobson Parenting Collection, you’ll find three bestselling books ( The New Dare to Discipline , The New Strong-Willed Child , and Parenting Isn’t for Cowards ) containing the straightforward, practical, biblical truths you need—from Dr. James Dobson, the world’s foremost authority on parenting.

Genres: Parenting

640 pages, Paperback

First published March 1, 2011

About the author

A licensed psychologist and marriage, family, and child counselor, Dr. James Dobson was a clinical member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. For 14 years Dr. Dobson was an associate clinical professor of pediatrics at the University of Southern California School of Medicine, and he served for 17 years on the attending staff of Children's Hospital Los Angeles in the Division of Child Development and Medical Genetics. He earned a Ph.D. from the University of Southern California (1967) in the field of child development.

He was the author of more than 50 books, including The New Dare to Discipline, The New Strong-Willed Child, When God Doesn't Make Sense, Night Light: A Devotional for Couples, Bringing Up Boys, and the New York Times bestseller Bringing Up Girls .

Heavily involved in influencing governmental policies related to the family, Dr. Dobson was appointed by President Ronald Reagan to the National Advisory Commission to the Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention. He also served on the Attorney General's Advisory Board on Missing and Exploited Children, the Department of Health and Human Services' Panel on Teen Pregnancy Prevention, and the Commission on Child and Family Welfare. He was elected in 2008 to the National Radio Hall of Fame, and in 2009 received the Ronald Reagan Lifetime Achievement Award.

Reviews

[Alyssa · Rating 1 out of 5]

Would give zero stars if I could.

Trash. Strong willed kids aren't strong willed kids because it's in the Bible. Was looking for broad ideas to help with an independent three year old and spent five chapters reading in the new parenting for strong willed children and felt like the book was designed like a sales pitch. Early on he's comparing his two dogs. One he beat with a belt because it wanted a warm location to sleep other than it's designated bed ( dude- get that dog a blanket maybe?) and the other dog, more affectionate, was left outdoors for a few weeks while they were on vacation and a neighbor checked in- it gathered all of his childrens old plush toys. This dog was sad and lonely and sweet and a good dog. Uses this to explain how kids vary in nature but still- maybe give the other dog a blanket and it wouldn't have growled at you? But ok let's carry on guy who abuses his dog...

Then he goes into sharing stories from parents who knew in the womb their children would be next level difficult . I mean, whatever Im still is waiting for his methods...

Then gets into why all these other methods are trash, and I'm still waiting for his actual methods ...

Then he shares a chapter on why strong willed children are strong willed and GUYS ITS IN THE BIBLE THATS WHY

Then I get to the beginning where he's actually gonna explain his methods, which is basically knowing when to spank your kid .

I'm not going to spank my kid. But let's say I was curious about doing that- I'm not doing it cause Its in his Bible that some kids are gonna be difficult, ( which he equates to Evil) I'm not doing it cause I had a difficult birth with my kid or colicky kid or a kid who had sleep problems ( signs your kid may be Evil) And even if that gave me this hinkey feeling I had a bad seed, again, not an argument that proves my child deserves to be struck.

Likewise I'm not doing it because he spent a chapter saying hey these other experts are garbage cause I just say they don't sound like they would work. No deeper dives, they just don't match his belief system. Oh and for some reason he includes some folks who had been raised under his methods who wrote to him and said they were hit because of his books, and they're mad at him for that, and he's like sorry not sorry?

What is this nonsense?

There's no evidence here, there's nothing more than this guys gut feelings, his faith, and his personal belief system. Anecdotally sometimes this will be seen to " work" and sometimes it would be seen to "not work"but for those that were unhappy he's like " naw idc."

Garbage.

Retuned it after back to the digital library. So glad I didnt shell out any cash for this .

[Gold Dust · Rating 5 out of 5]

After reading three books that advocated for positive discipline, this book was a breath of fresh air. Despite not being a Christian like the author, I loved his book(s).

The lyrics of the song “Leader of the Band” by Dan Fogelberg (which Dobson quotes on p.560-561) are a good summary of what he talks about in his books: wild children, love through discipline, a thundering velvet hand, children turning out different despite being born from the same parents, parental bonding, and granting kids freedom when it comes time to go.

Quotes and notes on Dare to Discipline:

Has a helpful drug glossary in the back.

The way you handle toddler confrontations determines the nature of your “future relationship, especially during the adolescent years” (7).

“Many well-meaning specialists have waved the banner of tolerance, but offered no solution for defiance” (7). True!

“With every new, off-the-wall suggestion that came along, I asked myself: If their new approach to child-rearing is so wonderful, why was it not observed until now? How come 20 billion parents across more than 5000 years failed to notice the concept? Certainly, the accumulated experience of all that mothering and fathering should count for something!” (14)

He says that kids think of their parents as God, and gave the example of when he wasn’t present at the table, and his 2 year old son gave grace saying “I love you, Daddy. Amen” (15). I think Dobson misinterpreted this. The kid probably heard Dobson saying “Father” during grace and thought he was talking about a real father, not a god. So that’s why the kid was addressing his grace to his own dad.

Proof that spanking works: Dobson sassed his mom, and she hit him with a girdle. “From that day forward, I measured my words carefully when addressing my mother. I never spoke disrespectfully to her again, even when she was 75 years old” (19). He says that the momentary pain of that event didn’t assault his self-worth because he knew he deserved it.

“A child’s resistant behavior always contains a message to his parents, which they must decode before responding. That message is often phrased in the form of a question: ‘Are you in charge or am I?’” (23)

“I can think of no better way to breed and cultivate juvenile delinquency than for society to allow such early defiance to succeed with impunity. Leonardo de Vinci is quoted as saying, ‘He who does not punish evil commands it to be done’” (31).

Sweden has outlawed corporal punishment, and the US may one day follow suit. “Child abuse will increase, not decrease, as frustrated parents explode after having no appropriate response to defiant behavior” (47).

Advice:
When your child is challenging your authority, discipline immediately and consistently (26, 53)
The discipline should make the child cry, otherwise the kid will just resent you (26, 53). “The most successful techniques of control are those which manipulate something of importance to the child. Yakkity-yak discussions and empty threats carry little or no motivational power for the child” (32).
If you spank, the best ages to do it are between 18 months and 6 years old. It should taper off from there and stop when the child is between 10-12 (48). “Discipline for adolescents and teens should involve lost privileges, financial deprivation, and related forms of non-physical retribution” (54). When Dobson was a teen, his mom threatening to embarrass him at school by following him around worked to correct his bad behavior at school (54).
After the child has calmed down, talk about why they were punished but remind them that you love them and give them a hug (27).
Don’t spank kids who are neurologically handicapped, sensitive kids who don’t need it, or kids who were formerly abused (47, 53).
Spanking should be done on the butt or upper part of the legs, and away from peers/public (47).
He recommends spanking with an object so that kids don’t flinch when you lift your hand.

27-30 Control your kids without nagging; give commands without yelling or anger.
Warn your kids before their time is up playing. When the time really is up, don’t accept any stalling tactics.

33-35 Don’t spoil your kid with a lot of material possessions. They will appreciate what they have more when they have little. “Pleasure occurs when an intense need is satisfied. If there is no need, there is no pleasure. . . . How unfortunate that such a child never had the chance to long for something, dreaming about it at night and plotting for it by day. He might have even gotten desperate enough to work for it. The same possession that brought a yawn could have been a trophy and a treasure.”

37-38 Love your kids, show them affection. But don’t smother them or prevent them from taking risks. “It has been known for decades that an infant who is not loved, touched, and caressed will often die of a strange disease initially called marasmus. . . . Evidence of this emotional need was observed in the 13th century, when Frederick II conducted an experiment with 50 infants. He wanted to see what language they would speak if they never had the opportunity to hear the spoken word. . . . He assigned foster mothers to bathe and suckle the children, but forbade them to fondle, pet, or talk to their charges. The experiment failed dramatically because all 50 infants died” (37). Amazing.

38-39 Parents should be on the same page when it comes to discipline. If one parent gives in while the other parent tries to be strict, “the predominant tone in the home is one of unstructured permissiveness. . . . The child respects neither parent because each has assassinated the authority of the other. . . . The most hostile, aggressive teenagers I have known have emerged from this antithetical combination.”

Teach your child to fight back when attacked by another child (55).

59-63, 71, 75 Reward good behavior with genuine specific praise, attention, affection, or small amounts of money. Give the reward quickly (59). Don’t reward bad behavior with attention or bribes.

“Many adults are reluctant to utilize rewards because they view them as a source of bribery. One of our most successful teaching devices is ignored because of a philosophical misunderstanding. Our entire society is established on a system of reinforcement, yet we don’t want to apply it where it is needed most: with young children. As adults, we go to work each day and receive a pay check on Friday. Is that bribery by the employer? Medals are given to brave soldiers; plaques are awarded to successful businessmen; watches are presented to retiring employees. Rewards make responsible effort worthwhile. That’s the way the adult world works. The main reason for the overwhelming success of capitalism is that hard work and personal discipline are rewarded in many ways. The great weakness of socialism is the absence of reinforcement; why should a man struggle to achieve if there is nothing special to be gained? This is, I believe, the primary reason communism failed miserably in the former Soviet Union and Eastern Europe. There was no incentive for creativity and ‘sweat equity’” (64). YES!

He gives similar advice about whining that one of the positive discipline books gave: “I can’t hear you because you’re whining” (76).

Offer rewards to get over a fear bit by bit (80).

Don’t give a yes or no answer to a child if you might change your mind. If you change your mind, the child will learn to keep begging or arguing to get his/her way. (82)

For babies who cry, wait until there’s a break in the crying to comfort them, so that they learn that being quiet gets them attention, not crying (83).

To teach kids to be responsible, let them feel the natural consequences of their actions. “If Janie carelessly loses her lunch money, let her skip a meal” (84).

“Everything worth having comes with a price.”

Kids who behave badly for attention should be punished with isolation (105).

For kids who are repeatedly bad at school, their parents should be called to pick them up. The parents being inconvenienced will motivate them to get their kid to behave (106).

To try to get your kids to stay virgins until marriage: “On my daughter’s 10th birthday, Shirley and I gave her a small, gold key. It was attached to a chain worn around her neck, and represented the key to her heart. Through the years, she has kept her vow to give that key to one man only—the one who will share her love through the remainder of her life. You might consider a similar gift for your daughter, or a special ring for your son” (167).

Interesting:
Before graduating high school, 85% of teens experiment with alcohol, 57% try an illicit drug, 35% get drunk at least once a month. Church attendance doesn’t make much difference (149). “Nearly 3% of high school seniors have used steroids; 1.3%, heroin” (168).
The #1 reason teens engage in sex is peer pressure (154). Condoms can fail at least 15.7% of the time annually in preventing pregnancy. They fail 36.3% among young, unmarried minority women. In gay men, they fail 26% (152). HIV is smaller than sperm and can pass through even the smallest gaps in condoms (153). 17% of the married people using condoms for protection caught HIV from their partners within 1.5 years (154). “Since the federal government began its major contraception program in 1970, unwed pregnancies have increased 87% among 15-19 year olds. Likewise, abortions among teens rose 67%; unwed births went up 61%” (154). “The abortion business alone brings in an estimated $600 million annually” (161). “68% of girls and 86% of boys have sex before age 20; fewer than half report condom use” (168).

J. D. Unwin was a British social anthropologist who spent seven years studying the births and deaths of 80 civilizations. He learned that the cultures thrived most when people didn’t have premarital and extramarital sexual relationships. When the culture began to permit sexual freedom, the mores weakened and the civilization decayed. (172) “Any human society is free either to display great energy, or to enjoy sexual freedom; the evidence is that they cannot do both for more than one generation.” - Dr. J. D. Unwin (173)

Where I disagree with him:

92 He blames the student revolution of the 1960s on Neill’s Summerhill school and book (which basically promoted kids doing whatever they want in school) but the book was only published in 1960, and I don’t think the majority of schools in America adopted his ideas.

He thinks sexual immorality is more disgraceful than the abundance of violence and murder in our youth (149).

He doesn’t believe kids have an innate love of learning (97). I think kids do, but that love of learning is squashed by school; school makes kids hate learning by forcing them to learn what they don’t want to learn, forcing them to do busy work for hours, not allowing them to learn about what they’re interested in, and forcing them to be surrounded by peers who spread their hatred for school around like a virus. And as long as instant gratification like TV and smartphones/tablets are around at home, kids won’t be motivated to learn... except to imitate what they see.

He says that there are 3 categories of kids who don’t do well in school: late bloomers, slow learners, and underachievers (117).
1. He says to hold the late bloomers back a year before they start school (120), but slow learners should not be held back (125). (How is a parent supposed to know the difference?)
2. He says the slow learners should be passed for effort instead of ability because self-esteem is more important than academic excellence (126, 145). I strongly disagree with this. What is the point of a diploma if it means nothing? If all kids are given diplomas for effort, then the diploma means nothing. Employers want employees with diplomas because that implies reading and math literacy. But if kids are passed just for effort, they may not have literacy in either. And how is a teacher to know if a kid a slow learner or just doesn’t care to do the work? Even using an IQ test as Dobson recommends (141-142), the kid could fail to try even on the IQ test.
3. He says to bribe the underachievers with rewards (138-139). If one sibling gets rewards for improving grades, the already-performing-well sibling will feel resentment for getting no rewards, and she may stop doing well in school when she doesn’t get a reward like her brother does. I think that punishment is better than reward, because kids will stop doing well unless there’s always a reward. My boyfriend was an underachiever, and the main cause was because he’d rather play video games and his parents didn’t care to stop him. If I were his parent, I’d just take away the video games until the grades came up and the homework got done.

[Jo Cromeans · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have read many of Dr Dobsons books and even watched a Focus On The Family series at our church.Dr Dobson is the most personable author! He makes you feel like he is talking straight to YOU. He is spirit filled, spirit lead, entertaining, informative, non judgmental and has SO many tips and tricks from his MANY years of working with parents and children, families, and married couples. His views and information are ALL shared in love and respect. I have used the techniques on my own children since they were little and they WORK! We were 1st introduced to Dobson in 1977 I believe. Our first born, a boy, was 3 1/2 years old AND A HANDFUL! We implemented some of his techniques and were amazed at what a difference it made! No more counting to 3, no more spankings (UNLESS the action called for a good swat, which is NOT child abuse, it is a SWAT on their backside.) When son #2 came on the scene in 1979, we used the tips on him from the get go, WONDERFUL! My boys have grown into responsible, well mannered, respectful adults. The only prob I had with using these techniques..I came from a family that believed in beating the tar out of us, NOT beating my children drove them NUTS! NOT screaming and cursing at my boys drove them CRAZY! My sons are now 46 (still working as a paramedic for 28 years now) My youngest, has had a few rough patches and has fallen off the path due to drugs influences, but has grown into a dependable, family first man. I have read the Dare to Discipline (My Boys) The Strong Willed Child( My grandson) Raising Up Boys/Girls( grandchildren) I have given his books to first time parents and parents that have children already...no one was disappointed. Dr Dobson gives you hope when you feel like there is none!

[Julia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Contains The New Dare to Discipline, The New Strong-Willed Child, and Parenting isn't for Cowards. It took me a while to read them all as I just read one at a time. I recommend them for anyone looking for Biblical and responsible parenting advice. I just wish they were a little more updated. I think it's true that children don't change much over time, but there are new challenges today and I would like to see that reflected in this book. I'll definitely be keeping this as a reference book. Several times it made me laugh or cry.

[Kai · Rating 5 out of 5]

The guiding words from Dr. Dobson are very inspiring, relevant and useful in raising strong-willed children in today's culture.

[Lori Peters · Rating 5 out of 5]

A book to read again and again!

[Jodee · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loads of great parenting advice for young kids to teenagers. This book has helped my husband and I with our strong-willed daughter (3 1/2 years old). Things don't always feel so much like a fight with her anymore. Highly recommend this book!

[Kirsty Dewrance · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fantastic compilation if much needed parenting advice!

[Donnie Vick · Rating 3 out of 5]

geared more towards teens

[Earl Lester]

i always hear his stories at radio

[Margaret]

These books have definitely taught me how to think outside of the box. My children are responding well to the changes within our home. Very glad I was able to receive such great lessons from Dr. Dobson.