Dead Practices

by Shells Walter

Jerrod is a lawyer just like any other lawyer; there is only one exception- he is a zombie or more like what is considered a Zombie Citizen. Zombies have been converted into Zombie Citizens so that they can live with regular people, IE humans. But someone wants to change the zombies back to the way they were, and possibly take over anything they can. The hitch- it is a client of Jerrod's. Jerrod and his friend, a police officer named Rusty who is also a Zombie Citizen, try and stop this craziness from happening through a wild adventure that also includes a lot of super-glue.

172 pages, Paperback

Published July 14, 2010

About the author

Shells Walter is a writer of books, short stories, screenplays and poetry. She writes in any genre, tends to lean towards horror and Bizarro at times. She has now jumped into screenwriting, along with still writing her favorite stories.

Reviews

[Cassy · Rating 1 out of 5]

I feel that if you're going to write a zombie novel, there are a few things you have to do to accomplish it well. One of the most vital things is either you have to take yourself completely seriously or you have to take yourself completely ridiculously. I feel like those are your only two options. Unfortunately, no one said this to Walters. She tried to make her book a serious book but also to make it funny and just ended up failing on both accounts.

The idea of Zombies being citizens was actually one that appealed to me. I thought it could be a really funny, entertaining book. But Walters was trying too hard to make it funny. It's like someone kept making and awkward racial joke throughout the book, only instead of the person being black, they were Zombies. Zombies were clearly a race being prejudiced against and I just don't think ZOMBIES are the way to point out prejudices in the world. Especially when every other line, the Zombies are making fun of themselves.

The other thing is that this book's pace flew by. It's about 150 pages with big print. It took me maybe an hour to read, mostly because there was no time for anything to happen. It was the bare bones of a story. We had about four pages to be introduced to the main characters before all hell broke lose and then everything happened so quickly, as a reader I barely had time to process what was happening. I didn't have time to figure things out on my own. I was told everything that was happened in the book, told what to think, what to feel. And the writing was so choppy and stilted that it made it almost painful to read in places. The dialogue was passable at best. When the two main characters (both Zombies) watched two humans get eaten alive by a horde of Zombies and didn't seem the least bit bothered, that was the final nail in the coffin for me.

Especially because a chapter later suddenly one of them had all this compassion for his ex-wife who he just couldn't live without. And tell me, just how would a human-zombie relationship work out?

The main character, Jarrod, is a lawyer who ends up defending the man who decided to attack both humans and experiment on Zombies, never mind that there would have been a massive conflict of interest, and then, to put the final topping on the cake, somehow the man has Jarrod's secretary killed, explaining that "he'd be back."

The cliche nearly turned me into a Zombie.

If Walters had just made it into a serious story, it might have been passable. However, she might have been better making it into a comedy (though, I didn't laugh once through the entire book.) Also, if I had to hear one more time about a body part falling off, I would have cut my own fingers off. They're Zombies; we get it. Zombies stories are finicky things, I understand, but usually most authors manage to make them mildly enjoyable. They are ZOMBIES, after all. However, Walters somehow manages to take something that's almost guaranteed success in today's pop culture and just... fail miserably.

[Heather Faville · Rating 3 out of 5]

God works wonders now and then; Behold a lawyer, an honest man. ~Benjamin Franklin

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Jerrod is a lawyer just like, or should I say, ALMOST like any other lawyer with two exceptions: #1 He’s a pretty honest man/lawyer #2 He’s not a man. He’s a zombie, a Zombie Citizen to be exact. Scientists have found a way to convert zombies from brainless flesh-eating ghouls to contributing members of society (ie Zombie Citizens). However, someone wants things to go back to the way they were and line his pockets a bit along the way. Problem is this “evil mastermind” is a client of Jerrod’s. Jerrod and his friend, Rusty, another Zombie Citizen who is a police officer, work together with the help of a lot of super-glue to try to stop this craziness from happening.

The characters are simple, yet likeable. Jerrod, our main character, gets thrown into this whirlwind of chaos because he is the lawyer for Ken, who seems to think he can control a horde of Zombie Citizens who have….er, been stripped of their citizenship (read: turned back into flesh hungry zeds). Being a Zombie Citizen is not without its difficulties. There is the dislike of his kind to contend with within the remaining human population and, of course, being that he is a corpse, parts tend to fall off at the most inopportune times, so having a good supply of super-glue is important. Along for the ride with Jerrod, quite literally as he rides on the back of Jerrod’s motorcycle, is Rusty, a Zombie Citizen and police officer aiding Jerrod in figuring out this cluster of a mess. Also, we meet Jerrod’s ex-wife, Janice, who is still human and doing all she can to help with the investigation and Ken, Jerrod’s client and the man who set off this whole barrage of nasty events.

Dead Practices is a straightforward story on the dilemmas Jerrod and his friends go through when Ken decides that turning a group of Zombie Citizens back to their original mindless state would be a good idea. There is very little blood and dismemberment and this may keep some genre readers from enjoying Dead Practices, as some readers are purely into this genre for the darkness and the gore. However, it is an entertaining story with some fun, easy to read characters. What Dead Practices lacks in eviscerations it makes up for with a unique fun tale of zombies living in a human world. In my opinion, Dead Practices would be perfect for a zombie loving parent to share with his/her 10+ year old child. I’m not saying that an adult would not enjoy this book. I feel that it lacks some of the qualities that many horror/zombie fans are looking for in this genre unless they are looking for a light and friendly zombie tale. Dead Practices has heart. It has good characters in an entertaining situation, which is why I think it would be a great story for a parent wanting to introduce their child to world they love.

[Monster]

Jerrod Hikens is a lawyer, and he is also zombie. He is one of many Zombie Citizens living and working among the human population, thanks to the tireless work of researchers during the War. Jerrod has been asked by Rusty, a cop and a zombie to take the case of a murder defendant as a public defender. Unfortunately, Jerrod’s potential client, Ken Yerns, has just broken out of jail, blowing up the police station in the process. Ken has figured out a way to cause the zombies to revert back to their old ways of eating flesh and tearing people aparat. Now he is on the move with a zombie horde, committing robberies and murder.

With the help of Rusty and Jerrod’s ex-wife Janice, a researcher on zombies, Jerrod hopes to find his client and find out how he was able to turn Zombie Citizens back into mindless, flesh-eating zombies. Jerrod finds a folder in his office that basically tells how the research was originally done and how scientists were able to create the Zombie Citizens. From there Jerrod and Rusty follow the trail of Ken’s arrest record to a doctor at a psychiatric hospital and then Janice. What was the process and can it be reversed? Can they find Ken before his zombie horde gets too out of control?

While I thought this was a pretty good story it fell a bit short. I didn’t like Jerrod just
happening to find a folder with the research information into the “how” of Zombie Citizens in his office. Where did he get it from? I also would have liked more of an explanation into the “how” in the first place. There just wasn’t enough backstory. I also wondered where all of the city’s cops were. A police station was blown up killing all of the cops inside, but what about other stations or other cops? What about state or federal police to help out while this zombie horde was running around? I expected more characters and maybe more meat (no pun intended) to this story. I was a bit disappointed in Dead Practices. It does read like a YA title, and it seems to be just the first part of a series so maybe more of what I expected will come along as the story unfolds. However I’m still skeptical. Unless you’re a young adult, I say pass on this one.


Review by Colleen Wanglund

[T.W. Brown · Rating 3 out of 5]

Dead Practice by Shells Walter has solved a problem. Many of us lovers of The Zombie have children. I can’t speak for everybody, but I often struggle with how much of the world I vanish into so frequently is shareable with my children. There are dozens of books on my bookshelf that are off limits. Hell, I write stuff I don’t want my sixteen-year-old reading. Dead Practice is a good book for parents of the up-and-coming zombie fan.

Let me say that I have no idea if the intended audience of Ms Walter’s book is children, but I do believe that is where it should be marketed. Adults will find the story tame and simplistic. The main characters are somewhat cartoonish…and it works.

Dead Practice is set in a world where zombies are basically domesticated. In short, they are citizens with rights…and at least some semblance of their former selves. They talk, ride motorcycles, and work as lawyers. They also have problems keeping themselves together which I believe Ms Walters uses to a wonder effect.

The story has a villain determined to bring back the ‘old-school zombie’. All he needed to do is twirl his mustache one time and it would’ve been perfect. However, I must repeat that us ‘big kids’ may not be completely amused, as for your twelve-year-old, you can hand him or her this book and not worry. I believe I counted one expletive. The ‘S-word”. Used once. Folks, let’s be honest, your kid has heard it…if not from you, then at school. Reading it once would not be the end of the world.
The ‘violence’ (the quotes are intentional) is very non-descriptive. You get phrases such as “blood and body parts went flying”. Again, there is nothing here to be alarmed at by anybody other than the uber-strict. And quite frankly, I doubt those types are reading this review or trying to find a way to share their love of zombies with their kids while trying to find a good balance of acceptability .

I recommend Dead Practice for the future fans of Romero. It’s a bit of a cartoon. I think, “If Disney was looking to break into the zombie genre.” Ages 10-14 will find this to be a good place to cut their teeth.

[Matt Nord · Rating 4 out of 5]

You don't see a lot of "smart zombie" stories in the books and stories that I normally read. Usually it's the shambling horde of mindless undead that hunger for the flesh of the living. Now, don't get me wrong, that type of zombie is present in droves in the book, so those of you who enjoy people getting torn apart and eaten, you won't be disappointed.
The main character in this book is a lawyer who happens to be a zombie, or a zombie who happens to be a lawyer, depending on who you ask. Most of the zombies in this book have been made "civilized" by an injection they are given upon undeath, which causes them to retain all of the memories and intelligence they had during life. Unfortunately, it doesn't do anything for the fact that they are dead and rotting. Enter the copious amounts of zombie super glue that gets used by the characters.
And with that, it's becomes obvious to the reader that this is a humorous book. Even with all of the blood and guts of some of the zombie attacks.
I would say that my biggest problem with the story wasn't any of the science behind zombies in general and smart zombies in particular, about the fact that a drug shouldn't (or couldn't ) affect a human whose circulatory system had shut down. The issue I had was the fact that Jerrod ran around like he was a detective while his buddy Rusty, who was actaully a cop, just hung in back. I'd think that the police officer would be the one questioning witnesses and other contacts, even if Jerrod did decide to tag along.
But again, this is a fictional comedy book about zombies, so...
It was thoroughly enjoyable, even with a few editing needs. I would highly recommend this book to fans of books like "Lucky Stiff" by Tonia Brown. It has none of the sex, but all the heart.

[Sarah · Rating 2 out of 5]

As an avid fan of horror fiction, I found this novel to be enjoyable and quirky. It's a very quick read, humorous, fast paced, and intriguing. The author leaves herself an opening for possible sequels. Unfortunately, the characters and plot lack the sort of description and depth that would make this book a truly great read. I had trouble imagining the characters in my mind's eye, and was left with more questions than answers by the close of the book (which can be, but is not always, a good thing). Several blatant spelling errors and the often forcibly casual dialogue distract from the story. Aside from these comments, I would gladly read another of Ms. Walter's works in the hopes of having my questions answered and learned a bit more about the characters she has created.