Siblings and Autism: Stories Spanning Generations and Cultures

by Debra Cumberland (Editor), Bruce Mills (Editor)

What is it like to grow up with a sibling on the autism spectrum? What kind of relationship do such siblings have? How does that relationship change as the siblings get older? In this moving collection of beautifully-written personal accounts, siblings from a variety of backgrounds, and in different circumstances, share their experiences of growing up with a brother or sister with autism. Despite their many differences, their stories show that certain things are common to the 'sibling experience': the emotional terrain of looking on or being overlooked; the confusion of accommodating resentment, love, and helplessness; and the yearning to connect across neurological difference. "Siblings and Autism" is a thought-provoking book that will appeal to anyone with a personal or professional interest in autism, including parents of siblings of children on the spectrum, teachers, counsellors, and psychologists.

Genres: Autistic Spectrum Disorder

240 pages, Paperback

First published June 15, 2010

Reviews

[Colette Guerin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I would say this is recommended reading for parents and siblings with a loved one on the spectrum. Each story was an insight, to my AI child, myself, my spouse and especially to my other two NT children. Now adults, they will both be receiving a copy soon. I hope that it encourages them to reflect, feel validated and to let go any negative feelings they may harbor. Maybe to write their story for themselves, to understand their feelings better and try to heal any wounds they may harbor. Sharing it is up to them. For me autism has been a battle, a fight to save my child, a fight to understand why her, why us, a fight to realize their is no magic pill or therapy, a fight to accept all princess are not saved from the tower that imprisons them, a fight for balance for my other children, a fight not to not be overcome with blaming myself, a fight for my marriage, for my family. One thing I never fought is the love I have for my child, autism may have her, but she is not autism. I want my NT kids to know they were brave warriors drafted into a battle that was waged to give wings to their sibling and all the burdens they may have carried, were never meant to deprive them or hurt them in anyway. They are loved and cherished just for who they are and they were never less, I knew they would fly one day, I could only pray, work and get up each day and try to pray and work harder so my other child might have that chance. A parent cannot apologize for circumstances that fate gave their family. There are no do overs when we make mistakes. Telling our kids what better human beings does not erase the fact they had to become a caregiver too early in life, sacrifice "a normal" childhood", become the defender of the underdog when they simply wanted to run the playground or eat lunch with everyone else, for so many things. This does not make up for their struggles. Just know, this parent thinks you are amazing, invaluable, loved to the core of my being, even on the dark days when nerves were (are) fried and patience was (is) non-existent. Thank you to Debra Cumberland and Bruce Mills, for collecting these stories and to writers for their honest sharing. Validating whatever our NT kids feel I hope is a small gift to them, to know whatever their thoughts on growing up with a sibling on the spectrum and having parents struggle to balance (and usually failing) are okay, harbor no guilt, release resentment and live your life. Your sibling is not your responsibility, just love them for who they are, the best you can. Very emotional book for me. And yes, Bettleheim's theory of the refrigerator mother, while disproved long ago, still haunts us to this day.