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Happy Together: Creating a Lifetime of Connection, Commitment, and Intimacy
No matter how much passion there is at the beginning of a relationship, for love to last it must be actively created. Dr. Bill Cloke, an innovative and successful couples' therapist, has been helping couples create lasting connection, commitment, and intimacy by learning the essential relationship skills he now reveals in Happy Together.
With sensitivity and practicality, Happy Together pinpoints the issues and actions that can make or break our relationships. Step by step, it will show you
- How to identify and overcome personal barriers to meaningful and satisfying connections
- The defensive ways we unknowingly kill love and how to learn from conflict to create deeper intimacy
- The role of passion and sexuality in our relationships
- How to understand and deal with issues of shame and rage that can impact our ability to love
- Why deeply held myths about family, marriage, and idealized romance can create expectations that damage our connection with each other
- How to become partners in problem-solving
- How to effectively use the tools of compassionate communication and "constructive complaining"
Rich with practical tips and techniques, including sample dialogues to help you make meaningful changes, Happy Together will guide you in perfecting the skills you need to create a positive vision for your relationship and a roadmap for happiness.
"A good book needs to have at least five great ideas about its subject. Dr. Bill Cloke's Happy Together has at least a hundred."
–Raphael Cushnir, author of The One Thing Holding You Unleashing the Power of Emotional Connection
"Dr. Bill Cloke provides an accurate portrait of how love is created and nourished. This is a must-have book for a lasting relationship."
–Dr. Carol Bruess and Anna Kudak, authors of What Happy Couples Do
"Bill Cloke's Happy Together is full of wisdom, and a compelling read. He stresses that love must be created, every day; the store of love between people must be built up, nourished, and protected. This is how we stay happy not just as couples, but as friends and families. This book is a treasure trove of the building blocks of love."
–Allegra Huston (daughter of director John Huston), author of Love Child
With sensitivity and practicality, Happy Together pinpoints the issues and actions that can make or break our relationships. Step by step, it will show you
- How to identify and overcome personal barriers to meaningful and satisfying connections
- The defensive ways we unknowingly kill love and how to learn from conflict to create deeper intimacy
- The role of passion and sexuality in our relationships
- How to understand and deal with issues of shame and rage that can impact our ability to love
- Why deeply held myths about family, marriage, and idealized romance can create expectations that damage our connection with each other
- How to become partners in problem-solving
- How to effectively use the tools of compassionate communication and "constructive complaining"
Rich with practical tips and techniques, including sample dialogues to help you make meaningful changes, Happy Together will guide you in perfecting the skills you need to create a positive vision for your relationship and a roadmap for happiness.
"A good book needs to have at least five great ideas about its subject. Dr. Bill Cloke's Happy Together has at least a hundred."
–Raphael Cushnir, author of The One Thing Holding You Unleashing the Power of Emotional Connection
"Dr. Bill Cloke provides an accurate portrait of how love is created and nourished. This is a must-have book for a lasting relationship."
–Dr. Carol Bruess and Anna Kudak, authors of What Happy Couples Do
"Bill Cloke's Happy Together is full of wisdom, and a compelling read. He stresses that love must be created, every day; the store of love between people must be built up, nourished, and protected. This is how we stay happy not just as couples, but as friends and families. This book is a treasure trove of the building blocks of love."
–Allegra Huston (daughter of director John Huston), author of Love Child
- GenresRelationships
240 pages, Paperback
First published October 1, 2010
7 people are currently reading
74 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews
August 27, 2023
A MUST read for anyone in a long-term, committed relationship.
January 13, 2013
“An old saying claims that there is an inverse ratio between the size of the wedding and the length of the marriage, because large weddings are so romantically charged that the mundanity of modern marriage can be a huge letdown. According to Huston, couples who held to a highly unrealistic romantic mythology were more likely to become disenchanted. Couples who did not try to maintain the romantic ideal were less conflicted.”
--Quote from Bill Cloke Happy Together
Bill Cloke, a PhD in psychology, counseled and study the relationship between couples for 30 years before writing Happy Together: Creating a Lifetime of Connection, Commitment, and Intimacy. The short book entails broad strokes of applicable ideals for married couples to follow. The one that struck the hardest cord revealed how “romantically charged” wedding “inverse[ly]” affected the realistic expectations of marriage.
The traditional concept of marriage in a modern society is dwindling. The old ideals of marriage simply don’t work. The concept that a man is the sole provider and the woman is the caregiver is not the case anymore. In modern marriage, equality is the sole principle. There is no sole provider and sole care giver. It equality among the sexes that drives a couple to a successful “connection, commitment, and intimacy.”
Interestingly, marriage is not the only form of institution for child rearing in a modern society; nor is marriage an avenue for women to find financial security. A bumper sticker jokingly forewarned women: “Men are not financial plans.” Contemporary men and women can accomplish financial security and raise children successfully without the false pretense of a marriage without a strong connection, commitment, and intimacy.
The “mundanity” of modern society along with the pressure to maintain the romantically charged genesis is too much. Hence, why the big-expensive wedding is a recipe for divorce. The pressure of expectation to live a constant stream of romantic bliss is entirely a fantasy. A wedding thus is a fantasy and the marriage is the reality. If the couple cannot distinguish between the fantasy and the reality then the marriage will inevitably fail.
Then, how can couple set themselves up for marital success? The answer is simple. Have a wedding that is realistic to your future marriage. Set aside the high pressure to conjure fantasy. Instead, allow the beautiful nature of two individuals to merge in a form of interdependency. Marriage is more about a metaphysical merger of two psyches connecting than about spending money on a fancy dress and luxurious ceremony. The beauty of marriage is not the external prize of achieving financial matrimony but fulfilling the need to feel a high level of intimacy, commitment, and a connection with other person.
--Quote from Bill Cloke Happy Together
Bill Cloke, a PhD in psychology, counseled and study the relationship between couples for 30 years before writing Happy Together: Creating a Lifetime of Connection, Commitment, and Intimacy. The short book entails broad strokes of applicable ideals for married couples to follow. The one that struck the hardest cord revealed how “romantically charged” wedding “inverse[ly]” affected the realistic expectations of marriage.
The traditional concept of marriage in a modern society is dwindling. The old ideals of marriage simply don’t work. The concept that a man is the sole provider and the woman is the caregiver is not the case anymore. In modern marriage, equality is the sole principle. There is no sole provider and sole care giver. It equality among the sexes that drives a couple to a successful “connection, commitment, and intimacy.”
Interestingly, marriage is not the only form of institution for child rearing in a modern society; nor is marriage an avenue for women to find financial security. A bumper sticker jokingly forewarned women: “Men are not financial plans.” Contemporary men and women can accomplish financial security and raise children successfully without the false pretense of a marriage without a strong connection, commitment, and intimacy.
The “mundanity” of modern society along with the pressure to maintain the romantically charged genesis is too much. Hence, why the big-expensive wedding is a recipe for divorce. The pressure of expectation to live a constant stream of romantic bliss is entirely a fantasy. A wedding thus is a fantasy and the marriage is the reality. If the couple cannot distinguish between the fantasy and the reality then the marriage will inevitably fail.
Then, how can couple set themselves up for marital success? The answer is simple. Have a wedding that is realistic to your future marriage. Set aside the high pressure to conjure fantasy. Instead, allow the beautiful nature of two individuals to merge in a form of interdependency. Marriage is more about a metaphysical merger of two psyches connecting than about spending money on a fancy dress and luxurious ceremony. The beauty of marriage is not the external prize of achieving financial matrimony but fulfilling the need to feel a high level of intimacy, commitment, and a connection with other person.
March 21, 2014
This book contains some of the best insights I have read into the ways we sabotage our relationships and the ways we can interrupt the unhealthy patterns that separate us from our "significant other." The writing style is clear and accessible but the content is never simplistic. Interesting fact: among his many qualifications and accomplishments, the author is a professional contributor on relationships for the United Methodist Church (mentioned only as way of highlighting the sort of Christian-related credentialing some may need to see in order to give the book at chance). This is by no means a religious book, but rather an insightful and wholistic resource that addresses the value of mind, body, and spirit in the service of personal and relational growth. Great resource for rebuilding and strengthening relationships. Highly recommended.
April 23, 2012
This book with the exercises is a must for any couple looking to improve their relationship. Best relationship book we've found!
Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews