True North: Choosing God in the Frustrations of Life

by Gary Heim, Lisa Heim

Every day we face some kind of flat tires, flooded basements, wounding words, a broken body, a troubled marriage―trouble comes in all shapes and sizes and can happen when we least expect it. While everyone struggles, few people have learned to struggle well. But it’s not impossible! Frustrations arise when we look to people and things of this world to fill our desires, rather than to the only One who can really satisfy us. True North offers a unique, biblical paradigm that gives understanding and help to turn to God in the frustrations of life. Frustration often causes us to “go south” and react in the flesh. We grumble and grasp. God calls us to “go north” and respond to hardship with wisdom and redemptive love. Combining biblical insight with personal stories, practical help, and compelling examples, authors Gary and Lisa Heim encourage readers to turn from self-centered grumbling and grasping to Christ-centered gratitude and giving. As they read stories of hardships and trials, successes and profits, readers will see how frustrations can actually help them grow in their personal lives, in their marriages, in their parenting, and in their ministries. Believing that learning to live for God through all of life’s frustration is an intentional activity for every day, the Heims also provide discussion questions at the end of each chapter to help readers apply biblical truths to situations where frustrations loom. Perfect for use in ministry settings or as a handbook for personal growth, Truth North shows readers how to embark on the life-giving adventure of walking with God.

Genres: Christian

256 pages, Paperback

First published May 2, 2011

Reviews

[Trevor M. · Rating 5 out of 5]

This review was posted originally at http://arguingwithangels.blogspot.com

I stumbled across a tweet somewhere on the tangled nest that is Twitter a few months ago where I learned that Kregel, a publishing company, had a program where they gave books away to those who agreed to post a review of the book on their blog. I opted in, chose a book, and here I am writing this review.

The book I chose to receive and review was True North, by Gary and Lisa Heim. Gary and Lisa are Christian counselors who have been in practice many years and the book definitely reflects this. I had never heard of the authors before nor was I even very familiar with Kregel, but their book's subject was most appealing to me out of the choices I had, so I chose True North. It turned out to be a very good decision, and not just because I have a somewhat inordinate affection for books.

If you asked me, "What did this book teach you?" I would tell you this:

Through life, we experience groaning; we experience the longing of desire. When we are confronted with one of life's many frustrations, we groan. We can go in two directions with our groaning: north or south. We can go south, begin to grumble in discontent, believe the lie that God is not enough for us, and seek the fulfillment of our desire in idols or we can go north, identify the lie that says we need something other than God to be satisfied, reject that lie, find satisfaction in God, and then spread our joy in God with others in generous, sacrificial giving. Experience groaning again and repeat.

Their stated purpose of the book is, "to stir and stoke the fire of your heart's affections for Jesus Christ" (p.24). I have found that this book accomplishes its purpose well. While it focuses largely on instruction on how we can face our groaning and the frustrations of life, the instruction Gary and Lisa give, heeded well, will certainly lead the reader to become a greater lover of Jesus and their fellow man. Here's a few poignant excerpts from the book that stirred my affections:
"Whether the daily problems I'm facing are big or small, I'm learning to stop and prayerfully ask myself questions like these: Do I believe God is sovereign and in control in this painful moment? Do I believe he is good right now, that his love is enough to sustain me no matter what happens? Do I believe God has a good purpose for allowing that car to go slow in front of me, for allowing Lisa to get up from the table and leave? Will I remember God, surrender and submit to him right now, and stop grumbling? Will I stop going south into anger and unbelief and pray for help to go north to Jesus so I can love God and love people from my heart?" (p. 35)
"Frustration and locked doors are gifts from God. They are God's agents of change. Disappointments, annoying people, and difficult circumstances are all used by God to surface the lies we believe." (p. 127)
"Godly grief is sorrow mixed with faith. Grumbling, on the other hand, feels the pain of broken dreams and raises a fist at God. It's sorrow mixed with unbelief." (p. 132)
"You never really see your own folly until you see it in writing." (p. 167)
"[Truth] transforms us when we trust in God's love enough to take the risk of being fully honest and emotionally naked with him; letting him see all our brokenness, sin, and failure. We must linger with him in prayer and confession, allowing him to look deep into our eyes. We must not pull back in shame or try harder to shape up in order to earn his love. In those vulnerable and intimate moments, we have the opportunity to receive and experience God's love." (p. 172)
"We can't become wholehearted followers of Jesus while hiding secrets and cowering in fear or shame." (p. 200)
"We long for safe friends who are not demanding. We long for friendships where we share deep belly laughs around good food at our favorite restaurant. We yearn for good people with whom we can be ourselves, having no need to pretend. But it's easy to have friends who are just fun, convenient, and comfortable. That poses a problem. There's no risk and little chance of growth. People who are hungry for God long for something more than safety and good times." (p. 232)
Gary and Lisa quote a number of helpful people throughout the book, such as John Piper (the authors reiterate Piper's thesis of christian hedonism in their own words at one point), C.S. Lewis, Francis Schaeffer, A.W. Tozer, John Ortberg, and Larry Crabb (who wrote the foreword). If you are wondering about the author's commitment to orthodox, biblical Christianity, then fear not. They are solid. I particularly liked their thoughts on how God's word changes us (starts at p. 217). The only thing that made me scratch my head and feel a little disconnect was their usage of the phrase "still, small voice." I can't find the passage where they used such language (sorry), but my point is that I think more clear language could be used instead of that cliche term which carries some strange baggage with it (a.k.a. the "God told me so syndrome").

One interesting thing was that this book heavily uses the New Living Translation (NLT) of the Bible and to a lesser extent The Message by Eugene Peterson. I had not been a huge fan of these two biblical sources before but I have come to appreciate them more through this book, especially the NLT. I might pick a copy up.

To conclude, I recommend True North for your reading pleasure and edification. It presents a biblical, God-honoring framework that can help you address frustrations and direct you to worship God in how you live life. This is very much a whole life book - you can apply something from this book to every day of your life. Oh, and it has wonderful end-of-chapter discussion/reflection questions!

[Michele · Rating 5 out of 5]

“In this world you will have trouble. John 16:33 NIV

True North opens with this verse. These words ring true for all of us it seems. No matter our place in life. Rich, poor, successful, organized, enjoying a great career or struggling to get by, trouble in one form or another seems to come our way.

There is more to that verse though. The rest of it reads:

But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 NIV

It gives the verse a whole new meaning. Knowing that Jesus has overcome the world. That He did that for each and every one of us who choose to follow Him.

True North is a very insightful book. The Heim’s draw from their own life experiences and show us how our every day struggles and frustrations can actually draw us closer in our walk with God.

The authors show us that we can “head south” under our own power which leads to emptiness, failure and that feeling of wanting more. Ever experienced that feeling? I know I have. We could instead choose to “head north” our true north to God. People will disappoint us, life brings us down, we wonder if there is really any purpose or meaning to our lives. We fail ourselves so many times trying to do it our way, but God never fails. He wants a relationship with us. He wants us to walk with him though every struggle not just the big ones. He wants us to abide in Him always. If we head North to God for everything He will never fail us.

True North is a great book for individual study and it would make a wonderful teaching tool for church groups. At the end of each chapter you will find questions for self-examination and discussion.

dsclosure: I recieved a copy of True North from Kregel Publications in exhange for my honest review. No other compensation was recieved.

[D.S. White · Rating 5 out of 5]

My Thoughts:

There is so  much that I love about this book, I don't know where to start! You see I am the queen of frustration. There is so much in my life that frustrates me it's pitiful. People don't expect sold out Christians to say things like that--but it's true. We understand the power of prayer, we understand that we should die to self daily, we understand that the DNA of Jesus the Christ enables us with all of His abilities, however, some days it seems as if we can't even muster up the strength to act upon what we believe.

I have been a huge fan of Psychology since I took my first class at age nineteen and realized that understanding myself and my motivations gave me a way to handle my frustrations. Even so, that alone is not enough and the authors break that down very clearly in the four parts of their book:

Part One: You are Here
1- Life is Difficult,  2- Will You Go North or South? 3- Groaning: God's passionate pursuit of your heart



Part Two: Going South
 4-Grumbling: The first sign you're headed south, 5- Grasping: Your attempts to gain control

Part Three: Going North
6- Grace: The power to turn north, 7- A Great Gift: The new identity we need, 8-Gratitude: The response to God's love, 9- Giving: The fruit of a grateful heart

Part Four: You-Turn
10-Getting It, 11- Growing It 12) Giving It Away: Mentoring Others

This book is an awesome combination of self-realization (by the authors), learned skills (psychology, compassion, love), teaching and spirituality. If you're anything like me, you will start out reading at a clip and realize that this is a book to savor, learn and experience. As you begin to savor and learn (via the self examination/discussion questions after each chapter) you will cry buckets of tears, probably at the most inappropriate times, however, you will come out less frustrated and more at peace with yourself, the world around you and most importantly, a (new or ) renewed relationship with God.

The authors have done such a great job of covering all the bases. Men reject God and religion because they crave facts and operate via the intellect vs emotions. True North covers that. If you've ever heard T.D. Jakes preach a sermon, you wonder how a man can so clearly understand the heart of a woman? True North understands and addresses the nexus of our hurts. It forces you to name it (face it) and to see it for the lie that it is. True North shows the love of God and how His love works in our lives and how if it's not working (frustration) it's because of a choice we have made in our life. True North addresses taking responsibility for our choices, and convicts us to give up that entitlement spirit that is prevalent in this day and age. True North  acknowledges the imperfections, makes clear the choices North (God) and South (flesh) and gives great action steps teaching us to practice turning to God instead of groaning and grumbling.

True North challenges us to choose God no matter what. It makes it clear that although the choice is not an easy one, sticking to our choice and practicing doing so even in our rough times is rewarding. It also challenges us to go to the next level and to bring others along with us for the ride.

My Rating:
I unabashedly award this book a 5/5 rating.

My Recommendation:
This book accomplishes its purpose in a straightforward and gentle manner. I totally recommend it for small group discussions.  It is  low cost ($15.99) scripturally correct counseling--in a book!

About the Authors
Gary Heim is pastor of Small Groups and Discipleship at Blythefield Hills Church in Rockford, Michigan; an adjunct professor at Grand Rapids Theological Seminary; and a retreat and seminar speaker. He is a limited licensed psychologist in Michigan where he had a private counseling practice for over ten years and was a staff counselor for RBC Ministries. Married to Lisa for over twenty-five years with two college age children, Gary enjoys hunting, fly fishing, and backpacking.

Lisa Heim is a licensed professional counselor in the state of Michigan where she has had a private practice for the last twenty years. Lisa has been married to Gary for over twenty-five years and together they are the proud parents of two college-age children.  In her spare time Lisa enjoys reading, walking, kayaking, home decorating, and gardening.

NOTE: This book was received from the Publisher, Kregel Publications, free of charge in exchange for an honest review.

[Kate · Rating 5 out of 5]

A friend recommended this book and I am so pleased they did. It’s not that I haven’t read books about this subject before but the way the authors have written this book was really helpful and deeply challenging. It’s not a book to be quickly read through but to sit and mull over what you’ve read. The questions at the end of each chapter are very helpful. This book is centred on Christ from beginning to end. Would recommend this book to anyone.

[Kevin Sorensen · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think I like this book.

I know, I know; that sounds like an awful way to start a book review. The reason I sound just a bit tentative is because I’m usually tentative in accepting something that sounds like it comes out of a therapeutic mind set. That was what I anticipated when I found out that the Heims were counselors and had written a book about living the Christian life. Fortunately, I was proven wrong.

The Heims do a fine job of weaving biblical truth and theology into their framework of going north or south, deciding to look to God in the middle of life’s frustrations, or go our own way and become increasingly frustrated. They painted a new perspective on the way we desire in life; they call it “groaning.” We groan, along with creation, awaiting our final redemption. We groan, hungering and thirsting. What will see week to satisfy this longing? Will it be God Himself? Or will we choose to go hard after other gods, gods of our own making and under our own control.

The first sign things are going badly for you are when you begin to grumble about your life’s situation. This is what the Israelites did, even though they had just been miraculously delivered from Egypt. Life got a little bit hard and difficult, so they went south––not literally, but spiritually they headed in their own direction. And just look at where that got them: they pursued other gods and many died; they grumbled about food and got so much it made them sick; they grumbled about where they were promised to live and it got them forty more years of wandering in the desert.

Chapter Six was all about grace. This was my chapter, the chapter that convinced me this book was more than just another “Christian self-help, self-esteem” book. The heart that will head north is the heart that realizes it has nothing to offer God except its emptiness and longing for God. Then His grace comes flooding in, filling us with joy and gratitude, enabling us to give and “get it” (Chapter Ten).

The Heims provide discussion questions at the end of each chapter. This is helpful if you’re reading this book on your own. They’ll help you think and apply the teaching within. If you determined to use this as a group study, these questions would make good jumping off points. If you go to the Heims’ True North website, you’ll find several free, downloadable resources to help you with the book and using it with a group.

One small note here, either to the Heims or to the publishers (Kregel): most books published today have this annoying habit of presenting little insets with a line or two that stands out to catch the reader’s attention. The vast majority of these are simply lines of text from the book itself. This is seldom helpful. True North, however, has only about one of these per chapter and they’re quotes from other sources that serve to underscore the main idea of that chapter. This is quite helpful. I commend Kregel for this.

I commend this book to you.

[Kathryn Jones · Rating 5 out of 5]

In the CS Lewis book, "The Horse and His Boy," the main character, Shasta, goes through many trials. His life has been characterized by pain, struggle, abuse, and frustration. When he is feeling his most desperate and completely sorry for himself, he exclaims with tears streaming down his face, "I must be the most unfortunate boy!" It is then that he realizes something is walking next to him in the dark and he can't see it. He ends up having an encounter with the Great Lion, Aslan. Aslan steps in at just the right moment and gives Shasta a new prospective, a new way to think about his trials, a taste of the bigger picture. He draws Shasta out of his own story, and into a bigger story, Aslan's story.

In essence, that is what Gary and Lisa Heim's book, "True North" does for you and me. They give us a paradigm shift, a new prospective and a new way to think about trials and even every day frustrations. They call us out of our own little stories, and draw us up into God's bigger story.

I must out myself at this time and tell you I have been blessed by being under the teaching of Gary and Lisa for years. I have been taught these concepts from their very own lips, and I have to say I am a changed woman. My life was once characterized by anger and rage, and I was becoming less and less able to hide it. I didn't know how to feel any other emotion but anger. Through these concepts for the first time, I was able to see underneath the anger. I was able to ask myself and God why I was so angry. God has exposed countless numbers of lies I was believing. Through this teaching, God cut my heart open and carefully mended the broken pieces back together. I now have all kinds of emotions, not just anger. Although anger is still a struggle from time to time, rage no longer enters the picture.

True North is a "how to" book without actually being a "how to" book. The Heim's acknowledge that this is actually God's work. We cannot just try harder and suddenly have it all together. But, this book exposes our sin, which leads to repentance, which leads to true and lasting change. Praise God for Gary and Lisa Heim! And praise God for the beautifully written, heartfelt and very useful book!

[The Loopy Librarian · Rating 4 out of 5]

Gary and Lisa Heim speak with an authority that comes from years of active ministry and counseling. Their book, True North, is both convicting and encouraging. It is so easy to get beaten down by the fallen world in which we live and believe the lie that we just aren’t good enough. Then we go south to whatever gods we can find comfort in, forgetting all about our loving God who wants to meet our needs. The other gods always disappoint and lead us into sin. But our Father God loves us unconditionally and teaches us to live for Him. The first part of the book talks about what it means to go south and it is difficult to read because it is so convicting. But the book isn’t about making people feel guilty for not seeking God first. In fact, the Heims point out that we all fall short of that goal at times. What this book teaches the reader is how to recognize the lies and notice when we are about to go south. “We have a Father who has promised never to condemn us, but rather to help us with our weaknesses so that we might bring him glory. He lives within us; we are never alone (p. 155).” True North is designed as a Bible study with questions at the end of each chapter. It is difficult to read straight through as I did because there is so much to ponder. It is not a light read although there are light moments. It is a book with a mission. A very worthwhile one. To learn more about True North ministries visit their website: http://www.truenorthministries.net/

[Brenda · Rating 5 out of 5]

"True North," by Gary and Lisa Heim isn't just another christian self help book instead its down to earth advice that's sort of like a road map which guides the reader to True North which is a different way of looking at the hard times in life. Instead of being a grumbler and complainer, which I have always called my negative Nellie attitude, when life's adversities get us down we can choose to find something positive and look for the blessings that we have.
The first chapter titled Life Is Difficult starts out with the scripture from John 16:23 which says "In this world you will have trouble." Its how we handle that trouble though that determines how our life will be. I guess the greatest thing I took away from this book was how our attitudes can not only affect us but the people around us, so why not choose an attitude of gratitude and giving. I liked how each chapter started out with a scripture verse, but easily my favorite parts of the book were the personal stories the author's shared allowing me to see that they were writing from a place of experience.
The study questions included would make this a perfect group study book. While I had never heard of the Heim's until picking up this book, I found plenty of useful ideas, this book is a definite keeper for me and I am sure I will refer to it often.


A complimentary copy of this book was provided by the publisher in exchange for an honest review.

[Susan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Undoubtedly one of the best books I have read on living a truly "bondage to this world" free life centered on the TRUTH of a Christ centered life. A life not dominated by legalism and trying to earn the love of God and the world. Gary and Lisa lay it out plainly that we will have troubles in this world and how our reactions determine if we are truly looking to God to satisfy and complete our needs or if we really are turning to the false security and completeness that comes through the world. Through real life examples Gary and Lisa show how God truly is loving even in His allowance of frustrations and struggles. They give relatable, easy to understand instruction and advice in achieving turning north to God and not south towards the world. At the end of each section are insightful, useful study questions. When answered honestly these questions have you searching deep inside to understand why you do what you do and where you are on your journey with God. I recommend this to Christians of all faiths and theological views, no matter where you stand you will find genuine help in this book.

[Laverne Ombadykow · Rating 5 out of 5]

In this book by Gary and Lisa Heim there is clear Biblical guidance regarding how to handle the stresses and problems of life. It is an honest look at how we respond to problems (called going South) and how we really should respond to problems (going North). The Heim's don't sit on a pedestal and preach, but humbly share their own examples of how they handled things and how they learned and grew.

God desires for us to be focused on Him and to be satisfied with him and to call on Him in our times of trouble, but we often think we can do things our own way and we often are proud ~ even of the gifts that He has given us and we don't deserve. There is so much encouragement in this book about being humble and generous and gradually becoming the people God created us to be.

I am thankful for this book and I will certainly use it as a resource as I counsel people and I will remember that the work is God's and the glory belongs to Him.


Kregel Publishers have provided me with a complimentary copy of this book.

[Amanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

True North is a great book dealing with how to make the right choices when facing frustrations that enter your life. There is a lot of great life application in this book. It helped me to think through why I react the way I do when things don't go the way I expect them to go. It showed me how I am grasping at things around me to help life run smoothly instead of turning to the Lord to satisfy and sustain me. There are some things in the book that I didn't agree with, but over all the book has a great message and would very beneficial. This book includes discussion questions at the end of each chapter and would be great for small group bible studies.
I highly recommend this book!
*** I received this book for free from LIbrary Thing in exchange for an honest review of the book.

[Karen Himestra · Rating 4 out of 5]

Gary and Lisa Heim have written an excellent book about how to react to the big and little irritations that each of us faces in life. They phrase it in terms of "Going South" or "Going North". South is reacting as typical human beings, while going North involves consulting God first before reacting. That's a simplified version of the concept, but that's it in a nutshell. Great diagrams add a visual element to the concept. Gary Heim wrote the majority of the chapters, but his wife Lisa also contributed several. Numerous personal examples from various people are included. The latter part of the book is dedicated to explaining how we can stay close to God and keep "heading North."

[Nicole · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have taken to referring to this as "the Book" (with air quotes) because I have found it so eye-opening and, frankly, life-changing (i do not say that lightly or flippantly) that I refer to it constantly with anyone who shows the slightest interest. It probably does not say anything I hadn't previously heard many times, but it presented a framework that I instantly related to and could remember easily.

[David Allen · Rating 5 out of 5]

"True North" is among the best non-fiction books I have read--ever. Gary and Lisa Heim provide truly insightful, real-life and biblically-based perspectives on a wide range of life's frustrations and challenges. Jan and I used it as a discussion prompt for our life group, and everyone found each chapter helpful.

[Maggie]

Excellent...turning to the One True God who loves us more than we love ourselves when life slings a full fist into the inner hearts of our lives! It is all about Jesus, and Jesus makes it all about us as we lean hard into Him!
Truly, all things work together for good to those who love our God, who are called according to His purpose!

[Marlyanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Made me think about my attitude and how to adjust it. Great Book :)

[Carmen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great uplifting read based on the truth of God's Word. Highly recommend to everyone!

I won this book for free through goodreads giveaway.

[Carolyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well worth reading, lots of good application and dives into a lot of topics that are important for Christian growth and healing.

[Sandy Neal]

Received on 8/28/11 through the goodreads.com giveaway program.