Love You, Hate the Porn: Healing a Relationship Damaged by Virtual Infidelity

by Mark D. Chamberlain

A pornography addiction can feel like real infidelity to a spouse. There s nothing virtual about the damage done to a relationship, and the wounds are reopened each time a relapse is discovered. As tough as it is to overcome this addictive habit, healing a marriage damaged by pornography is even harder. For spouses, it s not enough for their partners to simply stop looking at porn. They need healing themselves. Some couples separate and divorce. Others stay together, but the strain of unresolved feelings takes a distinct toll. Many wonder, Can our marriage heal? Will we ever feel close again? Love You, Hate the Porn shows couples how to identify and address vulnerabilities in their relationship. Offers healing advice for spouses. Provides help for the struggling partner to avoid relapse. Focuses on how to make the marriage relationship stronger than it was before.

224 pages, Paperback

First published March 9, 2011

Reviews

[James · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is an amazing study of the damage that can be caused to a relationship based on any addictive behavior, whether it be alcohol, pornography, or even just television. It helps break down possible feelings and challenges between each sex, and how they view themselves and each other after the addiction has become too large to ignore. A Must Read for anyone who feels they struggle with anything.

[Alexander Anderson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not writing a long review on this just know if you are a married man, you need to read this book. Enough said.

[Nix Damon · Rating 3 out of 5]

While I innately appreciate any book that seeks to address porn and its impact on a marriage, this book held a rather wincing view of it.

It might be sufficient if a couple seeks to wrap up an issue in a bow and set it aside - a checked box of exploration - but I didn't find it very helpful or encouraging personally.

It reminded me of a Nicholas Sparks novel versus real life romance - a book that smiles sweetly on an issue that can be the source of tremendous trauma and heartbreak.

Perhaps if a reader is just beginning to walk this road, it could be a source of help and hope, but as a long-time learner of a real life struggle, it didn't help me.

[Amy S · Rating 4 out of 5]

A collection of dozens of short examples of couples affected by pornography and the advice and analysis of a professional counselor. The focus is on working towards stronger relationships as a defense against the pull of addiction. Lots of good advice. Most of the suggestions would be a challenge to someone who is married to an addict who is still in denial so it's more for couples working together to fight addiction within their relationship. Definitely something that I would recommend to couples considering marriage while aware of an addiction problem as a factor.

[Emily Pulham · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good quick read. Obviously heavy subject but gives a better grasp at what emotions people might be experiencing in this situation. Highly recommend to anyone who wants to have greater empathy for others going through betrayal trauma and reconciliation.

[Becky · Rating 3 out of 5]

Reading this for my new church responsibility in social services. Gaining a new understanding of the subject and addictive behavior. It describes well the emotional needs that are met by escaping to pornography. Helps couples learn how to identify and address vulnerabilities in their relationships.
Provides help for the struggling partner to avoid relapse.

[Millicent Julianna]

Excellent for couples recovering from porn addiction

This is the perfect book for couples who have been negatively affected by sex and/or porn addiction. It's necessary for the partner with the addiction to read this book and is even better if the betrayed spouse also reads it with he or she.

[Marcus Vellinga · Rating 5 out of 5]

saved my marriage

If you struggle with pornography and have struggled for a long time especially in your marriage, I can not recommend this book enough. It opened my eyes to what was really happening in my head, and my wife’s head in regard to this addiction. It helped me cut through the lies that I tell myself or that others have told me and it gave me the tools I need to not only put my pornography habit behind me, but to nurture a beautiful, new relationship with my wife. Thank you Mark and Geoff. You have truly blessed my life with this book.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Honestly, I think this could help any marriage in understanding how to communicate hard things, whether it's pornography related, or not. And it is helpful to any individual who has moments of anxiety or insecurity and would like some good tools in addressing those moments before they lead to any bad behaviors. Very helpful, well-written and thought-provoking book!

[Ed · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent marriage counselling book. I heard it was and it is. Anyone struggling with addiction of any kind would be greatly helped by this book. I read it as an ebook. I am going to buy a hard copy and underline and take notes. I highly recommend it.

[K.C. Dunn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book on attachment trauma and addiction. Some pieces of the recovery process are missing but overall great read

[Jason · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book. Highly recommend for any couple where a spouse struggles with a pornography habit or addiction.

[Rachel Robins · Rating 5 out of 5]

Powerful read

[Melissa Hendrix · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book if your in a relationship that has porn addiction