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The Lord is my shepherd and he knows I'm gay: The autobiography of the Rev. Troy D. Perry, as told to Charles L. Lucas
Book by Perry, Troy D
232 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 1972
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September 13, 2025
THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF THE FOUNDER OF THE FIRST “GAY CHURCH”
Troy Deroy Perry Jr. (born 1940) is the founder of the Metropolitan Community Church. [NOTE: page numbers below refer to the 254-page 25th anniversary paperback edition of this 1972 book.]
He wrote in the Introduction, “I am a minister of the Gospel. I have been licensed and ordained. I have finally found my mission in this life. And I am a homosexual, a happy homosexual. For much of my life I carried the loads of guilt and shame that lead all homosexuals through a soul-wrenching and miserable wilderness… I had been taught in my Southern schooling, and in my rigid Pentecostal church background that all of what I’ve grown to accept and love is evil and an abomination to God and man. I now know that it isn’t. The opposite is the case. I learned the truth when I finally found that I was really homosexual; when I began to ignore a feeling of furtive looks and restless airs, I knew that I was an instinctive rebel. Most homosexuals are. It is one of our basic attractions.” (Pg. 1-2)
In the first chapter, he asserts, “I’m sure that homosexuality is preordained… I am firmly convinced that much of what we are comes to us through our genes… I read about a professor at the University of California who is conducting experiments along that very line. The rest of the people can wait for him. But not me. I’m sure. I’m going to go right on and believe it.” (Pg. 8-9)
He recalls being a teenager: “I was beset by self-doubts. Everyone who thinks he has a religious calling is. They never really go away. But the realization grows and you finally know that’s it… at age 16, along with my doubts about everything, and with the need to find myself in all ways, I had guilt feelings about any sexual urges. I think I wanted go know how others felt… that curiosity drove me to more experimentation with homosexuality… I had the conflict between my feelings and what the church taught. I would ask God about it in prayers. I remember then, I would say, ‘Well, now why, God, would you let me have these feelings even before I knew I was called to preach?’” (Pg. 63)
Years later, he attempted suicide: “I opened the medicine cabinet. The first thing I saw was the razor blade. I took it… I managed to get into the tub; I felt totally numb. Somehow I managed to slowly and deliberately press the blade through the skin and into the flesh of my wrists… I could see the figure of the handsome, sweet youth, the Angel of Death, beckoning to me. This was the lover I had pursued throughout my life… I drifted off to sleep, even though I was not aware of it… Somewhere out there I could hear screaming… Later, I learned that Benny had come into the bathroom, discovered me in the grisly mess I had made… Well, Marianne and a couple of her sons charged in there and took over…” (Pg. 117)
Soon after, “I just prayed. I said, ‘All right, Lord, you know my needs… this thing about homosexuality. You have to show me… what does this mean? Teach me, Lord.’ I studied the Bible, especially the Old Testament. I began to reevaluate everything I had ever learned. There were so many contradictions and so many ideas. I found that you can prove or disprove anything by citing the Bible, and especially, the Old Testament, or St. Paul in the New Testament. But the Lord was guiding and directing me. I’m sure that He had put me through all of this in order to better equip me for my mission. He was beginning to set in motion the vision I needed for what I had to do, what I had to accomplish in this life. Once set, I found that I could never look back. I haven’t.” (Pg. 121)
He recalls, “I knew that the mission was coming into focus. God wanted me to start a new church that would reach into the gay community, but that would include anyone and everyone who believed in the true spirit of God’s love, peace, and forgiveness… I knew that the word ‘church’ would be in the title… Then I would ask the Lord if it was to be really an outreach into the gay community. So the word ‘community’ got into the title. The more I thought about it, the more I liked it. Community meant a feeling of comradeship, a small area, a place where you knew everybody. So, it would be a community church… we would serve the whole Los Angeles area. Los Angeles is a large urban area, so the word ‘metropolitan’ finally came to mind, and it stuck.” (Pg. 128)
At the first meeting of the new church (with twelve persons in attendance), he explained to the congregation, “the church was organized to serve the religious, spiritual, and social needs of the homosexual community of greater Los Angeles…. I made it clear that we were not a gay church---we were a Christian church, and I said that in my first sermon. I also told them that we would be a general Protestant church to be all-inclusive.” (Pg. 134-135)
Later, he pointed out, “Our church provided a feeling of freedom to worship, to walk with God. We knew that we were on His side because He loved us, too. We excluded no one. We welcomed everyone. We still do. Heterosexuals came to our first services. They do today. At least 20% of our congregation is heterosexual. Their involvement is as great as anyone’s.” (Pg. 147)
While he and church members were picketing a business that had fired a young gay man because of his orientation, he encountered a loud fundamentalist woman who asked him, “Young man, do you know that the Book of Leviticus says?” He replied, “I sure do! It says that it’s a sin for a woman to wear a red dress, for a man to wear a cotton shirt and woolen pants at the same time, for anyone to eat shrimp, oysters, or lobsters, or your steak too rare… you forgot all of these dreadful sins, too, that are in the same book of the Bible.” She brought up St. Paul, and he replied, “[Paul] said for women to be silent, not to speak… Paul disliked women. He said that women were not to teach, preach, and that they were not to have ANY sort of authority over men… He didn’t like women with short hair, nor men with long hair… Are we going to close the doors of the church just because the Apostle Paul didn’t like women with short hair, nor men with long hair?” (Pg. 166)
He continued, “I’ll agree, madam, that Paul did not like homosexuals, but Paul did not take to women’s rights… Now, according to the way you think and act, [Jesus] would have been a real weirdy---for you… I don’t believe that Jesus was a homosexual. But … Here was a guy that was raised by a mother with no father… He never married, and ran around with 12 guys all the time… Jesus said, ‘Come unto me, all ye that labor, and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.’ And that includes homosexuals, too. God does not condemn me for a sex drive that He has created in me. He doesn’t condemn me unless I leave the areas of love and go into the areas of destructive, excessive lust.” (Pg. 168-169)
He observes, “Most churches… wouldn’t consider a gay marriage at all, primarily because it doesn’t produce families. The fact that marriage is traditionally an institution to produce offspring is an early basis for marriage. If it were the only basis upon which gay people are denied the rite of marriage, then, by the same token, marriage should be denied to a great number of heterosexual couples who either cannot or will not have children. Personally, I feel that if this logic is carried through to a conclusion, then after a certain specified period of time has elapsed without progeny, the marriage should automatically be declared dissolved.” (Pg. 207)
He reprints a letter he sent/sends out to other churches, and comments, “That letter has gone out over my signature to a lot of people and places. It is true! The church will have to stop oppressing us. I mean every sect, every parish, every congregation, every synagogue, and anywhere that people meet to worship. Why? Because organized religion is the source of the most vicious oppression of the homosexuals throughout history, and especially in this country. It will change and ease the attitude in whole communities when churches can honestly change their stands pertaining to homosexual behavior in America, and I hope elsewhere, too.” (Pg. 246-247) He adds, “The only reason we have these gay churches in this country is the same reason that we have black churches. It’s discrimination, pure and simple.” (Pg. 248)
This book is absolutely “must reading” for anyone interested in the issue of LGBTQ people and the church.
Troy Deroy Perry Jr. (born 1940) is the founder of the Metropolitan Community Church. [NOTE: page numbers below refer to the 254-page 25th anniversary paperback edition of this 1972 book.]
He wrote in the Introduction, “I am a minister of the Gospel. I have been licensed and ordained. I have finally found my mission in this life. And I am a homosexual, a happy homosexual. For much of my life I carried the loads of guilt and shame that lead all homosexuals through a soul-wrenching and miserable wilderness… I had been taught in my Southern schooling, and in my rigid Pentecostal church background that all of what I’ve grown to accept and love is evil and an abomination to God and man. I now know that it isn’t. The opposite is the case. I learned the truth when I finally found that I was really homosexual; when I began to ignore a feeling of furtive looks and restless airs, I knew that I was an instinctive rebel. Most homosexuals are. It is one of our basic attractions.” (Pg. 1-2)
In the first chapter, he asserts, “I’m sure that homosexuality is preordained… I am firmly convinced that much of what we are comes to us through our genes… I read about a professor at the University of California who is conducting experiments along that very line. The rest of the people can wait for him. But not me. I’m sure. I’m going to go right on and believe it.” (Pg. 8-9)
He recalls being a teenager: “I was beset by self-doubts. Everyone who thinks he has a religious calling is. They never really go away. But the realization grows and you finally know that’s it… at age 16, along with my doubts about everything, and with the need to find myself in all ways, I had guilt feelings about any sexual urges. I think I wanted go know how others felt… that curiosity drove me to more experimentation with homosexuality… I had the conflict between my feelings and what the church taught. I would ask God about it in prayers. I remember then, I would say, ‘Well, now why, God, would you let me have these feelings even before I knew I was called to preach?’” (Pg. 63)
Years later, he attempted suicide: “I opened the medicine cabinet. The first thing I saw was the razor blade. I took it… I managed to get into the tub; I felt totally numb. Somehow I managed to slowly and deliberately press the blade through the skin and into the flesh of my wrists… I could see the figure of the handsome, sweet youth, the Angel of Death, beckoning to me. This was the lover I had pursued throughout my life… I drifted off to sleep, even though I was not aware of it… Somewhere out there I could hear screaming… Later, I learned that Benny had come into the bathroom, discovered me in the grisly mess I had made… Well, Marianne and a couple of her sons charged in there and took over…” (Pg. 117)
Soon after, “I just prayed. I said, ‘All right, Lord, you know my needs… this thing about homosexuality. You have to show me… what does this mean? Teach me, Lord.’ I studied the Bible, especially the Old Testament. I began to reevaluate everything I had ever learned. There were so many contradictions and so many ideas. I found that you can prove or disprove anything by citing the Bible, and especially, the Old Testament, or St. Paul in the New Testament. But the Lord was guiding and directing me. I’m sure that He had put me through all of this in order to better equip me for my mission. He was beginning to set in motion the vision I needed for what I had to do, what I had to accomplish in this life. Once set, I found that I could never look back. I haven’t.” (Pg. 121)
He recalls, “I knew that the mission was coming into focus. God wanted me to start a new church that would reach into the gay community, but that would include anyone and everyone who believed in the true spirit of God’s love, peace, and forgiveness… I knew that the word ‘church’ would be in the title… Then I would ask the Lord if it was to be really an outreach into the gay community. So the word ‘community’ got into the title. The more I thought about it, the more I liked it. Community meant a feeling of comradeship, a small area, a place where you knew everybody. So, it would be a community church… we would serve the whole Los Angeles area. Los Angeles is a large urban area, so the word ‘metropolitan’ finally came to mind, and it stuck.” (Pg. 128)
At the first meeting of the new church (with twelve persons in attendance), he explained to the congregation, “the church was organized to serve the religious, spiritual, and social needs of the homosexual community of greater Los Angeles…. I made it clear that we were not a gay church---we were a Christian church, and I said that in my first sermon. I also told them that we would be a general Protestant church to be all-inclusive.” (Pg. 134-135)
Later, he pointed out, “Our church provided a feeling of freedom to worship, to walk with God. We knew that we were on His side because He loved us, too. We excluded no one. We welcomed everyone. We still do. Heterosexuals came to our first services. They do today. At least 20% of our congregation is heterosexual. Their involvement is as great as anyone’s.” (Pg. 147)
While he and church members were picketing a business that had fired a young gay man because of his orientation, he encountered a loud fundamentalist woman who asked him, “Young man, do you know that the Book of Leviticus says?” He replied, “I sure do! It says that it’s a sin for a woman to wear a red dress, for a man to wear a cotton shirt and woolen pants at the same time, for anyone to eat shrimp, oysters, or lobsters, or your steak too rare… you forgot all of these dreadful sins, too, that are in the same book of the Bible.” She brought up St. Paul, and he replied, “[Paul] said for women to be silent, not to speak… Paul disliked women. He said that women were not to teach, preach, and that they were not to have ANY sort of authority over men… He didn’t like women with short hair, nor men with long hair… Are we going to close the doors of the church just because the Apostle Paul didn’t like women with short hair, nor men with long hair?” (Pg. 166)
He continued, “I’ll agree, madam, that Paul did not like homosexuals, but Paul did not take to women’s rights… Now, according to the way you think and act, [Jesus] would have been a real weirdy---for you… I don’t believe that Jesus was a homosexual. But … Here was a guy that was raised by a mother with no father… He never married, and ran around with 12 guys all the time… Jesus said, ‘Come unto me, all ye that labor, and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.’ And that includes homosexuals, too. God does not condemn me for a sex drive that He has created in me. He doesn’t condemn me unless I leave the areas of love and go into the areas of destructive, excessive lust.” (Pg. 168-169)
He observes, “Most churches… wouldn’t consider a gay marriage at all, primarily because it doesn’t produce families. The fact that marriage is traditionally an institution to produce offspring is an early basis for marriage. If it were the only basis upon which gay people are denied the rite of marriage, then, by the same token, marriage should be denied to a great number of heterosexual couples who either cannot or will not have children. Personally, I feel that if this logic is carried through to a conclusion, then after a certain specified period of time has elapsed without progeny, the marriage should automatically be declared dissolved.” (Pg. 207)
He reprints a letter he sent/sends out to other churches, and comments, “That letter has gone out over my signature to a lot of people and places. It is true! The church will have to stop oppressing us. I mean every sect, every parish, every congregation, every synagogue, and anywhere that people meet to worship. Why? Because organized religion is the source of the most vicious oppression of the homosexuals throughout history, and especially in this country. It will change and ease the attitude in whole communities when churches can honestly change their stands pertaining to homosexual behavior in America, and I hope elsewhere, too.” (Pg. 246-247) He adds, “The only reason we have these gay churches in this country is the same reason that we have black churches. It’s discrimination, pure and simple.” (Pg. 248)
This book is absolutely “must reading” for anyone interested in the issue of LGBTQ people and the church.
July 29, 2025
I was raised strict Evangelical. This book, and later, my friendship with Rev. Perry helped me shape my understanding of what it meant to be gay and Christian.
June 20, 2020
Insightful autobiography by Troy Perry talking about his growing up and his path to starting the MCC. While the first half is wonderful in telling the story, the last half turns into a sermon and fails the story with no sense of conclusion.
November 8, 2016
A heartbreaking read into the founder of the Metropolitian Community Church, the first LGBT-specific Christian denomination.
Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews