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Today I Wrote Nothing: The Selected Writings Today I Wrote Nothing: The Selected Writings by Daniil Kharms
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Today I Wrote Nothing Quotes Showing 1-11 of 11
“I was most happy when pen and paper were taken from me and I was forbidden from doing anything. I had no anxiety about doing nothing by my own fault, my conscience was clear, and I was happy. This was when I was in prison.”
Daniil Kharms, Today I Wrote Nothing: The Selected Writings
“There lived a redheaded man who had no eyes or ears. He didn’t have hair either, so he was called a redhead arbitrarily. He couldn’t talk because he had no mouth. He had no nose either. He didn’t even have arms or legs. He had no stomach, he had no back, he had no spine, and he had no innards at all. He didn’t have anything. So we don’t even know who we’re talking about. It’s better that we don’t talk about him any more.”
Daniil Kharms, Today I Wrote Nothing: The Selected Writings
“It’s hard to say something about Pushkin to a person who doesn’t know anything about him. Pushkin is a great poet. Napoleon is not as great as Pushkin. Bismarck compared to Pushkin is a nobody. And the Alexanders, First, Second and Third, are just little kids compared to Pushkin. In fact, compared to Pushkin, all people are little kids, except Gogol. Compared to him, Pushkin is a little kid.
And so, instead of writing about Pushkin, I would rather write about Gogol.
Although, Gogol is so great that not a thing can be written about him, so I'll write about Pushkin after all.
Yet, after Gogol, it’s a shame to have to write about Pushkin. But you can’t write anything about Gogol. So I’d rather not write anything about anyone.”
Daniil Kharms, Today I Wrote Nothing: The Selected Writings
“One short man said: "I would give anything if only I were even a tiny bit taller."
He barely said it when he saw a lady magician standing in front of him.
"What do you want?" says the magician.
But the short man just stands there so frightened he can't even speak.
"Well?" says the magician.
The short man just stands there and says nothing. The magician vanishes.
Then the short man started crying and biting his nails. First he chewed off all the nails on his fingers, and then on his toes.

Reader! Think this fable over and it will make you somewhat uncomfortable.”
Daniil Kharms, Today I Wrote Nothing: The Selected Writings
“these verses have become a thing and one can take them off the page and throw them at a window, and the window would break. That's what words can do!”
Daniil Kharms, Today I Wrote Nothing: The Selected Writings
“You see,” I said, “in my opinion, there are no believers or non-believers. There are only those who want to believe and those who do not want to believe.” “So those who do not want to believe already believe in something?” said Sakerdon Mikhailovich. “And those who want to believe already believe in nothing?”
Daniil Kharms, Today I Wrote Nothing: The Selected Writings
“Madeleine, you’ve grown too cold to lie alone beneath a bush a youth bows down over you with a face as hot as Tibet. The pilot has grown old along the way. He waves his hands—but doesn’t fly he moves his legs—but doesn’t go waves once or twice and falls then lies for years without decay Poor Madeleine grieves a braid she weaves. and chases idle dreams away.”
Daniel Kharms, Today I Wrote Nothing: The Selected Writings of Daniil Kharms
“That’s where the fish first started swimming don’t tell me you didn’t see the bee fly out you saved yourself perhaps from wasps or from the lashes of her strong plaits or having upon her legs leaned back your head were tender were all of a sudden ardent were again tender now sensitive to caresses now dull now a red-muzzled horse now a corpse now daydreaming pressed against a fence now wringing your hands at a distance.”
Daniel Kharms, Today I Wrote Nothing: The Selected Writings of Daniil Kharms
“Kalugin fell asleep and had a dream: He’s sitting in some bushes and a policeman is walking by. Kalugin woke up, scratched around his mouth, and fell asleep again, and again he had a dream: He’s walking by the bushes, and in the bushes sits a policeman, hiding. Kalugin woke up, placed a newspaper under his head to keep his drool from drowning the pillow, and fell asleep again. And again he had a dream: He’s sitting in the bushes and a policeman is walking by. Kalugin woke up, changed the newspaper, lay down and fell asleep. And when he fell asleep he had the dream again: He’s walking by the bushes and in the bushes sits a policeman. Kalugin woke up and decided not to go to sleep again, but he fell asleep right away and had a dream: He’s sitting behind the policeman and a bush is walking by. Kalugin screamed and thrashed in his bed, but now he couldn’t wake up. Kalugin slept four days and four nights in a row, and on the fifth day he woke up so skinny that he had to tie his boots to his legs with twine so they wouldn’t slip off. They didn’t recognize him at the bakery where he always bought millet bread and they slipped him half-rye. The sanitary commission, making its rounds from apartment to apartment, set eyes on Kalugin and, deeming him unsanitary, ordered the co-op management to throw him out with the trash. Kalugin was folded in half and they threw him out, like trash.”
Daniel Kharms, Today I Wrote Nothing: The Selected Writings of Daniil Kharms
“A short lightning flash of white snow flew into the woods frightening the animals there a hare hops around the bird-cherry there a bobcat lies in wait for an underwater mouse puffed out its muzzle raised its tasseled tail mangy beast of prey to you woodpeckers and rabbits are as scrambled eggs to us only the oak stands paying no attention to anyone itself just recently fallen from the sky the pain not yet abated the branches had not drawn apart not a reproach nor an answer did I deserve oh my spurs seize me chop me and beat me right in the back right in the back oh he’s fast I thought I see before me the torah but no the lun a tic the lunatic of my words one thing I won’t repeat will not repeat my whole life through this is ladies and gentlemen ladies and gentlemen my attentive audience that leap the leap from the heights of treesongers down on to the boards of stone the tables of stone tables of oh giant Numbers.”
Daniel Kharms, Today I Wrote Nothing: The Selected Writings of Daniil Kharms
“So, once Petrakov wanted to go to sleep but, lying down, missed the bed. He hit the floor so hard he lay there unable to get up.

So Petrakov mustered his remaining strength and got on his hands and knees. But his strength abandoned him and he fell on his stomach again, and he just lies there.

Petrakov lay on the floor about five hours. At first he just lay there, but then he fell asleep.

Sleep refreshed Petrakov’s strength. He woke up invigorated, got up, walked around the room and cautiously lay down on the bed. “Well,” he thought, “now I’ll get some sleep.” But now he’s not feeling very sleepy. So Petrakov keeps turning in his bed and can’t fall asleep.

And that’s it, more or less.”
Daniil Kharms, Today I Wrote Nothing: The Selected Writings