The Art of Gathering Quotes

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The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters by Priya Parker
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The Art of Gathering Quotes Showing 1-28 of 28
“Your opening needs to be a kind of pleasant shock therapy. It should grab people. And in grabbing them, it should both awe the guests and honor them. It must plant in them the paradoxical feeling of being totally welcomed and deeply grateful to be there.”
Priya Parker, The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters
“Gatherings that are willing to be alienating—which is different from being alienating—have a better chance to dazzle.”
Priya Parker, The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters
“find a way to honor that person instead of their job description.”
Priya Parker, The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters
“In a group, if everybody thinks about the other person’s needs, everyone’s needs are actually fulfilled in the end. But if you only think about yourself, you are breaking that contract.” She”
Priya Parker, The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters
“A CATEGORY IS NOT A PURPOSE”
Priya Parker, The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters
“It is, in the words of Alana Massey’s essay “Against Chill,” a “laid-back attitude, an absence of neurosis.” It “presides over the funeral of reasonable expectations.” It “takes and never gives.”
Priya Parker, The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters
“none of us shows up as a blank slate to anything.”
Priya Parker, The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters
“But a thread that runs through its work is an effort to push back against a culture that the monks see as ducking the reality of death and endings in general.”
Priya Parker, The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters
“In the United States, for example, there has been an increase in the number of people wanting to treat funerals as celebrations rather than sad or mournful occasions. In a 2010 survey, 48 percent of people said they preferred a “celebration of life” compared with 11 percent who wanted a “traditional funeral.” One-third of all respondents said they wanted no funeral at all. This idea of celebration may seem evolved and selfless at first, but the monks believe it deprives people of the experience of processing a death for what it is.”
Priya Parker, The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters
“You may well ask, Why does my gathering have to “take a stand”? It’s not the Battle of the Alamo. I have heard this question before. Virtually every time I push my clients to go deeper with their gathering’s purpose, there is a moment when they seem to wonder if I am preparing them for World War III. Yet forcing yourself to think about your gathering as stand-taking helps you get clear on its unique purpose.”
Priya Parker, The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters
“It wasn’t always the big-tent groups, being everything to everyone, that most attracted people. It was often the groups that were narrower and more specific. “The more specific the Meetup, the more likelihood for success,” Scott Heiferman, its cofounder and CEO, told me.”
Priya Parker, The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters
“Because everything ends,” Chodo said. “There’s nothing that doesn’t end. On some level, what we do in our work is hold that truth. This is going to end, whether you like it or not.”
Priya Parker, The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters
“Borrowing from my CAN group’s use of “crucible moments,” we asked the group to share a story, a moment, or an experience from their life that “changed the way you view the world.” Then we added the clincher: It had to be a story that no one else at the gathering knew.”
Priya Parker, The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters
“if you think the problem of your country is that people from disparate tribes no longer know one another or communicate honestly with one another, that kind of insight and theory of the case can translate very plainly into a purpose of using your gathering to collide different tribes.”
Priya Parker, The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters
“If you need some inspiration to push back against those sponsors, consider the case of George Lucas. When he was filming the original Star Wars, he wanted a bold launch for his movie. The Directors Guild of America protested. Most films at the time started by naming the writer and director in the opening title sequence—in this case, thanking the film’s creators rather than its sponsors. It was how things were done. Despite the protests of the Directors Guild, Lucas decided to forgo opening credits entirely. The result was one of the most memorable beginnings in movie history. And he paid for it—the Directors Guild fined him $250,000 for his daring. His loyalty was to his audience’s experience, and he was willing to sacrifice for it. You should be, too.”
Priya Parker, The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters
“making audiences feel flattered and unworthy.”
Priya Parker, The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters
“To get the group to be vulnerable, he said, we facilitators needed to share an even more personal story than we expected our clients to. We would set the depth of the group by whatever level we were willing to go to; however much we shared, they would share a little less. We had to become, in effect, participants.”
Priya Parker, The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters
“After the initial shock therapy of honoring and awing, you have your guests’ attention. They want to be there. They feel lucky to be there. They might well be considering giving the gathering their all. Your next task is to fuse people, to turn a motley collection of attendees into a tribe. A talented gatherer doesn’t hope for disparate people to become a group. She makes them a group.”
Priya Parker, The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters
“When Gergen hosts a panel and Q&A time comes, he often instructs the audience: “If you would, identify yourself, be fairly succinct, and remember that a question ends with a question mark.” When an audience member inevitably begins making a long statement, Gergen interrupts repeatedly if need be: “Can you put that into a question? . . . Can you put that into a question? . . . Is this leading to a question?” It may seem to some that he is being mean, but in”
Priya Parker, The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters
“We get lulled into the false belief that knowing the category of the gathering—the board meeting, workshop, birthday party, town hall—will be instructive to designing it. But we often choose the template—and the activities and structure that go along with it—before we’re clear on our purpose.”
Priya Parker, The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters
“I reminded them that it’s hard to build a movement if you don’t know who’s in it.”
Priya Parker, The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters
“Meanwhile, in How We Gather, a recent report on the spiritual life of young people, Angie Thurston and Casper ter Kuile write, “As traditional religion struggles to attract young people, millennials are looking elsewhere with increasing urgency.”
Priya Parker, The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters
“generous authority:”
Priya Parker, The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters
“YOU ARE THE BOSS. Hosting is not democratic, just like design isn’t. Structure helps good parties, like restrictions help good design. Introduce people to each other A LOT. But take your time with it. Be generous. Very generous with food, wine, and with compliments/introductions. If you have a reception before people sit, make sure there are some snacks so blood sugar level is kept high and people are happy. ALWAYS do placement. Always. Placement MUST be boy/girl/boy/girl, etc. And no, it does not matter if someone is gay. Seat people next to people who do different things but that those things might be complementary. Or make sure they have something else in common; a passion or something rare is best. And tell people what they have in common. Within each table, people should introduce themselves, but it must be short. Name, plus something they like or what they did on the weekend or maybe something that can relate to the gathering. For dessert, people can switch, but best to have it organized: tell every other person at the table to move to another seat.”
Priya Parker, The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters
“The Times needed to adapt to the new realities of the digital age, and changing its anachronistic meeting was a way to reflect a commitment to change—and to help spur it. “It was no longer good for our readers to focus so much on print. But it was also bad for the journalists,” Sam Dolnick, an assistant editor on the newspaper’s masthead, told me. “We changed the meeting as a deliberate way to change the culture and values of the newsroom. We wanted people to think less about print, so we needed the meeting to be less about print. We used the meeting as a way to shift the values and the mindset” of the newsroom. Changing how the editors gathered—what they talked about, how much time was devoted to what, who got airtime—offered a way to nudge the culture of the newsroom toward new digital realities.”
Priya Parker, The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters
“It should be platform-free. It’s just, what are our best stories?” he said. And so Baquet changed the structure of the meeting to match a new purpose. He changed the venue and physical environment of the meeting. The storied King Arthur–style table was removed, and plans were made to construct a new Page One meeting room with glass walls and red couches—a more relaxed environment to facilitate a broader discussion about the news.”
Priya Parker, The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters
“CHILL” IS SELFISHNESS DISGUISED AS KINDNESS”
Priya Parker, The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters
“What is Heifetz doing? Launching a course on leadership by showing students what happens when you abdicate leadership. You don’t eradicate power. You just hand the opportunity to take charge to someone else—in this case, the students. You are not easing their way or setting them free. You are pumping them full of confusion and anxiety.”
Priya Parker, The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters