The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Quotes

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The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, #1) The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
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The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Quotes Showing 211-240 of 691
“DON’T PANIC”
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
“This is your captain speaking, so stop whatever you’re doing and pay attention. First of all I see from our instruments that we have a couple of hitchhikers aboard. Hello, wherever you are. I just want to make it totally clear that you are not at all welcome. I worked hard to get where I am today, and I didn’t become captain of a Vogon constructor ship simply so I could turn it into a taxi service for a load of degenerate freeloaders. I have sent out a search party, and as soon as they find you I will put you off the ship. If you’re very lucky I might read you some of my poetry first. “Secondly, we are about to jump into hyperspace for the journey to Barnard’s Star. On arrival we will stay in dock for a seventy-two-hour refit, and no one’s to leave the ship during that time. I repeat, all planet leave is canceled. I’ve just had an unhappy love affair, so I don’t see why anybody else should have a good time. Message ends.”
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
“Here’s an interesting little notion. Did you realize that most people’s lives are governed by telephone numbers?”
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
“The Googleplex Star Thinker is a super-computer from the Seventh Galaxy of Light and Ingenuity and has the ability to calculate the trajectory of every single dust particle during a five-week Dangrabad Beta sand blizzard.

The Deep Thought computer call it a pocket calculator in comparison to itself.”
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
“One of the things Ford Prefect had always found hardest to understand about humans was their habit of continually stating the obvious... At first Ford formed a theory to account for this human behaviour. If human beings don't keep exercising their lips, he thought, their mouths seize up. After a few months' consideration and observation he abandoned this theory in favour of a new one. If they don't keep on excercising their lips, he thought, their brains start working.”
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
“Five to one against and falling …” she said, “four to one against and falling … three to one … two … one … probability factor of one to one … we have normality, I repeat we have normality.” She turned her microphone off—then turned it back on— with a slight smile and continued: “Anything you still can’t cope with is therefore your own problem. Please relax. You will be sent for soon.”
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
“It’s only half completed, I’m afraid – we haven’t even finished burying the artificial dinosaur skeletons in the crust yet,”
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
“Because there are some things you have to do even if you are an enlightened liberal cop who knows all about sensitivity and everything!”
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
“As you will no doubt be aware, the plans for development of the outlying regions of the Galaxy require the building of a hyperspatial express route through your star system, and regrettably your planet is one of those scheduled for demolition. The process will take slightly less than two of your Earth minutes. Thank you.”
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
“they discovered only a small asteroid inhabited by a solitary old man who claimed repeatedly that nothing was true, though he was later discovered to be lying.”
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
“Only six people in the Galaxy knew that the job of the Galactic President was not to wield power but to attract attention away from it. Zaphod Beeblebrox was amazingly good at his job.”
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
“Don’t pretend you want to talk to me, I know you hate me.” “No, I don’t.” “Yes, you do, everybody does. It’s part of the shape of the Universe. I only have to talk to somebody and they begin to hate me. Even robots hate me. If you just ignore me I expect I shall probably go away.”
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
“Stress and nervous tension are now serious social problems in all parts of the Galaxy, and it is in order that this situation should not be in any way exacerbated that the following facts will now be revealed in advance.

The planet in question is in fact the legendary Magrathea. The deadly missile attack shortly to be launched by an ancient automatic defense system will result merely in the breakage of three coffee cups and a mouse cage, the bruising of somebody’s upper arm, and the untimely creation and sudden demise of a bowl of petunias and an innocent sperm whale.”
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
“This must be Thursday,” said Arthur to himself, sinking low over his beer. “I never could get the hang of Thursdays.”
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
“A towel is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have.”
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
“Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun.”
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
“I like the cover,” he said. “‘Don’t Panic.’ It’s the first helpful or intelligible thing anybody’s said to me all day.”
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
“Povero me!’ dice Dio. ‘Non ci avevo pensato!’ e sparisce immediatamente in una nuvoletta di logica.
“‘Oh, com’è stato facile!’ dice l’Uomo, e, per fare il bis, passa a dimostrare che il nero è bianco, per poi finire ucciso sul primo attraversamento pedonale che successivamente incontra.”
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
“By this time somebody somewhere must have manned a radio transmitter, located a wavelength and broadcast a message back to the Vogon ships, to plead on behalf of the planet. Nobody ever heard what they said, they only heard the reply. The PA slammed back into life again. The voice was annoyed. It said: “What do you mean, you’ve never been to Alpha Centauri? For heaven’s sake, mankind, it’s only four light-years away, you know. I’m sorry, but if you can’t be bothered to take an interest in local affairs that’s your own lookout. “Energize the demolition beams.”
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
“You know,” said Arthur, “it’s at times like this, when I’m trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space, that I really wish I’d listened to what my mother told me when I was young.” “Why, what did she tell you?” “I don’t know, I didn’t listen.”
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
“Marvin the Paranoid Android sat slumped, ignoring all and ignored by all, in a private and rather unpleasant world of his own.”
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
“And so the problem remained; lots of the people were mean, and most of them were miserable, even the ones with digital watches.”
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
“He was trying to marshal his arguments for proving that he did not now constitute a mental-health hazard himself. He was far from certain about this – his mind seemed to be full of noise, horses, smoke, and the stench of blood.”
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
“Impact minus twenty seconds, guys . . .” said the computer. “Then turn the bloody engines back on!” bawled Zaphod. “Oh, sure thing, guys,” said the computer.”
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
“You want to check your legal position, you do, mate. Under law the Quest for Ultimate Truth is quite clearly the inalienable prerogative of your working thinkers. Any bloody machine goes and actually finds it and we’re straight out of a job, aren’t we? I mean, what’s the use of our sitting up half the night arguing that there may or may not be a God if this machine only goes and gives you his bleeding phone number the next morning?”
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
“I thought,” he said, “that if the world was going to end we were meant to lie down or put a paper bag over our head or something.”

“If you like, yes,” said Ford.

“That’s what they told us in the army,” said the man, and his eyes began the long trek back down to his whisky.

“Will that help?” asked the barman.

“No,” said Ford and gave him a friendly smile.”
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
“Those who study the complex interplay of cause and effect in the history of the Universe say that this sort of thing is going on all the time, but that we are powerless to prevent it. 'It's just life,' they say.”
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
“They would appear,” said Ford doubtfully, “to have turned into a bowl of petunias and a very surprised-looking whale”
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
“The old me knew. The old me cared. Fine, so far so good. Except that the old me cared so much that he actually got inside his own brain--my own brain--and locked off the bits that knew and cared, because if I knew and cared I wouldn't be able to do it.”
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
“The thing that used to worry him most was the fact that people always used to ask him what he was looking so worried about.”
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy