The Truth Quotes

“There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: this glass is half full. And then there are those who say: this glass is half empty.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass! Who's been pinching my beer?
And at the other end of the bar the world is full of the other type of person, who has a broken glass, or a glass that has been carelessly knocked over (usually by one of the people calling for a larger glass) or who had no glass at all, because he was at the back of the crowd and had failed to catch the barman's eye. ”
― Terry Pratchett, The Truth: Stage Adaptation

“Sometimes glass glitters more than diamonds because it has more to prove.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Truth: Stage Adaptation

“A lie can run round the world before the truth has got its boots on.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Truth: Stage Adaptation

“William: "I'm sure we can all pull together, sir."
Vetinari: "Oh, I do hope not. Pulling together is the aim of despotism and tyranny. Free men pull in all kinds of directions.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Truth: Stage Adaptation

“I was merely endeavoring to indicate that if we do not grab events by the collar they will have us by the throat.
-Lord Vetinari”
― Terry Pratchett, The Truth: Stage Adaptation

“...William wondered why he always disliked people who said 'no offense meant.' Maybe it was because they found it easier to to say 'no offense meant' than actually to refrain from giving offense.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Truth: Stage Adaptation

“And these are your reasons, my lord?"
"Do you think I have others?" said Lord Vetinari. "My motives, as ever, are entirely transparent."
Hughnon reflected that 'entirely transparent' meant either that you could see right through them or that you couldn't see them at all.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Truth: Stage Adaptation

“Ah," said Mr Pin. "Right. I remember. You are concerned citizens." He knew about concerned citizens. Wherever they were, they all spoke the same private language, where 'traditional values' meant 'hang someone'.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Truth: Stage Adaptation

“WHO KNOWS WHAT EVIL LURKS IN THE HEART OF MEN?

The Death of Rats looked up from the feast of the potato. SQUEAK, he said.

Death waved a hand dismissively. WELL, YES, OBVIOUSLY ME, he said. I JUST WONDERED IF THERE WAS ANYONE ELSE.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Truth: Stage Adaptation

“When people say "clearly" something that means there's a huge crack in their argument and they know things aren't clear at all.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Truth: Stage Adaptation

“Nothing has to be true forever. Just for long enough.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Truth: Stage Adaptation

“Veil, you see, if I vas to say something portentous like "zer dark eyes of zer mind" back home in Uberwald, zer would be a sudden crash of thunder,' said Otto. 'And if I vas to point at a castle on a towering crag and say "Yonder is . . . zer castle" a volf would be bound to howl mournfully.' He sighed. 'In zer old country, zer scenery is psychotropic and knows vot is expected of it. Here, alas, people just look at you in a funny vay.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Truth: Stage Adaptation

“In fact he was incurably insane and hallucinated more or less continuously, but by a remarkable stroke of lateral thinking his fellow wizards had reasoned that, in that case, the whole business could be sorted out if only they could find a formula that caused him to hallucinate that he was completely sane.*

*This is a very common hallucination, shared by most people.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Truth: Stage Adaptation

“For example, the dwarfs found out how to turn lead into gold by doing it the hard way. The difference between that and the easy way is that the hard way works.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Truth: Stage Adaptation

“Pulling together is the aim of despotism and tyranny. Free men pull in all kinds of directions.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Truth: Stage Adaptation

“I have certainly noticed that groups of clever and intelligent people are capable of really stupid ideas.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Truth: Stage Adaptation

“Character assassination. What a wonderful idea. Ordinary assassination only works once, but this one works every day.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Truth: Stage Adaptation

“The Truth Shall Make Ye Fret. [Fred. Free.]”
― Terry Pratchett, The Truth: Stage Adaptation

“*The best way to describe Mr. Windling would be like this: You are at a meeting. You'd like to be away early. So would everyone else. There really isn't very much to discuss, anyway. And just as everyone can see Any Other Business coming over the horizon and is putting their papers neatly together, a voice says "If I can raise a minor matter, Mr. Chairman..." and with a horrible wooden feeling in your stomach you know, now, that the evening will go on for twice as long with much referring back to the minutes of earlier meetings. The man who has just said that, and is now sitting there with a smug smile of dedication to the committee process, is as near Mr. Windling as makes no difference. And something that distinguishes the Mr. Windlings of the universe is the term "in my humble opinion," which they think adds weight to their statements rather than indicating, in reality, "these are the mean little views of someone with the social grace of duckweed".”
― Terry Pratchett, The Truth: Stage Adaptation

“The dwarfs can turn lead into gold...
It reached the pointy ears of the dwarfs.
-Can we?
-Damned if I know. I can't.
-Yeah, but if you could, you wouldn't say. I wouldn't say, if I could.
-Can you?
-No!
-Ah-ha!”
― Terry Pratchett, The Truth: Stage Adaptation

“The brain works fast when it thinks it’s about to be cut in half.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Truth: Stage Adaptation

“That --ing zombie is going to end up on the end of a couple of --ing handy and versatile kebab skewers,' said Mr Tulip. 'An' then I'm gonna put an edge on this --ing spatula. An' then... then I'm gonna get medieval on his arse.'
There were more pressing problems, but this one intrigued Mr Pin.
'How, exactly?' he said.
'I thought maybe a maypole,' said Mr Tulip reflectively. 'An' then a display of country dancing, land tillage under the three-filed system, several plagues and, if my --ing hand ain't too tired, the invention of the --ing horse collar.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Truth: Stage Adaptation

“Mr Tulip raised a trembling hand. 'Is this the bit where my whole life passes in front of my eyes?' he said.

NO, THAT WAS THE BIT JUST NOW.

'Which bit?'

THE BIT, said Death, BETWEEN YOUR BEING BORN AND YOUR DYING.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Truth: Stage Adaptation

“Mr. Tulip lived his life on that thin line most people occupy just before they haul off and hit someone repeatedly with a wrench.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Truth: Stage Adaptation

“But too much reading had taken its toll. William found that he now thought of prayer as a sophisticated way of pleading with thunderstorms.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Truth: Stage Adaptation

“You know zat another term for an iconographer would be ‘photographer’? From the old word ‘photus’ in Latation, vhich means—”
“‘To prance around like an idiot ordering everyone about as if you owned the place,’” said William.
“Ah, you know it!”
― Terry Pratchett, The Truth: Stage Adaptation

“They were small, brightly coloured, happy little creatures who secreted some of the nastiest toxins in the world, which is why the job of looking after the large vivarium where they happily passed their days was given to first-year students, on the basis that if they got things wrong there wouldn't be too much education wasted.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Truth: Stage Adaptation

“The only thing more dangerous then a vampire crazed with blood lust was a vampire crazed with anything else. All the meticulous single-mindedness that went into finding young women who slept with their bedroom window open got channeled into some other interest, with merciless and painstaking efficiency...”
― Terry Pratchett, The Truth: Stage Adaptation

“Insofar as he'd formed any opinion of her, it was that she suffered from misplaced gentility and the mistaken belief that etiquette meant good breeding. She mistook mannerisms for manners.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Truth: Stage Adaptation

“The mountains of madness have many little plateaux of sanity.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Truth: Stage Adaptation