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The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance – What Women Should Know The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance – What Women Should Know by Katty Kay
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“Having talent isn’t merely about being competent; confidence is actually a part of that talent.”
Katty Kay, The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance---What Women Should Know
“Simply put, a woman’s brain is not her friend when it comes to confidence. We think too much and we think about the wrong things. Thinking harder and harder and harder won’t solve our issues, though, it won’t make us more confident, and it most certainly freezes decision making, not to mention action. Remember, the female brain works differently from the male brain; we really do have more going on, we are more keenly aware of everything happening around us, and that all becomes part of our cognitive stew. Ruminating drains the confidence from us. Those negative thoughts, and nightmare scenarios masquerading as problem solving, spin on an endless loop. We render ourselves unable to be in the moment or to trust our instincts because we are captive to those distracting, destructive thoughts, which gradually squeeze all the spontaneity out of life and work. We have got to stop ruminating.”
Katty Kay, The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance---What Women Should Know
“The propensity to dwell on failure and mistakes, and an inability to shut out the outside world are, in his mind, the biggest psychological impediments for his female players, and they directly affect performance and confidence on the court.”
Katty Kay, The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance---What Women Should Know
“If you choose not to act, you have little chance of success. What’s more, when you choose to act, you’re able to succeed more frequently than you think. How often in life do we avoid doing something because we think we’ll fail? Is failure really worse than doing nothing? And how often might we actually have triumphed if we had just decided to give it a try?”
Katty Kay, The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance---What Women Should Know
“Confidence is the purity of action produced by a mind free of doubt.”
Katty Kay, The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance---What Women Should Know
“Confidence, ultimately, is the characteristic that distinguishes those who imagine from those who do.”
Katty Kay, The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance---What Women Should Know
“I think confidence is the way we meet our circumstances, whether they are wondrous and wonderful or really hard and difficult,” she offered, with a tranquil smile. “It’s almost like a wholeheartedness, where we’re not holding back. We’re not fragmented. We’re not divided. We’re just going towards what’s happening. There’s an energy to it. I think that’s confidence. And it’s absolutely part of human fulfillment.”
Katty Kay, The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance---What Women Should Know
“Dare the difference. That we like. “You have to be savvy about it,” Lagarde allows, “but you also, in a sense, have to be confident about the difference.”
Katty Kay, The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance---What Women Should Know
Fake it til you make it. Okay, here's the one to avoid. Attempt this bit of pop psychology at your peril. Originally an observation made by Aristotle, "Men acquire a particular quality by constantly acting a certain way," the modern version has become tainted by its suggested swagger, and if performed in that fashion can easily go wrong. The very notion of straying far from our real selves is at odds with the central premise of this book. Confidence isn't about pretending or putting on an act; it springs from the genuine accomplishment and work. Jenny Crocker told us, in fact, that not only does faking it not work as a confidence booster, but it almost certainly make us feel less secure, because knowingly masquerading as something we're not makes us anxious. Moreover, as good as we might be at faking it, we'll certainly project those subtle false signals described by Cameron Anderson, and that won't help us much, either.
The appeal of faking it, if only for a while, is that it offers a crutch --a way to begin. Here's a better way to reframe the premise for a quick confidence jump start: Don't pretend to be anything or anyone -- simply take action. Do one small brave thing, and then enxt one will be easier, and soon confidence will flow. We know -- fake it till you make it sounds catchier -- but this actually works.”
Katty Kay, The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance – What Women Should Know
“Columbia Business School even has a term for it now. They call it “honest overconfidence” and they have found that men on average rate their performance to be 30 percent better than it is.”
Katty Kay, The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance---What Women Should Know
“The irony is that perfectionism actually inhibits achievement. Bob Sullivan and Hugh Thompson, authors of The Plateau Effect, call it the “enemy of the good,” leading to piles of useless, unfinished work, and hours of wasted time, because, in the pursuit of it, we put off difficult tasks waiting to be perfectly ready before we start.”
Katty Kay, The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance---What Women Should Know
“Underqualified and underprepared men don’t think twice about leaning in. Overqualified and overprepared, too many women still hold back. And the confidence gap is an additional lens through which to consider why it is women don’t lean in. Even when we are prepared to tolerate the personal disruption that comes with aiming high, even when we have plenty of ambition, we fundamentally doubt ourselves.”
Katty Kay, The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance---What Women Should Know
“When a man walks into a room, they’re assumed to be competent until they prove otherwise.”
Katty Kay, The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance---What Women Should Know
“She doesn’t hesitate often. She told us that good leadership means being an efficient decision maker, and she doesn’t tolerate indecision in others. “When somebody says to me, ‘Well, I don’t know what to do,’ I don’t have time for that. Because if I ask you to give me your opinion and you’re wishy-washy with me, I’m moving on. We’re always on a fast-moving train,” she said, crisply, and we got a sense she’s not somebody you’d want to let down.”
Katty Kay, The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance---What Women Should Know
“Confidence, ultimately, is the characteristic that distinguishes those who imagine from those who do. It’s”
Katty Kay, The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance---What Women Should Know
“The Economist magazine recently called female economic empowerment the most profound social change of our times. Women in the United States now get more college and graduate degrees than men do. We run some of the greatest companies. There are seventeen female heads of state around the world. We control more than 80 percent of U.S. consumer spending and, by 2018, wives will outearn husbands in the United States. Now comprising half of the workforce, women are closing the gap in middle management. Our competence and ability to excel have never been more obvious. Those who follow society’s shifting values with a precision lens see a world moving in a female direction.”
Katty Kay, The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance---What Women Should Know
“Maybe Nike has it right. At some point we have to stop thinking, and just do it.”
Katty Kay, The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance---What Women Should Know
“even though we can generate new supplies of oxytocin by having babies and by hugging more, some of us are simply born with more of it, and thus may start out with a higher baseline of confidence-enhancing attitudes and behaviors.”
Katty Kay, The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance---What Women Should Know
“more generally low-key personalities suddenly rise to a specific challenge. In fact, they thrive. They actually need some stress to do their best.”
Katty Kay, The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance---What Women Should Know
“When dopamine, which gets us moving, is commingled with serotonin, which induces calm thought, and oxytocin, which generates warm and positive attitudes toward others, confidence can much more easily take hold.”
Katty Kay, The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance---What Women Should Know
“You live in a world where everything you do is bad and nothing you do makes a difference. It’s what’s called ‘learned helplessness.”
Katty Kay, The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance---What Women Should Know
“they thought they couldn’t, through work and fierce effort. Teaching a child to accept and even embrace struggle, rather than shy away from it, is a crucial step along the path toward instilling confidence. You are showing the child that it’s possible to make progress without being perfect. We’ve mentioned the self-esteem movement”
Katty Kay, The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance---What Women Should Know
“Hewlett-Packard conducted a study to figure out how to get more women into top management. These numbers say it all: The authors found that the women working at H-P applied for promotions only when they believed they met 100 percent of the qualifications necessary for the job. The men were happy to apply when they thought they could meet 60 percent of the job requirements. So, essentially, women feel confident only when we are perfect. Or practically perfect. Underqualified and underprepared men don’t think twice about leaning in. Overqualified and overprepared, too many women still hold back. And the confidence gap is an additional lens through which to consider why it is women don’t lean in. Even when we are prepared to tolerate the personal disruption that comes with aiming high, even when we have plenty of ambition, we fundamentally doubt ourselves.”
Katty Kay, The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance---What Women Should Know
“For years, she had a debilitating habit. She would sit on the bus on the way home from her lab creating a long list of her perceived failings. It was her mental default mode. “I could have done that better,” she would say to herself. “That wasn’t as good as it could have been. I shouldn’t have been so nervous speaking in public.” Recently, she vowed to make a change. To break this negative pattern, Petitto decided to react to it by reminding herself of three things she’d done well. Now, when the negative ruminations start, she consciously goes through her list of achievements and successes: “That was a good paper I finished,” the interior monologue might now go. “I got that lab report done quicker than I expected. I had a good conversation with my new grad student.” Such thought exercises rewire the brain and break the negative feedback loop.”
Katty Kay, The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance---What Women Should Know
“Gaining confidence means getting outside your comfort zone, experiencing setbacks, and, with determination, picking yourself up again.”
Claire Shipman, The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance – What Women Should Know
“Confidence, at least the part that’s not in our genes, requires hard work, substantial risk, determined persistence, and sometimes bitter failure. Building it demands regular exposure to all of these things. You”
Katty Kay, The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance---What Women Should Know
“In the most basic terms, what we need to do is start acting and risking and failing, and stop mumbling and apologizing and prevaricating.”
Katty Kay, The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance---What Women Should Know
“But there are times when speaking up is required, and women have got to master that distinction. “We’re taught to be more self-deprecating,” she told us. “I think it all begins on the playground, and then society reinforces it. We believe that we should wait until we are absolutely sure that we are ready for something before we ask for it.” It took her a decade in the workplace to learn to ask for something boldly, without waiting. She was in her early thirties, working in the Chicago”
Katty Kay, The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance---What Women Should Know
“success correlates more closely with confidence than it does with competence.”
Katty Kay, The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance---What Women Should Know
“If you choose not to act, you have little chance of success. What’s more, when you choose to act, you’re able to succeed more frequently than you think.”
Katty Kay, The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance---What Women Should Know

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