Jordan's Brains Quotes

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Jordan's Brains: A Zombie Evolution Jordan's Brains: A Zombie Evolution by J. Cornell Michel
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Jordan's Brains Quotes Showing 1-16 of 16
“I like living in my head because in there, everyone is kind and innocent. Once you start integrating yourself into the world, you realize that people are nasty, mean creatures. They're worse than zombies. People try to crush your soul and destroy your happiness, but zombies just want to have a little nibble of your brain.”
J. Cornell Michel, Jordan's Brains: A Zombie Evolution
“The pretty ones are usually unhappy. They expect everyone to be enamored of their beauty. How can a person be content when their happiness lies in someone else's hands, ready to be crushed at any moment? Ordinary-looking people are far superior, because they are forced to actually work hard to achieve their goals, instead of expecting people to fall all over themselves to help them.”
J. Cornell Michel, Jordan's Brains: A Zombie Evolution
“They all call me "Excuse me," even though my nametag clearly says "Jordan." It's like people don't actually exist while they're working. Workers are just tools who aren't supposed to have feelings or personalities. You don't become human until your shift is over. Until then, we're all just zombies. We're dead to the world: infected people who need to be avoided, unless, of course, someone needs to know where the paintbrushes are located.”
J. Cornell Michel, Jordan's Brains: A Zombie Evolution
“You can't take highways during the apocalypse, because they'll be packed with panicky people.”
J. Cornell Michel, Jordan's Brains: A Zombie Evolution
“It's more useful to have someone fear you than respect you.”
J. Cornell Michel, Jordan's Brains: A Zombie Evolution
“I've never really had time for romantic relationships. I have much more important things to worry about, like saving the world from zombies.”
J. Cornell Michel, Jordan's Brains: A Zombie Evolution
“Zombies don't discriminate; they'll eat any brain they can sink their infected teeth into. I'm sure my unique brain tastes the same as a normal brain. Actually, mine might be slightly tastier." -Jordan”
J. Cornell Michel, Jordan's Brains: A Zombie Evolution
“I’m just trying to do my part to save the world.”
J. Cornell Michel, Jordan's Brains: A Zombie Evolution
“Everyone should be comfy during the apocalypse.”
J. Cornell Michel, Jordan's Brains: A Zombie Evolution
“She’s probably good at compartmentalizing her feelings. Or maybe she just doesn’t have a soul.”
J. Cornell Michel, Jordan's Brains: A Zombie Evolution
“I'm sure my unique brain tastes the same as a normal brain. Actually, mine might be slightly tastier.”
J. Cornell Michel, Jordan's Brains: A Zombie Evolution
“I’m not a psychopath; my brain just works a little differently than that of the average person.”
J. Cornell Michel, Jordan's Brains: A Zombie Evolution
“You should never rely on public transportation during the apocalypse. Everyone should know that.”
J. Cornell Michel, Jordan's Brains: A Zombie Evolution
“I pull on my favorite pair of worn jeans and slip on my most comfortable sneakers. Everyone should be comfy during the apocalypse.”
J. Cornell Michel, Jordan's Brains: A Zombie Evolution
“A whole pile of maps flies out. Thank you again, Doris. I pick up the one on top and see that it’s a Cracker Barrel map. That won’t help. I have a mental image of a group of zombies sitting in rocking chairs playing checkers while waiting for their table at Cracker Barrel. I’ll take an order of the macaroni and brains, please.”
J. Cornell Michel, Jordan's Brains: A Zombie Evolution
“I feel some remorse about the man that we ate earlier this evening. Technically, we didn’t kill him, but I know he killed himself because we were in his house. Is it still considered murder if you’re a zombie? Maybe I should just think of it as grocery shopping; that sounds much more civilized.”
J. Cornell Michel, Jordan's Brains: A Zombie Evolution