Seriously delirious, but not at all serious Quotes

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Seriously delirious, but not at all serious Seriously delirious, but not at all serious by Jarod Kintz
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Seriously delirious, but not at all serious Quotes (showing 1-30 of 243)
“Roses may say “I love you,” but the cactus says “Fuck off.”
Jarod Kintz, Seriously delirious, but not at all serious
“We all want to be the best at something. Trouble is, some people are only the best at being second best.
”
Jarod Kintz, Seriously delirious, but not at all serious
“Who’d cum first, you or your clone? To find out, why don’t you go fuck yourself?”
Jarod Kintz, Seriously delirious, but not at all serious
“Tomorrow night I’m giving a lecture on silence and invisibility. Don’t be surprised if I don’t show up.
”
Jarod Kintz, Seriously delirious, but not at all serious
“Hoping to get a head start on the next day, I eat breakfast the night before. That way I can sleep in until two in the afternoon.”
Jarod Kintz, Seriously delirious, but not at all serious
“When my coffee is gone, so is my motivation.”
Jarod Kintz, Seriously delirious, but not at all serious
“The past screams louder than the future. The future is mute, but it’s not deaf.”
Jarod Kintz, Seriously delirious, but not at all serious
“The Chinese used gunpowder to make fireworks for celebrations, and the white man came along and said, Holy shit, we can use this to kill people. What better way to celebrate than that?
”
Jarod Kintz, Seriously delirious, but not at all serious
“I accept all people—even the people I find unacceptable.”
Jarod Kintz, Seriously delirious, but not at all serious
“I’m not a good liar, and that makes me a good liar, because liars are bad, and bad liars are good.”
Jarod Kintz, Seriously delirious, but not at all serious
“I’m so smart that I make everyone around me smarter. I do this by being dumber than everybody.
”
Jarod Kintz, Seriously delirious, but not at all serious
“If you drink, you risk divulging your secrets. Here, have another glass.”
Jarod Kintz, Seriously delirious, but not at all serious
“I’ll insist my competitor is the greatest, so that when I beat him, I won’t be calling myself the greatest—I’ll be proving it through my actions.
”
Jarod Kintz, Seriously delirious, but not at all serious
“If I knew everything, life would be lonely, as everyone else would want to explore the world, and I’d be content with a cat on my lap sitting in the dark. 
”
Jarod Kintz, Seriously delirious, but not at all serious
“When it seems like the sky is about to collapse, relax, that’s just the roof caving in.”
Jarod Kintz, Seriously delirious, but not at all serious
“The girl I used to love is no longer a girl, and this saddens me more than our separation. It puts my own mortality vividly on display, in contrast to my eternally youthful memories.”
Jarod Kintz, Seriously delirious, but not at all serious
“I’m a logician. No matter how wrong I am, I can always convince myself I am right.”
Jarod Kintz, Seriously delirious, but not at all serious
“No matter how bad things get, just keep looking up. Just keep looking up her skirt. Or his kilt.”
Jarod Kintz, Seriously delirious, but not at all serious
“A traditional doctor gets paid to push pills, vaccinate, radiate, and basically exterminate people. No different than a contract killer—except the hit man is more honest, as he doesn’t claim to be helping humanity. Holistic medicine is the only way to go.”
Jarod Kintz, Seriously delirious, but not at all serious
“My face and body are not my essence. My actions, ideas, and ideals are the stuff of me. My clone will have my face and body, but he won’t be me.
”
Jarod Kintz, Seriously delirious, but not at all serious
“I spent about eight hours deep in thought over whether to get divorced. That may seem like a long time to ponder something, but I multitasked and slept at the same time. I woke up with an erection, and a decision.”
Jarod Kintz, Seriously delirious, but not at all serious
“One plus love equals lonely.”
Jarod Kintz, Seriously delirious, but not at all serious
“Vacation, I go there in my mind. Especially when I’m at work, getting paid for it.”
Jarod Kintz, Seriously delirious, but not at all serious
“The task may be simple for me, but if I make it look too easy, you won’t appreciate it as much as if I pretend to struggle to help you out. 
”
Jarod Kintz, Seriously delirious, but not at all serious
“I can’t do my job, if you don’t do yours. I also can’t do my job, so can you do mine too?”
Jarod Kintz, Seriously delirious, but not at all serious
“I have an iron deficiency. You can tell by how wrinkled my clothes are.”
Jarod Kintz, Seriously delirious, but not at all serious
“A miracle every day would cease to be miraculous—it would be mundane. Though even a boring sunset is still glorious.”
Jarod Kintz, Seriously delirious, but not at all serious
“Kindly remove your shoes from my bullshit.”
Jarod Kintz, Seriously delirious, but not at all serious
“Things just didn’t work out between us. Who knows, another time, another place, maybe things still wouldn’t have worked out.”
Jarod Kintz, Seriously delirious, but not at all serious
“In bed, I could climb in, if you ever rest. Then I could mount you like Everest.”
Jarod Kintz, Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

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