This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks Quotes

Rate this book
Clear rating
This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks (This isn't really my best book) This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks by Jarod Kintz
13 ratings, 3.69 average rating, 1 review
Open Preview
This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks Quotes (showing 61-90 of 318)
“I don’t understand the game of Cricket. But I do get the game of Noisy Night Insect.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“A door shaped like a vagina is more inviting. Sure, I’ll come in, but not slouched over. Allow me to straighten up before I enter.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“On cloudy days I just want to raise my arm up, stand on my toes, and screw a light bulb into the sky. Don’t worry, my light bulb is energy efficient—it runs on solar power.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“It’s just a dream, I told myself. I hate when I dream of alarm clocks going off.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“If I can’t see the bottom, I don’t know how much is left. Why does my love have to be so thick? I suppose because it keeps the engine of your heart running smooth.
”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“I wish I had money now. If only I’d saved my allowance growing up, instead of squandering it on balls, balloons, booze, and floozies.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“Dogs are exceptionally intelligent creatures. My dog, for example, taught me that not only am I a cat person, but that it isn’t really a dog at all, but that it is in fact a cat.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“Driving is better than walking, because hitting is better than being hit.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“I’d rather fall in molten lava than fall in love. But I suppose that’s just the romantic me.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“I’m thinking of changing my name to “Son of Manana.” Of course it isn’t accurate, because I’m the father of yesterday.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“What do you call a schooner in a wine glass? Port.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“A lifestyle of deception is hard to keep up if your clones aren’t willing to participate.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“I’m a competitor. I once placed fifth in a bottle of whiskey.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“Fish like shiny things, stupid people like shiny things, and the late Nebular Romular Ichibar IV liked shiny things. He burned to death when he flew too close to a bright star, which ironically got swallowed up by the least shiny object in the universe—a black hole.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“If I’m going to write a book every American will want to read, it’s got to have lots of pictures. Those pictures must also move, and all the words in the book must be spoken and available audibly for all the readers to hear as they watch.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“A sister should set her brother up with one of her friends, unless her only friend is her sister.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“Suicide pact: I’ll shoot you, and then you’ll shoot me.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“I don’t like writers whose writing is so obvious that I can predict what he’ll write while I’m still taking in his current thoughts. Why, this means that I know what he knows, and the point of reading is to discover things and thoughts which I don’t already know or that haven’t occurred to me. The greatest amusement is surprise. Fellatio! (Bet you didn’t see that coming!)”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“When a whisper seems like a shout, I know I need to get some sleep. But I can’t lay down without first taking off my bunny ears.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“I live 30 times faster and more intensely than most people, so every year is a whole generation for me. I’d like my combo meal with a side of long white beard, and I’d like it to go. Now, damnit! Fast food simply isn’t fast enough for me. I’m so quick that I need a refill on my drink, and I haven’t even taken a sip.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“Drive, guy. That green light isn’t going to get a deeper green. It’ll only ripen and turn yellow.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“I had a dream where I drank my own grandma. What she was doing disguised as a bottle of booze isn’t entirely clear to me.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“I called the cops to see if I had a rap sheet. I do, and it rhymes.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“The government should either force the population to get healthy, or tax them for not complying. If the people still refuse to shape up, they should be imprisoned. Nothing is healthier for society than more government regulation.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“People who die in Detroit and then go to hell probably think they’re in heaven. I know, because I’ve been to Cleveland.
”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“Throw a pair of Band-Aids over your eyelids, and open your eyes to your wounds.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“He was thoughtless, not because he was insensitive, but because I had just eaten his brain and his skull was empty.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“All books are coloring books, if you are in possession of a childlike imagination, and a box of markers.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“Walking on the beach like a ventriloquist, I’ll make it sound like the ocean is calling out to you—through a conch shell.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“I’ll bet if I write a sentence and mention the word “edit,” people will slow down and scour my words for errors. Did it wrok?
”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

All Quotes
Quotes By Jarod Kintz
Play The 'Guess That Quote' Game