This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks Quotes

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This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks (This isn't really my best book) This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks by Jarod Kintz
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This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks Quotes Showing 1-30 of 318
“With my last breath, I’ll exhale my love for you. I hope it’s a cold day, so you can see what you meant to me.
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Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“Writers fish for the right words like fishermen fish for, um, whatever those aquatic creatures with fins and gills are called. 
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Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“I just realized my lips are inside out. They should be turned inwards, because I spend most of my time talking to myself.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“She says he says, but she could be lying to me, and he could be lying to her, so I can’t believe her, even if I could believe her.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“Is a picture really worth a thousand words? What thousand words? A thousand words from a lunatic, or a thousand words from Nietzsche? Actually, Nietzsche was a lunatic, but you see my point. What about a thousand words from a rambler vs. 500 words from Mark Twain? He could say the same thing quicker and with more force than almost any other writer. One thousand words from Ginsberg are not even worth one from Wilde. It’s wild to declare the equivalency of any picture with any army of 1,000 words. Words from a writer like Wordsworth make you appreciate what words are worth.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“I’m bilingual, speaking English and body language. I prefer the latter, because I can speak it silently and without listening and while my back is turned.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“Every night I cuddle with a blob of unbaked clay I fashioned in the shape of a woman. But that’s what being in love is all about.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“I love like a leaf in the wind. Please, hold your applause until the end of the performance (the last day of fall).”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“Love has a shape, but no color. You’re probably wondering, “If it’s transparent, how do you know what shape it is?” Good question. Well, for one thing, I put it together, and for another, I’m currently wearing it like body armor (though to the casual observer, I appear naked).”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“When your action is gone, and all that’s left is motionlessness, I’ll be there, whistling.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“I once saw a politician walking a dog, and I thought, “How absurd—an animal walking an animal.” Then I thought, “If given the choice, I’d rather vote for the dog.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“I’d rather fake my own fog, than fake a steamy love scene. Can I interest you in some mist? It’s homemade.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“I once watched several criminals engage in an organized argument, while an audience of supporters cheered them on, but I was so disgusted that I had to turn off the political debate.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“How’s my mom? My mother’s well, like a painting—a Motherwell.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“I don’t drink water, because if water can erode rock, think what it can do to flesh.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“If I knew what you’d do, exactly when you knew what you’d do, then I’d either be you or I’d be God. And we both know I’m not you.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“When I turn thirty, in thirty days or so, I might be feeling old, so I’ll probably call my grandma up, because as old as I’ll feel, she’ll be feeling older. Twelve years older.
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Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“Learning how to love is like learning how to tie your shoes, and that’s precisely why I wear slippers.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“You could empty the trash and my love for you still wouldn’t fit inside. But just because it won’t fit, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t empty the trash.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“If one unlabeled bottle holds nonfat milk, what does the second unlabeled bottle contain? If you answered “Whole milk” then you’re obviously not ready to receive a jug of my love. So I’ll just pour it in someone else’s coffee.
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Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“Love gives you wings. Icarus and the Challenger both had wings, and so did my first love letter, after I folded it up and flung it at my crush.
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Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“Despite marking the spot, Generation X has no treasure. How could they, when I dug it up first?”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“One word I’d use to describe space is lonely. The only way I’ll board a space shuttle is if I had a babysitter with me. You know, to watch the baby I’ll make with her.
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Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“The six squares of our love didn’t add up to a cube. Still, I took the oddly-shaped box down to the post office and tried to mail it into the future, when I’d be more prepared to open it.
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Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“We talked for four hours. Well, I talked for four, and she listened for two.
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Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“I carry a concealed weapon—high cholesterol. It’s deadly.
”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“I met two twins, each named Dakota. I nicknamed the older one North, and the younger one I called—you guessed it—Cock Tease.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“You wouldn’t try to mow your lawn with an electric razor, like it was a green beard, so why would you try to deny the existence of nonexistence?
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Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“Too much nudity is a turn off. Especially if all that flesh is on one person.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“I’ll tug at your breasts like a thirsty child. Try not to burn your nipples in my hot coffee. While you’re at it, I also like sugar in my coffee.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

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