How to Be Black Quotes

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How to Be Black How to Be Black by Baratunde R. Thurston
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How to Be Black Quotes Showing 1-15 of 15
“If you find yourself in the unfortunate position of being black-friendless, you can either go to the nearest black church and strike up a conversation, or just fire up Facebook, search for “black people,” and start clicking “Add Friend” on the names in the resulting lists. Technology is amazing and quite a time-saver.”
Baratunde Thurston, How to Be Black
“Depending on your own background and life experiences, this may or may not be new to you, but after an eight-to-twelve-hour day, white office workers often don't feel like they've spent enough time with each other. Therefore, they are prone to organizing pseudo-official company activities such as bowling or happy hour.”
Baratunde Thurston, How to Be Black
“There's no perk in being closed-minded as a minority. It's never, ever, ever going to help you, ever.”
Baratunde R. Thurston, How to Be Black
“If there are segregated plates of fruit, I suggest a four-to-one ratio of non-watermelon to watermelon. Look, they know you want it. YOU know you want it. So if you conspicuously avoid it, that's an admission right there: guilt by omission.”
Baratunde Thurston, How to Be Black
“All other beer is ass, and I will not put in the the work to acquire the taste for things that taste like ass.”
Baratunde R. Thurston, How to Be Black
tags: beer, humor
“We do these things not because they are easy, but because they are hard.”
Baratunde R. Thurston, How to Be Black
“Throughout this book I will use the terms African-American, black, and Negro interchangeably. There is rarely a logic to it, so please try not to overthink it.”
Baratunde R. Thurston, How to Be Black
tags: humor, word
“For example, when the two of you are in the coffee room, she might say to you, “Hey, we should just take all these white people’s shit and burn it.” But then she laughs, and you laugh, and another coworker enters the room, asking, “What’s so funny?” and without missing a beat you both say, “Tina Fey!”
Baratunde R. Thurston, How to Be Black
“People will be less likely to engage you in office small talk of any kind, but that’s likely a benefit when you consider the fact that every ten minutes of office small talk takes one year off of your life.”
Baratunde R. Thurston, How to Be Black
“I advise you to be suspicious of any black American whose family does not claim a blood connection to Native Americans. That’s a clear sign of a racial infiltrator who has not done enough research.”
Baratunde Thurston, How to Be Black
tags: humor, race
“The Black Friend can prevent misunderstandings from escalating into an all-out conflagration, and all black people benefit from these quiet acts of diplomacy, not just those who serve as Black Friends.”
Baratunde R. Thurston, How to Be Black
“Oh, I’m following President Obama on Twitter. I like my black history in 140 characters or less.”
Baratunde R. Thurston, How to Be Black
“I’ve recently come to the conclusion: I think that all people who are fighting for oppressed people should only be allowed to work for the group that’s one over from them. Black people should only be allowed to work for the Mexican immigrants’ struggle in America. Mexican immigrants should only be allowed to work for gay marriage. Gay marriage should only be allowed to work for black people. I feel like if we all just stepped one group over, I think we would get things done a lot quicker. You can’t end racism and make sexism worse. You can’t end racism and make homophobia worse. You have to put it all forward . . . So a big part of my how-to-be-black is actually trying to be inclusive of all the struggles. Slow clap.”
Baratunde R. Thurston, How to Be Black
“As I've reflected back on both, I realize that my neighborhood was just like The Wire. We had the drug dealing, the police brutality, the murders. Well, it was /almost/ a perfect match. We had everything The Wire had except for universal critical acclaim and the undying love of white people who saw it.”
Baratunde R. Thurston, How to Be Black
“racial”
Baratunde Thurston, How to Be Black
tags: humor, race