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Boundaries with Kids: When to Say Yes, When to Say No to Help Your Children Gain Control of Their Lives Boundaries with Kids: When to Say Yes, When to Say No to Help Your Children Gain Control of Their Lives by Henry Cloud
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“The wise parent lets the child’s world teach him the lessons of life and then empathizes with his pain. Then he learns to respect the outside world’s limits as well as his parents”
Henry Cloud, Boundaries with Kids: When to Say Yes, How to Say No
“Begin with the end in mind,” says Stephen Covey in his best-selling book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Beginning with the end in mind is a trait of people who do well. It is also a trait of people who parent well. When we understand that a major goal of parents is to develop a person of good character, we have gotten closer to that goal.”
Henry Cloud, Boundaries with Kids: When to Say Yes, How to Say No
“Children raised with good boundaries learn that they are not only responsible for their lives, but also free to live their lives any way they choose, as long as they take responsibility for their choices. For the responsible adult, the sky is the limit.”
Henry Cloud, Boundaries with Kids: When to Say Yes, How to Say No
“Is your home a retreat from responsibility, or a place of movement and growth?”
Henry Cloud, Boundaries with Kids: When to Say Yes, How to Say No
“Our kids aren’t an annuity for our retirement, social system, or medical frailty.”
Henry Cloud, Boundaries with Kids: When to Say Yes, How to Say No
“Encourage your child to think for himself, disagree, and talk about his feelings while accepting your authority.”
Henry Cloud, Boundaries with Kids: When to Say Yes, How to Say No
“If a person’s character makeup determines his future, then child rearing is primarily about helping children to develop character that will take them through life safely, securely, productively, and joyfully.”
Henry Cloud, Boundaries with Kids: When to Say Yes, How to Say No
“1. Whose problem is this?
2. What can I do to help him experience the problem?
3. What am I doing to keep him from experiencing the problem?”
Henry Cloud, Boundaries with Kids: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Children
“Other children communicate with actions, such as tantrums, yelling, name-calling, and running away. The trick is to disallow this form of expression and encourage verbal communication. “I want to know what you are feeling, but I want to hear you tell me instead of show me.”
Henry Cloud, Boundaries with Kids: When to Say Yes, How to Say No
“Remember that parenting is a temporary job, not an identity. Kids with parents who have a life learn both hat they aren't the center of the universe and that they can be free to pursue their own dreams.”
Henry Cloud, Boundaries with Kids: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Children
“Frustration is a key ingredient to growth. The child who is never frustrated never develops frustration tolerance.”
Henry Cloud, Boundaries with Kids: When to Say Yes, How to Say No
“Mature, healthy people need other people; they don't isolate themselves...Needing love isn't being immature. Rather, it gives us the energy we need to go out and slay our dragons.”
Henry Cloud, Boundaries with Kids: When to Say Yes, When to Say No to Help Your Children Gain Control of Their Lives
“A child needs to internalize a model of someone who has a life of her own. The parent whose life is centered around her children is influencing them to think that life is about either becoming a parent or being forever served by a parent. Let your child know you have interests and relationships that don’t involve her. Take trips without her. Show her that you take active responsibility in meeting your own needs and solving your own problems.”
Henry Cloud, Boundaries with Kids: When to Say Yes, How to Say No
“A boundary is a "property line" that defines a person; it defines where one person ends and someone else begins.”
Henry Cloud, Boundaries with Kids: When to Say Yes, When to Say No to Help Your Children Gain Control of Their Lives
“Direct communication is the best way to go through life. But many people do not deal with others in that fashion. Instead, they practice avoidance (ignoring the person or the problem) or triangulation (bringing in a third person) or overlooking.”
Henry Cloud, Boundaries with Kids: When to Say Yes, How to Say No
“Training moments occur when both parents and children do their jobs. The parent’s job is to make the rule. The child’s job is to break the rule. The parent then corrects and disciplines. The child breaks the rule again, and the parent manages the consequences and empathy that then turn the rule into reality and internal structure for the child.”
Henry Cloud, Boundaries with Kids: When to Say Yes, How to Say No
“Proactive boundaries go beyond problem identification to problem solving. Your child needs to know that in protesting, she has only identified the problem, not solved it. A tantrum doesn’t solve anything. She needs to use these feelings to motivate her to action, to address the issue at hand. She should think about her responses and choose the best one available.”
Henry Cloud, Boundaries with Kids: When to Say Yes, How to Say No
“meaning someone without the necessary skills and tools to navigate real life.”
Henry Cloud, Boundaries with Kids: When to Say Yes, How to Say No
“As your child’s heavenly Father, God is intimately concerned that your child mature into a person of love, responsibility, and self-control.”
Henry Cloud, Boundaries with Kids: When to Say Yes, How to Say No
“God has provided principles and laws in his Word that outline the process of developing maturity in his people.”
Henry Cloud, Boundaries with Kids: When to Say Yes, How to Say No
“God designed the universe according to his nature, life works better when we do it his way. When we are caring, responsible, and attuned to him, we have a better prospect of a good life. Reality is on your side. It is constructed so that immaturity causes your child some discomfort; ownership should bring some measure of satisfaction and fulfillment. Allow your child to experience both realities so as to learn boundaries: “Diligent hands will rule, but laziness ends in slave labor” (Proverbs 12:24).”
Henry Cloud, Boundaries with Kids: When to Say Yes, How to Say No
“Safe people will help you help your child.”
Henry Cloud, Boundaries with Kids: When to Say Yes, How to Say No
“No amount of lecturing and nagging would have accomplished this result. It took an experience with parental boundaries to develop child boundaries. You are like an oak tree that the child runs her head into over and over again, until she realizes that the tree is stronger than she is, and she walks around it next time.”
Henry Cloud, Boundaries with Kids: When to Say Yes, How to Say No
“This is a perfect picture of what you want to develop in the soul of your child: a desire to do the right things and to avoid the wrong ones because of empathic concern for others and because of a healthy respect for the demands of God’s reality.”
Henry Cloud, Boundaries with Kids: When to Say Yes, How to Say No
“Parents get into trouble when they don’t empathize with their child’s pain. They either overidentify with the pain of the child and give in, or they get angry at the child’s pain and go to war. Empathy and keeping the limit is the answer for both extremes.”
Henry Cloud, Boundaries with Kids: When to Say Yes, How to Say No
“Maturity is when we stop demanding that life meet our demands and begin to meet the demands of life.”
Henry Cloud, Boundaries with Kids: When to Say Yes, How to Say No
“In fact, to the extent that you can be separate from someone is the extent to which you can truly love him or her.”
Henry Cloud, Boundaries with Kids: When to Say Yes, When to Say No to Help Your Children Gain Control of Their Lives
“if you protect your children from the pain of irresponsibility, you set them up for many struggles in adulthood.”
Henry Cloud, Boundaries with Kids: When to Say Yes, How to Say No
“But since the Fall in the Garden of Eden, things haven’t been fair. Bad things happen to good people. But if we wait for justice, we are putting our lives under the control of those who hurt us. Better far to take God’s solution of grief and forgiveness and grow through the unfair situation. Remember that God himself didn’t demand fairness and justice for us; rather, he valued his relationship with us so much that he went to the cross for us: “Christ died for the ungodly” (Romans 5:6).”
Henry Cloud, Boundaries with Kids: When to Say Yes, How to Say No
“It's hard to give up playing God when you've been doing it a long time.”
Henry Cloud, Boundaries with Kids: When to Say Yes, When to Say No to Help Your Children Gain Control of Their Lives

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