Beatriz Baptista > Recent Status Updates

The Head 4/5

o que é que eu acabei de ler …… nunca mais volto a ir à casa de banho

será que é hoje q acabo? 👀

eu sinto que se o yukio mishima e a virginia woolf estivessem sozinhos numa sala durante 5 minutos, ela resolvia-lhe todos os problemas.

+ “But remember that it wasn't a picture of Sonoko that arose in your mind last night.
Whatever it was, your fantasy was strange and unnatural enough to amaze even me who have become so accustomed to watching by
your side.”

“(…) is it love you feel If so, all right. But do you have a desire for women? Aren't you deceiving yourself when you say that it's toward her alone that you have never had a lustful desire? Aren't you trying to hide from yourself the fact that actually you've never had a lustful desire' for any woman?” +

“When you're face to face with a girl of eighteen you wait covetously for her to fall in love with you. Why wasn't it you who took the offensive? I know you hesitate because of that queer uneasiness of yours, which comes from you don't know where. But if that’s the case, why did you ever visit her again? Think back!”

screaming crying pissing shitting throwing up


“Why are we all burdened with the duty to destroy everything, change everything, entrust every. thing to impermanency? Is it this unpleasant duty that the world calls life? Or am I the only one for whom it is a duty? At least there was no doubt that I was alone in regarding the duty as a heavy burden.”

“As a result our imagination confined itself to easier paths. Imagination like this, which follows the path of least resistance, has no connection with coldness of heart, no matter how cruel it may appear. It is nothing but a product of a lazy, tepid mind.”

“How would I feel if were another boy? How would I feel if I were a normal person? These questions obsessed me. They tortured me, instantly and utterly destroying even the one splinter of happiness I had thought I possessed for sure.”

eu queria dar um abraço a este homem

“It proclaimed that every word I had spoken and every act I had performed that day had been false: having discovered that it was less painful to decide a thing was false in its entirety than to torture myself with doubts as to which part might be true and which false, I had already become gradually familiar with this way of deliberately unmask ing my falseness to myself.”

TERAPIA

“Surely, I thought, we do not deserve even a little happiness. Or perhaps we had acquired the bad habit of regarding even a little happiness as a big favour, which we would have to repay.”

“And what was the good of it all? Those artificial efforts only inflicted some strange, numbed tiredness upon my mind. The realistic portion of my mind sensed the artificiality in the eternal protestations with which I persuaded myself that I was in love with her, and it fought back with this spiteful fatigue. There seemed to be some terrible poison in this mental exhaustion.”

“But, it may well be asked, can a person be so completely false to his own nature? even for one moment? If the answer is no, then there is no way to explain the mysterious mental process by which we crave things we actually do not want at all, is there?”

“Thus it was that I first became obsessed with the idea of the kiss. Actually the action called a kiss represented nothing more for me than some place where my spirit could seek shelter.”

“Thus I had succeeded in hypnotizing myself. And from that time on, ninety percent of my life came to be governed by this autohypnosis, this irrational, idiotic, counterfeit hypnosis, which even I definitely knew to be counterfeit. It may well be wondered if there has ever been a person more given to credulity.”

+ “Because such consciousness was simply a stepping stone to aberration, and my present thinking was nothing. but uncertain and haphazard guesswork.”

+ “Rather it was because the other boys had no such need of understanding themselves as I had: they could be their natural selves, whereas I was to play a part, a fact that would require considerable under standing and study. So it was not my maturity but my sense of uneasiness, my uncertainty, that was forcing me to gain control over my consciousness.” +

“When a boy of fourteen or fifteen discovers that he is more given to introspection and consciousness of self than other boyshis age, he easily falls into the error of believing it is because he is more mature than they. This was certainly a mistake in my case.” +

“Everyone says that life is a stage. But most people do not seem to become obsessed with the idea, at any rate not as early as I did. By the end of childhood I was already firmly convinced that it was so and that I was to play my part on the stage without once ever revealing my true self.”

“Might this not be one of the secrets of love? Might it not be that through the innermost recesses of love there courses an unattainable longing in which both the man and the woman desire to become the exact image of the other?”

rip yukio mishima, he would love rupaul’s drag race

“The reluctant masquerade had begun. At about this time I was beginning to understand vaguely the mechanism of the fact that what people regarded as a pose on my part was actu ally an expression of my need to assert my true nature, and that it was precisely what people regarded as my true self which was a masquerade.”

caindo de joelhos no chão

“What was it I understood at that moment, or was on the verge of understanding? (…) Or was the moment teaching me how grotesque my isolation would appear to the eyes of love, and at the same time was I learning, from the reverse side of the lesson, my own incapacity for accepting love?...”

bye bye wicked witch 😌💅🏻

saudades de ler murakami….