Shannon > Recent Status Updates

names

People call me the Freeway Gorilla. The Ape at Exit 8. The One and Only Ivan, Mighty Silverback.

The names are mine, but they're not me. I am Ivan, just Ivan, only Ivan.

Humans waste words. They toss them like banana peels and leave them to rot.

Everyone knows the peels are the best part.

I think about burying the body, but a cold part of my mind tells me that this is still the best deterrent I could have. Any sane person who looks through the glass doors would run far, far away. We now play a permanent game of I-am-crazier-and-scarier-than-you. And in that game, my mother is our secret weapon.

I find that the dead man in the foyer has been messed with.
His long, shaggy hair has been spiked as though electrocuted, and his mouth is smeared drunkenly with lipstick. His eyes are wide open with black felt lines radiating like sun rays from his eyes. In the middle of his chest, a kitchen knife that wasn't there an hour ago sticks out like a flagpole.
My mother has found me.

Lol.

I feel adrift and clanless, lost and insignificant. I begin to understand what drives the new orphans to join the street gangs.

I really appreciate that Penryn isn't just this goody-two-shoes and she will do whatever it takes to survive. Smart girl. Very smart.

To encourage others to pick another building, mine has a dead body in the foyer. He was there when we got here, cold but not yet rotting. At the time, the building still smelled of paper and toner, wood and polish, with only a hint of dead guy. My first instinct was to move on to another place. In fact, I was on my way out when it occurred to me that leaving would be almost everyone's instinct.

Fucking brilliant.

Prepare yourselves, I think I'm gonna have at least 20 updates ...

Oh yes, the updates for this one are the next to go up from my vacation and they will be glorious. I'm tempted to just go ahead and rate this before I type another update, honestly.

This review is going to be hard to write because I very obviously didn't enjoy this book but Shirley is an awesome person and friend. I feel conflicted, but I want to be honest, but I'm conflicted, but honest, but I'm ... ARGH.

Maybe it does do you good to tell someone else your secrets. [...] I just couldn't tell it earlier. I guess I wanted to show that we are people. [...]
I don't think I can look at Dr Fadden again. I have opened myself to him. I am scared he is going to be able to look into my eyes now and see who I really am. A person I have been trying to hid all my life.
Her personality shifted so suddenly.

"Oh my God, Neil — why are you here?" I pressed my palms onto my forehead.
"Just passing by," replied Neil. "I was going down to the bridge."
"Don't give me that crap! What is this?"
"Okay. I followed you. Can you blame me? Do you know what happened here once?"
"Neil," I said. [...] "Neil, why did you do that?"

Their dialogue is so wooden and it's ruined the climax for me. Can you tell it's the climax?

Sigh ... I don't like what's been included in this story at this point. Can't say what because it'd be a spoiler, but I wish it hadn't gone there. We'll see what happens next, I suppose.

When I think hard about it, I find that I...actually don't like many people. I must be such an angry person.

Or, you're surrounded by assholes.

I nodded. Neil is a good guy. Neil's promises are good.

This is just a small example, but I really feel like I'm being told about the characters and not shown how they are instead.

She was the same height as Lexi, and Lexi was the same height as me. (So, the three of you are the same height, derp.) One day I would look back at this frozen picture inside my head and wonder why it was Lexi. What it was that was so different about her.

I'm never happy with this kind of foreshadowing, I want to read the story as it happens not have some future version of the main character point out things.

English Lit is supposed to be my thing. It is the only thing I'm good at. What with my talent at turning every conversation with my mother into an argument and my ability to repel my dad — it's the one thing I have.
I had to believe Mr Steele was just being polite to Marianne, the guest. I couldn't take it any other way. It would kill me.

Melodramatic much?

Two more people and I'll have 400 followers. That's such a crazy number! I'm not sure all of you pay attention to me and my reviews, but I really appreciate the people who take the time to comment or like one of my reviews or statuses. You guys are awesome. Thanks for the support!

Bare with me here ... I have copious notes, I'll try not to clog your feed too much though ...

I start panicking because the rainbow glints and the fuzzy corners I'd been seeing around Dr Fadden suddenly collapse. It takes me a while to realise that tears are falling down my face. Yes, Eliza Boans is bawling her eyes out. I know. I was, like, totally not expecting it either.

I am, like, totally not loving her inner dialogue, or like, really, anything that comes out of her mouth.

She sure has a lot of freedom to come and go for someone being questioned for murder. And she's still wearing her blood splattered clothes even though it was mentioned she was wearing evidence. Also, can a minor refuse counsel or their mother from seeing them? I don't know the law in Australia, obviously, but some of these things make this book a lot less believable.

"McDoh — eww. Isn't he like fifty years old? And more importantly — isn't he married?"
"Technically, yes. But—"
"Technically? No wonder no one trusts lawyers. Just look at you mum! Y'know what? I reckon you're such a committed divorce lawyer 'cos you're still cut up your own marriage failed."
Wow. Dig that knife in deep, girl. From 0 to 60 in just a few sentences.

I'm back! Will get caught up in between loads of laundry : \

Ooh, looks like we're not sailing far off the shore so my phone works until we pass into Mexican waters. Ha!

In less than 24 hours I will be on a cruise to Mexico! I will be gone for 7 days and will have almost no internet access, so you'll all have to go without my sparkling wit for a full week. I know, I know, it's sad ... but you'll manage. :D

This is like a Clueless murder mystery but the characters are nowhere near as likeable. Even rich snobby girls have to have at least one redeeming quality, and so far I'm not seeing one in Eliza. And her "friends" are just as wretched. Ella is the Brittany Murphy character and right now I'm just annoyed that she's even bothering trying to be friends with these three cows.

Hmm. Eliza says and thinks "like" a lot.

My name is Eliza Boans and I am a murderer.

If Famous Writers Had Written Twilight

Cormac McCarthy
In the opening scene, Edward dashes Bella's head against a rock and rapes her corpse. Then he and Jacob take off on an unexplained rampage through the West.

Uh ... um ... lol.

Burnt yells, "Run, monkey! Run!"
Hands reach down and snatch Paige.
"No!" I scream as I reach out to her.
She's lifted into the air, screaming my name. "Penryn!"

D:

"You should have accepted our invitation when you had the chance," says Night, straining against the wing to hold it away from Snow's body. "Although even I wouldn't have predicted this kind of end for you."
He nods again to Stripes. The blade whips down and slices off the wing.
Snow shrieks in fury. The street fills with echoes of his rage and agony.

D: