Jeremy Maddux > Recent Status Updates

"Should we say something?" she asked. "Like what?" "Like, you know, a eulogy?" Kevin lowered his head. "Uncle Jake, you were a good man, but killing yourself was a dick move. Amen." "Amen," said Missy.

Strand, Jeff. An Apocalypse of Our Own (Kindle Locations 335-338). Kindle Edition.

'—We’ll have seven children. We’ll have three girls and three boys and one that’s just wild. We’ll set it loose the day it’s born. We’ll put out food at night on the back porch. We’ll lie awake in bed at night and listen to it while we eat, holding each other. Proud. Frightened. At any moment it could break into the house, eat the children, fuck me to death while it fights you off from saving me.'

'We’ll perfect nature. We’ll keep bees without a mask. When the mailman comes he’ll cry when he sees us standing there in a cloud of bees, perfectly understood by our insects. Unstung. A honeycomb in each hand. Offering him the opportunity to join us. Offering him a handful of gold if he can only get over his fear and reach out. Honeycomb and a cup of black coffee in the morning.'

'Language is disgusting. It’s the root of all our problems. I think eventually we’ll get rid of it. Maybe we just haven’t gotten there yet. There’s seven billion people on the planet now. The noise is just gonna get worse and worse. Maybe when there’s twelve billion we’ll have to start silencing babies at birth. Then I’ll be famous for thinking it up. A bunch of silent people standing in line at Arby’s.'

'I think people’s voices are the most annoying things about people. Listen. Really listen to whoever is reading this to you. Even if it’s me. The grunts and wet little corners of the sound. The verbal tics.'

'Lies don’t destroy relationships, the truth does That is how women think. Every single one of my twelve relationships never stood a chance because of the lies, but the only reason it ended up destroying the relationship is because I knew the truth.'

"Asiago cheese doesn’t do a damn thing for me, penis-wise. Speaking of my lobknobbber, I want to thrust it into your love furrow.”